Male Sex Work for the Disabled

[BasketBaller]

I am not an escort, nor a terribly experienced partner in m/m sex. But one of my few non-escort encounters was with a veteran of Iraq from Walter Reed, who was an amputee, he'd lost a leg in an IED blast. We connected on craigslist and met twice. Before he left town to go home he sent me a beautiful, touching email, thanking me for just acting normally with him. He had had a couple of guys meet him and leave after seeing his injury, even though he'd sent honest pictures. He was already suffering, and their rejection had been devastating. I wish he'd felt comfortable hiring someone who would have treated him the way he deserved, and I'm happy I met him.

[beachboy]

I am not an escort, nor a terribly experienced partner in m/m sex. But one of my few non-escort encounters was with a veteran of Iraq from Walter Reed, who was an amputee, he'd lost a leg in an IED blast. We connected on craigslist and met twice. Before he left town to go home he sent me a beautiful, touching email, thanking me for just acting normally with him. He had had a couple of guys meet him and leave after seeing his injury, even though he'd sent honest pictures. He was already suffering, and their rejection had been devastating. I wish he'd felt comfortable hiring someone who would have treated him the way he deserved, and I'm happy I met him.

Good man. Wish there were more guys like you around.

[RyanDean]

Great thread. Thanks to all who've contributed. I think threads like this are the reason I stay so devoted to this forum. (And only in part because they stoke my enduring crushes on @Juan Vancouver & @Eric Hassan & @Lance_Navarro!)

[gallahadesquire]

I wont ever share specific details about my encounters with anyone but I will say this. Even those that have limitations due to a disability derserve much love and RESPECT just like anyone a fully able bodied person. If I were still hooking I would give my 110% to make sure that person has an awesome time based on their ability. To the folk who have limited ability you keep doing you and prove the nay sayers wrong!

 

Hugs and RESPECT,

Greg

 

Corollary: Do not scorn the Fat or Out Of Shape Guy at the gym. At least he's trying [usually]. Also: Do not scorn those who have English as an [n+1] language. They know more languages than you.

[MasterMaxRR]

I don't know how I missed this post in my original slew of responding, but I did. This subject is quite personal for me, so I'm just going to say it like it is. Being hard of hearing (70% loss) and having been diagnosed with aspergers, I know both sides. Granted, neither of those "special needs" really impact sex much for me, but I have had clients that needed special consideration. I don't have a problem Sharing one particular experience since he's passed away and you'll never know who he was from my post.

 

He had several health issues which meant that he was bedridden, morbidly obese and had to have a shunt in his abdomen. My first thought was "no way, I can't do this...." (I was 19 at the time) but when he said "Its ok, I understand if you want to go home", all I saw then was the beautiful soul that was there and the physical aspect just disappeared. He was just a very sick, disabled man who wanted a human touch more than anything. The last time he saw me before he passed away a few months later, he told me that he could go to heaven with a smile on his face because someone cared enough to spend time with him. From him I learned that it was ok to be just normal instead of being this perfect polished escort. Furthermore, he taught me what it really meant to be an escort. As the amazing Eric Hassan has related, it's so much more than just sex. From then on, I made sure that people who were disabled or not able to be "normal" were the ones that always got the best possible experience I could give since no matter how much I gave to the client, I always ended up with much more in return.

[+ glennnn]

Great thread. Thanks to all who've contributed. I think threads like this are the reason I stay so devoted to this forum. (And only in part because they stoke my enduring crushes on @Juan Vancouver & @Eric Hassan & @Lance_Navarro!)

 

+ one million!

[+ glennnn]

WONDERFUL THREAD. YOU ALL JUST BLOW MY MIND! to use a hippie phrase from my youth.

 

I don't know how I got so lucky as to stumble on this forum. You all continue to change my life for the better with your acceptance, your support, your humor, your advice, but mostly with constant challenges to change, to question, to keep up with the world as I pass through my seventh decade of life. This was one of several very deep and moving threads this week. Thank you everyone. I'm going to be a better person this week than I was last week.

[Kyle Clinton]

I personally prefer to keep these kind of experiences private, as they were never intended to be for public edification or even worse, to feed someone's spurious curiosity.

