Getting close

[AquaNYC]

Curious if clients have gotten to the point of having strong feelings for a regular escort, and have felt it best to stop seeing him. If so, do you share the reasoning with the escort or just let it go? I imagine an escort in this situation can start to sense it too, and might start pulling away.

[+ Keith30309]

I became very close to an escort - way too close (as in, taking his sister to the grocery store). It didn't end well but it was great while it lasted.

[MassageDrew]

Curious if clients have gotten to the point of having strong feelings for a regular escort, and have felt it best to stop seeing him. If so, do you share the reasoning with the escort or just let it go? I imagine an escort in this situation can start to sense it too, and might start pulling away.

 

I always try to keep in mind that its a paid service. It sounds cold, yes, but it keeps the feelings away. I had some feelings for one a while back but it wasn't mutual so it was best to not show it and just keep it professional. But I do consider a couple of my masseurs as friends.

[MaxMuscle9x6]

I had very strong feelings for one guy, but I didn't say anything to him. The sex was amazing and very connected. I asked him to stay over one Friday night. As always I left an envelope on a table next to the door. That morning, he did not take the envelope. Thinking he forgot it, I went downstairs and ran up the street to give him the envelope. He refused to take it. He said he was enjoying our time together more then I was (that couldn't be possible). I've been with him ever since. Nice story I know, but never let them know how you feel until you are positive they feel the same. When they do, they will no longer accept your donation.

[Funcompany]

I had very strong feelings for one guy, but I didn't say anything to him. The sex was amazing and very connected. I asked him to stay over one Friday night. As always I left an envelope on a table next to the door. That morning, he did not take the envelope. Thinking he forgot it, I went downstairs and ran up the street to give him the envelope. He refused to take it. He said he was enjoying our time together more then I was (that couldn't be possible). I've been with him ever since. Nice story I know, but never let them know how you feel until you are positive they feel the same. When they do, they will no longer accept your donation.

I want to make your story a movie for E! Or Bravo. Thanks for sharing.

[big-n-tall]

I have grown to love (platonically) a number of escorts who have become dear friends.

 

However, there is one guy whom I believe I've grown pass the point of strictly platonic love. He has said things to me (many times) which lead me to tell him how I feel. I expressed to him that I understood if what i said scared him off and he wanted to stop seeing me or cool things. In response, he told me felt the same way I did. That he couldn't image not seeing me. Do I still give him some funds? Yes, but it's only to cover gas, tolls, and parking when he comes to see me. We spend almost the entire day together for the cost of his travel expenses.

 

I'm not naive to think this will end in some fairytale, Pretty Woman situation (first of all I'm not rich LOL!). We have talked about the situation extensively. I don't think either of us is truly ready for a full on relationship. We agreed that once we're ready, if our mutual feelings are still there... we'll take the relationship further.

 

Either way, I think we'll remain friends should we get together or not.

[AdamSmith]

You mutually transcend the paid thing and become soulmates forever.

 

People make things so complicated!

[Pepper Young]

I try not the get The Feelings for an escort and always remember that if I was at a bar, would the escort just naturally to pick me up. The answer is always No. However I do see one guy on a fairly regular basis and feel that, if I wasn't old enough to be his father, things might be different.

[MartyB]

I did get close with my last regular. Couldn't help it and I thought it was mutual. Still understood the boundaries and in fact he met a guy who became his business partner as well. Saw him once a week for 6 months. I came from vacation and he has not responded to any text messages for 3 weeks. Nothing. Not even an explanation as to why he doesn't want to see me anymore. I'm no longer waiting and got back on that horse again. Lol. My regret is that I don't know what happened. So strange. Plus he's got his ad out....oh well.

[Reluctant Daddy]

I'm really struggling with this issue right now. I jumped into hiring a bit fast and furious. With one escort I went from a one hour session, to an overnight, to a weekend. We've sporadically stayed in touch by email The last time he visited the area it was logistically impossible to set up a session, but I offered to take him to lunch as a friend to discuss plans for another weekend. I don't know if I was being over sensitive, but there seemed to be some hesitancy on his part to do the lunch thing (he said he would really try to make the time - his plans changed and he didn't come to town).

