Question about escort etiquette?

[ryan rick]

Hello

 

I was hoping anyone here could give me some advice, I’m really not sure what to do

 

I met this guy online, and asked him if he was a trainer. He turned out to be an escort and offered me his services. I wasn´t interested so I declined, but asked him if he would ever be up for a work out since we had similar body types.

 

He said he’d love to, but was very busy at the moment. Several months later he contacted me again and asked if I was still up for it and I agreed. We really hit it off, he was a very cool guy and we ended up training together every day, hanging out or texting each other.

 

After a couple of weeks, he left to meet some clients out of town, and said he would be out for almost a month. I kept my distance from him, seeing how we were just friends and he had work to do. After a couple of days though, he started reaching out to me, texting me how he missed me and wanted to see me. After that we began texting or calling each other every day, first friendly or flirty texts but then it turned out more warm and personal. Like “I wish you were here “or “I can´t wait to see you”. It kinda began to move beyond being just friends.

 

I’d like to point out we have never had sex. He didn’t offer it up again and I didn’t ask about it. We would joke about it but there wasn’t any contact besides a handshake or a hug.

I know sometimes you need to help him out any other way, but he has refused to let me pay anything for him. In fact, he even shares some of his own meals with me.

 

I guess my question is, is this a regular thing for escorts? I’ve read several of the posts here about clients falling for their escorts, but haven’t found anything about an escort refusing to receive any kind of payment, or contacting a person on a more personal level.

 

I could use any pointers you could give me, since I’m not really sure what to make of this and I really would hate to offend a friend I've grown fond of.

[Chuckball]

Escorts are first and foremost human beings. Like all of us they can form friendships with us just as we can maintain a friendship with them. However when things become intimate don't forget that the Escorts business is his way of earning money either full time or part time. If you want to take the next step ask for his rates.

It is really like any other profession. You may meet a guy who is a lawyer ANF there is nothing wrong with doing friend activities (working out, playing golf etc.) When you need legal advice you should not expect free advice. Keep the relationship professional when it comes to sex.

[Chuckball]

By the way @ryan rick, I should have started by welcoming you to the forum. I think you will find us a welcoming family.

[Pulgasari1991]

Hello

 

I was hoping anyone here could give me some advice, I’m really not sure what to do

 

I met this guy online, and asked him if he was a trainer. He turned out to be an escort and offered me his services. I wasn´t interested so I declined, but asked him if he would ever be up for a work out since we had similar body types.

 

He said he’d love to, but was very busy at the moment. Several months later he contacted me again and asked if I was still up for it and I agreed. We really hit it off, he was a very cool guy and we ended up training together every day, hanging out or texting each other.

 

After a couple of weeks, he left to meet some clients out of town, and said he would be out for almost a month. I kept my distance from him, seeing how we were just friends and he had work to do. After a couple of days though, he started reaching out to me, texting me how he missed me and wanted to see me. After that we began texting or calling each other every day, first friendly or flirty texts but then it turned out more warm and personal. Like “I wish you were here “or “I can´t wait to see you”. It kinda began to move beyond being just friends.

 

I’d like to point out we have never had sex. He didn’t offer it up again and I didn’t ask about it. We would joke about it but there wasn’t any contact besides a handshake or a hug.

I know sometimes you need to help him out any other way, but he has refused to let me pay anything for him. In fact, he even shares some of his own meals with me.

 

I guess my question is, is this a regular thing for escorts? I’ve read several of the posts here about clients falling for their escorts, but haven’t found anything about an escort refusing to receive any kind of payment, or contacting a person on a more personal level.

 

I could use any pointers you could give me, since I’m not really sure what to make of this and I really would hate to offend a friend I've grown fond of.

Make it clear that it's not an option: you want him, and there is a rate, no matter what; tell that that's how the thing has to be done. Else he could get laid and refuse being paid but also end up feeling a bit conflictual with himself.

From there on, things will change accordingly to him. If he wishes, he'll be able to propose you some fun together for free.

Oh and there's always time to give you back the money, too.

[Cyd_StVincent]

Hello

 

I was hoping anyone here could give me some advice, I’m really not sure what to do

 

I met this guy online, and asked him if he was a trainer. He turned out to be an escort and offered me his services. I wasn´t interested so I declined, but asked him if he would ever be up for a work out since we had similar body types.

 

He said he’d love to, but was very busy at the moment. Several months later he contacted me again and asked if I was still up for it and I agreed. We really hit it off, he was a very cool guy and we ended up training together every day, hanging out or texting each other.

