Last Minute Cancellation? Do I have right to upset?

[madjim]

Hi, I am a regular client with an escort. Who I have recently seen four times in just three weeks. We also had two more dates planned and a weekend trip (2 days) in early December.

'

He suggested that we meet up after Thanksgiving because he is house setting and there was a nice soft bed. I hadn't plan on it but decided to because it sounded fun. After moving my plans around to meet up since we planned about a week ahead - he text me fours out saying he was wiped from yesterday and to let's meet the following date that was pre-planned.

 

I got pissed because I went out of my way to meet to have him cancel on me last minute especially when we had all these dates planned. And the reason was he was "wiped out"?!

 

Seriously do I have a right to be pissed and should I cancelled the weekend trip all together?

 

I already cancelled the next date. When I did, he immediately ask if we were still on for the weekend.

[AdamSmith]

Seriously do I have a right to be pissed and should I cancelled the weekend trip all together?

 

I already cancelled the next date. When I did, he immediately ask if we were still on for the weekend.

If you get upset this easily by the vagaries of other human beings, you should not be seeing escorts at all.

[MikeyGMin]

Seriously do I have a right to be pissed and should I cancelled the weekend trip all together?

 

It's your dime. I think almost anyone would be annoyed, but is one cancellation -- with notice -- a complete deal breaker for you? It sounds like an over-reaction if this is someone you have had many pleasant experiences with, but if you are going to be angry or resentful on your next date, then maybe you should cancel. That doesn't sound like much fun for either of you.

 

Again, it's your dime, but I would suggest you really examine your motives for wanting to cancel. If it's because you simply never want to see him again, that's one thing, but if you think you are going to somehow punish him or teach him a lesson then you are probably very mistaken.

[LADoug1]

You've seen him several times and it was pleasurable. Give the guy a break.

[jawjateck]

Probably a tad of an outsized reaction on your part. I assure you that if you do this hobby long enough and with diversity in companion selection, this is far from the worst experience you will encounter. Moderating your disappointment here will help you to properly handle future, perhaps more grievous, slights.

[+ Truereview]

Time is one of my non-negotiables.

My time is my most precious resource.

I hire for convenience - sex on my terms/time table.

Otherwise, I would just save me a ton of money,

and just maintain a group of unreliable fuckbuddies.

 

For regulars, I do give a pass on the first cancellation - shit happens.

However, there is no second chance.

Same applies to tardiness. Longest wait-time I give regulars is 15 minutes.

My regulars know time is my pet-peeve. I discuss it upfront when I ask

someone to become my regular. They know what they are signing up for.

So far, in 10 years, I've had maybe a couple of cancellations and a handful

of tardy arrivals. Not bad in my eyes.

 

Now, @madjim, I treat this issue of cancellations and tardiness with

detachment. It keeps my heart from getting in the way of rational thinking.

My question to you: Did he hurt your feelings more than your time table?

You don't have to answer that here, but if your feelings were hurt, maybe it is

good for you to take a breather from this guy.

[down_to_business]

You have the right to feel any way you want to feel. If the shoe was on the other foot and you cancelled 4 hours out on him, I doubt seriously you would be getting near the same reactions ..to just mitigate your expectations etc. He would probably never speak to you again and people here would call you every bad name on the planet.

 

What you need to decide for yourself is if you can let this go and enjoy the weekend you have booked with this escort or not. If yes or no, then you have an easy answer. If you aren't sure, then you have some difficult internal soul searching to do.

 

For me, I would need to make sure he was respectful of my time and did not take me for granted. That is one thing I will not put up with for anyone.

 

All the best to you with whatever you decide.

[+ Topseed]

Truereview, I like your forthright style.

[LookingAround]

He felt comfortable being honest with you. He said he was really tired. Try to be a little understanding. He isn't a robot or blow up doll.

[+ ArVaGuy]

He had the temerity to contact you in advance to say he was "wiped out" i.e., "tired". Like many of us he may have had a full day of festivities and was worn out from the experience. He was thoughtful enough to contact you and ask to reschedule.

