What advice would you give...

[youngboldone]

If someone is thinking about hiring an escort for the first time but is pretty much a novice in every way and scared about what the experience will be like, I'm curious what advice escorts would give that person?

[+ Funguy]

Pick someone known on this forum so there is info for you. Tell him you are a newbie ...

 

On your part shower, brush your teeth, put on a smile.

 

Enjoy!

[MassageDrew]

And first figure out what you want. It helps when you can work out some details so you're not disappointed afterwards. I've read enough posts complaining about the experience. Some escorts will do things other escorts won't. When in doubt, ask.

[+ TheBigO]

My suggestion, be honest with yourself why you want to hire and then what you are hoping for in the encounter. BTW, your expectations will more than likely change for each encounter later on depending on what is motivating the hire. I know it does with me. Sometimes just a nice guy to connect with, sometimes a nice guy with a rocking body, sometimes lets just see where this goes, etc.

 

To quote a friend if there is no shame in your game, you will be able to enjoy your time and companion.

 

need to add some edits, ugh.

[Jose305]

As a newbie to hiring too definitely take @TheBigO advice. It's very nerve wrecking at first but DEFINITELY go with a recommended escort and tell the escort you're a newbie upfront - I did and recommended escort put me on ease. You need to be clear what you want too such as do you want a fuck session only? Cuddle and watch TV session? Just talk session? Etc etc etc. Tell them too if you're a top only, bottom only or versatile.

This part was difficult for me but put any shame or embarrassment to the side when you ask. I hope this helps!

[MiamiLooker]

If someone is thinking about hiring an escort for the first time but is pretty much a novice in every way and scared about what the experience will be like, I'm curious what advice escorts would give that person?

Do you have experience with non-escort male/male encounters?

[Bayman4Fun]

Hope for and plan for the best. Research, being thorough in selection, and communicating with your escort should yield excellent results.

 

But know what you'll do just in case things go sideways. I never ceased to be amazed by the stuff guys used to post.

 

"Well, he must've been 15 years older and 40 lbs heavier than his ad, But I didn't want to insult him, so I went through with it."

 

"He was finished in like 10 minutes and wanted his money ... and I didn't want any trouble. "

 

"He seemed strung out but I was afraid he'd go nuts, so I went along. "

 

Don't misunderstand- bad occurrences are very unlikely with the right planning. But don't be a victim. The good escorts will tell you that there're a few bad apples out there, and they rely on clients submitting to fear. Physical fear and fear of exposure.

 

I mention preparedness.... mostly, don't be nervous and you'll have a fun time. Most of the guys like people, like giving pleasure, and they'll try to make you happy.

[+ Eric Hassan]

Welcome to the forum, @youngboldone!

 

Hiring can seem scary at first, and it's normal to be nervous when you're planning or even during your time with the guy you choose, even if it's your 100th hire. When someone is feeling anxious/scared/uncertain about hiring (or, really, any situation involving dating and/or sex), I recommend you think about it in terms of going to a restaurant for dinner.

 

When you're thinking about going out for dinner, what might you do?

 

First, you would decide what kind of food you're looking for and when you're looking to go out to dinner. Let's say you're looking for American pub-style food - a burger and fries, for example.

 

Then, you might ask your friends, consult the internet for reviews, and look at menus. You'd look for restaurants that serve things that you think you might like, in a price range that suits your budget, and that is open when you want to eat. After doing your research, you'd have a first choice restaurant, and maybe a backup or two.

 

You call your first choice and say "I'm looking for a reservation for dinner on Tuesday at 7" and you give your name. Maybe you have some questions, and you ask them when you're on the phone ("Do you also serve sweet potato fries?"). Let's say they do serve sweet potato fries they have a table for you on Tuesday at 7. So, you confirm. If the first place you call doesn't serve sweet potato fries and/or doesn't have a table at 7 - you either change your plans or look elsewhere.

 

Tuesday at 7 you are at the restaurant and ready to be seated. You are taken to your table and your waiter greets you and takes your drink order. Then, you look over the menu and see a burger that looks good, but it has mushrooms on it and you don't like mushrooms. And, you want those sweet potato fries! When the waiter comes over, you order your burger cooked medium rare, hold the mushrooms, and substitute the sweet potato fries in lieu of the regular fries. The waiter informs you that there is an additional charge for the sweet potato fries. You agree to this charge, because, to be honest, that's why you're there.

 

Your burger arrives and you eat. Your waiter checks in on you and asks if everything is OK. It is, and you say so. You keep eating until you're full, then you stop - even if you haven't finished. Then, you pay. Then, you leave.

 

I hope the parallel between this situation and hiring is clear, but if not:

 

1. Make sure you're clear about what you want and when you want it.

2. Do your research. Do enough for as long as you need to do it until you've made your choice.

3. Text or email or call the provider. Tell them who you are (give your name) and offer a brief description of what you're looking for and when.

4. Accept the answers you get from the provider. If he's not free and you're flexible, try another time. If he doesn't serve sweet potato fries, and you really want sweet potato fries, move on. Just like it's not personal when a restaurant doesn't serve something you want, it's also not personal when an escort doesn't serve what you want or isn't available when you want, etc.

5. Once you've confirmed an appointment, mark it on your calendar. If you find later that you won't be able to make your appointment, you inform the provider.

6. Clean up and dress for the occasion. You wouldn't go into an American pub not having showered for a few days and wearing a tuxedo. Wash your pits, brush your fangs, throw on a t-shirt and go.

7. Be on time. When a restaurant holds a table for you, they are dedicating space and time and service for you. It's plain rude to be late without communicating. Not showing up at all might mean you never get a reservation again.

8. Tell your provider exactly what you want. If your burger is too rare, let the waiter know. If the sweet potato fries are outstanding, let the waiter know. You have every right to ask for what you want, and no right to complain about things not being to your suiting if you don't speak up. You'd never eat an undercooked burger or food you didn't order, then pay for it, without saying a thing.

9. Pay your bill. Don't pay for things that you didn't receive. Don't pay extra for the sweet potato fries unless you were told ahead of time that there was an extra charge. Leave a tip if you're so moved.

10. Leave. Maybe you had a great time, maybe you had an OK time, maybe the food was good, maybe the sweet potato fries were disappointing. Maybe you want to eat there again, maybe you can't afford to eat there too often, maybe you'd avoid this place like the plague. All of this is just information. It doesn't mean you are bad or good or right or wrong. It doesn't mean the restaurant or the waiter is good or bad or right or wrong. All that happened was that you had dinner and you had an experience. You get to choose whether you eat there again or not, and how often, and what you order.

 

TL; DR - Do your research. Communicate clearly with your provider. Be on time. Enjoy. Pay. Leave.

[youngboldone]

Allow me to explain a little background on myself. I am 44 years old and have been married for 18 (to a man). I love this man. He is my best friend and my soulmate in every sense of the word. I married him knowing that his sex drive was far lower than mine. However, as time has gone on, it has come to the point where we are now living in a companionate marriage. For probably the first decade of our marriage, we had sex about 5 times a year. It all went downhill from there. We haven't been physically intimate in going on three years, and I can count on one hand the number of times we've been physical for the last 7 years. Even when we were physical, I was always the one pushing the boundaries. He never permitted me to try and top him, and he was always reluctant to allow me to bottom. We tried once, and he said it was painful for him, so we aborted the attempt, and we've not tried since. I really am going out of my mind here. I love him. I do not want to divorce him. I cannot imagine my life without him in it, truly. But...as I've hit middle age and I've been thinking a lot about my mortality...I realize the ride on this merry-go-round of life is a short one, and I do not want to die without experiencing all the pleasure that sex has to offer. My libido lately has been off the charts. I've had to masturbate 2-3 times daily just to get the sexual energy out. Yes, we've had conversations before about the difference in our libidos. It is always uncomfortable and has oftentimes led to arguments. He has always had negative body issues and an admittedly low libido. Our conversations about this seem to just peter out and go nowhere. Our age difference of 15 years (I am 44 - he is 59) never really mattered early on in our relationship, but I do wonder if that is a factor in our sexual incompatibility.

 

So...to answer the question about my level of experience, in many ways, as sad as this sounds, I consider myself a virgin, at least when it comes to anal intercourse because I have no real experience to speak of aside from one of two extremely awkward attempts. I am GGG (good, giving, and game) in any way when it comes to sex. It has taken me a while to let go of a lot of my sexual hangups, but I do feel I'm at the point in my life where I am comfortable and uninhibited enough to experience sex in all it's many-splendored glory.

 

I've been wondering about the escort option just to satiate my need. Which is why I posted on here. I thank you all for taking the time to respond to my inquiry and take an interest in my story. I struggle with this every day. At some point, I realize I will just have to break it down for my husband and explain my needs and I guess let the chips fall where they may. He has given me license to get erotic massages and play with other when we are on vacation. In fact, we have played mutually with others while on vacation before (BJs and rimming, but no actual intercourse). I don't know how he would feel, though, if I asked for permission to seek actual intercourse from someone else. Then again, he's not willing to provide it to me. And I know even if he acquiesces, his heart won't truly be in it.

 

I really feel caught between a rock and a hard place. Other than sex, the rest of our relationship is rock solid. Some days I feel foolish and think I don't want to risk blowing up a perfectly good marriage because of carnal desires. Other days I realize those carnal desires are an important ingredient in a marriage, and I realize something is going to have to be done about them eventually.

[+ Eric Hassan]

Allow me to explain a little background on myself. I am 44 years old and have been married for 18 (to a man). I love this man. He is my best friend and my soulmate in every sense of the word. I married him knowing that his sex drive was far lower than mine. However, as time has gone on, it has come to the point where we are now living in a companionate marriage. For probably the first decade of our marriage, we had sex about 5 times a year. It all went downhill from there. We haven't been physically intimate in going on three years, and I can count on one hand the number of times we've been physical for the last 7 years. Even when we were physical, I was always the one pushing the boundaries. He never permitted me to try and top him, and he was always reluctant to allow me to bottom. We tried once, and he said it was painful for him, so we aborted the attempt, and we've not tried since. I really am going out of my mind here. I love him. I do not want to divorce him. I cannot imagine my life without him in it, truly. But...as I've hit middle age and I've been thinking a lot about my mortality...I realize the ride on this merry-go-round of life is a short one, and I do not want to die without experiencing all the pleasure that sex has to offer. My libido lately has been off the charts. I've had to masturbate 2-3 times daily just to get the sexual energy out. Yes, we've had conversations before about the difference in our libidos. It is always uncomfortable and has oftentimes led to arguments. He has always had negative body issues and an admittedly low libido. Our conversations about this seem to just peter out and go nowhere. Our age difference of 15 years (I am 44 - he is 59) never really mattered early on in our relationship, but I do wonder if that is a factor in our sexual incompatibility.

 

So...to answer the question about my level of experience, in many ways, as sad as this sounds, I consider myself a virgin, at least when it comes to anal intercourse because I have no real experience to speak of aside from one of two extremely awkward attempts. I am GGG (good, giving, and game) in any way when it comes to sex. It has taken me a while to let go of a lot of my sexual hangups, but I do feel I'm at the point in my life where I am comfortable and uninhibited enough to experience sex in all it's many-splendored glory.

 

I've been wondering about the escort option just to satiate my need. Which is why I posted on here. I thank you all for taking the time to respond to my inquiry and take an interest in my story. I struggle with this every day. At some point, I realize I will just have to break it down for my husband and explain my needs and I guess let the chips fall where they may. He has given me license to get erotic massages and play with other when we are on vacation. In fact, we have played mutually with others while on vacation before (BJs and rimming, but no actual intercourse). I don't know how he would feel, though, if I asked for permission to seek actual intercourse from someone else. Then again, he's not willing to provide it to me. And I know even if he acquiesces, his heart won't truly be in it.

 

I really feel caught between a rock and a hard place. Other than sex, the rest of our relationship is rock solid. Some days I feel foolish and think I don't want to risk blowing up a perfectly good marriage because of carnal desires. Other days I realize those carnal desires are an important ingredient in a marriage, and I realize something is going to have to be done about them eventually.

 

Wow. Beautifully written.

 

It's clear you love him. I'm guessing he loves you back just as much. You guys have 18 years of history on your side.

 

There's nothing wrong with letting each other off the hook for taking care of every need you ever have for the rest of your lives.

 

You feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. That sucks, but it doesn't have to be that way. You have love. You clearly are an articulate communicator. You've got time under your belt and plenty of time left. I'm certain there's space between you and your husband for change and growth and expansion. I'm also certain that he stands up for your relationship as much as you do.

 

I can't tell you what to do or promise it won't be an awkward or uncomfortable process. I do send you good thoughts. It sounds like you have a wonderful husband and a huge heart. You can't lose here.

[Larstrup]

Allow me to explain a little background on myself. I am 44 years old and have been married for 18 (to a man). I love this man. He is my best friend and my soulmate in every sense of the word. I married him knowing that his sex drive was far lower than mine. However, as time has gone on, it has come to the point where we are now living in a companionate marriage. For probably the first decade of our marriage, we had sex about 5 times a year. It all went downhill from there. We haven't been physically intimate in going on three years, and I can count on one hand the number of times we've been physical for the last 7 years. Even when we were physical, I was always the one pushing the boundaries. He never permitted me to try and top him, and he was always reluctant to allow me to bottom. We tried once, and he said it was painful for him, so we aborted the attempt, and we've not tried since. I really am going out of my mind here. I love him. I do not want to divorce him. I cannot imagine my life without him in it, truly. But...as I've hit middle age and I've been thinking a lot about my mortality...I realize the ride on this merry-go-round of life is a short one, and I do not want to die without experiencing all the pleasure that sex has to offer. My libido lately has been off the charts. I've had to masturbate 2-3 times daily just to get the sexual energy out. Yes, we've had conversations before about the difference in our libidos. It is always uncomfortable and has oftentimes led to arguments. He has always had negative body issues and an admittedly low libido. Our conversations about this seem to just peter out and go nowhere. Our age difference of 15 years (I am 44 - he is 59) never really mattered early on in our relationship, but I do wonder if that is a factor in our sexual incompatibility.

 

So...to answer the question about my level of experience, in many ways, as sad as this sounds, I consider myself a virgin, at least when it comes to anal intercourse because I have no real experience to speak of aside from one of two extremely awkward attempts. I am GGG (good, giving, and game) in any way when it comes to sex. It has taken me a while to let go of a lot of my sexual hangups, but I do feel I'm at the point in my life where I am comfortable and uninhibited enough to experience sex in all it's many-splendored glory.

 

I've been wondering about the escort option just to satiate my need. Which is why I posted on here. I thank you all for taking the time to respond to my inquiry and take an interest in my story. I struggle with this every day. At some point, I realize I will just have to break it down for my husband and explain my needs and I guess let the chips fall where they may. He has given me license to get erotic massages and play with other when we are on vacation. In fact, we have played mutually with others while on vacation before (BJs and rimming, but no actual intercourse). I don't know how he would feel, though, if I asked for permission to seek actual intercourse from someone else. Then again, he's not willing to provide it to me. And I know even if he acquiesces, his heart won't truly be in it.

 

I really feel caught between a rock and a hard place. Other than sex, the rest of our relationship is rock solid. Some days I feel foolish and think I don't want to risk blowing up a perfectly good marriage because of carnal desires. Other days I realize those carnal desires are an important ingredient in a marriage, and I realize something is going to have to be done about them eventually.

 

Just to understand your delima better, was this statement correct as typed?

 

"For probably the first decade of our marriage, we had sex about 5 times a year. It all went downhill from there."

[youngboldone]

Thank you so much, Eric Hassan, for your compassionate and understanding reply. This is not a black-and-white situation I find myself in. You are so correct that my husband is the most loving man I know, so intelligent and full of integrity, and I know he loves me more than I probably deserve. I don't want to wreck this marriage by putting my sexual needs above everything else, yet I also recognize that we have a tendency in this country to shame people for wanting sex and desiring it. I have sublimated my desires for so long, and I really want to live my truth as a gay man in ways I haven't been able to previously. I'd prefer to do it with my husband, but if he's not willing and not really all that interested...I don't know what I'm supposed to do then. I take marriage and my vows seriously, but I'm also a human being with human needs, too. Thanks for being such a perceptive listener, Eric. I appreciate it. You are a stand-up guy!

[youngboldone]

Just to understand your delima better, was this statement correct as typed?

 

"For probably the first decade of our marriage, we had sex about 5 times a year. It all went downhill from there."

Yes, that was a correct assessment of the number of times we've been intimate.

[Mocha]

If someone is thinking about hiring an escort for the first time but is pretty much a novice in every way and scared about what the experience will be like, I'm curious what advice escorts would give that person?

 

Is there anything specifically about the experience you would be afraid of? I know some people feel the idea of bottoming can be scary, though the fantasy of it can be a turn on for them. But at the same time, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do.

 

I always try to make every meet seem normal and unpresssured. You're not going to walk in and see me insta-hard ready to go to town. I know it takes a few minutes to switch gears from initial meeting to full on headboard knocking. So Meet as normal, maybe chat, and soon enough things to get up and running.

[liubit]

Thank you for sharing your experience, @youngboldone, it is a very insightful and heartfelt comment. I am more or less in the same position, in a long term rock-solid relationship for 15 years with a wonderful man (not yet formally married, it is just a question of time). And, just like you, my libido is way, way higher than his, even though I am 12 years older. We had a very intense sexual life for years, but without any warning, it withered and dried up. As of today, we haven't been intimate for over a year.

 

We found the solution to our dilemma in hiring escorts. I had that hobby before meeting him, and I just resumed it. With his consent and, dare I say, his blessing, I hire boys a couple of times a week. That keeps my libido in check, while my emotional needs are totally fulfilled by my boyfriend. Of course, he is welcome to do the same if he so pleases, and he sometimes does. We actually have had "double dates", each one of us having fun with one boy in different rooms at the same time (we tried threesomes but didn't enjoy them). This system of total honesty works for us....

[Racketjock]

Your specifics and situation very closely resemble mine almost 10 years ago now. It is a difficult and challenging place to be in and my hope is that you find peace with your decision and whatever actions taken bring you fulfillment. For me, that involved taking that first step into hiring someone who was well reviewed, was a fit for me/ my needs, and followed a plan that worked for my husband and marriage. Many have given great advice here. I remain thankful for this community and all of its intentions, from catty and sarcastic to well intentioned and sometimes pointed. Everyone deserves happiness and meaning. You have my hopes and well wishes that you find yours.