 

I know it is different in the US, but in my culture, a good deed you publicize becomes just an ego trip.

 

Last thing worth noting, in my opinion, is that I genuinely believe the term "disabled" is imprecise and unfair. Everyone has abilities, it's just that sometimes different people have different abilities. I believe it is much more fair and precise to talk about people you are referring to, as differently-abled. But that is just my opinion.

 

And is engaging in a loving, intimate act with another human being a turn on? Yes.

Well put. Every word. Juan, you're insightful, open-minded, intelligent and just plain wise. (Never mind hotter than most!)

[Juan Vancouver]

Well put. Every word. Juan, you're insightful, open-minded, intelligent and just plain wise. (Never mind hotter than most!)

 

Thanks man. You are very kind. xxx

[Shiloh]

I've booked Derek Atlas a couple of times now, and he's been more than understanding and accommodating towards my disability (cerebral palsy). Hopefully my second review will be published on the site soon, because I go into more detail regarding my CP--and specifically how Derek has worked in conjunction with my body's abilities.

[happyguy2]

I have seen men with various impairments and difficulties, most recently I had what was definitely my most emotionally challenging appointment. It was with a man who had terminal brain cancer and was living in hospice for his final few months. His best friend/ ex-partner reached out to me upon the recommendation of a mutual friend. He wanted me to just spend some sensual and erotic time with him. It was difficult because he no longer had movement in his legs, nor much short term memory, and his cognitive disanance was pretty extreme. While there were certainly moments when he was very present, he would constantly lose focus and "drift off".

 

I felt so blessed that I got to share that time with him and while I know that he probably didn't remember every moment, I can only hope that the feeling remained. I got an email from his friend about 3 weeks later to let me know that he had passed and how happy he was that I was able to share that with him.

 

I felt so blessed, in advance of the appointment that I was able to have a great conversation with Cheryl Greene, the woman on whom the movie The Sessions is based. She shared some great wisdom and advice.

 

I agree with @Eric Hassan, a disability or impairment is in no way a "turn-on", but sharing such beautiful energy with someone, that is what I enjoy.

 

You and several others here are extraordinary human beings who anyone would be privileged to have as a friend. wow!

[Rudynate]

Having had need of an OT on one occasion I can tell you that these professionals must possess infinite patience, immense amounts of compassion and take joy from the smallest of victories. They are truly amazing people!

 

 

It can also be a thankless job. A close relative needed months of intense, inpatient rehab. She was seen both by OTs and PTs every day and every day was dismissive, haughty, uncooperative and, generally, the patient from Hell, although the rest of us appreciated everything they did.

[sincitymix]

No the Canadians have developed a spray to keep Kardashians' and Bed Bugs' away!

Sigh, and much like bug bombing the roaches in that apartment.. they always flood into the next unit... thanks Canada.. We are still trying to kill some of these Canadian singer things you have sent our way:P

[+ newguy]

Welcome to the forum! I hope we hear your voice more often!

 

 

I'm going to tackle this part of newguy's query. If we can't talk about this stuff here, where can we? If I offend anyone, that's not my intent. I just want the OP to not feel like he is being judged for asking a simple question to which I believe some of us can contribute. I could see this being a slippery slope for some current escorts to talk openly about it, so since I'm way retired, I will do my best. Go easy on me guys...this is just dialogue.

 

Is this ever a turn-on? Short answer:Yes.

 

Long answer: As some of you know, I escorted in my 20s. And I was hired by men of all types, including men with disabilities. And yes, for me, the difference, the disability itself was a turn on. I still find that very much a turnon for me. The more different the man is from me, the more interested I am in him, particularly if it is for a sexual experience. I had a regular who had CP. he used to fly me into NYC and we had amazing sex because his disability got me hard like I had never experienced. I also know and knew men who share an even more intense desire for men with disabilities. For me it is the difference, for some other men it is a power dynamic and for others it is a desire to please. No real trends but then again the community is small. I'm not saying this is right or wrong....it just is! I'm now gonna be even more vulnerable: my partner was deaf...I was initially attracted to him because he was deaf. To me, his disability was beautiful and his ability to listen and hear me in a different way was unbelievably hot. 10 years later, I still miss our conversations and I get hard thinking about him. Ok, enuff spilling of my guts.

