Only 36?

[+ TylerandAce]

To us, expressing a fetish in a healthy, nurturing way is really important...and even necessary. Although this article is just for online "journalism" purposes, it did get me to thinking about what turns on some guys on in our community, and why. Being a working couple in this industry makes us somewhat a fetish already. We seem to attract some very interesting and varied subcategories, of course. I'm wondering a few things, though:

http://www.advocate.com/love-and-sex/2016/3/04/36-fetishes-every-gay-man-should-know

1. Do fetishes most often manifest themselves as a single interest or is it usual to have more than one. 2. Do fetishes change and evolve over time, or are they static for most?

3. Was there fear associated with a fetish you might have (fear of discovery, fear of injury, fear of rejection, etc) and how did you overcome it (or have you)?

4. If you are into a fetish (or fetishes like ones noted here), does that preclude intimacy in a hiring situation for you?

Thanks

Ace

[+ Truereview]

To us, expressing a fetish in a healthy, nurturing way is really important...and even necessary. Although this article is just for online "journalism" purposes, it did get me to thinking about what turns on some guys on in our community, and why. Being a working couple in this industry makes us somewhat a fetish already. We seem to attract some very interesting and varied subcategories, of course. I'm wondering a few things, though:

http://www.advocate.com/love-and-sex/2016/3/04/36-fetishes-every-gay-man-should-know

1. Do fetishes most often manifest themselves as a single interest or is it usual to have more than one. 2. Do fetishes change and evolve over time, or are they static for most?

3. Was there fear associated with a fetish you might have (fear of discovery, fear of injury, fear of rejection, etc) and how did you overcome it (or have you)?

4. If you are into a fetish (or fetishes like ones noted here), does that preclude intimacy in a hiring situation for you?

Thanks

Ace

 

Great thread, Ace! I'm not sure why it isn't getting tons of traffic & responses.

Come on gang, if we can do chili, we can do this post!

 

1. Do fetishes most often manifest themselves as a single interest or is it usual to have more than one? I'm overwhelmingly vanilla and that's bc I don't trust easily. For me, fetishes manifest individually & sequentially as I trust more. I'm thinking that if I were fully trusting, they may show up in multiples.

 

2. Do fetishes change and evolve over time, or are they static for most? Depends on the fetish. I've grown out of my fetish to pour hot wax on a bubble butt, but I continue to be fascinated by the visual of gooey, thick liquids like honey/etc slowly displacing over ripped or sensuous body parts.

 

3. Was there fear associated with a fetish you might have (fear of discovery, fear of injury, fear of rejection, etc) and how did you overcome it (or have you)? My fear is betrayal. If my fetishes become gossip, I feel trust has been forever broken. I hate to confide & then have it be broadcasted. It is not that I care what others think, it is about the break in secret intimacy - you & me, we keep this fetish between us in delicious privacy. It no longer special - to me- if public.

 

4. If you are into a fetish (or fetishes like ones noted here), does that preclude intimacy in a hiring situation for you? Hell no. Fetish exploration to me is an extension of true intimacy. The very reason I cultivate escorting relationships for years is to achieve the richest levels of intimacy with more than one man without the need to commit. Exploring fetishes with escorts is easier for me bc of their willingness & openness.

[Kenny]

To us, expressing a fetish in a healthy, nurturing way is really important...and even necessary. Although this article is just for online "journalism" purposes, it did get me to thinking about what turns on some guys on in our community, and why. Being a working couple in this industry makes us somewhat a fetish already. We seem to attract some very interesting and varied subcategories, of course. I'm wondering a few things, though:

 

 

 

 

 

http://www.advocate.com/love-and-sex/2016/3/04/36-fetishes-every-gay-man-should-know

1. Do fetishes most often manifest themselves as a single interest or is it usual to have more than one. 2. Do fetishes change and evolve over time, or are they static for most?

3. Was there fear associated with a fetish you might have (fear of discovery, fear of injury,

 

 

 

 

fear of rejection, etc) and how did you overcome it (or have you)?

4. If you are into a fetish (or fetishes like ones noted here), does that preclude intimacy in a hiring situation for you?

Thanks

Ace

 

A fetish is an obsession. Can being obsessive ever really be healthy and nurturing?

[+ quoththeraven]

In general, I have kinks, not fetishes, so it would be difficult for me to contribute to this discussion. It's the process that matters to me, not so much the physical object.

