Overthinking it?

[mike carey]

Don't focus on whether you fuck or not, find an escort who can play with you, tickle your fancy, approach you gently. He may end up being the bottom you want or perhaps surprise you and be the one who fucks you into next week!

[rvwnsd]

Huh. My therapist has to keep reminding me of this. Thanks for pointing it out! Living in LA I can't imagine finding a men's coming out group would be very difficult. Excellent idea.

I happen to be one of the facilitators of the Men's Coming Out Group in San Diego. We remind guys of this all the time. It is OK to forget and require a reminder. That's what we are here for.

 

Although the LA LGBT Center's website does not list the exact day and time of their group, they have a link to coming out support services:

 

http://www.lalgbtcenter.org/coming_out_support

 

I do not know whether the LA group is a drop-in (like the one we have in SD) or if they require going through an intake process, but it is worth checking out. I went through one in Chicago many years ago and it was a godsend. There are other groups not affiliated with LGBT centers that focus on gay and bisexual dads, gay and bisexual husbands, men going through divorce and so forth. My advice is to start with a coming out group hosted by the LGBT center and at the same time research other groups. If/when you join a center-based group, you can ask whether anyone knows of other groups and if anyone has experience with groups you might find on your own. You can also ask your therapist for suggestions. Many of our members are referred by their therapists.

 

The Human Rights Campaign also has excellent coming out resources:

 

Coming out resource page: http://hrc.org/resources/topic/coming-out

 

A Guide To Coming Out: http://hrc.org/resources/resource-guide-to-coming-out

 

Several of the guys in our group have praised the Guide to Coming Out. We used to distribute a print copy, but it is now available as a downloadable PDF that appears to be updated with some degree of frequency.

 

There are also several books on the topic, but I have to admit I haven't read any of them, so it is difficult to recommend one. If you encounter one that you would like an opinion on start a conversation with me and I will be glad to peruse and get back to you.

 

Three final notes:

 

1. The only person you need to "come out" to is yourself. Everyone else is optional. This piece of yourself is yours to share or not to share. Think of it as you would a gift. Sharing it is giving the person the gift of knowing a little bit more about you.
   
2. You might already know this, but the Google Chrome browser allows you to open browser pages in "incognito" mode. That means your browsing history will not be saved on your computer. This could come in handy if you are concerned about your wife or kids finding out you are doing internet research on coming out and being out resources, i.e.them deducing that you are attracted to men before you are ready to tell them yourself.
   
3. You asked us to suggest escorts. Here are a few:
   

 

Nate in Long Beach

.

http://www.men4rentnow.com/gay/escort/male/massage/los_angeles/YourHunk/166079

I can't say enough good things about Nate. He's a great guy, very attractive and sexy, great conversationalist, and nice, patient lover. He also has a very clean, well-maintained, nicely decorated place. He is older than you specified and is hairy, but I think he would make a terrific companion for your first time.

 

Rod Hagen in West Hollywood.

http://www.men4rentnow.com/gay/escort/male/massage/west_hollywood/RodHagen/105574

Rod is also a nice guy, very sexy smooth body, and a hell of a lot of fun in bed. I think he is 100% top, but you can ask him about that. I am a bottom, so versatility is not something I am concerned about (unless I'm hiring a bottom, of course)

 

Alec Andrews in West Hollywood.

http://rentmen.com/AlecAndrews

It is difficult NOT to rave about Alec. He is one of the sweetest, sexiest, handsomest guys I have met. He is currently traveling a lot, but he is based in LA. Of the escorts I've met, he probably comes closest to meeting your preferences.

 

Nate is #1 on my list because of the three, he and I have spent the most time talking about things in general, so I can vouch for his conversation skills. Rod and I got down to business fairly quickly and we both had things to do after our session, so we were not able to have a lengthy conversation. That being said, he was not eager to push me out the door, despite him having plans with a friend after our playdate. Alec and I got together in the late evening. Honestly, I had to head back to my hotel to rest up for a full day of work the next day, so there was not a whole lot of time (or remaining energy) for conversation. Had we scheduled a longer playdate earlier in the evening we would have conversed more.

I hope this helps. Please feel free to start a conversation with me if you have amy questions or need more information.