 

Would you rather he had gone forward with the appointment when he was too "wiped out" to perform at an optimal level? It seems to me that he cared enough about your experience with him that he wanted to be at his best.

 

You on the other hand have reacted in a less caring and considerate manner. It's all about you and your inconvenience. Had he failed to perform well due to being "wiped out" no doubt you'd take offense to that as well.

 

There's plenty of guys who would have gone through the motions simply to get the fee. Your guy could have easily done the same. He saved you money by forgoing that appointment even with just a few hours notice. He placed the long term relationship ahead of short term monetary gain.

 

You repay that consideration with a rant about your petty inconveniences. I agree you are entitled to feel any way you wish about this situation. It's your time and money after all. But keep in mind that escort is a human being and not some machine that exists solely for your personal pleasure. He's entitled to determine when he sees a client and provides services.

[mike carey]

@ArVaGuy, I think you were being unnecessarily harsh. @madjim catalogued his reaction and asked if he was being unreasonable. I agree with you that he was being too harsh and should have cut the escort some slack. So the answer to Jim's question is yes you are being unreasonable but your reaction is understandable. As you said, the escort backed out because he knew he would not be at his best. Having rejigged his schedule for the meeting at the escort's suggestion Jim has a right to be upset. However, I take Jim's post as being a question not a self-indulgent rant, he is aking for advice about how he should react. My advice, Jim, would be to ignore this incident and base your future interactions with the escort on the successful meetings you've had, and hope that both of you have learned from this event.

[+ Truereview]

But keep in mind that escort is a human being and not some machine that exists solely for your personal pleasure. He's entitled to determine when he sees a client and provides services.

My advice, Jim, would be to ignore this incident and base your future interactions with the escort on the successful meetings you've had, and hope that both of you have learned from this event.

Excellent points, and to me, the minute an escort accepts an appointment he is also responsible to keep it,

and make whatever sacrifices he needs to ensure he is at his best for it. That's why I hire a professional.

Being "wiped out," to me, is a lame and immature excuse. Frankly, it makes me wonder if he is testing

the client's limits. I applaud the sincerity, but had he done that to me, he would have heard exactly what I thought.

I think we (as clients or escorts) often fall prey to our niceness. Confronting folks is not a bad thing if done respectfully.

In all relationships (biz/personal), we need to hold each other accountable to high standards.

To me, holding each other accountable to high standards yields high value, high impact outcomes.

When I know my regular is going to move mountains to meet his commitment, I respond in kind or better.

I do believe the more concerning issue here is that Jim may be acting a bit passive aggressive.

Just talk to the guy and share with him the impact of his cancellation. Then, take it from there.

[mike carey]

Excellent points, and to me, the minute an escort accepts an appointment he is also responsible to keep it,

Good points TR, and I would say to Jim ignore but don't forget. By all means proceed for now as if nothing had happened, but say that he had adjusted his plans to meet, and if anything like this happens again, that is the end of it.

[+ Truereview]

Good points TR, and I would say to Jim ignore but don't forget. By all means proceed for now as if nothing had happened...

But something did happen. Jim is pissed!

Ignore but not forget is one way to deal with.

Another way is to be pissed and act passive aggressively.

Discuss the impact, forgive, and not forget is another way.

Fuck, life is full of choices. There's never a perfect choice.

The best choice is the one you can best live with!

[jjkrkwood]

Yes you have a right to be pissed, but keep in mind being a client is NOT ownership. Escorts have lives too, and things come up, even at the last minute that may take priority over YOU.

 

If you enjoy his companionship, stew for a hot minute and vent, and then let it go. Think if your anger is worth risking the relationship you've already established and obviously enjoyed..

[LookingAround]

It's clear why some guys need to hire because they don't know how to behave in or maintain a real relationship.

[madjim]

Thanks everyone for your input and advice. I really appeciate @mike carey @Truereview @ArVaGuy @down_to_business @jawjateck .

 

I was posting a question on my initial reaction - and whether I over-reacted.

 

My thoughts were I have commited to being his regular and have always been respectful. I realized he is human and that things happen - that's life. That's why I tried to be understanding but this is the second time. And the fact he makes me plan all of our dates and doesn't meet last minute or same day - I know he values time. I appreciate he was "tired" and didn't want to meet to not be 100% - but he was the one who suggested it. My reaction isn't because I'm emotionally attached. Quite the opposite - from a CLIENT/PROFESSIONAL point of view - did I over-react about time/money and commitment?

 

I really do enjoy spending time with him and out of all escorts available - he is probably the one I enjoy most - but I don't know if I want to be a regular to someone who doesn't seem to have full professional commitment in his life? I just wanted to see what other's thoughts are who have regulars... is this something normal in the business? Should I overlook it because I enjoy my time? Or is this a bad sign of his lack of respect?

 

Thanks All!

[madjim]

It's clear why some guys need to hire because they don't know how to behave in or maintain a real relationship.

No need to over-analyze - I was just asking to seeing if last minute cancellations are normal thing for escorts.

[jjkrkwood]

Excellent points, and to me, the minute an escort accepts an appointment he is also responsible to keep it,

and make whatever sacrifices he needs to ensure he is at his best for it. That's why I hire a professional.

Being "wiped out," to me, is a lame and immature excuse. Frankly, it makes me wonder if he is testing

the client's limits. I applaud the sincerity, but had he done that to me, he would have heard exactly what I thought.

I think we (as clients or escorts) often fall prey to our niceness. Confronting folks is not a bad thing if done respectfully.

In all relationships (biz/personal), we need to hold each other accountable to high standards.

To me, holding each other accountable to high standards yields high value, high impact outcomes.

When I know my regular is going to move mountains to meet his commitment, I respond in kind or better.

I do believe the more concerning issue here is that Jim may be acting a bit passive aggressive.

Just talk to the guy and share with him the impact of his cancellation. Then, take it from there.

 

That may sound good on paper, but its totally unrealistic. Professional or not, your own lifes needs takes priority, and if the hire needs to cancel last minute, that's LIFE... You may decide not to hire him ever again, but thats HIS consequences to deal with. Everyone's entitled to "a sick day"..... and not helping you get your rocks off that day doesnt seem that important to me in the Bigger scheme of things. It's not like a surgeon blowing off his daily surgery to attend a Black Friday sale... Its simply an escort, who has been invited to stick his dick up your ass for a fee not feeling quite up to it that day. And that "valuable" time you've set aside for the appt, well just find something else to do, like getting a mani-pedi....

[MikeyGMin]

No need to over-analyze - I was just asking to seeing if last minute cancellations are normal thing for escorts.

 

Never ask this board a question and expect consistent answers. There are always shades of grey so you need to go with your gut. The fact that it is the second time he's done this to you does put a different angle on the situation.

 

@Truereview you never cease to surprise me. I have loved and chased Latinos my entire life. I could provide a long list of all the things I love about them, but punctuality is not one of them. I know this is a gross generalization, but you are a bit of a unicorn. (Alright, a mythical animal goes too far. How about a rare animal? A panda bear? )

[mike carey]

Oh, @MikeyGMin, TR is such a lovely guy, just listen to his answer!

[+ nycman]

I always try to frame my response to an escort's behavior with the mind set of

"what would I do if this was one of my other employees". You know the

"non-sexual" ones. My barber, my housekeeper, my dentist. You get the idea.

 

If my reaction to the escort's behavior is different than what my reaction

to a "non-sexual" employee would be...then I take responsibility for letting

my emotions and feelings getting involved where they don't belong.

 

In this case, I'd be pissed. But I'd chalk it up as an Holiday anomaly and

get over it so I could enjoy future adventures with an escort that I liked.

 

If it or something similar happened again?....just like my dentist...I'd find

somewhere else to take my business.

