Bondage escorts

[LivingnLA]

VERY FRUSTRATING as a DOM TOP, too. BECAUSE, you get a bottom escort that says he is into it and so you call to tell them you are a DOM TOP and are they experienced as a sub, and they say yes. You get to the appt, start Dominating them slowly, and they freak out in the first few minutes...

 

OR, after the session, they email or text you and say 'I am not comfortable with what you did the other night. I let it go on because I know you were paying for the hour with me but you really need to tell someone EVERYTHING you are going to do to them."

 

As a DOM, I never tell a boy / sub fully what I am going to do them. VERY frustrating when you have PAID for the service!

 

That's surprising to me. Are you a Sadist Dom? I can do and enjoy sadism, but I'm always coming from the tough love side of the spectrum. BDSM is where I learned how critically important informed enthusiastic consent was for a great scene. As a Dominant, the way I learned and practice to this day, is informed consent to insure that no one is abused or assaulted. It's one thing with a sub that you know and who knows you, but with a brand new sub that you've never played with before, I would think a clear conversation about the themes and no-fly-zones along with how communication should go would be important to a great time for everyone. Pushing boundaries can be alot of fun, but part of the responsibility I've learned as a Dominant, is taking care of the emotional, mental, and physical well-being of my sub during a scene. For those subs who want to explore boundary pushing, non-con play, or other challenging scenes, I make sure there's clear agreement and I also plan for the necessary after care.

 

Recently, a curious guy was referred by a buddy. I'd love to know how that conversation went. He wanted to be spanked hard repeatedly until he was bruised for days without bleeding or broken skin, to use his own words. We discussed communication, the scene, his health, meds, and the like to understand how it would all go. During the after care, he thanked me for knowing what he needed even when he thought he wanted more. A few days later, he again thanked me for everything and asked if he could suck me off next time. I haven't decided yet if he'll be good enough to see my cock, let alone touch or suck it.

[Todd Jenkins]

That's surprising to me. Are you a Sadist Dom? I can do and enjoy sadism, but I'm always coming from the tough love side of the spectrum. BDSM is where I learned how critically important informed enthusiastic consent was for a great scene. As a Dominant, the way I learned and practice to this day, is informed consent to insure that no one is abused or assaulted. It's one thing with a sub that you know and who knows you, but with a brand new sub that you've never played with before, I would think a clear conversation about the themes and no-fly-zones along with how communication should go would be important to a great time for everyone. Pushing boundaries can be alot of fun, but part of the responsibility I've learned as a Dominant, is taking care of the emotional, mental, and physical well-being of my sub during a scene. For those subs who want to explore boundary pushing, non-con play, or other challenging scenes, I make sure there's clear agreement and I also plan for the necessary after care.

 

Recently, a curious guy was referred by a buddy. I'd love to know how that conversation went. He wanted to be spanked hard repeatedly until he was bruised for days without bleeding or broken skin, to use his own words. We discussed communication, the scene, his health, meds, and the like to understand how it would all go. During the after care, he thanked me for knowing what he needed even when he thought he wanted more. A few days later, he again thanked me for everything and asked if he could suck me off next time. I haven't decided yet if he'll be good enough to see my cock, let alone touch or suck it.

 

I am actually referring to ONE particular case. I talked to the hired escort several times to go over the kinds of things I wanted to do and how far his limits were. But I always got the feeling he was 'half paying attention' to our conversations and when I met him in another city – that I traveled to just to see him for a WEEKEND!!!!!!!! – it became clearly evident that he had paid small attention to what I had said in the phone conversations.

 

He skipped out on the weekend, and only charged me a few hundred. He told me 'you never told me about all of this stuff' and I said 'yes, MOST CERTAINLY DID, you must not have been paying attention because this all is EXACTLY what I am into and I have ALWAYS been VERY upfront.'

 

This is the only time I have really had a bad experience with such a detailed scene. I think it's easy for these tough muscle men to say 'whatever you wanna do, you are paying for it and I can take it' and then when it happens, they aren't as mentally or physically strong as they THOUGHT they were.

[LivingnLA]

I think it's easy for these tough muscle men to say 'whatever you wanna do, you are paying for it and I can take it' and then when it happens, they aren't as mentally or physically strong as they THOUGHT they were.

 

That's a very good point and actually one of my favorite parts when the session is about pushing limits and boundaries. I tend to approach it obliquely so they rarely tap out and end up pushing beyond where they thought their limits were. It's not something that can be done all in one session. Sounds like you were with someone who doesn't even really understand BDSM. They probably just checked the box because they thought they'd get more clients and, like you said, could handle it.

[+ m_writer]

Sometimes you can describe EXACTLY what you want to do, and they may still don't realize it until they get into it.

 

Example: one respected escort I asked if he was willing to be bound, gagged, and light breath play with a pillow. He agreed. I asked him on the day we met again if he had any concerns and explained what I would do. He said he had no issues with it.