 

The thing is, I've really changed as a person since I met him. I've lost a ton of weight, stopped smoking, started work out and pursuing hobbies, stopped dressing and acting like a frumpy overweight old man, and become a bit more extroverted. While I realize that he wasn't directly responsible for any of these changes, for some reason he was the forced that pushed me to change and that makes him very important to me.

 

I honestly love this guy (not as a potential boyfriend or husband) and love that he's been a part of my life and my blossoming. I told him I loved him and how important he was to me and I also let him know that I needed someone like him in my life to push me even more, but because of the nature of the relationship it most likely couldn't be him.

 

My only real opportunity to hire him is for weekend travel sessions, and I'm struggling with continuing these. I doubt that I would have these issues if I only hired him a few times a year for and hour or two. To be perfectly honest the sexual aspect is a lower priority for me at this point, and I'm afraid that I'm becoming someone who's paying for friendship. How do you emotionally distance yourself after the spending time with someone who's been this good for you?

[mike carey]

@Reluctant Daddy, back off, he's not your friend, he's the guy you have hired. But he could become your friend. But that doesn't mean he will be your soulmate or that he will be there for you whenever you want him to be. He can be there, and present, and all you want while you are hiring, but recognise the difference. Allow it to develop, but accept that it may not. Mainly, think about what your interaction means and don't assume it is more than it is. It's easy to overestimate the closeness of your relationship. Accept it if it turns out to be not what you had thought it would be.

[+ José Soplanucas]

You mutually transcend the paid thing and become soulmates forever.

 

People make things so complicated!

 

It is not that people are complicated, but emotionally not healthy.

[+ José Soplanucas]

I definitely have deep feelings for some of my boys. It is part of the joy of meeting them.

[MikeBiDude]

This happened to me once, I gained a very special friend for 8 years:

 

When they do, they will no longer accept your donation

[+ Lance_Navarro]

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I have no problems with a client expressing their love for me, and I usually express it in return. What I am sharing with my clients comes from my heart and soul, so it's only natural that we feel that deep level of emotional connection. However, they all know that the relationship will remain exactly in that space, as I have a very satisfying and fulfilling relationship with my partner.

 

In my Surrogate Partner Therapy training that I just completed, we talked alot about the loving connection that forms between client and Surrogate, but eventually the therapy comes to an end once the goals are met, and how to commence the sessions and encourage the client to take that loving energy out into the world and share it with others.

[mike carey]

@Lance_Navarro, I know that's how you and most companions go, and most clients know where the line is drawn. It's only the few that need to have the distinction defined.

[+ José Soplanucas]

I shared Pablito's story a long time ago. So I make it short. He was a street hustler, I fell for him, and after months of intimacy, he vanished during a night stealing some of my property. A year after this he returns, asks for forgiveness, returns a few things still in his possession, and we became lovers for 25 years. He is bisexual, married with three children. I see him in Buenos Aires every time I flight over there. However, I think next time I will see him but without having sex. My passion for him is finally over, after 30 years.

[AquaNYC]

I have grown to love (platonically) a number of escorts who have become dear friends.

 

However, there is one guy whom I believe I've grown pass the point of strictly platonic love. He has said things to me (many times) which lead me to tell him how I feel. I expressed to him that I understood if what i said scared him off and he wanted to stop seeing me or cool things. In response, he told me felt the same way I did. That he couldn't image not seeing me. Do I still give him some funds? Yes, but it's only to cover gas, tolls, and parking when he comes to see me. We spend almost the entire day together for the cost of his travel expenses.

 

I'm not naive to think this will end in some fairytale, Pretty Woman situation (first of all I'm not rich LOL!). We have talked about the situation extensively. I don't think either of us is truly ready for a full on relationship. We agreed that once we're ready, if our mutual feelings are still there... we'll take the relationship further.

 

Either way, I think we'll remain friends should we get together or not.

That is great to hear - thanks for sharing. Makes sense that it works out well for both when each are communicative and have eyes wide open about it.

