Escort Privacy, Separate Personal Life?

[LaffingBear]

I would totally expect an escort or masseur to keep his personal life personal. Use a professional name. I can cite a number of reasons he'd do that.

 

Oddly, I've had a few escorts and 2 masseurs share their real names. A couple even showed me drivers' licenses.

 

I'm scheduling with a masseur at present, he lives where i used to live... his day job and mine are same industry... he shared where he works. Which is why it made me think of this.

 

I also had a longer client-relationship with one guy... multiple appointments, overnights, 24-hour, who was always very vocal about protecting his identity, but kept making mistakes revealling his genuine info (details below)

 

When an escort gives me his real info, or even if i learn it accidentally... all I can think is "wow, they are lucky I'm a nice decent guy. Even if our interactions take an unpleasant turn, I would never use this info." And, I never have.

 

So, what do other escorts do about this issue? How concerned are you about privacy? What do you do if a client snoops for info, or learns more accidentally?

 

-------------------------

How a privacy-obsessed escort kept accidentally revealing personal info....

 

I spent many sessions, extended-sessions, with a very well-known escort. This is all 8 years ago... different tech era. Hypothetical professional-name: Tom Muscle. One aspect of his working life... Tom also does legit massage as Buffed-John. Hypothetical Real Name: John Smith. He's told me from start he's engaged, fiancee has no idea he escorts. Frequently expresses concern about privacy and discretion.

 

At my very first session, as we finished, Tom was eager to talk about a new internet service he was using. He reaches for his laptop, sits next to me, and powers up. The welcome screen says "John's Laptop" Hmmm... now i know his real name is John.

 

Second visit, overnight, in bed, he does a little business propped up beside me. The laptop wallpaper is about Buffed-John, shows name and pictures of the spa where he works. So now i know first name, work location, etc.

 

Third visit, we're walking back to hotel from dinner. At dinner he's told me about a contractor gaffe at his home. While walking, his fiancee phones. He grins at me, makes the "shhh" finger signal, and speaks with her while walking next to me. He tells her about his argument with contractor, relating that the contractor said "what can we do to make things right, Mr. Smith?" Now I know his real name is John Smith.

 

Later, in hotel room, he's showering. On the desk, wad of cash sitting open topped by his driver's license. I looked away, thinking he's lucky I'm no crook... I could grab it and bolt. I could easily learn identity (except I already knew).

 

Weird thing is, at other times he was sensitive about his privacy. He returned from a restaurant bathroom once, realizing he'd left his phone on the table, and got agitated, asking if I had been looking at his phone.

 

I never told him the info he'd revealed. I would have wanted to tell him he needn't worry about me, to relax. Also that he could be more careful. I chose to say nothing, because I thought the realization that I knew his identity would be unsettling for him.

 

Scheduling today with a masseur who has shared his real info brought back the memory.

[+ oldNbusted]

Humans are amazingly leaky. In this hobby, to some extent, I've wriiten it off to youth and inexperience and like you @LaffingBear would never think of exploiting disclosed info and I think bringing it up might just make them super paranoid but one thing it underscores for me is to be very sure the working guys have as little personally traceable info about me as possible, because they can't disclose what they don't know. Nothing personal, and it hasn't been a problem so far.

[+ HornyRetiree]

My very first escort experience was with a young man who used his own name. We talked a lot after our session and I have seen give him my real name.

 

I use my first name and a fake surname along with a special email account for the sexual aspects of my life!!

[LaffingBear]

I keep my name private. And when traveling, I've made sure nothing is casually exposed like luggage tags, hotel folios, etc. But I've also never gone to great lengths or worried that an escort might rummage my room.

 

No ones ever been to my home for an initial visit, so no concern there.

 

I'm not particularly worried about my privacy... I suppose these days, there's the prospect of identity theft, but I don't think the risk is greater with an escort compared to a service provider, party-goer, burglar, or the creep going through the trash.

 

To my knowledge, no escort has ever tried to get my private info.

[Mydavid]

I wouldn't try to get private info of escorts, but I guess I will feel more secure if I know that.

 

I haven't come out of the closet, so I won't let them know my private info.

[handiacefailure]

Found out the identity of a few escorts.

 

I like to get kinky sometimes and one time had an escort take some pics of me tied up and said he would email them to me. This was before texting pics was easy and I can't remember if he sent them in email format from his phone or his computer but he messed up and used his personal email that revealed his real name. He realized the mistake after it was too late and sent me another email asking me to keep the info confidential which I did.

 

A couple years ago in my facebook feed where it shows people you may know there was a suggestion for an escort I had recently hired in NYC. No idea why it would have suggested that unless the escort had his email escort associated with his facebook page and it matched us up based on an email exchange and facebook can access that info somehow (my address associated with facebook was the email I used to contact him).