 

After tying him up and fondling him, I then got the pillow, but after two times, he gave the signal to quit and started shaking. Even after untying him and dressing, he was still trembling and asked to stop and cut our session short.

 

I told him I understood and that I would just pay for the time allotted. He agreed, and I pointed out to him that I said I was going to hold a pillow over his face and have him struggle with me on top. He admitted that he didn't really think of it and that he didn't read it completely. Plus, in his mind, a pillow wasn't really that dangerous and he felt he could handle it.

 

The way he was trembling afterwards made me realize that from now on, I should be explicit, but the problem is unless I have a video of it, I'm not sure how much more in detail I can be.

 

Sometimes it can't be helped. I met some great escorts who are definitely into being tied up, and some who aren't. But as annoying as it is, I have to respect that if they get into a situation and realize they're in over their head, they are allowed to change their mind midway. And I have to respect that as part of "Consent 101".

[MrMattBig]

Sometimes you can describe EXACTLY what you want to do, and they may still don't realize it until they get into it.

 

Example: one respected escort I asked if he was willing to be bound, gagged, and light breath play with a pillow. He agreed. I asked him on the day we met again if he had any concerns and explained what I would do. He said he had no issues with it.

 

After tying him up and fondling him, I then got the pillow, but after two times, he gave the signal to quit and started shaking. Even after untying him and dressing, he was still trembling and asked to stop and cut our session short.

 

I told him I understood and that I would just pay for the time allotted. He agreed, and I pointed out to him that I said I was going to hold a pillow over his face and have him struggle with me on top. He admitted that he didn't really think of it and that he didn't read it completely. Plus, in his mind, a pillow wasn't really that dangerous and he felt he could handle it.

 

The way he was trembling afterwards made me realize that from now on, I should be explicit, but the problem is unless I have a video of it, I'm not sure how much more in detail I can be.

 

Sometimes it can't be helped. I met some great escorts who are definitely into being tied up, and some who aren't. But as annoying as it is, I have to respect that if they get into a situation and realize they're in over their head, they are allowed to change their mind midway. And I have to respect that as part of "Consent 101".

Not sure of the length of time or how he was bound, but with breath play I usually keep a rule of a quick 10 count (5-7 seconds) in mind and then gradually progress, while still allowing the other person to intervene, even if just rolling over to their side. Discussing the length of time and severity, as well as demonstrating on yourself once in person before you start could help. Hope your next venture into this play space is more successful!

[LivingnLA]

Sometimes you can describe EXACTLY what you want to do, and they may still don't realize it until they get into it.

 

Example: one respected escort I asked if he was willing to be bound, gagged, and light breath play with a pillow. He agreed. I asked him on the day we met again if he had any concerns and explained what I would do. He said he had no issues with it.

 

After tying him up and fondling him, I then got the pillow, but after two times, he gave the signal to quit and started shaking. Even after untying him and dressing, he was still trembling and asked to stop and cut our session short.

 

I told him I understood and that I would just pay for the time allotted. He agreed, and I pointed out to him that I said I was going to hold a pillow over his face and have him struggle with me on top. He admitted that he didn't really think of it and that he didn't read it completely. Plus, in his mind, a pillow wasn't really that dangerous and he felt he could handle it.

 

The way he was trembling afterwards made me realize that from now on, I should be explicit, but the problem is unless I have a video of it, I'm not sure how much more in detail I can be.

 

Sometimes it can't be helped. I met some great escorts who are definitely into being tied up, and some who aren't. But as annoying as it is, I have to respect that if they get into a situation and realize they're in over their head, they are allowed to change their mind midway. And I have to respect that as part of "Consent 101".

 

That sort of breathplay is intense even for an established connection. Expecting a complete stranger to handle it with another stranger feels like a stretch to me. Something that's much more rare than our porn fantasies suggest. Human psychology doesn't work that way unless we're talking about a real masochist sub, often with fetishes around death, rape, and unconsciousness. Another possibility would be a sub who's an extreme risktaker or thrillseeker. It's important not to underestimate how much anxiety and fear is tied up with meeting a stranger in this "profession." People have been physically assaulted, raped, robbed, and killed.

 

I think you're smart to be explicit going forward. Hypothetically speaking, if I were to want a breathplay session with someone brand new, I would be very explicit about it to make sure they understood what they were getting into and also make sure they understand if they have any potential triggers. If someone's every been assaulted before, restrained against their will, or felt completely helpless against their will, then this could trigger them. Doing it within the bounds of the legality of this profession could be a discussion about favorite porn. Find some breathplay videos on the Internet that show what you're thinking and share them so they have a clear picture of what you're into.