 

After a couple of weeks, he left to meet some clients out of town, and said he would be out for almost a month. I kept my distance from him, seeing how we were just friends and he had work to do. After a couple of days though, he started reaching out to me, texting me how he missed me and wanted to see me. After that we began texting or calling each other every day, first friendly or flirty texts but then it turned out more warm and personal. Like “I wish you were here “or “I can´t wait to see you”. It kinda began to move beyond being just friends.

 

I’d like to point out we have never had sex. He didn’t offer it up again and I didn’t ask about it. We would joke about it but there wasn’t any contact besides a handshake or a hug.

I know sometimes you need to help him out any other way, but he has refused to let me pay anything for him. In fact, he even shares some of his own meals with me.

 

I guess my question is, is this a regular thing for escorts? I’ve read several of the posts here about clients falling for their escorts, but haven’t found anything about an escort refusing to receive any kind of payment, or contacting a person on a more personal level.

 

I could use any pointers you could give me, since I’m not really sure what to make of this and I really would hate to offend a friend I've grown fond of.

 

It sounds like he likes being friends with you and is just acting in the way one would while developing a friendship

[NavyChief]

I'm by far an expert on this, but my humble opinion may be just talk to him. If you are actually thinking you would like to take it to the next level, then talk to him about it. Tell him you appreciate his friendship more than anything, respect him and ask him about it. I think you may loose more if you were to ask him his rate and that you want to hire him. While that may show you respect his time and profession, but it could also put that professional boundary up. Now, if it is really just a booty call, then maybe you risk the friendship and by all means ask for a rate. Like I said, Im not a relationship expert. It sounds like you may have fallen into the "friend" syndrome I suffered in HS and much of my life. Just consider yourself lucky you have a buddy who is what sounds like is hot, and likes just spending time with you, and neither of you is obliged or demanding. There is no quid pro quo and no strings. Anyway, I'm rambling again, best of luck.

[mike carey]

@ryan rick welcome to the forum, as has been said, this can be a fun place and you will get plenty of advice if you ask for it. The advice givers won't always agree with each other, though.

 

As Cyd said, it sounds like he is developing a friendship with you. You contacted him and asked if he was a trainer, and as I read it when you did so you weren't considering the prospect that he was an escort. But when he offered that service you declined but suggested meeting anyway in another capacity, which he accepted. To me, he had moved on from the idea of you becoming a client. This doesn't sound like a case of an escort playing a long game of cultivating a client. I would take it at face value: he wants to be your friend. But be alert to any ways that his escorting life may interact with or complicate that friendship. Escorts are still people, and want to have a life outside their work. Some don't have sex outside their work (or so I've read), while some have a long term relationship while escorting. Most have friends in the 'real world'. Sounds like your guy is trying to add you to that group in his life.

[KennF]

@ryan rick Welcome aboard. As @mike carey said, we won't all agree with each other.

 

From what you tell me, it sounds like you've got yourself a friend. His career choice doesn't change that.

 

As with any other friendship, there is a point where you may consider him more than a mere friend. Do you want to move your friendship into something more? Do you want to start dating?

 

You can't expect that he will stop his career for you. That means you have to accept that, for work, he will continue to engage in his regular escorting services. That means stripping, boyfriend encounters, eye candy, intimate massage, travel, unpredictable hours, kink/fetish play, and lots of his attention on texts, emails, and phone conversations with strangers and regular clients. You know this already, so that is a plus. The question is, can you accept that, and do you want to?

 

 

As @Chuckball suggested, if you date a lawyer, you shouldn't expect legal advice for free. That's partially true. You shouldn't 'expect' free legal advice, but a friend will often 'offer' you his advice. And if my boyfriend were a lawyer, I'd be surprised if he didn't give me some legal advice and recommendations.

[+ Eric Hassan]

@ryan rick welcome to the forum, as has been said, this can be a fun place and you will get plenty of advice if you ask for it. The advice givers won't always agree with each other, though.

 

As Cyd said, it sounds like he is developing a friendship with you. You contacted him and asked if he was a trainer, and as I read it when you did so you weren't considering the prospect that he was an escort. But when he offered that service you declined but suggested meeting anyway in another capacity, which he accepted. To me, he had moved on from the idea of you becoming a client. This doesn't sound like a case of an escort playing a long game of cultivating a client. I would take it at face value: he wants to be your friend. But be alert to any ways that his escorting life may interact with or complicate that friendship. Escorts are still people, and want to have a life outside their work. Some don't have sex outside their work (or so I've read), while some have a long term relationship while escorting. Most have friends in the 'real world'. Sounds like your guy is trying to add you to that group in his life.

