Potential Mating Partner

[hunterlee]

I've starting seeing this guy who might be the one!

 

- Dorky

- Bookworm

- Makes me feel good

- I smile inside and outside whenever I see him

- Flexible about my work

His remarks about me "you are very charming, do you do this with all your boys?", "what about your other boys in different cities?"

 

Anyone with tips or advice in how I should approach this potential relationship would be greatly appreciated! I'm trying to grab this one in the bag!

[+ Topseed]

Live in the truth.

[+ Just Sayin]

go slowly; live in the moment; enjoy the ride you are on

[gallahadesquire]

"Flexible about my work"

 

That is one point that might not work for y'all. See how he reacts to your being on the road, or coming home late at night.

[+ glennnn]

There's you. There's him. There's the relationship. IMO, BOTH of you must be willing to put the needs of the relationship first for it to grow and thrive. This has worked for my wife and I for 50 years. I wish you happiness.

[Juan Vancouver]

Don't try to grab him in the bag.

 

There is nothing men run faster from than someone trying to pin them down. Be present, enjoy him, be open, allow yourself to be vulnerable, live every moment with him as if it were the only thing that matters and do not think about the future.

 

If you do all these things, you should be shinning your best possible light and showing who you really are. If he is your match, this alone will be intoxicating and he will show up matching your openness, eagerness and vulnerability. If this happens, you are in business. If it doesn't, pack up your tits, and look elsewhere.

 

There is absolutely no chance for true intimacy to grow if we are thinking conditionally in the future. Throw all caution to the wind, be honest and hope he reciprocates.

 

Don't try to pin him down. Lift him up!

[down_to_business]

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_k9YRGIDlJZw/ShGJlm5ba2I/AAAAAAAAAqg/7SkXf4X8DDw/s320/Shotgun+Wedding.JPG http://slodive.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/pictures-of-wedding-cakes/shotgun-wedding.jpg

[nate_sf]

"Flexible about my work"

 

That is one point that might not work for y'all. See how he reacts to your being on the road, or coming home late at night.

 

I'll second the caution on this, only in that "flexible" will still inevitably need to include compromises for it to work.

 

The entire time I was escorting I was (and still am) in a relationship. We had mutually-agreed boundaries around my escorting work that we worked out together over time. The most significant was he did not like it when I did overnights locally. He was OK with me doing short travel trips and having overnights out of town, but it bothered him when the overnights were here in town. So we agreed I would not offer local overnights. And when I did go out of town, we agreed to limit the duration of the trip to just a few days.

 

But I agree with Juan, don't overthink it right now. If things continue to proceed well, just be prepared to make some compromises with your business. As with many other work/life balance situations, you'll need to prioritize your relationship and let your guy know he is #1.

[Edward]

If he is the one, change professions. If you are in it for the long haul you will have to change jobs sooner or latter. Do it now/soon and don't complicate the relationship issue.

[coriolis888]

I've starting seeing this guy who might be the one!

 

- Dorky

- Bookworm

- Makes me feel good

- I smile inside and outside whenever I see him

- Flexible about my work

His remarks about me "you are very charming, do you do this with all your boys?", "what about your other boys in different cities?"

 

Anyone with tips or advice in how I should approach this potential relationship would be greatly appreciated! I'm trying to grab this one in the bag!

 

 

Question to ponder -

 

He might be the one for you. However, are you the one for him?

 

Just because the guy gave you a few compliments doesn't mean that he has romantic feelings for you.

 

It is a tough road out there and long-term relationships don't happen easily or often.

[BaronArtz]

Don't try to grab him in the bag.

 

There is nothing men run faster from than someone trying to pin them down. Be present, enjoy him, be open, allow yourself to be vulnerable, live every moment with him as if it were the only thing that matters and do not think about the future.

 

If you do all these things, you should be shinning your best possible light and showing who you really are. If he is your match, this alone will be intoxicating and he will show up matching your openness, eagerness and vulnerability. If this happens, you are in business. If it doesn't, pack up your tits, and look elsewhere.

 

There is absolutely no chance for true intimacy to grow if we are thinking conditionally in the future. Throw all causing to the wind, be honest and hope he reciprocates.

 

Don't try to pin him down. Lift him up!

 

I will say, I really like this. Excellent advice. I realize now the many mistakes I have made in one particular relationship. And possibly many others.

[Guy Fawkes]

Slowly, Gently, and don't forget the Butterfly Rule.

 

Don't underestimate the power of chocolates and flowers. Perfume doesn't work on most men.

 

I've starting seeing this guy who might be the one!

 

- Dorky

- Bookworm

- Makes me feel good

- I smile inside and outside whenever I see him

- Flexible about my work

His remarks about me "you are very charming, do you do this with all your boys?", "what about your other boys in different cities?"

 

Anyone with tips or advice in how I should approach this potential relationship would be greatly appreciated! I'm trying to grab this one in the bag!

[Juan Vancouver]

If he is the one, change professions. If you are in it for the long haul you will have to change jobs sooner or latter. Do it now/soon and don't complicate the relationship issue.

 

Fuck, no.

 

Abso-fucking-lutely no.

