Dating

[Kuriousity]

I was reading in another thread about someone debating getting into escorting, and Alec Andrews made a comment to the effect of that escorting could (not exactly would) have a negative impact on personal relationships--meaning possible romantic relationships. That got me wondering....Do escorts have people in their lives who they date? I am not talking about BFE situations. I mean legitimate off-the-clock romantic relationships. If they do date, do they date other escorts, or do they go exotic & date people not remotely connected to the business?

[Juan Vancouver]

Whenever I have been single and escorting I have had absolutely no problem finding amazing men who were interested in me romantically. None of them had hired me or were interested in hiring, none of them were escorts or porn actors. All of them had what society would refer to as high profile, high responsibility, high respectability jobs.

 

The disparity of our situation never seemed to matter. I started two long term relationships while being an escort, one of which continues to this day. Curiously, my current partner, who had a very respectable job when we met was bitten by the escorting bug to the delight of many.

 

I only date intelligent, well educated, open minded men who are somewhat emotionally literate and are willing to expand their horizons and learn new ways. People like this -to my experience- have never expressed any problem with escorting.

[BaronArtz]

I think that Juan's experience, as described above, is truly unique. It should not be taken as the norm.

 

Being an escort is far more likely to completely destroy your dating life. For all the wrong reasons, there is still a huge stigma attached to being an escort. I seriously cannot think of many people, gay or straight, who could put up with dating an escort - except maybe somebody who is also an escort. Even then.

 

I work as a volunteer at Callan-Lorde in NYC. We host informal self help groups where gay escorts can meet to discuss their life, their anguish and their desire to leave the business sometimes. Many can't. Drug addiction, the threat of being homeless ... it is all too real.

[RussJohnson]

I was reading in another thread about someone debating getting into escorting, and Alec Andrews made a comment to the effect of that escorting could (not exactly would) have a negative impact on personal relationships--meaning possible romantic relationships. That got me wondering....Do escorts have people in their lives who they date? I am not talking about BFE situations. I mean legitimate off-the-clock romantic relationships. If they do date, do they date other escorts, or do they go exotic & date people not remotely connected to the business?

 

I don't think there is one answer, but yes escorts date, have long term relationships in and out of the business, get married, etc.

[RussJohnson]

I think that Juan's experience, as described above, is truly unique. It should not be taken as the norm.

 

Being an escort is far more likely to completely destroy your dating life. For all the wrong reasons, there is still a huge stigma attached to being an escort. I seriously cannot think of many people, gay or straight, who could put up with dating an escort - except maybe somebody who is also an escort. Even then.

 

I work as a volunteer at Callan-Lorde in NYC. We host informal self help groups where gay escorts can meet to discuss their life, their anguish and their desire to leave the business sometimes. Many can't. Drug addiction, the threat of being homeless ... it is all too real.

 

Or maybe I'm wrong, haha

[Kuriousity]

This will make me sound horrible, but the idea of a married escort makes me cringe. I know that sound terrible, but I am owning it....

[+ José Soplanucas]

I agree with @BaronArtz about not taking Juan's experience as the norm. I would also go one step further and say that no one's experience should be taken as the norm. I think the less educative and interesting threads in these forums are those that look for a single and simplifying answer for our diverse and complex reality. I enjoy the most the threads where we do not try to find an answer but just share and learn from each other's experiences and outlooks.

[RussJohnson]

This will make me sound horrible, but the idea of a married escort makes me cringe. I know that sound terrible, but I am owning it....

 

As opposed to one who is dating?

[Kuriousity]

I can't explain why it makes me cringe. It just does, o-fucking-kay?

[RussJohnson]

That was actually a legitimate question.

I don't really do forum snark.

[BaronArtz]

I can't explain why it makes me cringe. It just does, o-fucking-kay?

 

I would think it CAN work for some people ... I don't see how, but if it does then that's fine of course.

 

As a personal experience. When RB went down, I saw a video clip somewhere of a ginger haired escort taking care of his elderly partner. Was the partner a boyfriend, or his husband, I am not sure. The partner appeared handicapped and much in need of the younger guy/escort. I felt that there interaction on the video clip, a scene of their life together, was very sensitive and very intimate. It was lovely. It also made me never want to never hire him as an escort. As a client, I would somehow feel I was intruding into their relationship, almost as if I was 'soiling' it. That was just my personal observation.

 

The escort I am referring too quit the business, I heard.