 

+1

 

Welcome to the forum, @ryan rick

 

As has been pointed out, if you lack clarity in this relationship, talk to him. If he's an escort, he's used to having frank conversations and would likely welcome the communication.

[ryan rick]

Update*

Thank you everybody for your advice!

 

I just wanted to update on my original post since a lot has happened with my friend an I was hoping you could give me some insight.

I tried following your advice and keep this a solid friendship. We started hanging out again, then my friend asked me for a hug since we hadn't seen each other in a while. Said hug was him holding me, breathing and kissing my neck. We started kissing but then that was it. I felt awful since it seems I had crossed a line, but he said he was completely fine with it

 

After a couple of days of this kind of thing, we went out for some beers, head back to my place and he insisted on having sex. It was great but then I immediately began to think I needed to offer him money for this. He flatly refused and replied he would never do this kind of thing with a client, which I'm not sure what he referred to. We hanged out for the rest of the day just chilling and watching movies. At one point he started telling me he could never have a relationship since he was an escort, I felt totally bummed but told him I understood.

 

He said he was going to leave soon again, but told me i was one of the main reasons he kept coming back. I was having a rough time at the moment so he offered me to move to his apartment while he was out. I thanked the offer, but I wouldn't want to make that kind of attachment. From then on he would hold my hand everyday and stare me in the eyes for hours while we trained or whatever until he left.

After he left, he sent me several personal texts, which I know shouldn't be taken so seriously, but after all that happened seemed legit, like I've never felt a connection like this before or I always wished for someone like you , or I 've meet a lot of different guys before but I feel you are mine. He even jokes about me looking like Richard Geere on pretty woman. I know these may sound cliche but they really hit

 

I'm not sure what to do, he started joking referring to me as his boyfriend or talking about us as couple, even though he flatly said he was not interested in a relationship. My friends think is better to cut my loses and end any communications with him, since it's obvious he really enjoys escorting, and it can end terribly in the long run. I know it would be the wisest thing to do, but I cant' seem to bring myself to do it, he once said it would break his heart to never see me again and I think now I feel the same

[MikeyGMin]

I'm having trouble understanding why are you are making this so complicated. It seems obvious that he is interested in you on a personal level and not trying to turn you into a client, so quit obsessing about the money. You are actually insulting him at this point by implying that money is his motivation.

 

It seems to me the only thing you have to decide is how far you can go in a relationship with an escort. It's not easy, but you wouldn't be the first guy who decided it was worth it and was able to tolerate their schedule and demands. I don't know why you would want to break it off prematurely unless you are falling in love and already know that you can't handle being in love with an escort.

[KennF]

Update*

Thank you everybody for your advice!

 

I just wanted to update on my original post since a lot has happened with my friend an I was hoping you could give me some insight.

I tried following your advice and keep this a solid friendship. We started hanging out again, then my friend asked me for a hug since we hadn't seen each other in a while. Said hug was him holding me, breathing and kissing my neck. We started kissing but then that was it. I felt awful since it seems I had crossed a line, but he said he was completely fine with it

 

After a couple of days of this kind of thing, we went out for some beers, head back to my place and he insisted on having sex. It was great but then I immediately began to think I needed to offer him money for this. He flatly refused and replied he would never do this kind of thing with a client, which I'm not sure what he referred to. We hanged out for the rest of the day just chilling and watching movies. At one point he started telling me he could never have a relationship since he was an escort, I felt totally bummed but told him I understood.

 

He said he was going to leave soon again, but told me i was one of the main reasons he kept coming back. I was having a rough time at the moment so he offered me to move to his apartment while he was out. I thanked the offer, but I wouldn't want to make that kind of attachment. From then on he would hold my hand everyday and stare me in the eyes for hours while we trained or whatever until he left.

After he left, he sent me several personal texts, which I know shouldn't be taken so seriously, but after all that happened seemed legit, like I've never felt a connection like this before or I always wished for someone like you , or I 've meet a lot of different guys before but I feel you are mine. He even jokes about me looking like Richard Geere on pretty woman. I know these may sound cliche but they really hit

 

I'm not sure what to do, he started joking referring to me as his boyfriend or talking about us as couple, even though he flatly said he was not interested in a relationship. My friends think is better to cut my loses and end any communications with him, since it's obvious he really enjoys escorting, and it can end terribly in the long run. I know it would be the wisest thing to do, but I cant' seem to bring myself to do it, he once said it would break his heart to never see me again and I think now I feel the same

 

I think you need go back to my question ... You know what he does. Can you accept it? Are you willing to try and make that work in a boyfriend?

