Straight dudes: Russian vs American hang-ups

[Capitano]

For many straight dudes, m4m sensual massage presents a serious “love the money, hate the job” quandary. Of course, we shouldn’t stereotype because some are able to get past or at least hide their discomfort but, honestly, I have never been eager to go back to a straight masseur, and the experience has often been downright unpleasant. Interestingly, some Americans seem to want to check the “sensuality” box by stroking you but are firmly against getting naked or being touched, whereas many Russians seem comfortable being naked and touched but don’t want to get anywhere near your private parts.

 

To me, the idea of being stroked by someone looking at the ceiling and wishing they were in a space suit is the opposite of sensual. The proposition to “finish myself” in front of a stranger clearly repulsed by me is just demeaning and offensive. Yet, I find the second situation less awkward to diffuse by saying no, even though it still ruins the massage if it happened to be good from the technical standpoint.

 

I am curious to hear other views and experiences with these "Russian" and "American" hang-ups ... and straight masseurs in general.

 

PS I could be weird, I never walk in determined to get whatever sensual, so I never negotiate it upfront, preferring to leave it to the vibe between consenting adults, but straight guys' nervousness about expectations just tend to kill it for me. Relax, dudes! Even better, just advertise under "therapeutic" or mention in your ad "strictly therapeutic" and you'll be fine. But I guess the money you can charge becomes an issue then...

[+ Oaktown]

FYS = Finish YourSelf

[JBrian72]

For many straight dudes, m4m sensual massage presents a serious “love the money, hate the job” quandary. Of course, we shouldn’t stereotype because some are able to get past or at least hide their discomfort but, honestly, I have never been eager to go back to a straight masseur, and the experience has often been downright unpleasant. Interestingly, some Americans seem to want to check the “sensuality” box by stroking you but are firmly against getting naked or being touched, whereas many Russians seem comfortable being naked and touched but don’t want to get anywhere near your private parts.

 

To me, the idea of being stroked by someone looking at the ceiling and wishing they were in a space suit is the opposite of sensual. The proposition to “finish myself” in front of a stranger clearly repulsed by me is just demeaning and offensive. Yet, I find the second situation is less awkward to diffuse by saying no, even though it still ruins the massage if it happened to be good from the technical standpoint.

 

I am curious to hear other views and experiences with these "Russian" and "American" hang-ups ... and straight masseurs in general.

 

PS I could be weird, I never walk in determined to get whatever sensual, so I never negotiate it upfront, preferring to leave it to the vibe between consenting adults, but straight guys' nervousness about expectations just tend to kill it for me. Relax, dudes! Even better, just advertise under "therapeutic" or mention in your ad "strictly therapeutic" and you'll be fine. But I guess the money you can charge becomes an issue then...

I agree with you completely. I have never negotiated any erotica element up front. I want a great deep tissue massage. If, however, I turn over and see a naked man who is showing interest in me (and you know when they're interested! ), then que será será!

[Dmitri]

If what you are refering to is "gay for pay" I don't even bother. I have seen a few masseurs who advertise as "straight" and I just pass them up. Is the fact they are advertising as "straight" supposed to entice me? Or turn me on to be massaged by a straight guy? I don't think so. Everything you said @Capitano I agree with. I would MUCH rather go to a gay masseur who is into it. Not a "straight" masseur who has hang ups and is just in it for the money. I want to be turned on....not turned off....life is way to short!

For many straight dudes, m4m sensual massage presents a serious “love the money, hate the job” quandary. Of course, we shouldn’t stereotype because some are able to get past or at least hide their discomfort but, honestly, I have never been eager to go back to a straight masseur, and the experience has often been downright unpleasant. Interestingly, some Americans seem to want to check the “sensuality” box by stroking you but are firmly against getting naked or being touched, whereas many Russians seem comfortable being naked and touched but don’t want to get anywhere near your private parts.

 

To me, the idea of being stroked by someone looking at the ceiling and wishing they were in a space suit is the opposite of sensual. The proposition to “finish myself” in front of a stranger clearly repulsed by me is just demeaning and offensive. Yet, I find the second situation is less awkward to diffuse by saying no, even though it still ruins the massage if it happened to be good from the technical standpoint.

 

I am curious to hear other views and experiences with these "Russian" and "American" hang-ups ... and straight masseurs in general.

 

PS I could be weird, I never walk in determined to get whatever sensual, so I never negotiate it upfront, preferring to leave it to the vibe between consenting adults, but straight guys' nervousness about expectations just tend to kill it for me. Relax, dudes! Even better, just advertise under "therapeutic" or mention in your ad "strictly therapeutic" and you'll be fine. But I guess the money you can charge becomes an issue then...

[Bayman4Fun]

To me, the idea of being stroked by someone looking at the ceiling and wishing they were in a space suit is the opposite of sensual.

 

Although I wouldn't have used those exact words, after the first time or two, I realized that "happy endings" give me very little happiness. Even at the end of good massages that were an excellent mix of sensual and therapeutic, I found the procedure of a guy standing adjacent the table, watching the clock as session-time winds down, and working me like some factory-task, disappointing.

 

Also, my hand may not be my every-time preferred solution, but if it's going to be a hand, my hand provides superior, customized service; it has decade's of relevant experience, and possesses an uncanny ability to do exactly what's needed.

 

And so I started telling guys that I don't need a happy ending. Told a guy just yesterday in planning a session.

[fratphysicals]

I would say it really depends on the masseur. I've been to two straight masseurs who are excellent at giving a sensual massage. While they both identify as straight and definitely act the part, one gets hard every time while the other doesn't at all. One told me he is genuinely attracted to girls while specifically attracted to getting guys off but nothing beyond that, so possibly Bi or somewhere on that long spectrum. The other genuinely enjoys giving massage and making guys feel good and is indeed 100% straight. He gives a great massage and a solid HE.

[Capitano]

I would say it really depends on the masseur. I've been to two straight masseurs who are excellent at giving a sensual massage. While they both identify as straight and definitely act the part, one gets hard every time while the other doesn't at all. One told me he is genuinely attracted to girls while specifically attracted to getting guys off but nothing beyond that, so possibly Bi or somewhere on that long spectrum. The other genuinely enjoys giving massage and making guys feel good and is indeed 100% straight. He gives a great massage and a solid HE.

 

Interesting! As I said above, I never found a straight masseur worth going back to :-(. I am curious, the straight dude(s) you are referring to, do they get naked with you (I presume at least the one that gets hard does?) and do they mind being touched? I cannot imagine having fun being stroked by someone who is not naked, I need a "level playing field," so to speak, in order to relax and be fully comfortable. If they are not into it, forget it!

[Pstome]

For the most part I agree with the notion of avoiding straight masseurs. However, there was an Aussie I used years ago (but has moved away) that was straight. He even had a girl friend that he traveled and lived with. But I swear he was the number one all time for me. Always naked. Sometimes got hard sometimes didn't. Sensual strokes throughout, inner thighs. He was a physical therapist by trade. Never went beyond mutual touch and HE. But oh how I miss him. I always felt as if I'd had the best hug ever after he left.

[fratphysicals]

Interesting! As I said above, I never found a straight masseur worth going back to :-(. I am curious, the straight dude(s) you are referring to, do they get naked with you (I presume at least the one that gets hard does?) and do they mind being touched? I cannot imagine having fun being stroked by someone who is not naked, I need a "level playing field," so to speak, in order to relax and be fully comfortable. If they are not into it, forget it!

Yes naked and very comfortable with it. The interaction may depend on what the masseur prefers also. I'm on the younger side and in shape so some straight masseurs might be more comfortable with that.

[Kody S]

Ok so here is the deal. I agree with everything @Capitano and others have said. I went to a masseur just this afternoon because I really needed some stress relief. I made that clear up front. But what was also clear is that when I got there, the masseur was straight and his M.O. went something like this: "I have a hot body and I know it. I will strip down, put a cap on backward so I look like a sexy hottie (can we please move on from this?), massage a little while, flip the guy over, have a little play, grin and bear it, and make a few bucks and call it a day. The session was all of 30 minutes of an hour booked. Very frustrating. I think this is what we often face: guys who trade on their hotness without realizing that many of us actually want a very good massage.

 

I have no issues with guys being straight as long as I get what I went for: which is an excellent massage. Much of the time I don't want anything else (sometimes I do). It's like trying to negotiate a car deal when you really don't need or want the extra bells and whistles because a) it's more than you can afford and b) its not what you really need and c) it's cool but not that cool.

 

Personally, I'm at the place where I would like to have a small cadre of tried and trusted masseurs who know what I need and we understand each other. That takes time to develop of course and it takes a bit of exploring to find that. All of this is a continuous learning experience it seems, n'est-ce-pas?

[Guest EdInDC]

Going back to the original post, I have noticed that eastern european massage therapist (Russians, Ukranians, Bulgarians, even Slovakians) tend to be a little prudish. There is something about the culture that makes that last extra step of touching genitalia a little taboo.

[Kody S]

I think you are right, and I'm also wondering if it is because they are straight and know they can make money trading on their looks?

[Guest EdInDC]

I think that is part of the problem. Next time I meet up with a slav friend, I'll ask about that. I'm sure there is a cultural root to that issue.

[Capitano]

I find it interesting that, at least in my sample, the incidence of "the American hang up" among straight American masseurs is equal to the incidence of "the Russian hang up" among straight Russians masseurs. It could be that the second are uptight about what they choose to do, as this would somehow "make them gay," whereas the state of being nude and even touched is not a big deal, as it is "passive" and nudity is more accepted in the media and on the beaches anyway. Americans, on the other hand, could associate and justify whatever they do with their hands as "part of the job," whereas nudity is more of a taboo and associated with choice, which again, may "make them more gay." Touching (and kissing) among men is also more of a taboo in America than in Europe, which still somehow manages to be more homophobic, with the exception of Northern Europe. Of course I am probably way off but it's fun to theorize

[Kody S]

@Capitano I think you are right on point in your analysis. Your passive / active reading has much merit and is a valuable insight.

[AquaNYC]

If what you are refering to is "gay for pay" I don't even bother. I have seen a few masseurs who advertise as "straight" and I just pass them up. Is the fact they are advertising as "straight" supposed to entice me? Or turn me on to be massaged by a straight guy? I don't think so. Everything you said @Capitano I agree with. I would MUCH rather go to a gay masseur who is into it. Not a "straight" masseur who has hang ups and is just in it for the money. I want to be turned on....not turned off....life is way to short!

Completely agree - my preference is to support gay masseurs (regardless if interactive or not - I've actually never had an interactive or sensual massage).

[marylander1940]

FYS = Finish YourSelf

 

so far I'm the best jerking off myself... I just know how it feels better on me.

 

and NO, I'm not a massage kind of person.

[BoyBerlin]

I will be honest... Of course there is something erotic about a hot straight guy masseur and/or escort.. I have been with tons of both. What I don't like is when they think they are doing their job just by kinda just being there and looking hot. The key here is negotiating exactly what you want and how much it is going to cost upfront. Also, I find if its a professional who has been doing it for a while its pretty good. If its some guy who has just done this once or twice for like beer money he is going to be uncomfortable and it will have an effect on the over massage performance. This post was about massages so I will keep it to that..Have also hired quite a few Gay4pay escorts and can share my experiences and how I get what I want from them if you want...

[HungBill]

I had a horrible Brazilian straight guy body builder in Houston who kept saying "I like pussy as he stroked my inner thigh after a mediocre massage in the back of a women's hair salon. Then i had wonderful Russian muscular straight guy in Miami who gave a great massage and then gave me a superb slow handjob while letting me lick his blond balls so it varies

[BoyBerlin]

@HungBill: I have had very similar experiences. It just really depends. Its luck of the draw I guess.

[HungBill]

I kind of like not knowing what to expect

[Guest InthePines]

Personally, I'm at the place where I would like to have a small cadre of tried and trusted masseurs who know what I need and we understand each other. That takes time to develop of course and it takes a bit of exploring to find that. All of this is a continuous learning experience it seems, n'est-ce-pas?

 

I'm in the same place. The money should be in lieu of drama and the majority of those who mislead in their marketing are travelers. The goal for me is three or four local masseurs, for my preferred guys almost always accommodate on my timeline and it only gets better with every repeated massage.

[Kody S]

I actually had a masseur (who seemed clearly gay to me) ask me if I was gay during the massage (as if he thought I was straight---but what would I be there if I was straight, probably not, but who knows)? But it demonstrated that there is some anxiety on both sides that needs to be negotiated at times. I prefer to leave things to the vibe between masseur and client. But when that vibe is confusing the whole experience goes south pretty fast.

[LookingAround]

I used to see two masseurs one at a time who were identical twins. Saw them a lot in a spa. They were Russian and would give an extremely sensual massage except I'd always have to jerk myself off. They wouldn't touch my cock. They would spend endless time on my inner thighs and rub my balls when I stroked myself. I got to know them quite well. I knew them very well so once I said to the twin I went to more often "would you jerk me off at the end?" He politely replied they would do anything short of that including stripping to their underwear. I thought to myself "you've rubbed my ass my inner thighs and my balls but you won't touch my cock." Never went to them again.

[+ 7829V]

can share my experiences and how I get what I want from them if you want.

yes please, I'm listening and taking notes