 

So @newguy - yes, it exists and, yes it can be a turn-on.

This was wonderful to read Thank you for this. What you bring up is wisdom and understanding in one

of the "last closets." It always seemed rationale that because intimacy between men usually involved some kind of power-play (and I mean this in a positive sense), then having sex with a disabled person could indeed be an immense turn-on.

Personally I see nothing wrong with this. Some commentators make a judgment that the non-"disabled" person is being a predatory or exploiter. This seems judgmental in its own way. If a "disabled" person and "able" person can have fun in their own private world, more power to them. The "turn-on" described seems impossible to learn about, even on the vast internet. To those of who hire escorts who we find somewhat "disabled" in their own way (be it a perceived lesser intelligence, or economic lack of power)--this is sober food for thought. Any comments on this?

[+ quoththeraven]

This was wonderful to read Thank you for this. What you bring up is wisdom and understanding in one

of the "last closets." It always seemed rationale that because intimacy between men usually involved some kind of power-play (and I mean this in a positive sense), then having sex with a disabled person could indeed be an immense turn-on.

Personally I see nothing wrong with this. Some commentators make a judgment that the non-"disabled" person is being a predatory or exploiter. This seems judgmental in its own way. If a "disabled" person and "able" person can have fun in their own private world, more power to them. The "turn-on" described seems impossible to learn about, even on the vast internet. To those of who hire escorts who we find somewhat "disabled" in their own way (be it a perceived lesser intelligence, or economic lack of power)--this is sober food for thought. Any comments on this?

 

As with everything, it all hinges on whether the attraction comes from a healthy or unhealthy place, whether there is mutual respect, understanding and accommodation, and whether there is any exploitation going on, even if it is just emotional exploitation.

 

Human nature being what it is, the first response when a question like yours is posed in the absence of other information such as sustained interaction on other topics is to assume the worst, not the best. Sad to say, as a group, humans don't have a good track record when it comes to dealing with differences or with relationships. The kind of respectful open-minded curosity that Truereview describes is more the exception than the rule. And it is not unknown for people to be attracted to disabled people because they like being caregivers or like others to be dependent on them, which may not be particularly healthy bases for a relationship.

 

The easiest analogy for me to make to the situation you describe is to attraction to Asian women, as that is something I know about as a biracial woman of Asian and white heritage. There are men (primarily, if not entirely white) who have what is called "yellow fever." They not only find Asian women (usually specifically East Asian) physically attractive, they expect them to act a certain way: submissive, demure, and sexually voracious and uninhibited. Other than physical differences, one Asian woman is as good as another. Their personalities and humanity are not important except to the extent they are an impediment to getting the experience these men want. At its absolute worst, such men treat the Asian women they pursue as not much more than a blowup doll.

 

On the other hand, there are non-Asian men who are attracted to Asian women because of the way they look or because there is something about their culture or way of looking at the world that they find refreshing. Their interest is based on an interest in a person, not stereotyped generalizations. They do not think they are God's gift to Asian women. (There are websites devoted to white men saving Asian women from inferior Asian dick by fucking them; I don't know about you, but that strikes me as racist.)

[Juan Vancouver]

The "turn-on" described seems impossible to learn about, even on the vast internet. To those of who hire escorts who we find somewhat "disabled" in their own way (be it a perceived lesser intelligence, or economic lack of power)--this is sober food for thought. Any comments on this?

 

I don't want to misinterpret what you said, that is why I need to clarify it.

 

Are you saying that you are turned on by escorts because you perceive them to have some sort of social and economical and intellectual handicap? As in having lower status and being disempowered AND stupid?

 

And that turns you on?

 

I have re-read your post a few times and I can't seem to understand it differently. Maybe I AM too stupid.