[+ m_writer]

I think you're smart to be explicit going forward. Hypothetically speaking, if I were to want a breathplay session with someone brand new, I would be very explicit about it to make sure they understood what they were getting into and also make sure they understand if they have any potential triggers. If someone's every been assaulted before, restrained against their will, or felt completely helpless against their will, then this could trigger them. Doing it within the bounds of the legality of this profession could be a discussion about favorite porn. Find some breathplay videos on the Internet that show what you're thinking and share them so they have a clear picture of what you're into.

 

Thank you but the thing is, I did explain to him what I was going to do. I told him I would tie him spread-eagled with rope and padded restraints around his ankles and wrists so he wouldn't get rope burn. I told him he would be gagged with a cloth. And I told him I would hold a pillow over his face for 30 seconds, then allow 30 seconds for him to breathe and catch his breath, and alternate over and over. I also told him the safety signal (snapping his fingers) and that I would be on top of him, straddling him so I could feel his muscles and he struggled and groaned.

 

He listened to me explain it on the day of my session and he said he was good. I'm not sure how much more I could have described it. But you did raise a point about asking if they had any potential triggers. I didn't think about asking that before. But I did explain this word for word in the paragraph above. Except for a video, I'm not sure what else I could have done.

 

But in the subject of this e-mail, I reiterate that bondage escorts may not be exactly into bondage as they claim and we may end up disappointed, but I had to remind myself that professional relationship or not, I should stop because he asked to stop and cut the session short. As disappointing as it is, escorts can change their minds and we should let them if that's the case.

[MrMattBig]

Thank you but the thing is, I did explain to him what I was going to do. I told him I would tie him spread-eagled with rope and padded restraints around his ankles and wrists so he wouldn't get rope burn. I told him he would be gagged with a cloth. And I told him I would hold a pillow over his face for 30 seconds, then allow 30 seconds for him to breathe and catch his breath, and alternate over and over. I also told him the safety signal (snapping his fingers) and that I would be on top of him, straddling him so I could feel his muscles and he struggled and groaned.

 

He listened to me explain it on the day of my session and he said he was good. I'm not sure how much more I could have described it. But you did raise a point about asking if they had any potential triggers. I didn't think about asking that before. But I did explain this word for word in the paragraph above. Except for a video, I'm not sure what else I could have done.

 

But in the subject of this e-mail, I reiterate that bondage escorts may not be exactly into bondage as they claim and we may end up disappointed, but I had to remind myself that professional relationship or not, I should stop because he asked to stop and cut the session short. As disappointing as it is, escorts can change their minds and we should let them if that's the case.

I think you were more or less fine on the explanations in this scenario, but the 30 second expectation was definitely off. This is why it's important to be aware of the body as well as psychological triggers. On the low average humans breath every 5 seconds. This is why I follow a quick 10 count, because this would relatively stay within a subconscious 3 strike situation (missing 3 respirations that would have otherwise happened, I believe social constructs of certain situations have a subconscious influence on others)

It also takes a minute or less to drown, so to deprive someone of breathing for half that time, even if not fully forcefully, is probably not the best idea. Start smaller, build up and check in in-between, and I'm sure better outcomes for both parties will follow.

[LivingnLA]

@m_writer, please take what @MrMattBig wrote to heart. He's dead on in his thinking around breathplay with someone new. His suggested protocol and the importance of being aware of the sub's physical body are critical to a successful session for both of you. This was an initial session, yes? It's critical to start with baby steps and build the session. You have to get the sub physically and psychologically to trust you and since you're doing it as strangers and in one session, following the protocol @MrMattBig spells out is probably your best bet. Good luck!

[Chad Constantine]

That sort of breathplay is intense even for an established connection. Expecting a complete stranger to handle it with another stranger feels like a stretch to me. Something that's much more rare than our porn fantasies suggest. Human psychology doesn't work that way unless we're talking about a real masochist sub, often with fetishes around death, rape, and unconsciousness. Another possibility would be a sub who's an extreme risktaker or thrillseeker. It's important not to underestimate how much anxiety and fear is tied up with meeting a stranger in this "profession." People have been physically assaulted, raped, robbed, and killed.

 

I think you're smart to be explicit going forward. Hypothetically speaking, if I were to want a breathplay session with someone brand new, I would be very explicit about it to make sure they understood what they were getting into and also make sure they understand if they have any potential triggers. If someone's every been assaulted before, restrained against their will, or felt completely helpless against their will, then this could trigger them. Doing it within the bounds of the legality of this profession could be a discussion about favorite porn. Find some breathplay videos on the Internet that show what you're thinking and share them so they have a clear picture of what you're into.

 

Since tied and bound are synonymous then which of these two are worse and would cause more anxiety and fear? I would have thought it would have been the autoerotic asphyxiation that would be the trigger for anxiety or fear. Though like you say I dont know how anyone wouldnt get freaked out especially when it's the first time your meeting them unless they have lost all sense of self-preservation.

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