Your Daily (Gay) Athlete

[LoveNDino]

Josh Velasquez

Josh Velasquez has seen up close the pain suicide can cause.

 

The high school swimming champion, who is now pursuing a neuroscience degree at the University of Arizona, battled depression and suicidal thoughts only a year ago. And six years ago, he lost his best friend to suicide.

 

“In 2011, my best friend, Aaron, became another suicide statistic. Like others, Aaron felt that no one understood him or his place in the world,” Velasquez says. “He thought it would be best if he was no longer around. It destroyed everyone that knew him.”

 

To honor Aaron and to raise money for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, Velasquez is running in a half-marathon in Long Beach, Calif., on Oct. 8. He has set up a fundraising page for AFSP, with the goal of raising $10,000.

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Velasquez is now very proudly out and gay and his Instagram page is filled with photos of him and his boyfriend, so life is good. But he knows well the struggles of dealing with depression and thoughts of suicide.

 

In a joint coming out story this year — written along with fellow swimmer Axel Reed — he discussed the trauma of being sexually abused as a child. “Last year I was really struggling with what happened to me as a kid,” Velasquez told me. “Last November, something happened on campus that triggered a memory, and with school being hard I fell into deep depression.”

 

In his fundraising letter for AFSP, he credits the organization with helping him deal with his own suicidal thoughts.

[LoveNDino]

Marcus Urban

Marcus Urban (born 4 August 1971, earlier Marcus Schneider) is a former German soccer player. He played with the East German national youth football team and in the second division club Rot-Weiß Erfurt in the 1980s and early 1990s. Several years afterwards he came out as a gay man. He has spoken publicly about the difficulties that gay footballers experience, and he is now a spokeperson and campaigner on diversity issues in sport and the workplace.

As a child, he took on his step-father's surname, Schneider, but as an adult he changed it back to his mother's maiden name.

In 2008 the sports journalist Ronny Blaschke published an authorised biography of Urban. This is titled Versteckspieler: Die Geschichte des schwulen Fußballers Marcus Urban ('Hidden Player: the story of the gay footballer Marcus Urban')

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Edited September 19, 2017 by LoveNDino

[LoveNDino]

Jonathan De Falco (born 8 October 1984) is a retired Belgian footballer who is performing as a pornographic film actor under the stage name Stany Falcone.

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[LoveNDino]

Donal Óg Cusack

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Donal Óg Cusack (born 16 March 1977) an Irish hurling coach, selector and former player. He has been coach and selector with the Clare senior team since 2015. Cusack is regarded as the greatest goalkeeper of his generation.

 

Born in Cloyne, County Cork, Cusack was introduced to hurling by his father, a long-serving member of the local club team. He enjoyed Harty Cup success with Midleton CBS Secondary School while later enjoying championship successes with divisional side Imokilly and club side Cloyne. A championship medallist in the senior grade with Imokilly, Cusack also won a championship medal in the intermediate grade with Cloyne.

 

Cusack first appeared on the inter-county scene at the age of seveneteen when he first linked up with the Cork minor team. An All-Ireland medallist in this grade, he later won two All-Ireland medals with the under-21 team and one All-Ireland medal in the intermediate grade. Cusack made his senior debut during the 1996 Oireachtas Cup. He went on to play a key role for Cork as goalkeeper during a successful era, and won three All-Ireland medals and five Munster medals. Cusack was an All-Ireland runner-up on two occasions.

 

As a member of the Munster inter-provincial team, Cusack won one Railway Cup medal in 2005. Throughout his inter-county career he made 54 championship appearances, a record for a Cork goalkeeper. Cusack retired from inter-county hurling in March 2013 after effectively being dropped from the team.

 

Cited by many as one of the most influential inter-county players of his generation, through his championing of the cause of player welfare with Cork, as chairman of the Gaelic Players Association and his innovation as a goalkeeper, Cusack became the first openly gay elite Irish sportsman in 2009.

 

After being involved in team management and coaching in all grades at club level with Cloyne, Cusack has been frequently linked to various inter-county managerial positions as well as working as a hurling analyst with The Sunday Game. He was appointed coach and selector to the Clare senior team on 26 October 2015.

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[LoveNDino]

Dan Veatch

Daniel Hayward Veatch (born April 18, 1965) is an American former competition swimmer who represented the United States at the 1988 Olympics in Seoul, South Korea. Veatch competed in his signature event, the men's 200-meter backstroke, finishing seventh in the event final. He won the 200-meter backstroke at the Pan Pacific Games in Brisbane in 1987 and again in Tokyo in 1989. He pulled his hamstring just before the U.S. Trials for the 1992 Summer Olympics and so missed those Games.

He is openly gay, and currently lives in San Francisco.