 

The easiest analogy for me to make to the situation you describe is to attraction to Asian women, as that is something I know about as a biracial woman of Asian and white heritage. There are men (primarily, if not entirely white) who have what is called "yellow fever." They not only find Asian women (usually specifically East Asian) physically attractive, they expect them to act a certain way: submissive, demure, and sexually voracious and uninhibited. Other than physical differences, one Asian woman is as good as another. Their personalities and humanity are not important except to the extent they are an impediment to getting the experience these men want. At its absolute worst, such men treat the Asian women they pursue as not much more than a blowup doll.

 

On the other hand, there are non-Asian men who are attracted to Asian women because of the way they look or because there is something about their culture or way of looking at the world that they find refreshing. Their interest is based on an interest in a person, not stereotyped generalizations. They do not think they are God's gift to Asian women. (There are websites devoted to white men saving Asian women from inferior Asian dick by fucking them; I don't know about you, but that strikes me as racist.)

 

What she said!

 

In other words, am I attracted to a human being who interacts with me as a human being, or am I de-humanizing the person, reducing him or her to discrete characteristics that I fetishize while I deny their wholeness?

 

These are two entirely different experiences, and I am going to venture that one is a healthy way to relate to a human being, and the other isn't.

[Rudynate]

I've had a couple of intense attractions to one-legged men. They were men I would have been attracted to anyway. It wasn't a question of me being attracted to them in spite of their missing leg. It was more that they were extra attractive because of the missing leg. One of them was a stockbroker who went to the same exercise class I did every morning. He was a blond, blue-eyed hunk of a man and he had a BK amputation. He had to change his prosthesis for the exercise class, and he did that in front of everybody, without a bit of self-consciousness, as though he were changing his socks, which I found incredibly sexy.

 

Alex Minsky, the underwear model who is missing a leg, said that women are really turned on by his prosthesis.

[+ Truereview]

On this, I agree with @Rudynate.

 

As complex as the human psyche & physiology is, I believe it is possible to be attracted to someone's difference -in this case a disability- without having a fetish, power dynamics, or other such things come into play. I also believe it is possible to be attracted to the disabilty first and that such can lead you to like and eventually love someone for their entirety. That was my experience with my partner. When I'm attracted to someone for his disabilty, to me, it works similarly as liking him for his blue eyes or great physique.

 

About this thread and the forum overall: For new things to be discussed and unpacked compassionately, like this great topic, we have to suspend judgment, and we have to be open to the possibility that something can actually exist - in this case, being attracted to someone with a disabilty bc it is just beautifully different. Period.

 

I have given this topic all I can. May stronger and smarter folks take it forward. I have a cafe con Leche waiting for me.

[+ newguy]

On this, I agree with @Rudynate.

 

As complex as the human psyche & physiology is, I believe it is possible to be attracted to someone's difference -in this case a disability- without having a fetish, power dynamics, or other such things come into play. I also believe it is possible to be attracted to the disabilty first and that such can lead you to like and eventually love someone for their entirety. That was my experience with my partner. When I'm attracted to someone for his disabilty, to me, it works similarly as liking him for his blue eyes or great physique.

 

About this thread and the forum overall: For new things to be discussed and unpacked compassionately, like this great topic, we have to suspend judgment, and we have to be open to the possibility that something can actually exist - in this case, being attracted to someone with a disabilty bc it is just beautifully different. Period.

 

I have given this topic all I can. May stronger and smarter folks take it forward. I have a cafe con Leche waiting for me.

Beautifully stated: "When..attracted to someone for his disability...it works similarly as liking him for his blue eyes or great physique." This even brought a tear to my eye. I currently have a love affair with someone who probably is not neurotypical. Possibly he has Aspergers. I love him as a complete person; his Aspergers made me feel "safe" with him. I have no sense that I'm denying his wholeness. His wholeness is inclusive of his Aspergers, but probably if he was "normal" the relationship would never have begun. In regard to a previous commentator who is a forum favorite: I would hope no one would go near the topic of prescribing what is health or not healthy, nor normal or not normal, for an entire population of men historically condemned as unhealthy or abnormal for centuries. Being held to certain standards by others has been our curse.

[BryanKnight]

What I enjoy the most about working with physically different visitors is the creativity that it forces me to generate to create pleasure and intimacy.

I have one visitor who is quadrapelgic. He can only feel from his chest upwards and craves constant new stimulus for his mind with whatever is available.

