When an escort isn't a good fit

[Roberto]

Curious what others have done : I drove 45 minutes to meet a well-reviewed escort but when I entered his apartment I felt that the energy wasn't right and that we wouldn't connect. I told him so right away and he got instantly testy, telling me I'd still have to pay the full fee since he had held the time open. When I pointed out that it was an off-peak time (mid afternoon on a weekday), and that I would spend 1 1/2 hours of my time "for nothing" and things like this can happen on occasion, he told me "we had a contract" and how could I tell there wasn't good energy when we hadn't even spoken more than a few words. Rather than allow the situation to escalate, I suggested paying him half (which he said was fine) and promptly left. Just to be clear, he did look like his pictures, but unfortunately chemistry is something only known in person. This is only the second time in my life this has happened. Thoughts?

[bigvalboy]

Curious what others have done : I drove 45 minutes to meet a well-reviewed escort but when I entered his apartment I felt that the energy wasn't right and that we wouldn't connect. I told him so right away and he got instantly testy, telling me I'd still have to pay the full fee since he had held the time open. When I pointed out that it was an off-peak time (mid afternoon on a weekday), and that I would spend 1 1/2 hours of my time "for nothing" and things like this can happen on occasion, he told me "we had a contract" and how could I tell there wasn't good energy when we hadn't even spoken more than a few words. Rather than allow the situation to escalate, I suggested paying him half (which he said was fine) and promptly left. Just to be clear, he did look like his pictures, but unfortunately chemistry is something only known in person. This is only the second time in my life this has happened. Thoughts?

 

You're being ridiculous. You owe the full fee...

[+ poolboy48220]

I probably would have gone through with it, I don't trust my "initial chemistry" sense that much. Although I had much the same reaction you did with an escort that's nearly universally well-spoken of here on the forums, and it was one of the least satisfying experiences of my life.

 

I do think he's in the right saying that you owe him SOMETHING if you get there and decide no, based just on a feeling, especially if there was no picture fakery involved.

[njr47]

The escort did not lie. His pictures were accurate. His apartment was apparently not a Hell hole. He had blocked out time to be with you. Under these circumstances, I would have paid him in full. You and he had a contract, and he had kept his part of the bargain. Just because you "felt that the energy wasn't right" didn't excuse you from fulfilling your part.

[LaffingBear]

Wow.

 

Im not sure what i would have done. Ive canceled and refused to pay scammers, dishonest guys, etc. I hate feeling like I am paying for something I dont want. Theres a victimized-consumer feeling I always try to avoid.

 

But he didnt do anything wong. No false advertising. If he was an a-hole upon arrival, maybe there'd be some justification. But, really, I think you owe him.

 

I probably would have tried to offer half, for the inconvenience... yet no requirement to perform. If he became nasty, I might have given him half and departed.

 

Im not sure "chemistry" is an objective standard suitable for in-person cancellation.

[scorpioguy]

Just my two cents since you asked...

He was genuine and you chose not to proceed based on the vibe (totally valid decision) so you should have paid him in full.

Payment is for time spent and he blocked that time for you.

But since he agreed to half payment, I wouldn't worry about owing him anything at this point.

[+ Keith30309]

I would pay the full amount for the time I requested. The time was reserved for me and I chose to not use it. If I go to my dentist, sit in the chair but then decide to not have my teeth cleaned then I owe him for the revenue he lost.

 

This has never happened to me but an exception might be if I felt physically unsafe or hard drugs suddenly appeared.

[+ José Soplanucas]

It has happened to me more than once, and I paid the full fee every time.

[Deadlift1]

You owe him the full amount. skype before you hire the next time.

[KennF]

I'm the first one to say 'trust your instincts'. In this case, your instincts told you it was a good fit, up until you arrived. That's valid reason to stop, but not a valid reason to not pay him.

 

As for your wasting 1.5 hours, that's not his fault, and you shouldn't try and push that on him. If he had made it an outcall, he would have been out the 1.5 hours travelling time.

 

As for you wasting his time, you did. And while peak/off-peak time is debatable, the fact was he arranged his schedule for you. I don't know if he prepped or prepared or cleaned up or bought supplies. You don't know if he canceled a doctor's appointment or refused an all-day job because he had committed to you already.

 

If you had a short session, then you owed him. Personally, I would have told him that you felt uncomfortable, and allowed him the opportunity to put you at ease. Maybe have a quiet session of conversation or going out to lunch or otherwise used your time. Maybe you could reevaluate if it was just sudden jitters, buyer's remorse or something particular. But, that's what I would have done.

 

If you had a long session (4 hour or overnight or something along those lines), then you owe him for his lost time and 1/2 payment would be, on the low side of, reasonable. He may or may not be able to find a last minute client.

 

I will say, that at least you didn't become a no-show. You put him in the situation that it was a choice between something or nothing.

[+ purplekow]

The inner voice would never have been loud enough to drown out the voice in my little head. I would have tried to make the best of the situations. You paid half and got nothing in exchange. For the other half, you might at least have had a quick session which got you off. However, if your inner voice is that loud and accurate, it should have told you that you owe him the full amount. You are paying for his time, not chemistry and you did make an agreement to spend time with him. It was nice of him to eventually take half.

[+ nycman]

You owe him his full fee.

[+ sync]

From the circumstances as described, the escort was due his full fee.