[+ Truereview]

@MikeyGMin & @mike carey, I think I'm more like a piñata: You never know what's gonna cum out if you pound me just right.

http://img1.r10.io/PIC/60011523/0/1/450/60011523.jpg

 

Btw, @madjim, I am impressed with your measured and thoughtful responses to this thread.

Hope you take that same calm approach with your regular. I have a feeling you will.

Nice thing about the Forum is that we can come here and work out our quandaries and

frustrations before we hit the real world - where it really counts.

[madjim]

@MikeyGMin & @mike carey, I think I'm more like a piñata: You never know what's gonna cum out if you pound me just right.

http://img1.r10.io/PIC/60011523/0/1/450/60011523.jpg

 

Btw, @madjim, I am impressed with your measured and thoughtful responses to this thread.

Hope you take that same calm approach with your regular. I have a feeling you will.

Nice thing about the Forum is that we can come here and work out our quandaries and

frustrations before we hit the real world - where it really counts.

 

@Truereview - thank you so much for saying that and for your wonderful advice. I truly appreciate it and it does help to work out these things in the forum with others that have similar experiences and perspectives. I hope it works out with him too because I do like my time with him. Thank you again!

[rvwnsd]

Hi, I am a regular client with an escort. Who I have recently seen four times in just three weeks. We also had two more dates planned and a weekend trip (2 days) in early December.

'

He suggested that we meet up after Thanksgiving because he is house setting and there was a nice soft bed. I hadn't plan on it but decided to because it sounded fun. After moving my plans around to meet up since we planned about a week ahead - he text me fours out saying he was wiped from yesterday and to let's meet the following date that was pre-planned.

 

I got pissed because I went out of my way to meet to have him cancel on me last minute especially when we had all these dates planned. And the reason was he was "wiped out"?!...

Hmmm...I see why you are pissed. You rearranged your plans to see this guy and then he cancelled on you because he was tired. On the other hand, you could have said "I'm sorry, I can't see you - I have plans." It seems like your plans, which were not sufficiently important to keep, became very important after the escort cancelled.

 

...Seriously do I have a right to be pissed and should I cancelled the weekend trip all together?

You have the right to feel however you feel. Regarding cancelling the weekend trip - how will you feel if you do so?

 

...I already cancelled the next date....

This would be a good time for you to ask yourself why you really cancelled the next date.

 

...I was posting a question on my initial reaction - and whether I over-reacted....

Although feeling disappointed and mildly angry does not seem to be an overreaction, it feels like you are more than mildly angry. THAT is an overreaction. Immediately cancelling the next date also seems like an overreaction.

 

...My thoughts were I have committed to being his regular and have always been respectful....

OK, time to take a break and re-read this sentence starting with the words "I have." To me, the question you should ask yourself is "in what way have I committed to this man?" Being a regular client isn't a commitment. It is a choice to see an escort on a regular basis. You can see other escorts.

 

...My reaction isn't because I'm emotionally attached. ...

You might want to re-read this sentence and the one about commitment. This sounds like you are emotionally attached.

 

...Quite the opposite - from a CLIENT/PROFESSIONAL point of view - did I over-react about time/money and commitment?...

Unless you paid him in advance, you are not out any money so from a monetary standpoint you have absolutely nothing to complain about. You paid exactly zero dollars for the cancelled session. From a time standpoint, I think you are well within the bounds of reasonableness to be upset. Perhaps not quite this upset, but upset. You still lost me on the commitment part. I simply don't see it. So, to tally the score:

 

Time = 10

Money = 0

Commitment = 0

 

... I really do enjoy spending time with him and out of all escorts available - he is probably the one I enjoy most - but I don't know if I want to be a regular to someone who doesn't seem to have full professional commitment in his life?

...

In the course of two paragraphs you have gone from feeling like you have committed to this escort and he somehow betrayed that commitment to thinking he does not have full professional commitment in his life. In his life! That's a bold statement. Yes, you are overreacting.