[+ Charlie]

My first piece of advice would be to see if it is possible to change your handle: the regulars here are used to calling Gar1eth "Gman" (as he actually signs himself), and we are going to get very confused about who we are conversing with.

 

You introduce yourself as a husband and father, but you haven't said anything about your relationship with your wife. Is she aware of your interest in experimenting with men? If not, have you decided how you will handle her reaction if she finds out that you have done it? I raise this issue only because you sound just like another poster who introduced himself here in a similar way a number of years ago, and who became a close personal friend of mine as a result of the interaction with him here. His wife discovered by accident that he had hired an escort he encountered through this site, and it led to her decision to divorce him--amicably, but it was not what he had wanted. It is important for you to explore your own desires, but you are not operating in a vacuum.

 

Once you do move forward on hiring an escort, all of the advice you have received above is good. But it sounds like what you are really longing for is an authentic romantic relationship rather than simply sexual satisfaction, so hiring an escort is likely to be a way to transition to that rather than a permanent solution to your sexual needs.

 

(I see Gman himself has commented on this issue while I was typing this.)

[Gar1eth]

Hello GMan. You are not the only 50+, non-HWP (more than 20+ lbs. for me), less fortunately endowed man where weeks, turned into months, turned into years without sex (and never with a man prior). The reasons why are different for each. As I begin to explore this part of me, I've learned that with the right escort, that begins to go away. You feel younger, desirable, have a better body, your endowment doesn't matter (it just feels great), and your confidence begins to grow.

 

I don't want to throw cold water or make you hesitate from all the good advice on here. But I'm going to have to disagree with Bashful here. I guess I'm not saying what Bashful describes couldn't happen. And maybe it does for most people. And there is no denying that I've been accused (rightfully so )in the past on here of being too much in my head. Sex for some people seems to be a really transcendent experience. For me, not so much. While an escort can make me feel (very) good, I can't truthfully say I forget any of my literal or figurative shortcomings. And once you hire, if you are more like me than you are Bashful, I don't want you to feel like something is wrong with you. Believe me, even without having Bashful's type of experience I've had a lot of enjoyment over the years. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have continued to hire.

 

Gman

[Gar1eth]

Don't focus on whether you fuck or not, find an escort who can play with you, tickle your fancy, approach you gently. He may end up being the bottom you want or perhaps surprise you and be the one who fucks you into next week!

 

Let's not get carried away. Some of us are very constant in our positions. Also maybe I was different in being 41 and a total virgin when I hired. I will also admit I was a bundle of nerves during my 1st hire. But if I hadn't had actual sex my first time, I would have been extremely disappointed.

 

I happen to be one of the facilitators of the Men's Coming Out Group in San Diego. We remind guys of this all the time. It is OK to forget and require a reminder. That's what we are here for.

 

Although the LA LGBT Center's website does not list the exact day and time of their group, they have a link to coming out support services:

 

http://www.lalgbtcenter.org/coming_out_support

 

I do not know whether the LA group is a drop-in (like the one we have in SD) or if they require going through an intake process, but it is worth checking out. I went through one in Chicago many years ago and it was a godsend. There are other groups not affiliated with LGBT centers that focus on gay and bisexual dads, gay and bisexual husbands, men going through divorce and so forth. My advice is to start with a coming out group hosted by the LGBT center and at the same time research other groups. If/when you join a center-based group, you can ask whether anyone knows of other groups and if anyone has experience with groups you might find on your own. You can also ask your therapist for suggestions. Many of our members are referred by their therapists.

 

The Human Rights Campaign also has excellent coming out resources:

 

Coming out resource page: http://hrc.org/resources/topic/coming-out

 

A Guide To Coming Out: http://hrc.org/resources/resource-guide-to-coming-out

 

Several of the guys in our group have praised the Guide to Coming Out. We used to distribute a print copy, but it is now available as a downloadable PDF that appears to be updated with some degree of frequency.

 

There are also several books on the topic, but I have to admit I haven't read any of them, so it is difficult to recommend one. If you encounter one that you would like an opinion on start a conversation with me and I will be glad to peruse and get back to you.