I found it absolutely delightful he gained pleasure from, for instance, feeling different fabrics on his face and feeling bodyparts.

 

I find it exciting to surprise both of us with enjoyments we did not know were possible until we tried them.

I find these visitors to be some of my most inspirational and exciting to expand my creativity.

[+ newguy]

I don't want to misinterpret what you said, that is why I need to clarify it.

 

Are you saying that you are turned on by escorts because you perceive them to have some sort of social and economical and intellectual handicap? As in having lower status and being disempowered AND stupid?

 

And that turns you on?

 

I have re-read your post a few times and I can't seem to understand it differently. Maybe I AM too stupid.

I have met some escorts who respected me fully. I have met others who treated me as nothing more

than a bank account--and de-humanzied me. I have met escorts I respected entirely as delightful, energetic, and inspiring human beings. I've met others who I would not see again. I don't yet understand anyone else anyone asserting that there are unambiguously healthy turn-on's vs. unhealthy turn-on's. As long as one doesn't harm another person, either physically or psychologically, it does not seem that judgements are really even intended.

 

 

 

What she said!

 

In other words, am I attracted to a human being who interacts with me as a human being, or am I de-humanizing the person, reducing him or her to discrete characteristics that I fetishize while I deny their wholeness?

 

These are two entirely different experiences, and I am going to venture that one is a healthy way to relate to a human being, and the other isn't.

[+ newguy]

On this, I agree with @Rudynate.

 

As complex as the human psyche & physiology is, I believe it is possible to be attracted to someone's difference -in this case a disability- without having a fetish, power dynamics, or other such things come into play. I also believe it is possible to be attracted to the disabilty first and that such can lead you to like and eventually love someone for their entirety. That was my experience with my partner. When I'm attracted to someone for his disabilty, to me, it works similarly as liking him for his blue eyes or great physique.

 

About this thread and the forum overall: For new things to be discussed and unpacked compassionately, like this great topic, we have to suspend judgment, and we have to be open to the possibility that something can actually exist - in this case, being attracted to someone with a disabilty bc it is just beautifully different. Period.

 

I have given this topic all I can. May stronger and smarter folks take it forward. I have a cafe con Leche waiting for me.

The "suspension of judgement" is so wise and judicious a notion. Thank you for stating this. As the Bible says: "Why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?"

[LADoug1]

I am, by training, an occupational therapist. Occupational therapists are the folks who make sure you can live independently (get dressed, cook a meal, take a shower) while living with an injury or illness. I have advanced degrees and 15 years of practice under my belt and I specialize in sex for those with different than normal abilities. The turn-on isn't the difference in ability or the illness or injury - it's the look on someone's face when you can understand what's happening to them and give them a way to have sex (or get dressed, etc).

You're a true gem!

[LADoug1]

I have seen men with various impairments and difficulties, most recently I had what was definitely my most emotionally challenging appointment. It was with a man who had terminal brain cancer and was living in hospice for his final few months. His best friend/ ex-partner reached out to me upon the recommendation of a mutual friend. He wanted me to just spend some sensual and erotic time with him. It was difficult because he no longer had movement in his legs, nor much short term memory, and his cognitive disanance was pretty extreme. While there were certainly moments when he was very present, he would constantly lose focus and "drift off".

 

I felt so blessed that I got to share that time with him and while I know that he probably didn't remember every moment, I can only hope that the feeling remained. I got an email from his friend about 3 weeks later to let me know that he had passed and how happy he was that I was able to share that with him.

 

I felt so blessed, in advance of the appointment that I was able to have a great conversation with Cheryl Greene, the woman on whom the movie The Sessions is based. She shared some great wisdom and advice.

 

I agree with @Eric Hassan, a disability or impairment is in no way a "turn-on", but sharing such beautiful energy with someone, that is what I enjoy.

What an inspiring story Lance. You're a true professional and a wonderful human.being.

[LADoug1]

The greatest turn on for me is bringing pleasure to my partner. It's more important than my orgasm. I think being with someone who is disabled would be exciting considering they probably don't get the acceptance and intimacy they crave.