Talking about the client's look...

[greatnorthernp]

I have a couple of questions about this. Some of it might just be my own junk but I have to ask how to handle it in the future. Pretty much every single guy I have hired as been a little bit suprised about my looks/age. I'm kind of young (32) and they all say I'm attractive-ish. Now for deeply philosophical reasons I don't believe them; not that I think they are lying per se but even if they are telling the truth it's completely incidental for why they are saying it, from an purely instrumentally rational view point. As such this whole thing drives me nuts because I really really don't want to think about this in a session. So anyway,

 

1) How do I explain why I don't escort EVER saying anything about my looks? without seeming rude?

 

2) How do I explain why I can't trust answers on this front from a person I am hiring without coming across as a psychopath?

 

Without knowing you, based on what you've written, let me offer an opinion: you probably have Body Dysmorphic Disorder. (BDD)

 

Let me also offer you a little story of my own.

 

http://www.companyofmen.org/threads/probabalistic-statistics.104748/#post-964977

 

BDD is subtle, slippery, all-pervasive and incredibly difficult to treat, perhaps because there is almost certainly a genetic component to it. I still have it, although age has somewhat blunted/altered its effects. I can now look in the mirror and actually see the handsome daddy others comment on. However, the BDD has--liked a greased pig--merely slipped away from the visual realm of physical attractiveness, only to manifest elsewhere...the aural sphere. How so? A couple of years ago I took up vocal training--the full bel canto. (The reason for doing so also involves BDD.) Objectively, I've got a 2 octave tenor tessitura, and I'm still adding at the top. (I cover 3 octaves when doing scales, E2 to E5.) My transitions across the passaggio are reportedly enviable...my voice teacher says, "I've got students who would kill for that smoothness.". During masterclasses I've had professional tenors who sing for major opera companies exclaim, "OMG you've got a beautiful voice!" Guess what? I absolutely hate the sound of my voice. Well, surprise, surprise. I hate it so much that even accidentally hearing a recording of it is enough to stop me from singing for a couple of weeks until the shivering horror fades. I know now that it's just another manifestation of my BDD, so I continue on with the training and have learned to (mechanically) give a graceful response to the compliments, "Thank you very much", smile, and delicately move on to safer topics. Sadly (?), I will never make money off my so-called "beautiful voice", and it will never be heard by anyone other than my fellow students, or their families and friends during studio recitals because anything professional would involve having to listen to my voice. You might ask why I bother? Because the brute physical sensation of full volume trained singing is really quite awesome, a total endorphin rush (I am so high after an hour of singing, it's wild.), and it's great fun to be given the permission to be loud as you want. It was the same when I was working out--the physical sensation of the pump was amazing...despite having to avoid looking at mirrors at all costs.

 

BDD. Talk to your doctor. Say it out loud. (Incredibly hard to do.) Keep going.

 

Of course I could be wrong, but I bet I'm not. It's almost eerie seeing myself reflected so accurately in your posts.

 

Oh...if the internal denial machine has already kicked in ("But..., but..., but..."), BINGO!!! Talk to a trained professional who deals with BDD.

[Amoco]

"Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean that they're not after you"

[mike carey]

This is such an important comment!

 

Let me rephrase that. Maybe not. I read this as a monumental piss-take on the Hobbesian attack on Juan. But then what would I know?

[HobbesianAcademic]

Not to ruin people’s fun but Juan is wrong. And you do not have take my word for it. I’m going to demonstrate it. I’m extremely annoyed that I have to do this.

 

Juan thinks I am the guy harassing him, in essence, because:

 

1) I sound like the guy

 

2) I talk about “obscure” philosophy like Hobbes

 

3) I just happened to show up at Daddy’s reviews

 

First of all, taken together this is hardly an impressive case. I have only interacted with Juan in this thread. If I was the harasser that is odd, no? Why wouldn’t I be going around try to pick a fight with him in other threads if I was the harasser? Furthermore, prior to being accused I had already said I was done talking to Juan. Indeed, I am as this post is addressed to the thread as a whole. Again this is odd behavior if Juan was correct in accusing me.