 

If you can accept it, then his actions are speaking. Regardless of the words out of his mouth, he's showing you a developing relationship.

 

There are many escorts and porn stars who date. Their partners have to accept and understand in order to make it work. There are lots of people who couldn't handle it, but are you that person? Only you can answer it. You need to make the decision.

[BluDay]

He is the one making this not an escort/client relationship - he asked for the hug, for sex and has been driving it. It sounds like he's very strongly saying he wants to date you. Since he is the one doing this, not you, you are free of the "escort" hangup.

 

He understandably doesn't think he can have a relationship while he's an escort. It does make it very tough. But if you are OK with it, tell him that, and let what you are doing continue. He may not want to put any form of "relationship" tag on it, so don't.

 

If you don't think he's taking you for a ride (and it doesn't sound like you do), and if you are OK with being involved with a man who will be having sex with other men as part of his job, go for it.

 

It will be tough on you at some point - he'll be too tired or worn out for sex, he'll be meeting other men to get intimate, but to him (and should also be for you) it's a job. He won't be cheating on you, just doing his job.

 

You sound like you like him, and isn't that what we are all longing for?

[+ nycman]

Look dude....love...in whatever form....only comes along once in a blue moon.

 

It's fucking rare. Don't kill it before it even has a chance to take root.

 

Relationships don't always have to follow the book. In fact, most of the amazing

ones in my life were never even close to "by the book". They were wild, insane,

ill advised, risky, tortuous, and fucking incredible!

 

Let him be him.

 

And as long as it's working for you, I say ride this broncing buck for as long as you can.

[mike carey]

Regardless of the words out of his mouth, he's showing you a developing relationship.

he asked for the hug, for sex and has been driving it. It sounds like he's very strongly saying he wants to date you. Since he is the one doing this, not you, you are free of the "escort" hangup.

And as long as it's working for you, I say ride this broncing buck for as long as you can.

+1 Some good advice here. Doesn't matter what he wants to call it, it looks to me that his actions say 'relationship'. Half your luck!

[+ pdxleo]

A warm welcome to you, Rick. Making a connection with anyone has a matter of risk- but it sounds like the risks you fear were all laid out at the start of your journey. Please don't let your fears keep you from what may be a revolutionary experience. Caring deeply about someone involved in the industry is a challenge, but it sounds like your fear may be that he is setting you up for something big later on. Just my opinion, you can probably put that aside, the time he and you have spent is friendship, that can turn into a fantastic relationship, if you can face the fears of loving a "pro". You are coming at this from a different direction than many of us, who start commercially and end up emotionally involved- you have to get over the money part, and accept that he is loving you in the best way he knows for now- its up to you now to make the jump and love him back. Bon voyage!

[+ Eric Hassan]

I'm glad you came back and updated.

 

My 2 cents: this guys is conflicted. That's never a fun thing - whether you're the conflicted one or the "other" party.

 

My advice: get clear for yourself. Decide what you want, what you're willing to deal with, etc. THEN address him. If you can't have clear, open, and un-ambiguous agreements about what's going on between you, what exactly do you have? And what do you think the likely results will be, if you're starting off with mixed messages and confusion?

 

An intimate boyfriend/partner situation can definitely work with an escort. It takes work and communication - but then, any relationship you have takes that, regardless of the professions involved.

[ryan rick]

Again, thank you so much for your responses.

I honestly was ready to say goodbye to my friend because of all the things I heard about escorts and this business. This is all very new to me but your advice offered me a completely different perspective and it really helped me see things in a different way.

Again, thank you so much for your help, it really did make a difference!

[KennF]

Again, thank you so much for your responses.

I honestly was ready to say goodbye to my friend because of all the things I heard about escorts and this business. This is all very new to me but your advice offered me a completely different perspective and it really helped me see things in a different way.

Again, thank you so much for your help, it really did make a difference!

 

I hope you will update us. It's nice to know that our banter and sarcasm (and sometimes thoughtful words) helps.

[LookingAround]

Why would you try to turn a genuine friendship into a financial transaction. That’s insulting.