 

You are an escort. You are open minded and creative enough to have made tons of really unorthodox choices in your life and chances are this trend will not change. You see life differently and you need someone around you who either can see life from a different perspective or thrives by witnessing your own brand of living. Partnering with someone who wants you to be like everyone else will only break you inside and keep him in constant disappointment.

 

If he is the one, he is intelligent enough and open minded enough to understand this is a living, caring profession. Every professional has job related limitations. (Ever dated a doctor or a lawyer, anyone?) If he is the one, you are entirely free to be yourself and make your own choices based on your personal needs, not based on your partner's projection of internalized societal norms.

 

If you are in it for the long haul, you have to be you, more fiercely, more openly, more lovingly than before.

 

There has never been any wiser piece of advise than this:

 

Be who you are and say what you feel

because those who mind, don't matter,

and those matter, won't mind.

 

If you have to become other than yourself to be in a relationship, you will either become broken or you will break the relationship.

[+ Lance_Navarro]

If you love what you do, don't settle for someone that simply tolerates your work. Nothing short of celebrating and respecting your work should be acceptable. I tried dating someone that "tolerated" my work and it feel apart. Contrary to what @Edward said, you can do this as long as you want. As long as it makes you happy and it's paying the bills, there is no reason to stop, ESPECIALLY not for someone else. As @Juan Vancouver already said, take your time with things, no reason to rush and make any commitments or changes to your life so quickly.

[+ Truereview]

I have no advice for you as it seems you are getting plenty. I do have a tip: surround yourself by supporters.

 

Supporters don 't care so much about advising you, but instead they focus on supporting you and your man as you both work thru the challenge and opportunities ahead. Supporters cheer you when you succeed or they help you pick up the pieces when you fail. Talking heads are a dime a dozen, but people of good faith action are rare and need to be found and treasured.

 

May you and your man find at least one person who will focus on being there for you - no matter what happens or what advice you follow.

[gallahadesquire]

Slowly, Gently, and don't forget the Butterfly Rule.

 

Don't underestimate the power of chocolates and flowers. Perfume doesn't work on most men.

 

There's a third item: Promises you don't intend to keep. At least, that's what Cogsworth told The Beast, in the eponymous Disney animated film, Beauty and The Beast.

[+ Keith30309]

I've starting seeing this guy who might be the one!

 

- Dorky

- Bookworm

- Makes me feel good

- I smile inside and outside whenever I see him

- Flexible about my work

His remarks about me "you are very charming, do you do this with all your boys?", "what about your other boys in different cities?"

 

Anyone with tips or advice in how I should approach this potential relationship would be greatly appreciated! I'm trying to grab this one in the bag!

 

 

Everyone has great insights.

 

Mine is to simply let yourself go... The feeling of falling in love is scary, exhilarating and there's nothing like it. Sometimes we limp away and, if that happens, treasure the good times and don't allow scars to keep you from doing it all over again. Leave your heart open... don't allow others to treat it roughly but don't close the door to joy.

 

Keep us posted Hunter.

[+ Eric Hassan]

Fuck, no.

 

Abso-fucking-lutely no.

 

You are an escort. You are open minded and creative enough to have made tons of really unorthodox choices in your life and chances are this trend will not change. You see life differently and you need someone around you who either can see life from a different perspective or thrives by witnessing your own brand of living. Partnering with someone who wants you to be like everyone else will only break you inside and keep him in constant disappointment.

 

If he is the one, he is intelligent enough and open minded enough to understand this is a living, caring profession. Every professional has job related limitations. (Ever dated a doctor or a lawyer, anyone?) If he is the one, you are entirely free to be yourself and make your own choices based on your personal needs, not based on your partner's projection of internalized societal norms.

 

If you are in it for the long haul, you have to be you, more fiercely, more openly, more lovingly than before.

 

There has never been any wiser piece of advise than this:

 

Be who you are and say what you feel

because those who mind, don't matter,

and those matter, won't mind.

 

If you have to become other than yourself to be in a relationship, you will either become broken or you will break the relationship.

 

+about a million

[LADoug1]

Also remember that the beginning of a significant relationship is supposed to be FUN. Try not to overthink it and just enjoy getting to know each other in areas including but not limited to your escorting career.

[jjkrkwood]

I personally would never compromise myself for another individual. Remain self sufficient and self supporting, and if he loves you he will respect your choices and together you can build the relationship.

 

Nothing is forever, and you should never start a NEW relationship by making major life changes, such as employment, especially if changing occupations was not on your bucket list.

 

What you have is New relationship "flutters", and that's great. Many of us are looking to be loved and cherished by another. But making major sacrifices for someone you hardly know might not actually be in your BEST interest ?

 

Good luck with whatever road you travel.

[Kippy]

Hunter,

 

I doubt I'm qualified to give you or anyone "expertise" in the relationship business, but here it is: You're very young-- don't squander your youth on comittments that don't have to be made. Dip your toes in lots of waters, try out your wings, build character and when the time comes for you to settle down you will be ready .

 

Peace,

 

Kipp

[RockyHardon]

I've starting seeing this guy who might be the one!

 

- Dorky

- Bookworm

- Makes me feel good

- I smile inside and outside whenever I see him

- Flexible about my work

His remarks about me "you are very charming, do you do this with all your boys?", "what about your other boys in different cities?"

 

Anyone with tips or advice in how I should approach this potential relationship would be greatly appreciated! I'm trying to grab this one in the bag!

 

I guess I will come out of the closet with this reply. I have been partnered with a working boy/provider/escort for about 2 years. He treats his job like a 9-5, meaning he has very set work hours (for example monday to friday 9 am to 8 pm) which happens to match my work hours. I, of course, know what he does for work, and since I have dabbled in the profession, I don't mind. Not sure how your clientele is, but he has apparently trained his regulars to book him during his "working hours". Also, due to my work and life schedule he gets one or more weekends a month on his own, so he is able to book weekend and overnights on his free nights. I have observed he has been very very good at training his regulars. I think that if you are a provider/escort/working boy who wants a relationship, you MUST train your regulars to call you during your "working hours" and give your non-working hours to your partner. You will probably loose many clients by following this process, but then you have to ask yourself what you want...random clients who don't respect your working hours, or a relationship that works. There are many advantages to just having clients...and many advantages to having a relationship. Both involve sacrifice. My two cents...Good luck.

[Juan Vancouver]

I think that if you are a provider/escort/working boy who wants a relationship, you MUST train your regulars to call you during your "working hours" and give your non-working hours to your partner. You will probably loose many clients by following this process, but then you have to ask yourself what you want...random clients who don't respect your working hours, or a relationship that works. .

 

Rocky,

 

So happy to read that this relationship is working for you. However, I don't think this has to be the only way. There will be locales that will have enough clients to pick and chose from, but there will be others in which you just simply have to take the call, unless you and your partner have something special booked.

 

A lawyer has weird hours. A doctor has weird hours. Actors have weird hours. There are many professions that demand people work at weird and unpredictable hours and nobody would tell the doctor to limit his working hours to match his barista partner's working schedule. That would be an outrageous proposition.

 

Why is it that asking the escort to adjust his schedule to his partner's isn't outrageous? Because escorting is deemed as a lesser work.

 

A relationship without a clear sense of being equals will never work.

 

I have had three long steady relationships while being an escort and none of my partners were escorts when I met them. Only one suggested I tried to match his working schedule. It was a disaster.

 

If someone wants a relationship with me now, they have to want a relationship with THE WHOLE OF ME. Not parts of me that then can be modified to fit whatever ideal they have in their mind. This is my work. This is my schedule. Want in or want out?

[+ Truereview]

I guess I will come out of the closet with this reply. I have been partnered with a working boy/provider/escort for about 2 years. He treats his job like a 9-5, meaning he has very set work hours (for example monday to friday 9 am to 8 pm) which happens to match my work hours. I, of course, know what he does for work, and since I have dabbled in the profession, I don't mind. Not sure how your clientele is, but he has apparently trained his regulars to book him during his "working hours". Also, due to my work and life schedule he gets one or more weekends a month on his own, so he is able to book weekend and overnights on his free nights. I have observed he has been very very good at training his regulars. I think that if you are a provider/escort/working boy who wants a relationship, you MUST train your regulars to call you during your "working hours" and give your non-working hours to your partner. You will probably loose many clients by following this process, but then you have to ask yourself what you want...random clients who don't respect your working hours, or a relationship that works. There are many advantages to just having clients...and many advantages to having a relationship. Both involve sacrifice. My two cents...Good luck.

Congrats on this arrangement and hearing it can work for the non-escort partner is nice.

 

Rocky, I'm not trying to pick on you words, but I have to admit that hearing the phrase "train regulars" had this effect on me:

I get your intent but I hope escorts and clients are not out there "training" each other - unless that's part of the kink. I do hope clients and escorts alike are respecting boundaries

[RockyHardon]

@Juan Vancouver...Yes, I think our market is unique in that there are a huge number of clients here, and as long as you are just looking to make a comfortable income, you can make a living escorting on a schedule.

 

@Truereview ...Sorry to grate on your nerves...but by setting a consistent boundary...people/client's respect your time...I good professional has to command respect from his clients.

 

[uSER=6282]@juan[/uSER] again....Not all doctors are on call, and not all lawyers are litigators and have to pull allnighters, but yes on call doctors earn more, and all nighter lawyers may be richer...that is the trade off...more money for less time with your partner. Most escorts choose money (new client) over a partner...

 

I remember years ago I was complaining to my wife at the time that I was struggling going into the office on a saturday to do some work, and that a colleague (a very successful business man) seemed to putting in 6 1/2 days a week and was always working a full day on Saturday and a 1/ 2 day on Sunday. I was distraught because I thought I could not muster the internal fortitude to work that hard in my chosen profession. My wife looked at me and said in all seriousness..."You don't want to work Saturdays and Sunday my dear, because you would rather go fishing or play baseball with your kids". At first that hurt, but then I accepted it as a badge of honor...my kids (or relationship with my kids) was worth more to me than making money and career success. Anyway, i guess I'm lucky to have a working boy who would rather be with me than working with a new or existing client.