 

Three final notes:

 

1. The only person you need to "come out" to is yourself. Everyone else is optional. This piece of yourself is yours to share or not to share. Think of it as you would a gift. Sharing it is giving the person the gift of knowing a little bit more about you.
   
2. You might already know this, but the Google Chrome browser allows you to open browser pages in "incognito" mode. That means your browsing history will not be saved on your computer. This could come in handy if you are concerned about your wife or kids finding out you are doing internet research on coming out and being out resources, i.e.them deducing that you are attracted to men before you are ready to tell them yourself.
   
3. You asked us to suggest escorts. Here are a few:
   

 

Nate in Long Beach

.

http://www.men4rentnow.com/gay/escort/male/massage/los_angeles/YourHunk/166079

I can't say enough good things about Nate. He's a great guy, very attractive and sexy, great conversationalist, and nice, patient lover. He also has a very clean, well-maintained, nicely decorated place. He is older than you specified and is hairy, but I think he would make a terrific companion for your first time.

 

Rod Hagen in West Hollywood.

http://www.men4rentnow.com/gay/escort/male/massage/west_hollywood/RodHagen/105574

Rod is also a nice guy, very sexy smooth body, and a hell of a lot of fun in bed. I think he is 100% top, but you can ask him about that. I am a bottom, so versatility is not something I am concerned about (unless I'm hiring a bottom, of course)

 

Alec Andrews in West Hollywood.

http://rentmen.com/AlecAndrews

It is difficult NOT to rave about Alec. He is one of the sweetest, sexiest, handsomest guys I have met. He is currently traveling a lot, but he is based in LA. Of the escorts I've met, he probably comes closest to meeting your preferences.

 

Nate is #1 on my list because of the three, he and I have spent the most time talking about things in general, so I can vouch for his conversation skills. Rod and I got down to business fairly quickly and we both had things to do after our session, so we were not able to have a lengthy conversation. That being said, he was not eager to push me out the door, despite him having plans with a friend after our playdate. Alec and I got together in the late evening. Honestly, I had to head back to my hotel to rest up for a full day of work the next day, so there was not a whole lot of time (or remaining energy) for conversation. Had we scheduled a longer playdate earlier in the evening we would have conversed more.

I hope this helps. Please feel free to start a conversation with me if you have amy questions or need more information.

I heartedly recommend Dane Scott in Palm Springs or Rod Hagen in L.A. I think they would welcome you and guide you through a wonderful and unforgettable experience. Both are reviewed on this site. And for the record I, like you, struggled with body image and how it would be possible for an escort to enjoy my company.

 

GMan has expressed his wish for someone who bottoms. So while Rod has the experience and from his reviews the empathy to be a great 1st time experience, I don't think we should be suggesting him as a viable option. Whether GMan has actual sex or not with his first meeting, I think the option ought to be available to him. And with Rod, it wouldn't be.

 

Gman

[MikeyGMin]

Whether GMan has actual sex or not with his first meeting, I think the option ought to be available to him. And with Rod, it wouldn't be.

 

You're not alone in this belief. One of my best friends shares it. But I will never understand why people think that "actual sex" requires someone being penetrated. As if anything less is just foreplay.

 

I can easily do a session that does not include intercourse. I might not call that fucking, but I certainly consider it actual, real, satisfying sex. :rolleyes:

[Gar1eth]

Let's not get carried away. Some of us are very constant in our positions. Also maybe I was different in being 41 and a total virgin when I hired. I will also admit I was a bundle of nerves during my 1st hire. But if I hadn't had actual sex my first time, I would have been extremely disappointed.

 

 

 

 

GMan has expressed his wish for someone who bottoms. So while Rod has the experience and from his reviews the empathy to be a great 1st time experience, I don't think we should be suggesting him as a viable option. Whether GMan has actual sex or not with his first meeting, I think the option ought to be available to him. And with Rod, it wouldn't be.

 

Gman

 

You're not alone in this belief. One of my best friends shares it. But I will never understand why people think that "actual sex" requires someone being penetrated. As if anything less is just foreplay.