[RussJohnson]

It's probably correlates to how one feels about open relationships.

[mattr]

I would think it CAN work for some people ... I don't see how, but if it does then that's fine of course.

 

As a personal experience. When RB went down, I saw a video clip somewhere of a ginger haired escort taking care of his elderly partner. Was the partner a boyfriend, or his husband, I am not sure. The partner appeared handicapped and much in need of the younger guy/escort. I felt that there interaction on the video clip, a scene of their life together, was very sensitive and very intimate. It was lovely. It also made me never want to never hire him as an escort. As a client, I would somehow feel I was intruding into their relationship, almost as if I was 'soiling' it. That was just my personal observation.

 

The escort I am referring too quit the business, I heard.

 

I saw that video as well. They were a couple and one of them had an accident that left him unable to work and in need of someone to take care of him. The other partner was an escort and the money he made escorting was used to support both of them. The video showed such intense love between the two of them and such selflessness on the part of the able partner that I agree it would be hard to hire him as an escort. I'd be more likely to hire him for a nice dinner out and a chat and then send him off with his fee and take-out from the restaurant as meal for his partner.

[Juan Vancouver]

I think that Juan's experience, as described above, is truly unique. It should not be taken as the norm. Being an escort is far more likely to completely destroy your dating life.

 

I agree that my experience should not be taken as the norm. There is not such a thing as the norm.

 

Why don't you share with us YOUR experience as an escort? How many years have YOU escorted? What sort of challenges have YOU, as an escort, faced when trying to date?

 

For all the wrong reasons, there is still a huge stigma attached to being an escort. I seriously cannot think of many people, gay or straight, who could put up with dating an escort - except maybe somebody who is also an escort. Even then.

 

What your post makes clear is that no escort should try to date you. And that is good to know. Of course you are entitled to have your own prejudices and personal views about the subject. We all have the right to have a position on all subjects, so really I am not begrudging you your beliefs. This, however, doesn't give us ANY insight on the challenges escorts might encounter when dating people other than yourself. Whenever this subject has come up, you repeatedly try to convince everyone how nobody will date an escort and how we suffer from constant prejudice and shame. Your approach to this subject often feels like the patronizing view of a caucasian social worker helping the struggling black kids in a poor neighbourhood.

 

"I feel like this about this subject" is a personal opinion we can work with.

 

"I know most people feel like this about this subject" is not useful in any way. Feels more like a form of aggression than an opinion.

 

I don't think you are mean or that you wish escorts ill. I actually think you wish you could help those in need and that is praise worthy. I just would like to invite you to consider the possibility that by extrapolating your personal bias you might actually sending a crippling message to those who you are trying to help.

 

I work as a volunteer at Callan-Lorde in NYC. We host informal self help groups where gay escorts can meet to discuss their life, their anguish and their desire to leave the business sometimes. Many can't. Drug addiction, the threat of being homeless ... it is all too real.

 

I am not entirely sure what Callan-Lorde might be, but my educated guess is that if anyone, escort or not is making use of a group therapy session it is because they are struggling. Trying to gain insight into Group X by studying only the small subgroup that struggles and then saying "X demographic struggles!" is not very scientific. I'd be thrilled if you had also insight into the countless escorts who are thriving, both romantically and financially.

 

The words we use have power.

 

Sometimes when trying to be sympathetic, we disempower others.

[+ WmClarke]

I saw that video as well. They were a couple and one of them had an accident that left him unable to work and in need of someone to take care of him. The other partner was an escort and the money he made escorting was used to support both of them. The video showed such intense love between the two of them and such selflessness on the part of the able partner that I agree it would be hard to hire him as an escort. I'd be more likely to hire him for a nice dinner out and a chat and then send him off with his fee and take-out from the restaurant as meal for his partner.

It's Rob Yaeger. The video is from Cocky Boys.

[stop]

I think it all depends on the guys. Was in a long term relationship with an escort. My work never bothered him and his work didn't bother me. Things came apart for us when his work life crept into our personal life. Our communication broke down and that is where it fell apart. i love(d) him and never for a second was worried he was going to run off with some guy. The funny thing is we had a bigger issue early on in our relationship when he cheated on me once with a guy that he met at a bar off the clock. That pissed me off. But we got through it by talking it out.