[+ poolboy48220]

A waiter (or maybe a sommelier) once talked about the practice of letting people swirl, sniff, and taste the wine before he pours a full glass. He said that it's there to see if the wine has gone bad in some way, and if it has, *then* you're justified in sending it back. It's not a taste test so see if you like it before you pay for it.

 

No idea where I read that, it was a long time ago.

[Bucky]

The offer of half the rate, and his willingness to accept it, seems fair.

 

If one really is purchasing time and not sex with an escort (that prevalent, cautionary disclaimer), 30 minutes of value for 5 minutes of doing virtually nothing ain't all bad.

 

This business entails marketing, organization, prep, planning, travel, time-blocks, tardiness, no-shows, flakes, frauds, and cunts. Well maybe not the last one literally.

AND sometimes an unexpected disconnect.

[+ azdr0710]

I felt that the energy wasn't right and that we wouldn't connect.

 

 

you say he is well-reviewed and matched all the pictures.....he planned to meet you and, no doubt, blocked out the time.....now, about this "energy and connect(ion)" hooey......you're just hanging out with a dude.......this ain't some harmonic convergence/vortex experience

 

 

[+ purplekow]

you say he is well-reviewed and matched all the pictures.....he planned to meet you and, no doubt, blocked out the time.....now, about this "energy (and) connection" hooey......

 

 

"hooey" Whoa there big fella. Calm down. Next thing is you will be saying gosh and gee willikers. You need to regain control man. You are way too high strung.

[+ nycman]

this ain't some harmonic convergence/vortex experience

 

Oh, I don't know....I had a few "harmonic convergences" and "vortex experiences" in my bed....

 

I think you're doing it wrong.....

 

Grin

[RyanDean]

I'm the first one to say 'trust your instincts'. In this case, your instincts told you it was a good fit, up until you arrived. That's valid reason to stop, but not a valid reason to not pay him.

 

What @KennF says. Totally.

[LaffingBear]

A waiter (or maybe a sommelier) once talked about the practice of letting people swirl, sniff, and taste the wine before he pours a full glass. He said that it's there to see if the wine has gone bad in some way, and if it has, *then* you're justified in sending it back. It's not a taste test so see if you like it before you pay for it.

 

No idea where I read that, it was a long time ago.

Hes correct. Its not a taste test. The only valid excuse to return a bottle of wine is that its corked, or otherwise bad. A real wine lover will discretely feel the cork itself, to make certain its moist on the bottom, but not mushy. (Bottles are stored on their side so the cork stays moist, thereby limiting air intrusion. No longer necessary with screw tops.) And smell and taste to make certain its not bad

 

There is value to swirling, looking, smelling, sipping, aerating, and all the other behaviors we see when tasting wine. But the only point in doing that when sampling a bottle in a restaurant is to have a little dramatic fun, or show the world you're a pretentious ass.

[+ azdr0710]

nice of him to accept the offer of only half.....but that's what professional, well-regarded, looks-like-their-pictures providers do...

 

you said you quickly told him upon arrival that the energy and connection were off and that he got testy......I would, too, if I was an escort and smelled a crooked client right off the bat....

 

sorry, Roberto, that you're really getting dissed for this......but you asked and we certainly aren't known for holding back 'round these parts

[MikeyGMin]

you say he is well-reviewed and matched all the pictures.....he planned to meet you and, no doubt, blocked out the time.....now, about this "energy and connect(ion)" hooey......you're just hanging out with a dude.......this ain't some harmonic convergence/vortex experience

 

 

I knew I would see this kind of response before I got to the end of the thread.

 

One would assume that if he's well reviewed that he isn't a prick (at least not the bad kind), and he looked like his pictures, then he must have been fuckable. I've met guys that I knew very quickly we're going to be one offs, but never one who I took an instant disliking to. Chemistry will get me to repeat, but lack of it isn't going to keep me from getting naked one time.

[+ Oaktown]

Curious what others have done

 

Curious, did you have a phone conversation prior to in-person?

[+ harey]

Curious what others have done : I drove 45 minutes to meet a well-reviewed escort but when I entered his apartment I felt that the energy wasn't right and that we wouldn't connect. I told him so right away and he got instantly testy, telling me I'd still have to pay the full fee since he had held the time open. When I pointed out that it was an off-peak time (mid afternoon on a weekday), and that I would spend 1 1/2 hours of my time "for nothing" and things like this can happen on occasion, he told me "we had a contract" and how could I tell there wasn't good energy when we hadn't even spoken more than a few words. Rather than allow the situation to escalate, I suggested paying him half (which he said was fine) and promptly left. Just to be clear, he did look like his pictures, but unfortunately chemistry is something only known in person. This is only the second time in my life this has happened. Thoughts?

@Roberto I would say your radar was working, because he reacted like a jerk. A smart "businessman" would have respected your decision and gracefully accepted partial payment. Of course you did not have a contract and were under no obligation to have sex or hand over money just because an escort cleared some time on his calendar. My advice is usually meet first in a public place so you are on neutral ground and things are less likely to "escalate". And Skype is a good idea as someone else suggested. Better luck next time.

[+ WestGuy]

I agree that there was no contract that would have compelled Roberto to pay the full fee. And they worked out a financial arrangement that they could both live with. Personally, on one occasion when I didn't feel the chemistry I went ahead with the session and was confirmed in my original suspicion that the provider and I wouldn't click, but that in no way reflected badly on him. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.