 

I can easily do a session that does not include intercourse. I might not call that fucking, but I certainly consider it actual, real, satisfying sex. :rolleyes:

 

Look at my top paragraph, and maybe you'll understand better. Before my 1st time with an escort I had never necked with anyone, passionately kissed anyone, never groped each other in the backseat with anyone, never given or had oral performed on me with anyone. The most I had done on probably less than 15 dates in my life was a quick peck on the lips of some girl/woman as I was dropping her off home and feeling lousy because I didn't feel turned on.

 

At 41 (I think I said 42 in another post. I always make that mistake.) I thought there was a good chance I'd die before experiencing sex. For me, as for President Clinton's original conception of things, 'complete' sex implies intercourse. I haven't had 'complete' sex with every escort I've been with. Unfortunately for me while the spirit may be willing, the flesh can often be weak. But that at least is my goal.

 

GMan has expressed he is interested in a someone who bottoms. So it seems whatever happens, he wants the opportunity for 'complete' sex too.

 

Gman

[+ Funguy]

He could be GM2

[+ Just Sayin]

I heartedly recommend Dane Scott in Palm Springs or Rod Hagen in L.A. I think they would welcome you and guide you through a wonderful and unforgettable experience. Both are reviewed on this site. And for the record I, like you, struggled with body image and how it would be possible for an escort to enjoy my company.

Rod Hagen used to have a combination massage-escort session; the massage may very well have the effect of getting you accustomed to the touch of a man, and then you can go from there; I'd consider that, and Rod's a good guy too.

[GMan]

Holly shit. I was going to start by saying you guys have no idea what you are actually doing for me therapeutically, but I have to stop telling people "they have no idea..." when it comes to my situation. The fact that there are so many who get it is absolutely overwhelming. Just being able to discuss this here is life-altering. Seriously.

 

I don't have the time to respond to everything right now, but I will shortly. To respond quickly to a couple of things now... First, I'm not turned off by the perfect body type by any means, it's just not a necessity. The age thing I have discussed at length with my therapist and shocker; that desire makes me feel some amount of guilt or shame. I know it's dumb, but I'm beginning to see I use all of these things as a way to stop me from doing anything at all. Gman mentioned my desires in this area having something to do with my perceived shortcomings or self image... Another very good point. I do believe that for me, there's an odd safety in my mind when it comes to being with a young twink-type. It's less threatening in a way? I don't mean physically, perhaps emotionally it gives me some illusion of control. Or maybe I want to feel youthful again. Or fuck it, I like pretty dudes... Whatever the case, it's a fantasy I can track down when I'm not such a bundle of fucking nerves. Finding the type that had been generally recommended here has actually calmed me down a bit and made this seem much more realistic.

 

More in a bit, I can't thank you all enough!!

 

I would be happy to have my username changed if there's a way to do it, just let me know. I will check out the suggested escorts and get back to you.

[+ Truereview]

He could be GM2

Maybe MiniG or MajorG?

[GMan]

Hi Gman,

Coming to the Palm Springs Weekend, as PurpleKow suggested, is something that popped up in my mind as well. Next to seeing a lot of tempting escorts, you should be able to socialize with a number of others who are, or have been, in comparable situations (and how they dealt with it).

 

Most of all, welcome to the club!

 

Kudos, Anton.

 

Thanks for the advice and the welcome! For me to attend something like that would be a major step. Something I never would have even thought about doing... Now it's at least something interesting to ponder. A whole weekend of feeling like this might make my head explode.

 

But that might not be a bad thing?

 

-G

[GMan]

I would have recommended Alec Andrews but you do not want a perfect chiseled body so that cuts him out. I am sure our LA guys can make some suggestions, but if you would consider a bit old and a perfect body then I would still suggest Alec. He is versatile, understanding and to my mind, the escort of the year, just not here on Daddy's. Dane would be another great choice, he is not in his twenties and there is that perfect body thing again, but he is also versatile and experienced in the ways of amour d'homme.

 

LOL... Ok, my chiseled body comment was really lame now that it's being thrown back at me.

 

I'll check them out, thanks purplekow!

[GMan]

Ok, GMan, this is my 1,000th post and I can't imagine a better thread to post it to. This is the forum I've grown to love. The forum where ideas spark, dazzle, inspire, provide insight and self-reflection. Thank you for trusting us and welcome aboard!