 

Further if I was the harasser, my plan was dumb. I had to expect that Juan would not recognize me enough to interact with me, but I still would have to be dumb enough to not try to hide how I write.

 

Now, I don’t have much to say about 1) above. If I sound like the guy, I sound like the guy. I don’t have evidence one way or the other on this point. I’m, in fact, an academic; I have an MA in philosophy from the University of Chicago. As such, I’m sure I sound like an academic. It is not at all inconceivable that the harasser is also an academic. I think that may explain why we sound alike, if it is even true we do.

 

Now, on 2), Hobbes is not obscure. I could spend a lot of time demonstrating this but two links should do it:

 

Hobbes is #15 on the official list voted on my people in my profession.

 

There is an entire journal devoted to him.

 

If you have taken political philosophy, you have read Hobbes. If you have taken ethics, you are likely to have read Hobbes. Hell if you have only ever taken an introduction to philosophy I give a 1 in 4 chance of Hobbes being on the syllabus. Hobbes comes up in US History, English History, and Government and law classes. In short, it is not at all unlikely that two people could be influenced by Hobbes.

 

On 3), no I haven’t just showed up on Daddy’s reviews. My first review (I'm review 7) was for Casey Jones of NYC/New Orleans when he was here in Chicago. It was submitted 18+months ago. (ad) I also recently submitted a review for Axel Woods (I'm review 5), here in Chicago. (ad) I have also hired/reviewed BillyR and TJ/Bottomboyjohnny from Chicago. (links are to ads, look up the reviews yourselves) at various times over the last 18-ish months. I also have a review coming in a few days for Cory Taylor. (Ad) I’m also Hobbesian on rentmen, just FYI which I can prove by looking at any escort ad if push comes to shove. So I have been using Daddy’s Reviews, with this handle for a while.

 

I first submitted a thread to the forum back on September 22. It was a link to an interview I gave to Reason Magazine about the rentboy shut down. And yes I went by Tom in the interview because Hobbes’s first name was...Thomas. So I have nearly two year using this identity, across three websites, BUT OF COURSE that is only a long term plan right? Please. I risked exposure of being a client as part of long con to..what?...get a Juan to yell at me in the forum? Seems dumb.

 

Furthermore, I have never even been to British Columbia; As Daddy can confirm I have a Chicago area code (773) for my phone because I live Chicago. All of my hires have been in Chicago, as evidence by my reviews. I don’t travel. Until this thread I had never even checked out Juan’s ad. I did so now because to be frank I have him blocked on rentmen now in light of his shockingly unprofessional behavior.

 

But perhaps most convincing and damning, as is clear from the guys I have hired or praised, Juan is not my type. I like twinks/otters and guys with slight/lithe frames as I’m a Dom who like bois and effeminate men. I’m not a fan of muscled masculine Latinos. (note: as my reviews states Axel is not actually my type but I got confused by his pictures)

 

Now that might not be completely convincing, so let me add one last point. I will text a picture that proves I’m in Chicago, what I look like so Juan can compare that and the date the picture to after the request to ANY escort that has at least 4 positive reviews. I’m also will to text a picture of my college id with my name redacted if need be.

 

SO I put it to the forum, what is more plausible?

 

1) Juan jumped the gun and accused a random guy of being a harasser based on basically nothing but a subjective impression of sounding similar.

 

OR

 

2) I am the harasser but I spent the better part of two years, hiring and review escorts hundreds of miles away from Juan, developing an online persona including an interview with a national magazine and radically different taste in men all in a long term attempt to harass some random escort, badly giving that I was "caught" with in 2 days.

[Juan Vancouver]

Man,

 

I was the first one considering the possibility that I might be wrong. Which after all these protestations is becoming increasingly harder to believe. And no, I didn't say this guy was very intelligent or very good with his long con. I just said he was uncannily similar, and that your question and all your subsequent posts seemed like the seamless continuation of the same enervating peroration he's been hurling at me for weeks through different media.

 

I am sincere. If this is only a freakishly strange, utterly unbelievable coincidence, I am truly sorry. I can only imagine your shock by having some random hooker come and attack you so mercilessly out of the blue. If this is just one of those things, Please forgive me. I wish I were in liberty to share with you excerpts of this man's Opus Magna, you would probably be blown away as well and perhaps you would find it in yourself to forgive me.

 

I don't need any proof of anything. Either way I think it would be best if we just simply do not interact.

 

All the best to you.

[jjkrkwood]

Well, "If it Walks like a duck and Squarks like a duck"........

 

[+ Truereview]

Well, "If it Walks like a duck and Squarks like a duck"........

 

I try to live by this quote, but I ain't perfect!

[ChrisWydeman]

And I won't believe that either...The thing is I don't enjoy it, at all. I don't trust it and it's just noise but it's a nagging thought of do they really mean it?

 

One of the reason why I do this is it is fundamentally more direct and, well, honest than any other interactions. It's overtly, self-aware transactional. It's human interaction with the parameters clearly laid out and both parties acknowledge that, like all things, it is only quid pro que. We don't recognize this often enough. No one every does anything only for another.

 

I know escorts don't care what I look like or even my performance, it's one of the great joys to me that this is the case, and frankly I don't care if they like me (behind being a good client) and I certainly don't care if they enjoy their work (beyond any enjoyment they get from work as work). I just wish they wouldn't try do pillow talk like things...the truth value of the statements are incidental.

It sounds like you have a lot going on between your ears when your with an escort, perhaps you might try being present and taking things at face value. As for not caring if they enjoy their work that level of disregard for your escort is a little alarming. What do you think constitutes being a good client? What I see in this post in deep insecurity and an attempt to be flippant to protect your feelings. You seem have a lot of reservations about being with an escort so why are you evening seeing them if its causing this much distress?

[jjkrkwood]

I try to live by this quote, but I ain't perfect!

 

 

Honey, I was simply judging "a duck".... quack, quack..... ( and do you really think I would stick all those dead bodies in my closet and have them stink up my designer frocks ? Silly you ) That's what YARDS are for !

[HobbesianAcademic]

If this is just one of those things, Please forgive me.

 

No. You have needlessly and recklessly damaged (or attempted to) my reputation. It it conceivable that this will make some of my future hires more difficult given your accusation and your reputation. That you think it is overly protesting to make one post correcting the record is absurd. Of course I'm going to respond to a false accusation of being a harasser. I don't even live in Canada.

 

I stand ready to prove that to any escort with 4+ positive reviews. Or you can simply ask Daddy about my location vis-a-vis phone number.

 

Either way I think it would be best if we just simply do not interact.

Agreed.

 

All the best to you.

Oh, bugger off.

 

Thread: How do I block someone?

[HobbesianAcademic]

Without knowing you, based on what you've written, let me offer an opinion: you probably have Body Dysmorphic Disorder. (BDD)

 

First of all, no I do not have BDD. I actually was in therapy throughout my 20's and that was one the many, many things that was ruled out. Second, please please do not diagnose people with a mental disorder over the internet. It's reckless and if you are involved in the mental health field it is against professional ethics. It should be obviously why.

 

I stated up thread that I consider myself an attractive example of the type of guy I am, i.e. a cub. However, I do not find myself attractive because I do not find cubs attractive.

 

Indeed, most MSM don't. You see I have 10 years of data demonstrating that I am of a group of men that, while attractive and desirable to many, is not overly popular. One of the main reasons I hire? I don't have to spend 3 days trying hook-up. Odds are against a random escort being attractive to me...it's why I don't trust it.

[+ Truereview]

No. You have needlessly and recklessly damaged (or attempted to) my reputation. It it conceivable that this will make some of my future hires more difficult given your accusation and your reputation. That you think it is overly protesting to make one post correcting the record is absurd. Of course I'm going to respond to a false accusation of being a harasser. I don't even live in Canada.

 

I stand ready to prove that to any escort with 4+ positive reviews. Or you can simply ask Daddy about my location vis-a-vis phone number.

 

 

Agreed.

 

 

Oh, bugger off.

 

Thread: How do I block someone?

Click on the member's icon/avatar, a pop up window will appear, if you go to the blue hyperlinks there will options to look at profile, start a conversation, ignore, and follow. By clicking ignore, you will be well on your way to blissful silence from guys who like winding up drama and controversy. Deep breaths!