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[LoveNDino]

Hayden Reidy

Opening up to a fellow triathlete, a complete stranger, about my boyfriend as we both nervously awaited the start of Ironman Syracuse in June was the moment I decided I was comfortable enough about being gay to accept myself and tell the world.

 

I was standing on the beach of the Jamesville, N.Y., reservoir at Syracuse Ironman 70.3 and having trouble zipping my wetsuit. I spotted a young man who seemed just as nervous as myself about the race to come. I asked him to help me zip my wetsuit and we started to talk.

 

At first we talked about our goals for the race and then started to ask each other about what we do when not training for triathlons. I found out he was a waiter and a student like myself and he had come to the race with his girlfriend who was there to support him.

 

He asked if I had a girlfriend there to support me, and in that moment, I decided I was no longer going to lie to anyone.

 

I told him that my boyfriend, Kyle, was living in Boston for the summer and unfortunately wasn’t able to be at the race. The triathlete, whose name was Mike, proceeded to ask questions about Kyle. I happily told Mike about the first time I saw Kyle, what we enjoy doing together, and how we manage living over an hour apart.

 

After speaking for a while longer about our different training methods, Mike and I wished each other luck and waited for the cannon signaling the race to blow. In addition to the nervousness and excitement I was feeling about being a few seconds from starting an Ironman, I felt happy. I was happy that a total stranger was so accepting. That was the moment I decided that coming out was absolutely necessary. Any fears I had for the last seven years were gone.

 

Growing up in upstate New York, I can still remember the first time I heard the word gay. I was sitting at the kitchen table with a family member and some family friends. Someone had mentioned the word gay and my family member tried to cover my ears and shield me from this “dirty” word. It wasn’t until a few years after that I began to question my sexuality, but this experience has always stayed with me.

 

As I grew up, the word gay became more than “dirty” — it was an insult. On my high school swim team, guys would joke and make fun of each other all the time, more often than not involving the word gay. Hearing the word gay used in such vulgar ways frightened me. I was scared of people knowing that I was gay. I started to believed that gay people, including myself, were inferior and weaker. I believed that if people knew I was gay, they would think of me differently.

 

Both of my parents were successful athletes when they were younger. My father having won national championships in hockey and my mother’s name still on the record board that overlooked the pool I swam in every day. Being on a team and doing a sport was always a must in my family and I always striven to be the best. No matter how hard I tried, I felt that if I were out, my accomplishments wouldn’t matter. I was never going to be as good as my teammates because I was gay.

 

In high school, I was a two-time state championship qualifier, a team captain, and won the majority of my races by my senior year. I still never truly felt as though I was accepted on the team, though. I was keeping a part of myself from everyone because I was afraid of being thought of as different or less than. I was afraid of how my family would feel, and I was afraid that I would never be accepted for who I was.

 

I forced myself to keep my sexuality a secret. The locker room comments and general hallway comments made me furious with myself. Why did I have to be gay? I couldn’t accept myself for who I was. I didn’t want to be gay and never felt comfortable in my own skin. I didn’t want to keep my sexuality a secret from anyone, but how could I tell someone I was gay, when I wasn’t comfortable with myself.

 

It took a long time for me to start feeling comfortable with myself. Having lived in Europe for a brief period of time, I was able to experience a more liberal society. Being gay was still not completely accepted, but was more widely understood by the general population. This helped my shed some of my fears and start to feel more comfortable with myself.

 

With the end of high school nearing, I decided that telling a small group of friends would help me become more accepting of myself. The friends I told were ones I had known my entire life and offered me nothing but love and support. Their reactions and understanding attitudes were comforting in a time when I needed it most.

 

After high school I started to take distance running and triathlons more seriously. I have completed numerous half marathons, a full marathon, and an Ironman 70.3 over the past few years and through my traveling for these races and training, I was fortunate enough to meet many different people.

One special person I met was Kyle. We first saw each other on a cold winter night in Burlington, Vermont. We spent the entire night talking to each other and from that day, we tried to spend as much time as possible together. We both had very busy schedules and to make time for each other we had to get into a rhythm.

 

Every Friday night would be phone-less date night at our favorite restaurant in Burlington. Most Mondays we would head to the mountain to ski, and Saturdays were for homework and movies. We even spend spring break together in Florida. Living more than an hour away from each other made it difficult to see each other more than one or two days a week, so when we did get to see each other we would always make the best use of our time.

 

I finally realized I was living my life for myself. The opinions of other people no longer mattered to me. I accepted myself for who I was. My sexuality is never going to change just because someone does not agree with me.

 

I find it funny that at one point in my life, I believed I could be inferior or weaker than someone else because I happened to be gay. The opinions of others have no effect on me or how I live my life. I am not inferior and I am not weaker but, I am proud to be who I am today and what I have accomplished.