 

In our eagerness to see you get laid or kissed or whatever, our intent is not to unintentionally put you in a pickle (i.e. Getting you in bed before you are really emotionally ready). We want what's best for you. Only YOU can do that with help of a professional. Take our "advice" only as input and to help you form alternatives. I think you already know this, but I rather be obvious than neglectful. I think @rvwnsd has given you an awesome idea: a support group. That group at the LA LGBT center can help you become more independent from the therapist - lowers expense and helps you stand on your own. If you need something more discreet, you therapist can help source one.

 

Now, I will go back to my post further up and elaborate. I do hope you have established a trusting relationship with your therapist to air out what's on your mind re: experimentation. If you can't trust your therapist with this, you need to open up - take that risk first before getting laid. Taking that leap of trust will help you take other leaps. Also, I hope the therapist has a bigger picture than we do.

 

We look forward to seeing you post again. -TR

 

My therapist has been great and I do trust that I can talk about anything with her, and I have. First time in my life I have ever been completely honest about me with anyone. I've mentioned that I was starting to think about this step and we will be talking a lot more about it. She's all about making sure that no matter what, I understand the implications and that I'm making decisions based on what I actually want for myself and my future and doing so without all the guilt and shame I tend to pile on.

 

So thank you for the very thoughtful concern. Congrats on 1000!

 

LADoug: Thanks for names and the suggestion for a men's group in LA! I will check it out.

[+ Charlie]

 

 

I would be happy to have my username changed if there's a way to do it, just let me know. I will check out the suggested escorts and get back to you.

I think you would have to contact Daddy directly, or raise the question in the Daddy's Place forum. There is no regular procedure here for doing that.

[LADoug1]

GMan has expressed his wish for someone who bottoms. So while Rod has the experience and from his reviews the empathy to be a great 1st time experience, I don't think we should be suggesting him as a viable option. Whether GMan has actual sex or not with his first meeting, I think the option ought to be available to him. And with Rod, it wouldn't be.

You're right. Thanks for catching this!

[LADoug1]

I happen to be one of the facilitators of the Men's Coming Out Group in San Diego. We remind guys of this all the time. It is OK to forget and require a reminder. That's what we are here for.

 

Although the LA LGBT Center's website does not list the exact day and time of their group, they have a link to coming out support services:

 

http://www.lalgbtcenter.org/coming_out_support

 

I do not know whether the LA group is a drop-in (like the one we have in SD) or if they require going through an intake process, but it is worth checking out. I went through one in Chicago many years ago and it was a godsend. There are other groups not affiliated with LGBT centers that focus on gay and bisexual dads, gay and bisexual husbands, men going through divorce and so forth. My advice is to start with a coming out group hosted by the LGBT center and at the same time research other groups. If/when you join a center-based group, you can ask whether anyone knows of other groups and if anyone has experience with groups you might find on your own. You can also ask your therapist for suggestions. Many of our members are referred by their therapists.

 

The Human Rights Campaign also has excellent coming out resources:

 

Coming out resource page: http://hrc.org/resources/topic/coming-out

 

A Guide To Coming Out: http://hrc.org/resources/resource-guide-to-coming-out

 

Several of the guys in our group have praised the Guide to Coming Out. We used to distribute a print copy, but it is now available as a downloadable PDF that appears to be updated with some degree of frequency.

 

There are also several books on the topic, but I have to admit I haven't read any of them, so it is difficult to recommend one. If you encounter one that you would like an opinion on start a conversation with me and I will be glad to peruse and get back to you.

 

Three final notes:

 

1. The only person you need to "come out" to is yourself. Everyone else is optional. This piece of yourself is yours to share or not to share. Think of it as you would a gift. Sharing it is giving the person the gift of knowing a little bit more about you.
   
2. You might already know this, but the Google Chrome browser allows you to open browser pages in "incognito" mode. That means your browsing history will not be saved on your computer. This could come in handy if you are concerned about your wife or kids finding out you are doing internet research on coming out and being out resources, i.e.them deducing that you are attracted to men before you are ready to tell them yourself.
   