 

I remember that of the guys in our circle at the time, most of them were dating other pros or if there was a mixed couple that relationship seemed to fall apart pretty quickly after they met. Some of the other people I met during this time struggled with feeling inadequate or worried that their boyfriend was going to leave them. I believe it always failed because they looked at their boyfriend as an escort that they were dating. I think they were looking for the escort experience on a permanent basis. I don't believe that is possible you can't expect somebody to be "on" forever. I always looked at him as my boyfriend not an escort that I was dating. I really didn't even think of him as an escort until the very end he was always my boyfriend. I think my job worried him more than his job worried me.

[stop]

It's Rob Yaeger. The video is from Cocky Boys.

 

I haven't' been moved by something like this in a long time. Thanks for sharing the video. I had no idea about Rob's background.

[BaronArtz]

I haven't' been moved by something like this in a long time. Thanks for sharing the video. I had no idea about Rob's background.

 

Yeah. How could you possibly see this and not be moved? It made me think. I would just never want to intrude into their intimacy.

[AresEscortNYC]

It's tricky (pun unintended but appropriate.) I did once date someone in the business. That was a first (and hasn't happened since,) and we broke up bc it was long-distance (as in he lived in England... I know, crazy.) More recently, I dated someone with a normal professional job for 1 year. We weren't a match, altho ill always love him. Our break-up had nothing to do with either of our jobs. Having said that, I AM somewhat hesitant to date, bc I know, should things start to become serious, there is a point at which i will feel obligated to disclose, and I know... Well, I DON'T know what their reaction will be. This is not something I share with strangers, and in the initial dating stage your date IS a stranger. There are long stretches I take myself out of the dating world entirely bc I'm not feeling up to the task of dating period, but I probably do make fewer attempts than I likely would were I in a more innocuous field. Bottom line I need to remind myself anything is possible, and to be open to to all possibilities in life... Juan makes an excellent point. yet I also agree w BaronArtz that tbere is a stigma. (Deep breath.) OK, i hereby affirm to try and be open to all of life's possibilities, without maneuvering to control the outcome... In other words, we shall see!

[+ quoththeraven]

Unless I imagined it, former EOY Andrew Justice and Sean Xavier recently got engaged. They're both escorts, although I think Sean has lessened his schedule due to other commitments. So we may soon have a married escort couple on our hands.

 

Miles Previtire is married to a woman, but his scene is a pretty specific one that isn't inconsistent with that.

 

Marriage implies more permanency than dating, but there are plenty of people, straight and gay, in monogamish, open, polyamorous, informal group or otherwise non-traditional marriages. What it means is specific to each couple. They get to define what it means. (Which is also my response to those who object to same-sex marriage as a way of homogenizing gayness.)

[BabyBoomer]

@TylerandAce are married & escorting.

 

~ Boomer ~

[LADoug1]

I saw that video as well. They were a couple and one of them had an accident that left him unable to work and in need of someone to take care of him. The other partner was an escort and the money he made escorting was used to support both of them. The video showed such intense love between the two of them and such selflessness on the part of the able partner that I agree it would be hard to hire him as an escort. I'd be more likely to hire him for a nice dinner out and a chat and then send him off with his fee and take-out from the restaurant as meal for his partner.

Interesting that I on the other hand would be even more interested in hiring the escort for either a sex- or a non-sex date. He seems like a particularly sweet special man with whom I'd like to be intimate. And I think too that he appreciates and respects his clients all the more. But I also would hope that he wasn't escorting solely out of desperation. That would be a consideration as well.

[+ TylerandAce]

@TylerandAce are married & escorting.

 

~ Boomer ~

We do, yes. Certainly don't expect everybody to understand, much less identify with it. And honestly, we don't care if people approve. It works for us and even adds an interesting twist to the relationship. We approach it from different perspectives but we talk a lot about our experiences and how we are feeling. We've always been able to share openly, so that helps. The main reason we do it together is so that it is a shared experience and not something unidentifiable to the other person. Our relationship would be threatened if just one of us was active and the other wasn't. As has been mentioned here, we feel strongly that we define our relationship our way that is meaningful to us. People are scared of what they don't understand and may condescend, belittle, or ridicule, but honestly we've had none of that so far. Folks have been very respectful. We know we aren't for everybody.

[+ Truereview]

As has been mentioned here, we feel strongly that we define our relationship our way that is meaningful to us.

It only needs to be right for the two of you. That's all that matters.

[+ TylerandAce]

Exactly...plus, it's fun! :eek: