Talking about the client's look...

[HobbesianAcademic]

I have a couple of questions about this. Some of it might just be my own junk but I have to ask how to handle it in the future. Pretty much every single guy I have hired as been a little bit suprised about my looks/age. I'm kind of young (32) and they all say I'm attractive-ish. Now for deeply philosophical reasons I don't believe them; not that I think they are lying per se but even if they are telling the truth it's completely incidental for why they are saying it, from an purely instrumentally rational view point. As such this whole thing drives me nuts because I really really don't want to think about this in a session. So anyway,

 

1) How do I explain why I don't escort EVER saying anything about my looks? without seeming rude?

 

2) How do I explain why I can't trust answers on this front from a person I am hiring without coming across as a psychopath?

[mike carey]

I would say just don't pay any attention to what the guys you hire say. Treat it as simply conversation. If you are hiring them, how you look isn't that important to them, or at least most of them. Don't fret about whether they find you attractive. You are paying them to do certain things to you, not to like you. They may in fact like you but that is not part of the deal.

[+ Truereview]

Yeah, this does sound like it is your junk to work thru - not the escort's. I would say that for best session results, if the escort does compliment you too often, just like any other behavior that would turn you off, then correct it. However, if it is only once or twice, learn to deal with it - be more pliable. Personally, no matter how well you put it to him, actively rejecting/doubting/philosophizing about a given compliment is rude in my book.

[beachboy]

How about you find things to compliment him on? This way its not all one way traffic & will diffuse any awkwardness & you'll appreciate each other more, relax & have the best time. I always compliment the guy after all I chose him cos he's the one I wanna get it on with.

[jjkrkwood]

I wouldn't let it go to your head. Those "attractive" years are short lived and fleeting.... When you get older, you'll hear things like "you're nice looking for YOUR AGE", or you wont hear anything at all. Enjoy it while you can, and just say THANK YOU.....

[down_to_business]

What you might have missed was this was your escort's typical client before he saw you

 

http://willvideoforfood.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/messinwithsasquatch_2-full.jpg http://orig15.deviantart.net/ae22/f/2012/119/e/7/sumo_wrestler_by_maxxparis-d4xytyj.jpg

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-sVKgS3U1gP0/T8y-M9nSrWI/AAAAAAAAAIw/FkjasPAIGQk/s1600/24-medusa_by_asuss06.jpg

[+ nycman]

I have been in your boat.

 

You're thinking way too hard with your big head.

 

Learn to take a compliment.

 

Learn that "pillow talk" is just that...whether you're a 20 year old adonis or a 95 year old who is barely breathing.

 

Learn that by virtue of your age if nothing else....you are more conventionally attractive than most men who hire escorts.

 

Learn that your looks will fade...and someday you'll fondly remember that whores used to think of you as an "easy" day at work.

 

Learn that most escorts don't give a fuck what you look like...even an "easy" day at work...is still work.

 

Learn that if you tell an escort "don't tell me I'm beautiful"....you will look like an asshole.

 

Learn that if all your escorts told you the "truth"....well....let's just say.....you can't handle the truth.

[HobbesianAcademic]

I wouldn't let it go to your head. Those "attractive" years are short lived and fleeting.... When you get older, you'll hear things like "you're nice looking for YOUR AGE", or you wont hear anything at all. Enjoy it while you can, and just say THANK YOU.....

And I won't believe that either...The thing is I don't enjoy it, at all. I don't trust it and it's just noise but it's a nagging thought of do they really mean it?

 

One of the reason why I do this is it is fundamentally more direct and, well, honest than any other interactions. It's overtly, self-aware transactional. It's human interaction with the parameters clearly laid out and both parties acknowledge that, like all things, it is only quid pro que. We don't recognize this often enough. No one every does anything only for another.

 

I know escorts don't care what I look like or even my performance, it's one of the great joys to me that this is the case, and frankly I don't care if they like me (behind being a good client) and I certainly don't care if they enjoy their work (beyond any enjoyment they get from work as work). I just wish they wouldn't try do pillow talk like things...the truth value of the statements are incidental.

[Moondance]

...your looks will fade...and someday you'll fondly remember that whores used to think of you as an "easy" day at work.

 

Not the sweetest sentiment ever expressed, but it cracked me up.

[big-n-tall]

And I won't believe that either...The thing is I don't enjoy it, at all. I don't trust it and it's just noise but it's a nagging thought of do they really mean it?

 

One of the reason why I do this is it is fundamentally more direct and, well, honest than any other interactions. It's overtly, self-aware transactional. It's human interaction with the parameters clearly laid out and both parties acknowledge that, like all things, it is only quid pro que. We don't recognize this often enough. No one every does anything only for another.

 

I know escorts don't care what I look like or even my performance, it's one of the great joys to me that this is the case, and frankly I don't care if they like me (behind being a client) and I certainly don't care if they enjoy their work (beyond any enjoyment they get from work as work). I just wish they wouldn't try do pillow talk like things...the truth value of the statements are incidental.

 

Buy a ball gag, maybe.

[+ Eric Hassan]

You could just say "thank you" and move on. My experience is that when people offer a compliment, regardless of their motive, the only thing you need to do is politely acknowledge it. What someone else thinks of or perceives about you means nothing other than they had a thought and you'd probably find a lot of peace of mind if you didn't take it personally.

[jackjackjack]

Two questions...

1. When you look in the mirror, do you think you're attractive?

2. When other people look at you.. not an escort.. just your friends or strangers you meet.... do they find you attractive??

Your answers should determine your future thinking.

And yes, enjoy your youth and have loads of..... fun.

[+ quoththeraven]

And I won't believe that either...The thing is I don't enjoy it, at all. I don't trust it and it's just noise but it's a nagging thought of do they really mean it?

 

One of the reason why I do this is it is fundamentally more direct and, well, honest than any other interactions. It's overtly, self-aware transactional. It's human interaction with the parameters clearly laid out and both parties acknowledge that, like all things, it is only quid pro que. We don't recognize this often enough. No one every does anything only for another.

 

I know escorts don't care what I look like or even my performance, it's one of the great joys to me that this is the case, and frankly I don't care if they like me (behind being a client) and I certainly don't care if they enjoy their work (beyond any enjoyment they get from work as work). I just wish they wouldn't try do pillow talk like things...the truth value of the statements are incidental.

 

Why does whether they mean what they say matter to you, and why would it bother you if they did?

 

I'm an introvert who hates small talk, but I see the sort of exchange you refer to as a basic part of human interaction. Why does it get your panties in a bunch? Just because the sex is transactional doesn't exempt it from the real world aspects of human interaction, which is what you seem to want. Have you ever considered that sometimes people blurt out things (if this is said when you first meet) that aren't contrived or thought through?

 

Expecting an escort, who is often hired as much for or because of his social abilities as his other attributes, to adapt himself to your preferences may be expecting too much. You might be better off with anonymous hookups before which you make it clear you don't want to discuss anything that doesn't have to do with the activities you're engaging in.

 

If you still continue to hire escorts, perhaps you need to have a similar conversation with them before you confirm an appointment. There's no need to go into why you want things this way other than it's hotter for you that way (which is true), however; if you do, you're likely to get an argument or a cancellation, because other people are likely to see your perspective as seriously skewed.

[HobbesianAcademic]

Two questions...

1. When you look in the mirror, do you think you're attractive?

2. When other people look at you.. not an escort.. just your friends or strangers you meet.... do they find you attractive??

Your answers should determine your future thinking.

And yes, enjoy your youth and have loads of..... fun.

 

 

1) I do not find myself attractive, but I think I'm an attractive example of my "type" (cub)

2) Some yes, some no like anyone else. It is not inconceivable that an escort would actually find me attractive. It's simply incidental to what's going on. I have no way of knowing if it is genuine or not. It's the uncertainty that bugs me.

 

Why does whether they mean what they say matter to you, and why would it bother you if they did? (A)

 

I'm an introvert who hates small talk, but I see the sort of exchange you refer to as a basic part of human interaction. Why does it get your panties in a bunch? Just because the sex is transactional doesn't exempt it from the real world aspects of human interaction, which is what you seem to want. (B)

 

Have you ever considered that sometimes people blurt out things (if this is said when you first meet) that aren't contrived or thought through? ©

 

Expecting an escort, who is often hired as much for or because of his social abilities as his other attributes, to adapt himself to your preferences may be expecting too much. You might be better off with anonymous hookups before which you make it clear you don't want to discuss anything that doesn't have to do with the activities you're engaging in. (D)

 

If you still continue to hire escorts, perhaps you need to have a similar conversation with them before you confirm an appointment. There's no need to go into why you want things this way other than it's hotter for you that way (which is true), however; if you do, you're likely to get an argument or a cancellation, because other people are likely to see your perspective as seriously skewed.

 

 

A) It bothers me because I don't like not knowing. I don't like not knowing because I do my best to figure out what is going on then. An escort's statements are always, a priori, about giving the client what the escort thinks the client wants to hear--this is the nature of the service--as such if the statement happens to be true it is a mere happy accident. Having an escort say "wow you good looking for a client*" drives me nuts because I literally can't tell if it is true or if he is just saying it because he thinks that is what I want to hear. But I don't like because I can't trust it. I think I would have the same issue if an escort told me I was really not his type...

 

*you look good for your age or variants.

 

I literally said BS to my regular the other day when he said I have a nice ass/legs because of this issue. I apologized afterwords. This is why I posted the thread. I need a better way to talk about it.

 

B) I like small talk...I perfectly fine with getting to know people and we can discuss the escort's taste in men in general. I'm extremely open about most things. I just don't want an escort talking about how I look if they think I'm good at sex.

 

C) Yes, this is most likely just being nice--in fact that is kind of the deal. I don't think it is any more calculated than anything else anybody says. But in general, people are saying things because they have an end goal in mind.

 

(D) Hook-ups are not worth the cost/benefit on my end. This isn't about not want to talk. I love to talk and have conversations with the escorts I hire. I just have this weird boundary.

[tyro]

I think I understand where you're coming from. Whenever a working guy compliments me on anything, I tend to assume he's just being nice and doesn't really mean it. A few guys have even called me out on that. (I guess my face betrays me more than I think it does.) I even told one guy, "Yeah yeah...I bet you say that to all of us," to which he replied sternly, "No. I don't. I don't compliment anybody if I don't mean it." I have since learned that he is right.

T

[+ purplekow]

I say this often so those who have heard it before, move on. You are hiring this guy to do a job. You want the job done the way you want it done.

So: "Yes come over. Keep small talk to a minimum. I am 32 average looking and do not want any compliments. You come in. I come. You go. Silence is golden so there is an extra $50 bucks if you say nothing at all" You can be polite about it but just set the rules and expect a good escort will respect them.

[jjkrkwood]

 

Hey Hobbes, this is what the escort is seeing when he looks at you, and I have No doubt he finds it attractive....

 

http://cdn29.elitedaily.com/content/uploads/2015/12/11152716/elite-daily-news2-800x400.jpg

[+ quoththeraven]

I think, by calling it a weird boundary, you have hit it on the nose. In order for you to get what you want, you need to be, as PK suggested, willing to forego small talk, too. If that's too big a price, you need to learn to deal with that. Life is full of tradeoffs. Here's one of them.

 

I happen to disagree with the premise that people say things with an end goal in mind. Sometimes people say things just to say them. (Venting is one example.) You have a far more instrumental (I think that's the right word) view of human nature than I do. Probably more so than most people. So it will be a difficult thing to explain and get someone to accept. My advice would be not to try that route.

[beachboy]

Do you accept compliments in other situations or just with escorts? If not I guess that makes it tough. You may just be a good looking fella you know. I can always tell if a compliment is genuine-well developed BS radar! I don't expect compliments on my looks but last time he said I had a nice ass as he proceeded to stuff it! Now I know that's genuine cos its my best asset. Please don't let this hang up spoil hires for you. You obviously are attractive so accept it & focus on what you find attractive about him.

[HobbesianAcademic]

I think, by calling it a weird boundary, you have hit it on the nose. In order for you to get what you want, you need to be, as PK suggested, willing to forego small talk, too. If that's too big a price, you need to learn to deal with that. Life is full of tradeoffs. Here's one of them.

 

I happen to disagree with the premise that people say things with an end goal in mind. Sometimes people say things just to say them. (Venting is one example.) You have a far more instrumental (I think that's the right word) view of human nature than I do. Probably more so than most people. So it will be a difficult thing to explain and get someone to accept. My advice would be not to try that route.

 

Maybe, I'm expecting to fine grain of instructions. I've tried "don't talk about my looks" and my regular generally doesn't but he doesn't always...not like he is trying to mess up but just being human and not always remembering this hang up.

 

 

I don't want to argue about this, but how is venting not an end goal? Do you not vent to relieve tension?

 

And yeah, I do have a deeply, deeply instrumental view of human nature. I didn't select my user name (I'm Hobbesian on rentmen as well) on accident. I selected it as both a heads up for this stuff and because well I am Hobbesian...

[Mikegaite]

Tell the escort, "Please don't talk about my looks; I'm nasty, brutish, and short."

[+ quoththeraven]

Maybe, I'm expecting to fine grain of instructions. I've tried "don't talk about my looks" and my regular generally doesn't but he doesn't always...not like he is trying to mess up but just being

 

 

I don't want to argue about this, but how is venting not an end goal? Do you not vent to relieve tension?

 

And yeah, I do have a deeply, deeply instrumental view of human nature. I didn't select my user name (I'm Hobbesian on rentmen as well) on accident. I selected it as both a heads up for this stuff and because well I am Hobbesian...

 

I thought you meant an end goal with respect to the person you're speaking to as opposed to for yourself. Sometimes we talk just to talk or as a means of expression. (Which is what venting us; the important thing is to have someone else listen rather than fix things.) I think you're reading more into that than there is.

 

Yes, I can see the reason for your username. The older I get, the lower my opinion of human nature and the more I understand why Hobbes wrote that life is nasty, brutish, and short (most of which is no longer true for most of us due to technological advances), but that's about the extent of my agreement with Hobbes.

[+ quoththeraven]

Tell the escort, "Please don't talk about my looks; I'm nasty, brutish, and short."

 

Then exit, pursued by a bear!

[MiamiLooker]

http://www.mildart.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/dont-make-a-mountain-out-of-a-molehill-original.jpg

[Kuriousity]

If a guy who is reasonably attractive says you are reasonably attractive, bank it and move on to the fucking. Sorry to be crude, but, that is why that man is there. You are letting yourself fixate on an irrelevant subject. I completely understand the whole "escorts are people too" concept, but a work assignment is a work assignment. If you think the comment he gives is complete crap, then that is your right, but like I said...keep it moving.