 

Having read the stories of other athletes through the years, I felt it was important to share my own with the world. I hope my long journey from self-acceptance to coming out can provide some inspiration to other gay athletes around the country.

 

To the friends that have known my sexuality, I want to say thank you for always being there for me. I am a very happy person today because of your acceptance and love. Thank you for allowing me to be me and helping me grow and further accept myself.

 

I am excited to start living my life as an open individual and see where my athletic endeavors bring me.

 

Hayden Reidy, 19, is a sophomore at Plattsburgh State University and trains year round for distance running races and triathlons.

[+ honcho]

Dan Veatch

Daniel Hayward Veatch (born April 18, 1965) is an American former competition swimmer who represented the United States at the 1988 Olympics in Seoul, South Korea. Veatch competed in his signature event, the men's 200-meter backstroke, finishing seventh in the event final. He won the 200-meter backstroke at the Pan Pacific Games in Brisbane in 1987 and again in Tokyo in 1989. He pulled his hamstring just before the U.S. Trials for the 1992 Summer Olympics and so missed those Games.

He is openly gay, and currently lives in San Francisco.

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I actually met him (innocently), about 15 years ago. He was dating an acquaintance who also used the pool for fitness swimming at the major US west coast university I worked at. The picture likely dates from back around then.

[bigvalboy]

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Does EX-NFL count?

 

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[LoveNDino]

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Does EX-NFL count?

 

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Yes!

[LoveNDino]

John Epping

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[LoveNDino]

LeQuan Chapman

[LoveNDino]

Lance the Driver

 

[LoveNDino]

Matthew Nelson

This past June, after getting back from the gym, I sat on my couch wondering how much longer I could hide in plain sight from my family and friends. Rather than continuing to hide from my fears of rejection, I decided it was time to stop hiding in the closet and tell everyone in my life that I am gay.

 

During a game, my job on the field is primarily to judge when an offside offense has occurred or the ball has left the field of play. In addition to those responsibilities, I also help the referee as necessary, whether that be recognizing a foul they did not have a good angle to see or providing input about misconduct.

 

From my experience, a key part of being successful as an assistant referee is a mutual amount of trust and respect amongst the referee crew. The ability to communicate well with the referee, and understanding the signs of when they need help are skills I continue to develop. Now that I am no longer trying to hide that I am gay and being true to myself, has helped foster a more trusting and respectful relationship with fellow referees.

 

The weekend before I came out, I was in Colorado for a training camp, and one of my best friends asked me about my dating life. As usual, I shrugged off the question telling him how I was too busy with work, finishing my dissertation and traveling for soccer. I couldn’t possibly date someone seriously.

 

That was a lie. In fact, at that time I was dating someone and had been dating him for about a month and a half.

 

I wrote a few paragraphs, sent it to my close friends and family first, and posted it on social media for the world to see. Hitting that post button was one of the most terrifying moments of my life. Luckily, that feeling of terror did not last long as messages of love and support came pouring in from my family and friends.

 

Looking back, it seems laughable how terrified I was of saying those three words, "I am gay." Over the past five years, as a professional assistant referee, I have been fortunate enough to take the field with professional athletes in stadiums throughout the U.S. and Canada. It's a job I love, but also one that kept me in the closet for so long.

 

While there are many stories of professional athletes coming out, being accepted by their teammates, and living their lives openly, there are only a few such stories about referees.

 

I feel that this is in part due to the nature of the job. Referees are not there to be the star of the show. Rather, a majority of the referees, officials and umpires I know judge their performance as a good one when they leave the field with no one knowing they were there. The pressures of officiating in a professional setting are real, and your decisions have consequences. It means that I have to be physically fit enough to be in the right spot with the right angle, and mentally tough enough to ignore the distractions to get the decision correct.

 

 

In June, I realized that one of those distractions for me was hiding a part of who I am: the fact that I am gay.

 

While that relationship did come to an end not long after I came out, it helped me realize the importance of being true to myself. Hiding the fact that I am gay from my friends, family and colleagues was distracting, unproductive and mentally draining.

 

Since coming out, I have been able to focus more on performing to the best of my ability as an assistant referee. It has freed my mind from the fear of what others will think. Most importantly, it has allowed me to be myself. The ability to be myself, without feeling the need to put on a façade, is truly freeing. In the past month, I have begun openly dating an amazing man who I now proudly call my partner. Sharing with him my passion for refereeing soccer is truly fulfilling.

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Before coming out, I would often read the stories of other athletes coming out as gay. Hearing how other athletes' stories on Web sites like outsports.com felt like relief from the experience helped me feel comfortable enough to come out of the closet. It helped me realize that being gay is just one part of who I am as a person. I am also a soccer referee, a doctoral student, a friend, a partner, a brother and a son.