 

Another time I was at the old Detroit eagle talking to a couple I knew and the one guy mentioned he liked to hire pro doms sometimes when he travelled and I told him of one I knew in another city he goes to a lot and pulled up his homepage and he about lost it. The guy used to live in Detroit and the two knew him from living in Detroit and had no idea he was into kink let alone for hire:) I found out some interesting info that night including his real name but at least I found he gave me his real age.

[+ pitman]

A couple years ago in my facebook feed where it shows people you may know there was a suggestion for an escort I had recently hired in NYC. No idea why it would have suggested that unless the escort had his email escort associated with his facebook page and it matched us up based on an email exchange and facebook can access that info somehow (my address associated with facebook was the email I used to contact him).

 

Another good reason to extract yourself from the Facebook cult.

[big-n-tall]

A good number of the guys I've seen regularly told me their real names the very first time we met. A couple don't care that their real names are known. The rest to some degree do. A few had to tell me because of our travel arrangements. Some told me over time and some eventually I asked.

 

I don't recall any guy accidentally revealing who they are to me.

 

Like the OP, I'd never use info against them because I wouldn't want it done to me. I guess it's a plus I'm not on social media, unless you consider this forum social media. Anyone I see regularly I don't think would do that to me anyway. I'm sure they trust me enough to not to worry about me doing something awful.

[+ nycman]

In the course of hiring I've "discovered" the real names of a few escorts.

 

Sometimes it was because we started getting close, and they felt uncomfortable

having me call them by their "stage name". Funny aside, once I liked his stage

name much better....so I used that during sex, and his real name during pillow

talk. He thought it was funny.

 

Twice it's been accidental. Once an escort left paperwork in the hotel room

that had his real name on it (his stage name was an anagram of his real name).

And once the escort accidentally emailed me from his personal account which

had his real name in the address.

 

Both of the accidental times I never mentioned it. I figured the stress it might

cause them wasn't worth it. I liked both men immensely and would never use

the information against them anyways.

 

As far as I know, no escort knows my real name or identity. Although I'm sure

it wouldn't be hard to figure out. They other day in a bar I met someone for

the first time. He only knew my first name and the general area in which I live.

Within 5 minutes he smiles and says "wow, you look different with facial hair"

and proceeds to show me a skiing pic of myself with a full beard on his iPhone.

 

Be careful out here and assume that you are NOT anonymous.

[LaffingBear]

1. I cannot imagine ever permitting a suggestive picture with an escort. I have a seated, clothed picture with my last hire from 2011. I've been escort-inactive since. Have a few appts pending. And, its on my to-do, preparation list to know the location of their phone in my place... and as much as possible, scan my surroundings in his place for cameras. I am astonished by how many people seem fascinated by pictures, videos, and posting online. Erotica, vacations, daily life..... I cant relate and dont want my life..... my fairly boring life with nothing to hide.... online. I call selfie-sticks, NARCISS-STICKS.
   
2. I have also had the surprise of a Facebook account mining my data and suggesting surprise friends. I rarely use FB anymore. I have 2 FB accounts.... I play some online games that require FB to save game progress. I created a separate FB account so that my friends and relatives aren't annoyed by game feeds, requests, etc. I have never once posted in the gamer account. And yet, when I look at the gamer FB account every month or two, it suggests friends from my real life. Mainstream social media can be very invasive! I wonder, as I type this, if my escort connections might eventually get hooked into that.
   

[+ WmClarke]

I've had two escorts pop up in Facebook. One in the "people you might know" section (yes, I know him, but probably not in the way you think, Facebook) and one when he tagged a mutual Facebook friend in a picture.

 

It happens.

[ChristianCronin]

I'm not very concerned about my real name being found out. I'm a musician. I'm not afraid of my career being ruined or anything mostly because I feel that nobody cares in this industry. I think as time goes on, sex for money is less stigmatized, but I'm still not rushing to give out my personal information. I have a few clients that know my real name and that I'm a pianist as well! I can understand that hesitation, however.

[+ nycman]

unless you consider this forum social media

 

"So it’s sorta social......demented and sad.....but social. Right?"

 

Name the movie.

[MikeyGMin]

"So it’s sorta social......demented and sad.....but social. Right?"

 

Name the movie.

Puh-lease. The second best Brat Pack movie ever. B-Club!

[needbodywork]

I may be extreme, but I need to know an escort or masseur's real name before I proceed with meeting them. It helps me verify they are who they say they are and their photos are accurate. It also gives me a sense of their personality. Of course, I never tell them I know who they are when I meet them.

[BasketBaller]

I have been told the real names of two escorts over the years, both people with whom I'd become friendly. One told me just before he retired because he wanted us to keep in touch (we did) and the other I'm not sure why. I guess he felt comfortable enough to tell me. I've never probed, and in other cases I simply assume we were both using "stage names."