[AquaNYC]

I did get close with my last regular. Couldn't help it and I thought it was mutual. Still understood the boundaries and in fact he met a guy who became his business partner as well. Saw him once a week for 6 months. I came from vacation and he has not responded to any text messages for 3 weeks. Nothing. Not even an explanation as to why he doesn't want to see me anymore. I'm no longer waiting and got back on that horse again. Lol. My regret is that I don't know what happened. So strange. Plus he's got his ad out....oh well.

That sucks - sorry to hear you didn't get any closure - especially from a business client perspective.

[AquaNYC]

I'm really struggling with this issue right now. I jumped into hiring a bit fast and furious. With one escort I went from a one hour session, to an overnight, to a weekend. We've sporadically stayed in touch by email The last time he visited the area it was logistically impossible to set up a session, but I offered to take him to lunch as a friend to discuss plans for another weekend. I don't know if I was being over sensitive, but there seemed to be some hesitancy on his part to do the lunch thing (he said he would really try to make the time - his plans changed and he didn't come to town).

 

The thing is, I've really changed as a person since I met him. I've lost a ton of weight, stopped smoking, started work out and pursuing hobbies, stopped dressing and acting like a frumpy overweight old man, and become a bit more extroverted. While I realize that he wasn't directly responsible for any of these changes, for some reason he was the forced that pushed me to change and that makes him very important to me.

 

I honestly love this guy (not as a potential boyfriend or husband) and love that he's been a part of my life and my blossoming. I told him I loved him and how important he was to me and I also let him know that I needed someone like him in my life to push me even more, but because of the nature of the relationship it most likely couldn't be him.

 

My only real opportunity to hire him is for weekend travel sessions, and I'm struggling with continuing these. I doubt that I would have these issues if I only hired him a few times a year for and hour or two. To be perfectly honest the sexual aspect is a lower priority for me at this point, and I'm afraid that I'm becoming someone who's paying for friendship. How do you emotionally distance yourself after the spending time with someone who's been this good for you?

 

One of the reasons for my post thread here is similar to your experience. I met an escort a bit ago and saw him regularly for awhile. He sparked a renewal in my self confidence and worth. He made me feel sexy and desirable. Since our initial encounters, I had a similar experience to yours, I really started to take more action in my life - lost weight, stopped drinking, exercise regularly, mindfulness, etc. I guess as human beings it's hard to avoid feelings of attachment when you are intimate with someone, and I recognize the underlying nature of our (business) arrangement and respect the distinction and boundaries. No fantasies here of a LT relationship and that's why I'm contemplating letting it end now.

Anyway, to those genuine escorts out there - you can really have a positive meaningful impact on our lives. It truly is a noble service. Hot sessions only are great too, and when there's more connection - even better.

[+ José Soplanucas]

How do you emotionally distance yourself after the spending time with someone who's been this good for you?

 

I may be horribly wrong, but I think you would not need to ask that question if you were in a good place with yourself and your feelings about yourself and others. I do not think there is an answer other than applying common sense.

We can listen to you, we can share our own experiences, but I think you need professional counseling.

[john1973]

It might help to take a step back and try to discern the script that your provider uses when you meet. You'll see that it's some sort of social performance or act, with just enough of a mess of genuine feelings to make it seem real and vivid. So think of the money you pay as a theater or movie ticket. The show only happens when you're paying. What happens beyond that, if you do communicate outside of the appointment, is not reality but advertising. Your provider may or may not be aware himself that this is precisely what's going on.

[+ Lance_Navarro]

It might help to take a step back and try to discern the script that your provider uses when you meet. You'll see that it's some sort of social performance or act, with just enough of a mess of genuine feelings to make it seem real and vivid. So think of the money you pay as a theater or movie ticket. The show only happens when you're paying. What happens beyond that, if you do communicate outside of the appointment, is not reality but advertising. Your provider may or may not be aware himself that this is precisely what's going on.

 

Outside of role play requests, nothing that I share during a session is a performance or act. I'm sorry that's been your experience, but if you talk to the guys that I've shared time with, I feel confident they will tell you that's not the case with me. On the other hand, I can only connect with someone as deeply as they are willing to allow me.

[mike carey]

I can't add to what @Lance_Navarro said.

[Deadlift1]

What a nice thread....