 

I hope that telling my story can help others comes to terms with who they are as well.

[LoveNDino]

Rhyian Anderson-Morley

Born 21 June 1990. Is an Australian rules football player currently playing for the Yarraville Seddon Eagles in the Western Region Football League in Melbourne, Australia. Rhyian was born in Adelaide, South Australia but moved to Melbourne, Victoria in 2012 to play football. Anderson-Morley plays in the forward line in the Reserves squad and is also the current Team Manager for the Seniors team and a Committee Board Member of the Yarraville Seddon Eagles.

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Anderson-Morley became the second ever Australian Rules Football player to come out publicly as gay in an article written by himself and published on the Front Page of The Age newspaper in Melbourne. Anderson-Morley cited several public statements regarding homosexuality in sport, such as Sam Newman's comments that Michael Sam kissing his boyfriend on TV was "annoyingly gratuitous", as encouraging him to come out so publicly so as to provide a positive role model to young gay people who would want to play sport.

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[LoveNDino]

Chase Boyle

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Chase Boyle plans to make the most of what could be his final chance to throw the hammer. “There is no room to take any safe throws,” Boyle said. “I have to put a big one out there in order to make finals. It will be good to chase three big throws.”

 

Boyle, a Mount St. Mary’s senior, heads to the Intercollegiate Association of Amateur Athletes of America meet, a college track and field meet held annually since 1876 for top Division I track and field athletes in the Northeast.

 

Boyle, who came out publicly as gay in November, is one of at least two LGBT athletes competing at the IC4A meet along with William & Mary junior Cavender Salvadaori, who is running the 3,000-meter steeplechase. Salvadori runs Friday and Boyle throws Saturday in the meet at Princeton. The IC4A meet will be the end of Boyle’s college career, unless he surpasses his hammer personal record by about 5 meters to qualify for the NCAA postseason.

 

“It’s a little slim right now,” Boyle said of his chances to throw well enough to make the NCAA postseason’s preliminary round. “It’s definitely a lofty goal that I’ve had for a long time. We’ll see if I achieve it or not. I’m definitely not closing the book on it yet.”

 

Boyle is less than a week removed from achieving another goal — defending his conference title in hammer.

 

On Sunday, he threw the hammer 175 feet, 7 inches for a second consecutive Northeast Conference victory in the hammer.

 

“I let go of it. I fell away from the hammer,” Boyle said of his winning throw. “It didn’t feel all that great. I was kind of surprised how far it actually went.”

 

The 6-foot-1, 235-pound Boyle threw 175-7 on his second throw, which allowed him to throw with abandon the remainder of the event to chase an NCAA qualifying distance. He ended up recording fouls on his final four throws at the conference meet, but none of his competitors caught him in the process.

 

“It feels good to just throw good enough to win the conference on my bad day,” Boyle said.

 

He also threw shot put and discus at the conference meet, finishing eighth and 10th, respectively. He only qualified for the IC4A in hammer, so the conference meet was his final time competing in shot put and discus.

 

Boyle, who owns the Mount St. Mary’s school record in hammer, helped the Mountaineers finish third in the team competition at the Northeast Conference Championships.

 

Regardless if he extends his season Saturday, it’s been a good season and career, especially since he’s could be open about his sexuality this entire season.

 

“The biggest pro is just I’m finally able to compete as who I want to be, and I don’t have to hide anything,” Boyle said. “I’d never, ever take it back. It’s been extremely liberating being who I want to be and being the athlete I want to be.”

 

Boyle graduates Sunday with degrees in accounting and sport management. He is scheduled to start a job June 12 doing government audits for Kearney & Company in Alexandria, Virginia.

 

“I look forward to being a part of everything there,” Boyle said.

[LoveNDino]

Alex Obendorf

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[LoveNDino]

Conner Curnick

On National Coming Out Day

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[LoveNDino]

Brendan Burke

Brendan Gilmore Burke (December 8, 1988 – February 5, 2010) was an athlete and student manager at Miami University for the RedHawks men's ice hockey team. The youngest son of Brian Burke, former general manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs and of the US Olympic hockey team, in November 2009, he made international headlines for coming out, advocating for tolerance and speaking out against homophobia in professional sports. Burke's coming out was widely praised and supported by sports news outlets and fans, generating multiple discussions about homophobia in sports, and in hockey in particular. He was viewed as a pioneer in advocacy against homophobia in hockey, described as "the closest person to the NHL ever to come out publicly and say that he is gay."

 

Burke was killed in a car crash on February 5, 2010. Following his death, Burke's memory and contribution to LGBT awareness in hockey was honored by several hockey teams. The "Brendan Burke Internship" was later established in his honor by USA Hockey for his work in hockey management and a documentary entitled The Legacy of Brendan Burke aired on CBC Television in November 2010. Burke's death was the catalyst for the formation of the You Can Play project, a campaign to end homophobia in sports.