[HobbesianAcademic]

It sounds like you have a lot going on between your ears when your with an escort, perhaps you might try being present and taking things at face value.

 

There's always a subtext. People do not simply state things...especially when overtly buying and selling things.

 

As for not caring if they enjoy their work that level of disregard for your escort is a little alarming.

 

OK, I'll grant that I didn't fully explain this in the post you are responding to, but I didn't actually say what you are claiming. A little further down thread I said this...

 

"It is, to be frank, completely irrelevant to me if the escort gets any sort of erotic pleasure from escorting me. It is not inconceivable that they would enjoy the play as play, but if he does it is a mere happy accident. Now, I do care that the escort enjoys their work as work, because if they do the quality of the work will be better. I do try my best to make their work a joy because the interaction is better overall when both parties get more than they bargain for. Let me also point out that enjoying the play as play may be necessary to enjoy the work as work but this doesn’t seem to follow."

 

I don't care if the escort enjoys the play as play I do care if he enjoys the sessions as work. Two very different things.

 

What do you think constitutes being a good client?

 

1) Respecting the Escort's bodily autonomy in all ways: safe words, clearly defined limits, talking about all plays that are allowed/disallowed, never pushing for anything (a no is always a no) etc.

 

2) Respecting that this is work for the escort: keep communication between sessions to a minimal and to scheduling, pay for any needful communication, offer to pay for any service render (i.e. photos), always leave on time if not a couple minutes early. always be on time, or cancel with sufficient notice only if you really have to.

 

3) Be as honest as possible: if I can't answer a question because of privacy concerns I will not lie, I will say I can't answer.

 

4) Keep the escort and I in a situation of mutually assured destruction/equality: My regular knows my legal name because he accidentally sent me his one time. etc.

 

5) Tip well. 10% minimal.

You seem have a lot of reservations about being with an escort

 

I have none. Escorting is the type of erotic interaction that actually works for me.

 

why are you evening seeing them if its causing this much distress?

 

I'm just trying to make a great thing even better by getting advice (which I have gotten) to make future sessions better.

[HobbesianAcademic]

Click on the member's icon/avatar, a pop up window will appear, if you go to the blue hyperlinks there will options to look at profile, start a conversation, ignore, and follow. By clicking ignore, you will be well on your way to blissful silence from guys who like winding up drama and controversy. Deep breaths!

 

Thank you!

[klifhangar]

No. You have needlessly and recklessly damaged (or attempted to) my reputation. It it conceivable that this will make some of my future hires more difficult given your accusation and your reputation.

 

 

Honestly just curious: how would anything Juan wrote ruin your reputation or make it more difficult for you to hire? I'm doubting that Hobbesian is your real name. How would anyone know that it was even you trying to hire?

[greatnorthernp]

First of all, no I do not have BDD. I actually was in therapy throughout my 20's and that was one the many, many things that was ruled out. Second, please please do not diagnose people with a mental disorder over the internet. It's reckless and if you are involved in the mental health field it is against professional ethics. It should be obviously why.

 

I stated up thread that I consider myself an attractive example of the type of guy I am, i.e. a cub. However, I do not find myself attractive because I do not find cubs attractive.

 

Indeed, most MSM don't. You see I have 10 years of data demonstrating that I am of a group of men that, while attractive and desirable to many, is not overly popular. One of the main reasons I hire? I don't have to spend 3 days trying hook-up. Odds are against a random escort being attractive to me...it's why I don't trust it.

 

I see...

 

Then there's only one alternative left...the one we're too polite to state openly.

[jjkrkwood]

You see I have 10 years of data demonstrating that I am of a group of men that, while attractive and desirable to many, is not overly popular. One of the main reasons I hire? I don't have to spend 3 days trying hook-up. Odds are against a random escort being attractive to me...it's why I don't trust it.

 

Mr Hobbes, please note that a persons attractiveness and desirability is based on MORE than their physical beauty... I am sure some introspection has already led you to realize this, but if not, perhaps give it some thought.... Understand WHY you are not popular, because according to you, it has nothing to do with your "looks". Only then can your focus be directed appropriately for "growth"....