 

Part of my job is doing research, and it can be tempting to look into people I encounter. A couple of times I got curious about porn performers, and found way more personal info than I would have thought possible, and I started to feel creepy about it after finding info about guys who had retired from porn with their wives and kids. That fascinated me because of my own situation, and perhaps they could have been more discreet about their own lives, but I felt intrusive.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

In a digital age, if someone wants to, they'll figure out who you are. People always leave breadcrumbs.

 

Most people don't go as far as to cloak their IP when surfing around the web. And they should.

[wklucas]

In the course of hiring I've "discovered" the real names of a few escorts.

 

Sometimes it was because we started getting close, and they felt uncomfortable

having me call them by their "stage name". Funny aside, once I liked his stage

name much better....so I used that during sex, and his real name during pillow

talk. He thought it was funny.

 

Twice it's been accidental. Once an escort left paperwork in the hotel room

that had his real name on it (his stage name was an anagram of his real name).

And once the escort accidentally emailed me from his personal account which

had his real name in the address.

 

Both of the accidental times I never mentioned it. I figured the stress it might

cause them wasn't worth it. I liked both men immensely and would never use

the information against them anyways.

 

As far as I know, no escort knows my real name or identity. Although I'm sure

it wouldn't be hard to figure out. They other day in a bar I met someone for

the first time. He only knew my first name and the general area in which I live.

Within 5 minutes he smiles and says "wow, you look different with facial hair"

and proceeds to show me a skiing pic of myself with a full beard on his iPhone.

 

Be careful out here and assume that you are NOT anonymous.

 

I had a similar with liking the stage name better than real....the guy called himself Buck.....I simply liked whispering or saying out loud "Fuck me, Buck" instead of "Fuck me ____".....I simply was "amused" with the wordplay of buck/fuck.....

For the most part or otherwise, after we meet I at least like to know the guy's real first name....never have had a guy not tell me when I ask....at the latest, I'll ask after our 1st play session is over & things went well & I expect to see the guy again....being in bed with another man is simply all too intimate for me not to at least know his real 1st name.

Another time - before I had asked for his name....after our 1st time playing, we decided to leave the suburban hotel to go out for something to eat....he wanted to drive....on his passenger seat, on the center console & on the floor - lots of mail & magazines all addressed to him....he had no problem with being "outed" & was fine with the short conversation we had during the drive about the neighborhood where he lived.

[+ oldNbusted]

I just want to clarify that my concern is not about any kind of malicious action on the part of providers, but an inadvertent disclosure to a third party.

[Mydavid]

I had a similar with liking the stage name better than real....the guy called himself Buck.....I simply liked whispering or saying out loud "Fuck me, Buck" instead of "Fuck me ____".....I simply was "amused" with the wordplay of buck/fuck.....

For the most part or otherwise, after we meet I at least like to know the guy's real first name....never have had a guy not tell me when I ask....at the latest, I'll ask after our 1st play session is over & things went well & I expect to see the guy again....being in bed with another man is simply all too intimate for me not to at least know his real 1st name.

Another time - before I had asked for his name....after our 1st time playing, we decided to leave the suburban hotel to go out for something to eat....he wanted to drive....on his passenger seat, on the center console & on the floor - lots of mail & magazines all addressed to him....he had no problem with being "outed" & was fine with the short conversation we had during the drive about the neighborhood where he lived.

 

I remember an escort has a profile name "iFuck"...

[TopTierTop]

I am very discreet about my clients' identity. In many cases, discretion is very important to them. For myself, not so much. I very often give at least my real first name. It's just more friendly that way. It's kind of my way of saying I like you and respect you enough to want to be more than a product to you. Beyond that is very much on a case by case basis.

[+ Keith30309]

This is a third-rail for me and I try very hard to respect whatever boundaries a companion wants. I really appreciate beng invited in and entrusted with a bit of someone's non-professional life when it happens but never push.

When I've run across personal information doing an identity check (such as one guy's masters thesis containing everything about him and a dedication containing the names of family members) I ignore it or, if it's particularly personal, subtly suggest he remove the linkage point.

[MartyB]

I just accept it as a part of the business of escorting. Discretion is very important to me so I in turn would never pry. With some escorts who have become regulars trust and personal info have been shared.

[LaffingBear]

My hang up regarding this post is that some elements of his massage were truly excellent. Surprising as well. Lamb as the session started, Lion at the end. So I want to share the tip. Particularly because so much of our sharedvinfo here is helpful in a preventive, negative way. I want to AC CEN TU ATE the positive!

 

There's extra fulfillment in finding a great restaurant or musician AND sharing the joy.