[LoveNDino]

Robert Dover

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The champion rider, who competed in six consecutive Olympics, says he's never had much of a problem with being open about his sexual orientation in the equestrian world. Still, as he he told Outsports, "I did not connect my social life to my work life for many years, and while I never ran away from the issue of my homosexuality, I must admit that I had no real interest in bringing attention to it, especially with the press...what changed everything was a combination of meeting my soul-mate Robert Ross, whom I was so proud to be with that I wanted everyone to know, and the AIDS epidemic which affected so many people dear to me."

[LoveNDino]

Jace Anderson

When University of Nebraska track and field athlete Jace Anderson found himself alone on a balcony at a campus party last year with three football players he described as “gigantic human beings,” he was nervous. He became even more nervous when one of the players asked him indirectly if he was gay.

 

Anderson, 20, was just coming to terms with his sexual orientation and slowly telling people around him. But he wasn’t expecting to have to answer the question from three football players he assumed would have a problem with his being gay.

 

“There's been a lot of conversation that you swing for the other team,” one player asked him, and Anderson knew what he meant.

 

“Yes,” Anderson replied warily.

 

“We just want to let you know we think that's awesome and commend you for not denying it,” the player said. “You don't really hear about that many openly gay athletes here and we think that's awesome.”

 

“And they each gave me a hug since they could still tell I was uncomfortable about the whole thing and I was obviously nervous and that they knew caught me off guard,” Anderson said. “And that whole interaction just blows my mind. They were the last people I thought would have confronted me on that and been so welcoming. They're just cool people.”

Anderson competes in the triple jump and long jump for the Cornhuskers and talks about the struggles of accepting himself and how stress negatively affected his performance. Things started to look up when his coach recommended therapy and when Anderson started coming out to more people. He then had an epiphany.

 

“I started to realize that nobody cared that I was gay other than myself. The biggest person that feared it was myself,” he said.

 

Anderson is promising more videos detailing his coming out. I loved the story about the football players because it upends stereotypes and shows that gay acceptance is more and more common on campuses.

[LoveNDino]

Chris Voth

As an openly gay male athlete in a pro team sport, I feel like a distinct minority and wish more athletes would take the plunge and come out.

 

I am from Canada and play pro volleyball and it hasn’t been easy being openly gay. Volleyball isn’t as high profile as some of the other major sports throughout the world and especially in North America, so I feel that my impact is limited to the volleyball community. But I think my experiences as a team sport athlete are not unique.

 

I have had at least one pro volleyball team not sign me because I am gay, but I don’t regret being out. I just wish more pro and Olympic-caliber team sport athletes would join me.

 

I find this chart of openly gay LGBT athletes at the 2008, 2012 and 2016 Summer Olympics to be telling.

 

In the Rio Games, there were 62 openly gay or lesbian athletes (whether they came out before, during or after the games). This is really amazing to see. However, the data show some major differences between the out men and women. In the last three Summer Olympics, a huge majority of the out athletes were female. That in itself shows that there is still some room for growth for gay men in sport, but that’s not all.

 

Throughout the last three Summer Olympics, 60% to 65% of the out gay women competing belonged to a team sport. On the men’s side, none of the openly gay athletes were on a team sport. (I define team sport as a sport where you compete alongside more than one teammate.)

 

The reasoning for this difference is quite simple. Sport has always been a test of masculinity, going back from beginning where you would compete to see who was the strongest or fastest.

 

Today, sport has evolved into having a large psychological component with the necessity of evolved techniques, tactics and team play. Our perception of sport hasn’t changed though. This is the problem. Gay men are still stereotyped to be more feminine than their straight counterparts as opposed to gay women who are stereotyped to be more masculine.

 

When competing in sport, that stance means it was perceived to be more desirable to have a gay woman compared to a straight woman. For men, the opposite is true. This is the reasoning that openly gay men are prevalent in individual sports, where they compete without having to worry about their teammates’ feelings. Another argument is that gay men aren’t drawn to sport like gay women, but I personally know several athletes in different sports at the highest levels in the world who are not publicly out.

 

The views about gays being inferior in sport has proven incorrect as about half of openly gay or lesbian athletes medaled at the Rio Olympics. Personally, I see being openly gay as a strength, not a weakness. I was able to overcome adversity and try to demonstrate leadership qualities on my team.

 

I think that playing while being out makes a huge difference compared to coming out after retiring. Don’t get me wrong — it’s amazing to have role models come out after accomplished careers, but progress would occur faster if current athletes took the plunge.