[+ Truereview]

Well, I feel bad for us, not Hobbes. Why can't we just take his inquiry at face value? All he did was ask for advice on how to address his need to tell escorts he doesn't want compliments. Yeah, of course I think he has some baggage- but don't we all? Yes, I will admit the thought crossed my mind that he was trying to (not so subtly) advertise himself as a cute, 32 y/o cub. Regardless, we all have to practice self-restraint bc text is just text. We have no way to discern motive. Suddenly, Hobbes displays academic prowess, so the intellectual types had to poke him. Then the crazies came in. Looks like Hobbes felt he had the right to defend himself and then more of us piled on. And we keep piling on.

 

It makes me wonder, when an escort asks for advice, we (forum) typically fall all over ourselves to help (examples: client cancelled trip, former escort returns, escort hates his photos). However, when a client asks for advice - particularly if the client comes across vulnerable or slightly privileged - we are so harsh on them ( examples: an escort stole from me, an escort has my personal info, I don't like compliments, I broke up w my BF or housemate).

 

i wonder what's motivating our own behavior? Please, this is rhetorical, I'm not asking for a response, grandstanding, speeches, or enlightenment...I'm just asking that we pause and observe our own actions and reactions as forum members.

 

Whew! Fuck, that was long-winded and cathartic. Thank you. Im in the west coast today and I'm already hungry for PIZZA! Any takers?

 

http://citybuzz.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/6pizzayes.jpg

[jjkrkwood]

 

Whew! Fuck, that was long-winded and cathartic. Thank you. Im in the west coast today and I'm already hungry for PIZZA! Any takers?

 

http://citybuzz.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/6pizzayes.jpg

 

Glad you feel catharticized , but I think the thread evolved because of a perceived attack on Juan, which the OP just couldn't seem to let go of.... I have no ill will to anyone, except for YOU TR for requesting Pizza, because I can't have Carbs...... Now where are those IKEA meatballs ???? (and you know when you state "NO responses please" my fat Ass will be up in your grill). Afterall, doesn't Every forum need SOMEONE to attack ?

 

http://indianapublicmedia.org/news/files/2010/05/boxer-940x626.jpg

[LADoug1]

Learn that most escorts don't give a fuck what you look like...even an "easy" day at work...is still work.

 

Is this really completely true? Don't escorts have any limits or preferences? What about general feelings about hygiene and grooming?

[LADoug1]

Now, if you want to be daring and brave and are somewhat interested in joining the rest of us in the social discourse, you can simply say: "Thank you" or "That's so sweet of you to say", you can accept the compliment as an act of love... and if you are feeling really daring, later on, find something you like about him and say it out loud.

 

++1

[LADoug1]

I don't have the best self-confidence especially regarding my looks. I hate it when someone compliments me saying I'm attractive. My issue I know. But I do prefer that escorts not compliment me. When they do I simply say "thank you" or my tellingly "I'm glad you think so." I just don't believe them or think they are throwing in compliments because they feel it should be part of "services provided". Maybe they are sincere but since I can't be sure I prefer they not say anything.

 

On the flip side, I do compliment escorts and hope they find this satisfying. I guess they are used to being complimented but I hope they don't take my compliments for granted. There are also other ways to compliment an escort. I like to bring flowers or a small gift.

[LADoug1]

Oy Gevolt!

 

LMAOROF!! Great one Juan!!

[LADoug1]

All this hoopla over a person getting a compliment ? I don't get it ! Any well mannered person would simply say THANK YOU when complimented... If compliments about your physical beauty are so bothersome,

then find ways to make yourself unattractive so you don't have the problem... The time will come when you will be begging for someone to pay you a compliment because the person you saw in the mirror 25 years ago no longer exists.... IMO a compliment doesn't warrant a 3 page thread.

Maybe but the tread shows how people have issues with compliments. I find that interesting.

[LADoug1]

LOL TR, you really need to come sit besides Me....

 

http://www.azquotes.com/picture-quotes/quote-if-you-haven-t-got-anything-nice-to-say-about-anybody-come-sit-next-to-me-alice-roosevelt-longworth-17-86-74.jpg

I thought it was Dorothy Parker who said this. Live and learn.