 

I will say that kink often enhances intimacy rather than detracting from it.

[+ Truereview]

A fetish is an obsession. Can being obsessive ever really be healthy and nurturing?

Good point. I'm not sure it is an obsession but more of a fixation? Here is an abridged definition...

Fetish: An object of irrational reverence or obsessive devotion. an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression

In general, I have kinks, not fetishes, so it would be difficult for me to contribute to this discussion. It's the process that matters to me, not so much the physical object.

 

I will say that kink often enhances intimacy rather than detracting from it.

Thank you! I had honestly never thought about differentiating kink & fetish.

[+ TylerandAce]

Great thread, Ace! I'm not sure why it isn't getting tons of traffic & responses.

Come on gang, if we can do chili, we can do this post!

 

1. Do fetishes most often manifest themselves as a single interest or is it usual to have more than one? I'm overwhelmingly vanilla and that's bc I don't trust easily. For me, fetishes manifest individually & sequentially as I trust more. I'm thinking that if I were fully trusting, they may show up in multiples.

 

2. Do fetishes change and evolve over time, or are they static for most? Depends on the fetish. I've grown out of my fetish to pour hot wax on a bubble butt, but I continue to be fascinated by the visual of gooey, thick liquids like honey/etc slowly displacing over ripped or sensuous body parts.

 

3. Was there fear associated with a fetish you might have (fear of discovery, fear of injury, fear of rejection, etc) and how did you overcome it (or have you)? My fear is betrayal. If my fetishes become gossip, I feel trust has been forever broken. I hate to confide & then have it be broadcasted. It is not that I care what others think, it is about the break in secret intimacy - you & me, we keep this fetish between us in delicious privacy. It no longer special - to me- if public.

 

4. If you are into a fetish (or fetishes like ones noted here), does that preclude intimacy in a hiring situation for you? Hell no. Fetish exploration to me is an extension of true intimacy. The very reason I cultivate escorting relationships for years is to achieve the richest levels of intimacy with more than one man without the need to commit. Exploring fetishes with escorts is easier for me bc of their willingness & openness.

 

Awesome responses...thanks for this. I like the "Hell No" part. For us, the fetishes facilitate the intimacy which grows from trust. Pretty powerful stuff, I think.

[+ quoththeraven]

I had honestly never thought about differentiating kink & fetish.

 

Before this, neither had I.

[+ TylerandAce]

Before this, neither had I.

To me, kink is piggy sex where a fetish is actually something more significant and internal. IDK...maybe that's oversimplified.

[mike carey]

I'm as vanilla as anything. That said, I have thought and read about fetishes and kinks (and I'm inclined to group them together). I'm not ashamed of them but I can understand why, in this sex-negative world, some people are. For me, it's more that I am nervous about them, if indeed I am even interested. Some of you may have seen my comments elsewhere in the forum that I was interested in the idea of domination and submission. I still am but the circumstances in which I would be interested are still very limited. I wasn't much interested in the 36 that were included in the article T&A linked to, but I would be surprised if anyone would like one of them but none of the others.

 

If I were meeting someone like T&A I would probably be open to kinks and fetishes that they suggested, regardless of what I had considered beforehand, but certainly not all 36 or all on any other list.

 

I don't think kink and/or fetish is an obstacle to intimacy at all. You can do both with the same person.

[+ quoththeraven]

To me, kink is piggy sex where a fetish is actually something more significant and internal. IDK...maybe that's oversimplified.

 

For whatever reason, it works the opposite way for me. I'm particularly into bondage/restraints and have been since I bound my hands with stretchy hairbands as a child. I view kink as significant and internal and fetishes, to the extent I have them, as external ways to get where kink takes me.

 

I've had kinky sex that is piggy, but I wouldn't characterize all the kinky sex I've had that way.

[jackjackjack]

Is a fascinating question. Not a vanilla guy here. piggy sex works.. haha ... maybe a combination of kink and fetish. Some things I was interested in years back, I have no interest in now, so interests can change.

About intimacy..... anonymous sex can be hot sometimes....blindfolded, etc. So it may exclude intimacy.

Usually, once I get to know someone on a more personal level, I have no interest in sex with him.

[+ quoththeraven]

Usually, once I get to know someone on a more personal level, I have no interest in sex with him.

 

More than one poster here has said this. My reaction is pretty much the opposite.

 

The idea of completely anonymous sex is hot. Unfortunately, as a cis female, I wouldn't feel safe (and I'm not primarily talking about safer sex practices) engaging in it unless a male enabler were involved or if it happened at a function like Winterfire, a mostly hetero alt sex equivalent to IML/MAL.

[+ TylerandAce]

Maybe it depends on the person you're with and maybe it depends on what you want from the situation. I certainly can see times where the fetish just led to a release and others where it was part of a bigger intimacy. Humans are complicated, I guess! ...lol

[+ Funguy]

To me, kink is more piggy sex play with a particular bent; fetish is a necessary item in order for a person to have the greatest satisfaction.

Just IMHO.

[+ TylerandAce]

To me, kink is more piggy sex play with a particular bent; fetish is a necessary item in order for a person to have the greatest satisfaction.

Just IMHO.

Well said.

[rvwnsd]

...

1. Do fetishes most often manifest themselves as a single interest or is it usual to have more than one....

Assuming the simple definition of fetish (per Webster's "a need or desire for an object, body part, or activity for sexual excitement") I have more than one.

...

2. Do fetishes change and evolve over time, or are they static for most?...

I've added to my repertoire over the years. About 10 years ago I started getting into watersports and more recently into feet.

...

3. Was there fear associated with a fetish you might have (fear of discovery, fear of injury, fear of rejection, etc) and how did you overcome it (or have you)?...

No fear for me. When reviewing an escort, however, I typically do not state the type of fetishes we entertain, as I do not want prospective clients to be turned off on an escort because we engaged in one fetish or another.

...

4. If you are into a fetish (or fetishes like ones noted here), does that preclude intimacy in a hiring situation for you?

Thanks

Ace

 

Not at all. In fact, I think entertaining my fetishes brings about greater intimacy.

 

One additional note: I was surprised casting (the wearing of a cast) and saran wrap were not mentioned, but blood and knives were. I have never encountered anyone who expressed a knife or blood fetish (most guys state "no blood") but casting and wrapping are fairly common.

[+ TylerandAce]

I thought there were some other fairly common ones that weren't listed, too. That's why I asked "only 36?"...lol. I think it's interesting that both of ours have changed a little over time...lost interest in some, develop new ones. Some even change to just being a "taste" and others get deeper, I think. Then you hear about something like casting and think, why didn't I think about that!?!?

[rvwnsd]

Yep. They left out fisting, sounding, and pumping but they included guns. Strange.

 

Also, not a fan of "[insert the number and name of thing] Every [Guy, Girl, Gay Man, Lesbian, and so forth] Must Know." Sounds like something out of Cosmo. (I find it equally cringeworthy when I see it in Men's Fitness, OUT, etc)

[+ TylerandAce]

Right...totally a fluff piece made for social media. However, I must say I did succumb and open the link. Sucker!!

[rvwnsd]

Right...totally a fluff piece made for social media. However, I must say I did succumb and open the link. Sucker!!

As did I.

 

There's a reason I let my Advocate subscription lapse.

[+ TylerandAce]

lol...and it gave us a reason to talk about stuff that really turns me on!!

[+ purplekow]

I checked the link. Some of the choices were disturbing....guns, knives, blood.....and some were interesting rubber, rope, bondage. I would say I have incorporated about 25 of the things listed into routine sex, so as to spice it up. I love to take a chocolate eclair and smear it over a muscular body and then lick the cream off, but my waistline would never tolerate that becoming a necessary part of sex. So an occasional eclair hardly counts as a fetish. I am not sure it even reaches the level of kink. I think of it as playful and delicious fun. So Ace, should I stop at the bakery before I make your acquaintance in Palm Springs?

[+ TylerandAce]

uh...eclairs and donuts...donut holes....bear claws, and any other sexually suggestive pastries you can imagine! WE LOVE BAKED GOODS!!!!

[+ Eric Hassan]

To us, expressing a fetish in a healthy, nurturing way is really important...and even necessary. Although this article is just for online "journalism" purposes, it did get me to thinking about what turns on some guys on in our community, and why. Being a working couple in this industry makes us somewhat a fetish already. We seem to attract some very interesting and varied subcategories, of course. I'm wondering a few things, though:

http://www.advocate.com/love-and-sex/2016/3/04/36-fetishes-every-gay-man-should-know

1. Do fetishes most often manifest themselves as a single interest or is it usual to have more than one. 2. Do fetishes change and evolve over time, or are they static for most?

3. Was there fear associated with a fetish you might have (fear of discovery, fear of injury, fear of rejection, etc) and how did you overcome it (or have you)?

4. If you are into a fetish (or fetishes like ones noted here), does that preclude intimacy in a hiring situation for you?

Thanks

Ace

 

The article is fluffy bulltshit, but I like your questions. I have had a forearm fetish for as long as I can remember - even before I understood it was a sexual thing for me. I remember being fascinated with guy's forearms from the age of 5 or so, and experienced it turn into a sexual attraction/fetish as I developed sexually. I'm 37 now, and have a few other fetishes that have developed over time and that are fetishes for me in varying degrees. Nothing comes close to my forearm fetish though. Here are my thoughts:

 

1. I think most people have 1 or 2 prominent fetishes, with a varying amount of additional fetishes of varying degrees of interest. I also think fetishes can be person dependent. For example, I had a boyfriend who was really into sneakers and I got so turned on by the way they looked on him and started finding myself looking at and fetishizing other sneakers on other guys - a fetish I didn't have until I met him but one that endures, now 6 years later. It's never even come close for me to the intensity of my forearm fetish, but it's still there!

2. I think fetishes change and evolve over time. For the most part, I think this is a function of exposure and experience. For example, I've found my forearm fetish to get much more detailed and intense as I've aged, and exactly what forearms turn me on has changed as well - mostly the fetish has become broader, and I've found a wider tolerance and increased specificity in my tastes. Now I enjoy more variety in what turns me on and experience more little details that get me going.

3. I was embarrassed to tell people about my forearm fetish for fear they would think I was weird. It feels very personal to admit something that you see all the time turns me on, and I was worried people might find me creepy. I started to share because being I was missing out on enjoying so many forearms and decided the possible judgments weren't enough of a barrier to stop me from at least trying to indulge myself.

4. My fetish doesn't play into how I work as an escort. It's not relevant for me in a hiring situation. I don't need to have a guy to have nice forearms to have sex with him - hired or recreational - but it certainly helps, and given my choices, I'll always pick the dude with the best arms.

[whipped guy]

I think of a fetish as being a habitual and obsessive erotic fixation. Kink is an unconventional sexual preference. Of course the two can overlap.

 

This thread reminds me of the very long discussions I had with a retired escort who was not only troubled by the fact that he was intrigued by the world of BDSM, but also had a need to know why he was so attracted to such so-called bizarre desires. This was especially distressing to him because he enjoyed being the sub. He had asked how I had gotten into the scene and I told him that I was fortunate to have hired a total professional who was able to make me feel comfortable with my wants, needs, and desires. He then hired a Dom as his mentor and he took to the scene like a duck to water. However, he never understood why and unfortunately never felt totally comfortable with his newly discovered proclivity. In fact he was somewhat embarrassed by the fact that he was attracted to the scene.

 

I encouraged him to stop overanalyzing things. After all, it was something that he enjoyed and it did not matter why, how, or whatever anyone else thought about it. He finally agreed that I was right. Interestingly, he only came to that conclusion when at my suggestion we had a session at a club where he and I in uninhibited fashion bared everything by doing an S&M switch scene out in the open and in full view of like-minded individuals. He was totally blown away by the experience. This is part of what he wrote in his blog when he came to that realization:

 

It's those "WOW" moments... the debated puzzle suddenly comes together and the pieces connect... While I have for some time had an interest in the the BDSM world, I too fell victim to popular stereo-types and misconceptions... of just what BDSM was. Through discovery, some guidance from my mentor (whom I sorely miss and honestly will always have a piece of my heart despite our distance), research online and conversations with others, like me who were interested but closeted due to the fear of what others would think of me both personally and professionally. Well, because of this very gracious client and through his review, I'm able to speak and point to a time in my life where I personally grew as an individual and an escort. Priceless.

 

Incidentally, I am very careful when I write reviews where BDSM is involved unless I get permission from the escort to get explicit. In this case the escort wanted and needed to have things totally and overtly revealed. He subsequently offered BDSM services to his clients as a Dom. Prior to that I was virtually his only such client even though we usually mixed things up and did an S&M switch. He is long retired and sorely missed as well.