Can I Charge My Escort

[Chuckball]

I hired an escort through RM. In the course of conversation it came up that the escort was experiencing some difficulties that I, as a professional, could assist him with. The matter has continued several months and is becoming more complicated. I originally said I would assist as a favor but without fee. I do not intend to bill for my assistance but would it be OK to ask for an overnight or some free services in return? I really like this guy and I don't want it to appear that our relationship is totally monetary. Maybe I should just wait for him to offer.

[+ poolboy48220]

You could at least let him know that the services you're providing have started to go beyond the "favor for a friend" point, and see if he offers anything in return.

[Spencer L]

how much do you usually charge, how much does he charge, if you both conduct service to each other at the time, then make adjustment. that's the most rational solution I can think of.

 

But if you lust for him and want to help him, then just don't expect payback as you are helping others...

[+ purplekow]

If you said that you would help him as a favor without fee than you either need to do that or you need to tell him that his issue has gotten more complex and that it will require more work than you initially considered. I would then give him an estimate of the time and effort and the likely cost of the additional work.

If you intend make good on your favor, then you should just do that.

If you want some sort of payment, you need to tell him, give him an estimate of the cost and give him an option of having someone else take over.

You made your bed, do not expect him to lie in it.

[Courage]

I really like this guy and I don't want it to appear that our relationship is totally monetary. Maybe I should just wait for him to offer.

 

I can't answer as an escort, but professional favors and/or doing business with friends and family have bitten me badly over the years. I routinely avoid.

[+ Funguy]

I have often bartered my services with escorts and others. IF what they want involves an outlay of $ on my part - then it's what my cost is (as opposed to my charge) v. their charge. I use my cost because my charge can be quite high depending and we work it out.

 

For my professional help/consultation I don't charge my escort friends. It has NEVER been abused and it is ALWAYS appreciated, shown in many ways.

[+ Eric Hassan]

I hired an escort through RM. In the course of conversation it came up that the escort was experiencing some difficulties that I, as a professional, could assist him with. The matter has continued several months and is becoming more complicated. I originally said I would assist as a favor but without fee. I do not intend to bill for my assistance but would it be OK to ask for an overnight or some free services in return? I really like this guy and I don't want it to appear that our relationship is totally monetary. Maybe I should just wait for him to offer.

 

I think if you'd like to help this guy out, it might best be done by guiding him in the right direction and/or referring him to a trusted colleague - IF he asks for your assistance. You've got a business relationship with him already, and though you might feel happy, warm feelings towards this guy, I think you'll find it's best to keep the lines and boundaries as clear and uncomplicated as possible.

[BaronArtz]

It always amazes me that so many people, myself included, simply cannot express their true feelings and thoughts to a friend or a loved one. Truth and honesty are an elusive concept ...

[Chuckball]

I like Eric Hassan's advice but I wonder if he means I should not have made the offer in the first place. Even if my escort were not to offer a free service I would continue to be pleased to help him out. What I want comment on is if an escort would feel I was being inappropriate if I were to suggest a free service from the escort is uncalled for.

[+ nycman]

Can you CHARGE?...yes.

 

Will he PAY?.....no.

[MikeyGMin]

You're basically giving him a gift -- the favor. I understand that the gift is turning out to be more expensive then you realized, but you'd still be trying to turn that gift into a quid pro quo situation after the fact. I know that I would be very uncomfortable doing that to someone I like and wouldn't be surprised if he was a little taken aback.

 

It would be different if you had suggested a barter when the topic first came up. That kind of suggestion, made with a smile and a twinkle in your eye, might have been well received and been a win-win for both of you. But that ship has probably sailed.

 

Only you know what you value more -- the pleasant arrangement you have with this guy or the time it is taking you to complete the favor. Chances are that he will resent the request. The question is, are you going to resent him if you don't?

[hornytwells]

I think if it was offered as a gift initially then it should remain so, but you might want to mention that now its going beyond that in terms of your time, so you would either need to professionally charge for your time/rate or possibly consider a trade off.......it's hard to know how to advise without knowing what you initially offered, but I think its only fair that he shouldnt expect this to continue indefinitely

[LivingnLA]

As usual, @Eric Hassan provides thoughtful and wise advice.

 

My two cents: I've bartered my professional services over the years with many other professionals (doctors, lawyers, dentists, etc.) but it was all clearly a business relationship first and foremost and the bartering was just another form of payment in lieu of cash.

 

A client escort relationship is somewhat more complicated because of the physically intimate aspects that may lead to emotional aspects as well. Since you said you'd help as a favor, I would say, take a step back and assess what you've done so far. Do a short and sweet summary of "the problem," what you've done so far, and what remains to be done. Be open and honest without being harsh or accusatory. Just say it's bigger and more complex than you anticipated and that you'd like to refer him to a trusted professional who can help him more effectively than you can in your spare time. If he asks to still work with you, explain how you'd need to charge him so you can carve out the time and resources necessary to treat him well and resolve "the problem" in a way that's in his best interest.

[LivingnLA]

@Chuckball, another option is to just bring your summary (that I mentioned above) and instead of suggesting you want to refer him, you can ask him what he thinks is fair as a next step given how much more complicated "the problem" seems to be now. If he sees the work you've done, appreciates it, and values your time, perhaps he'll suggest paying you, bartering, or something else.

 

Again, the key point here is this: a client / escort relationship is first and foremost a business relationship. As with all relationships, it's open to renegotiation, especially as the commitments and requirements change. Yes, you may have feelings for him and he may have feelings for you, but if you keep "doing this favor" without some form of compensation, your feelings are going to morph into resentment, anger, and more.

[Bearofdistinction]

You could at least let him know that the services you're providing have started to go beyond the "favor for a friend" point, and see if he offers anything in return.

 

 

Just Steel his car!

[Zapped]

Concurring with others above, you could frame it along the lines of, "It's been my pleasure to assist you with this so far. It's taking more time than we anticipated, and to continue further I would need to charge you as part of my professional practice. I could also refer you to someone else." Then if he wants to suggest a trade, he can.

 

Generally though, these barter things get awkward when they are part of another relationship (as others have pointed out). The cleanest thing would be for you to pay him his rate for his time, and for him to pay you your rate for yours. Or to not have a dual professional relationship.

[+ BigRic]

On the one hand, I like what @MikeyGMin and @LivingnLA have said so far (posts 11, 13 and 15; especially Mikey's comment about how the ship has likely sailed on the best way to have handled this, namely suggestion of barter from the beginning; but I also understand the escort's issue has become more complicated with time).

 

But on the other, @Chuckball, I've read your original post a couple of times and it seems to me that the devil is in the details that you might not be comfortable providing (either herein or via PM). For instance, how long have you been seeing this escort and how many sessions have you done with him? Any overnights or trips together? How disparate is your hourly rate for professional services from his? Part of my reason for asking is that it's a potentially important distinction if you just started seeing this escort versus if you've known each other for years.

 

Having said that . . .

 

What I want comment on is if an escort would feel I was being inappropriate if I were to suggest a free service from the escort is uncalled for.

 

Short answer: Yes. Inappropriate.

 

And not because it would always be "inappropriate" to do so. Rather, it's because of the way this situation came to be: You made an offer of assistance. You like the guy ("Danger, Will Robinson!" I think the five most telling words about how to proceed in your post are "I really like this guy"), so much so that you are hitting the forum to quarterback the situation/seek advice. I'm not tryna make you feel bad. But I agree with Living when he says this can morph into anger and resentment quickly.

 

Here's a tough question: Don't you think your guy can also see that his situation has become more complicated? Why has he not, as the lawyers say, "in an abundance of caution" come to you and proactively asked whether you are still okay with helping him even though the mess is hotter than originally anticipated? Not that this is happening but, don't let your fondness of the guy occlude your assessment of what to do.

 

I suggest you stop the pro bono work for him. Do not ask him to see you for free. Per what @Eric Hassan and Living said, refer him to a colleague of yours. Then continue to enjoy hiring him. He arguably either doesn't respect your time or perhaps doesn't think/understand the issue is as complicated as you do or he would have brought up a barter situation already. I bet you the cost of a session with him that you've already put more thought into the situation than he has.

 

Or maybe I'm all wet and too by the book. It's like the argument between Lt. Saavik and Cpt. Kirk in Star Trek II: Starfleet regulations don't always allow for the more ingenious responses to the Kobayashi Maru scenario. I have a popular escort acquaintance who is the benefactor of some Big Time Favors from well-heeled clients. I've little doubt some of those emerged out of situations not unlike this, the "hazy shade of gay gray" as another acquaintance of mine calls it. Haha.