 

I know that is asking a lot. I’ve trained my whole life to play professional volleyball, and now I’ve lost several opportunities because teams don’t want to take a risk having a gay player. It is already hard enough to find a contract, never mind adding another factor.

 

I would do it again a thousand times over, though. It has been such an awesome experience and I hope to pave the way for future athletes.

 

Despite some teams not wanting to take me on, the teams I’ve been on have been nothing but accepting. I haven’t experienced any homophobia on my teams and even saw huge growth from people.

 

This past year I played on a team in Finland where the Finns on my team had never met a gay man before. I thought it would be a potential problem, but it was anything but. Near the end of the season, our team became the first professional volleyball team in the world to walk in a Pride parade. It was amazing to have the support of my club and teammates and it sent a strong message to the rest of the sport community.

 

It’s shared experiences like this that bring a team together and allow them play at their best. In the end, our team went from not making playoffs the last couple of years to finishing fourth, after defeating the defending champions in the quarterfinals and losing in the bronze medal series. It’s my feeling that marching together was an experience that propelled us forward.

 

With the number of out athletes on the rise, it can be easy to feel that our mission is accomplished and we can move on. However, it’s important to realize the stigma that team sport gay men feel, prohibiting them from coming out. As a sporting community, we haven’t arrived yet and so it is important to do everything we can to allow more team sport athletes to come out. We’re going to need help from straight athletes and organizations.

 

The Vancouver Canucks had a Pride Night where all the players warmed up in Pride jerseys. It would go a long way for more organizations to take charge with promotions similar to that to allow the athletes to feel more comfortable. Gay players should be celebrated to help promote equality and acceptance outside of sport.

 

There’s still a lot of room for growth, but I think we are approaching the tipping point. Keep fighting the good fight.

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[LoveNDino]

Connor Lohman

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When Connor came home to Louisville the summer after his junior year of college, he says he didn’t feel enough pride in being gay to go to Kentuckiana Pride, the name of Louisville’s Pride festival and parade.

 

By the time he arrived home this June, he suggested to Kennedy that they go to their hometown’s Pride parade.

 

It was a Friday night, and just the two of them went together.

 

“He was really excited and got super into it. People walking by would give him a high five because he was screaming so loud,” Kennedy said. “He always talks about how frustrating it is for him to come back and not feel like he belongs here. It meant a lot to me to see him that happy and comfortable with himself at home.”

 

It was Connor’s first Pride parade, and since Kennedy is 19, they kept the celebrating tame.

 

“It was a really good time,” Connor said. “I had my sister next to me, and it was kind of a big step at the end of a long journey that we had taken together to accept who we are and not try to hide it from anybody at all and just be proud.”

 

They each bought a rainbow tank top at Kentuckiana Pride. Kennedy’s was rainbow all over. Connor’s had the word “Louisville” in rainbow colors.

 

“It was just extremely beneficial to have another gay sibling,” Connor said. “Whether or not we wanted to be gay, we both were, and we came to terms with it and then we just needed each other for support.”

[LoveNDino]

Elias Rieland

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“When I came to Sac State, I realized that being closeted affected my sports more than anything because I was more worried about that than actually performing,” Rieland said in a profile of the three athletes in the school newspaper The State Hornet. “The minute I let that go, I started doing much better.”

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[LoveNDino]

Stefan Palios

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Sports taught a gay Yale athlete this life lesson he'll never forget

 

Stefan Palios faced ups and downs after coming out on the Yale track and field team. Now he's using his lessons learned there to educate corporations on diversity issues.

 

When I joined the Yale varsity track and field team as a shot put and discus thrower in 2010, I didn't "come out" to my team. I simply stopped denying the questions or rumors.

 

It was my freshman year, and I had just come out to some friends on campus; at Yale, the track and field team was very separate from social life and physically two miles away from campus. I lived in two worlds at Yale before I came out; my friends on campus, and my teammates on the field.

 

When I stopped denying the rumors, questions, and comments, my worlds started to mesh. Suddenly, friends on campus and teammates on the field knew the same things about me. I was brining my true self forward in every area of my life. Despite some trouble, it paved the path for some pretty amazing things.

 

Underneath it all, though, was someone struggling to come to terms with himself. I didn't fit in with some of the guys on the team, and there were occasional nasty comments. I'm proud to say that the coaching staff was very supportive, but they seemed so far away from the day-to-day life of being a student-athlete. I thought about quitting but decided that was a bad choice because I enjoyed the sport. It was weird being in this position after coming out, as I had always heard about these choices and questions happening prior to coming out.

 

What athletics taught me after months of feeling like crap and wondering why I didn't "fit in" was pretty powerful and has guided my life ever since: it didn't matter if other people loved or hated me. If I didn't love myself and own my identity in a confident way then I would never be truly accepted in any social circles.

 

Eventually, I began to really own my sexuality and my identity. I brought one of the first guys I dated to a track party. I wore tacky rainbow things whenever possible (the track team liked having theme parties, and my personal theme just became rainbow). I made no qualms about being gay and even got involved in some LGBT activism on campus (I organized events and acted as co-president of Athletes and Allies, Yale's LGBT athlete group).

 

Coming out was personal, but track and field was the perfect metaphor for understanding myself. In each track and field event, you need someone who is physically completely different, enjoys doing vastly different activities, and has an entirely different mindset. Without those differences, the team cannot function. What gets the 10k runner up for "long runs" is different from what gets me out of bed for morning lift.

 

Extending that to my sexuality and my identity, I learned that my difference is something to leverage for success and personal fulfillment, not something to be hidden away. Just as I would fail miserably as a 10k runner because I do not have the right driving force or passions in life, being gay, for me, became about understanding how I can fit best instead of trying to force myself to fit.

 

Being an athlete taught me a lesson about being gay that I will never forget; it's about fitting into a team environment, but you get to choose how you fit in that environment, just like picking an event in track and field. Either way, it hinges on every person confidently knowing who they are and sharing it with others. We don't know everything about every other event, so we cannot expect others to know everything about our events. No matter your circumstances or personality, being included is an area in which you have a lot of choice.

 

Fast forward to senior winter, my doctor told me my injuries had piled up and it was time to stop throwing. Permanently. I had the team and my athletic career ripped from under me as I was about to enter my last semester as an athlete and a student. Since it was so close to competition time, there was no way to integrate me as an "assistant coach", so I left the team and never got the chance to go back.

 

I had four months left of undergrad, and my social world had been torn away. Throughout my time at Yale I would constantly end up at the Track House on weekends or be away at meets. A lot of my other friends from freshman year had developed their own social lives and interests, which took them away from campus or had them working for hours each evening. We had, during our time there, drifted apart a bit.

 

Suddenly, I was lost. But the lesson track and field taught me about being myself and owning my identity still stuck: Being included in things is an area that you have a lot of control over.

 

I took that lesson with me in those final months at Yale. I reconnected with old friends and made a few new ones, unattached to any social group but feeling more included than I ever had.

 

After graduation I moved to Toronto and began the next chapter in life: being a young professional in a big city. I chose to involved myself in the LGBT-activist space. I even founded my own diversity recruiting and consulting company, called Ziversity, as I hope to share the lessons that I learned through Yale track and field with the corporate world.

 

I didn't have the perfect coming out. I didn't sit my team down, tell them, and then group hug. I was affirmed by some and torn down by others. Coming out can be bumpy. There are still instances where I have to "come out" to people who are curious why I live near Toronto's "gay village."

 

What athletics taught me is that being included is an individual commitment. We have to commit to being inclusive of others, but we also have to commit to being inclusive of ourselves.

 

Stefan Palios graduated from Yale University in 2014 and currently lives in Toronto.

[LoveNDino]

Adam McCabe

 

It felt like Christmas morning for thousands of other soccer fans in Atlanta. Sunday, March 5, 2017, was the dawn of a new sports era in our city. For years, a void existed here for professional soccer, and this multicultural hub of diversity longed for the day when the beautiful game would return. Now, after waiting so patiently, the people of Atlanta have a team they can call their own.

 

On game day, the city was spewing with excitement - everywhere you looked, there were scenes of fanfare, of red and black flags, and an optimistic spirit was tangible in the city. My partner and I took MARTA to the game. As we walked up the steps of the Five Points MARTA Station, hundreds of people raced by us with flags, scarves, and jerseys, uniting the city for a night. There was a brief pause as we waited in line to exit, and in a moment my partner looked at me and stunned me with a single question: “When are we going to bring a Pride flag to an Atlanta United game?”

 

At first, I didn’t have an answer for him. I’m proud to be out, to be open and honest with whom I am. But I had never thought of myself as an individual who would bring a pride flag to a sporting event. “Let’s see how this one goes,” I replied. I had no idea what type of response a Pride flag would get at a soccer match in the South.

 

The game started out as I thought it would, with two nervous teams – Atlanta United and New York Red Bulls - testing out the waters in their season opener. Midway through the first half, Red Bulls goalkeeper Luis Robles took a goal kick in front of the Atlanta United supporters’ section. As he went to clear the ball, a single moment changed my experience at the game. A huge wave of fans shouted from the crowd – “¡puto!” - a homophobic, offensive phrase, in an attempt to distract Robles and put him off his kick.

 

The game continued, with no interruption, as if nothing had happened - yet something major had just occurred. A few minutes later, another goal kick for Luis Robles, and again the huge shout – “¡puto!” - but this time, a bit louder. When the obscene word was heard again, my partner tapped me on the shoulder and asked: “What are they saying?”

 

I nonchalantly explained to him what the definition of “¡puto!” meant, its origin, and why our fans were saying it to the opposing goalkeeper. The look on my partner’s face turned from inquisitive, to sour and disappointed. “Really?” he replied. ‘That’s common at soccer games?” And in that moment, I had no answer, because there wasn’t a good one.

 

Every time Luis Robles took a goal kick, I caught my partner looking at me from the corner of his eye. He would hesitantly turn around to gaze at the mix of individuals, drunkenly shouting the obscenity just two rows behind us. This was not the experience I was hoping for. I wanted so badly for him to enjoy the game I grew up with and loved.

 

After the match, we spoke about our experience and whether Atlanta United games were something we could share together in the future. Looking back, I wished it could have been without the homophobic language, (and that Atlanta United had won) but I chose to appreciate our time together. As we talked, I stated, “I’m not sure our fans would be ready for a Pride flag”. He looked at me, and chuckled before replying: “Yeah, probably not.”

 

The day after Atlanta’s inaugural home match, I heard countless analysts applaud the play of Atlanta United. However, what surprised me was the amount of negative press Atlanta United was receiving after just one match. Our supporters’ actions and behavior had caught the attention of international coverage, from the likes of ESPN, Yahoo and Deadspin. The obscenities and homophobic language by the Atlanta United fans was criticized galore. I hated to think that people worldwide were misunderstanding and judging our fans and our amazing city.

 

As expected, Atlanta United was quick to make a statement, condemning the language and behaviors of such fans. As a new MLS franchise, the fans of Atlanta United have a new opportunity to reshape the soccer fan culture of our city. Why not take this with open arms, at the highest level of professional soccer in the United States, to show our country who the people of Atlanta truly are?

 

After our dominant 6-1 win away to Minnesota United, I was eagerly anticipating the next match at home to Chicago Fire. I hoped Atlanta United could maintain their good early form and start to create a dominant presence on their home turf. On another note, I contemplated how our fans might react to the negative publicity from the first home game and if anything would change.

 

I read comments on Dirty South Soccer from writers and readers who thought silencing the obscene language from the inaugural match would be almost impossible. With 55,000 fans at a soccer game, being able to control and influence every single individual was unrealistic. Instead, we needed to focus on how to inspire and encourage the majority of fans to exclude this language. The one idea that caught my eye was a ‘Hey Ya!’ chant (a throw back to Outkast). Done successfully, the majority of fans could drown out any offensive language.

 

My partner and I were excited to attend the next game together. As the first notable goal kick came to Chicago, I remember looking my partner dead in the eyes. We had both been waiting for this moment since the game began; waiting to see how our fans would react and respond to the negative coverage of our behavior. As Jorge Bava lined up for Chicago Fire to take the goal kick, I looked towards the supporters’ section. A low rumbling “Hey…” filled the section, being led by Terminus Legion. The man next to me, who was at the game with his young boy, joined Terminus Legion, adding his “Hey…” to the thousands of others in the stadium. As Bava kicked the ball, the stadium – including the man next to me - erupted with a powerful “Ya!”. I looked back at my partner, as the goal kick flew out of bounds, and gave him a big smile.

 

The second home game was a much better overall experience. The fact that our fans and community had positively responded to the hateful behavior shown in the first match, made the victory that much sweeter. As a community, we had come together to stand up in the face of homophobia in our sport and home. As my partner and I descended down the 5 Points MARTA escalators, we chatted about the game. I said, “Maybe we actually CAN bring a Pride flag to a game sometime soon.” That brought a big smile to his face.

 

After the reaction by our fans, community, and organization, I am still optimistic that not only will we have a successful team, but that we will also have a community and organization that is all-inclusive. I am hopeful that, after the dramatic shift from the first home game to the second, our fans can prevail in eliminating homophobic language from our identity and culture.

 

It has been almost a month since our last home game, and I am hopeful that the Atlanta United fans will revert to the appropriate behavior in our next home game (April 30th). Consistency is key when continuing to fight homophobia and hate. I applaud our growth in such a short period, but we need to remain consistence, to remain progressing and moving forward.

 

I challenge Atlanta United fans reading this article to evaluate their actions at games, and how they could be negatively impacting and affecting the experience of others at a game. Remember that this is the best sport in the world because it is the people’s game - it belongs to every individual, no matter their sexuality, religion, political beliefs, or gender. I urge Atlanta United fans to think back to the father that sat by us during the Chicago Fire game with his son, and ultimately chose to display the appropriate, matured and disciplined example for his son. He chose not to pass along hate and negativity to a younger generation. This is the way we must begin to rid this language from the beautiful game.