3. You asked us to suggest escorts. Here are a few:
   

 

Nate in Long Beach

.

http://www.men4rentnow.com/gay/escort/male/massage/los_angeles/YourHunk/166079

I can't say enough good things about Nate. He's a great guy, very attractive and sexy, great conversationalist, and nice, patient lover. He also has a very clean, well-maintained, nicely decorated place. He is older than you specified and is hairy, but I think he would make a terrific companion for your first time.

 

Rod Hagen in West Hollywood.

http://www.men4rentnow.com/gay/escort/male/massage/west_hollywood/RodHagen/105574

Rod is also a nice guy, very sexy smooth body, and a hell of a lot of fun in bed. I think he is 100% top, but you can ask him about that. I am a bottom, so versatility is not something I am concerned about (unless I'm hiring a bottom, of course)

 

Alec Andrews in West Hollywood.

http://rentmen.com/AlecAndrews

It is difficult NOT to rave about Alec. He is one of the sweetest, sexiest, handsomest guys I have met. He is currently traveling a lot, but he is based in LA. Of the escorts I've met, he probably comes closest to meeting your preferences.

 

Nate is #1 on my list because of the three, he and I have spent the most time talking about things in general, so I can vouch for his conversation skills. Rod and I got down to business fairly quickly and we both had things to do after our session, so we were not able to have a lengthy conversation. That being said, he was not eager to push me out the door, despite him having plans with a friend after our playdate. Alec and I got together in the late evening. Honestly, I had to head back to my hotel to rest up for a full day of work the next day, so there was not a whole lot of time (or remaining energy) for conversation. Had we scheduled a longer playdate earlier in the evening we would have conversed more.

I hope this helps. Please feel free to start a conversation with me if you have amy questions or need more information.

SUPER informative response! Thank you for taking the time.

[+ bashful]

I don't want to throw cold water or make you hesitate from all the good advice on here. But I'm going to have to disagree with Bashful here. I guess I'm not saying what Bashful describes couldn't happen.

 

If I gave the impression that hiring will magically make all of our shortcomings vanish, then that bucket of cold water should be aimed at me. It's just that I, and I'm sure many others, are our own worst critics. I've been fortunate in my limited experiences that it felt as though the provider never looked at me as the fat guy, the old guy, etc., and I was able (if only for the hour) let go of those feelings somewhat. I guess I've been very lucky.

[GMan]

Hello! -

 

Sorry, I dropped off the planet right in the middle of getting some great advice from everyone. Had a very random and serious medical issue knock me out of commission for months. Not a lot of ME time and very little technology at my disposal. Hoping it's all behind me now, though it really underscores that you never know when it's going to be too late so I am back and on a mission now.

 

I'm going back over all the suggestions and wanted your input on a particular escort. Being my first time, a top, not into super masculine guys but needing the patience and understanding of a more professional or experienced escort I saw some great reviews for Iron Maus. I sent him a quick text with some details and he was very responsive and positive about getting together.

 

Also, if things go as planned, I will be traveling to Vegas for a few days next month and was wondering if anyone had a suggestion there.

 

Thanks.

 

GMan II

[+ Keith30309]

Hello! -

 

Sorry, I dropped off the planet right in the middle of getting some great advice from everyone. Had a very random and serious medical issue knock me out of commission for months. Not a lot of ME time and very little technology at my disposal. Hoping it's all behind me now, though it really underscores that you never know when it's going to be too late so I am back and on a mission now.

 

I'm going back over all the suggestions and wanted your input on a particular escort. Being my first time, a top, not into super masculine guys but needing the patience and understanding of a more professional or experienced escort I saw some great reviews for Iron Maus. I sent him a quick text with some details and he was very responsive and positive about getting together.

 

Also, if things go as planned, I will be traveling to Vegas for a few days next month and was wondering if anyone had a suggestion there.

 

Thanks.

 

GMan II

 

Welcome back GMan! I hope you're quickly back to 100% and back in the, ahem, saddle.

 

Two thumbs up on Maus... for my 2-cents worth see my review or PM me for details.

[MikeyGMin]

Hello! -

 

Sorry, I dropped off the planet right in the middle of getting some great advice from everyone. Had a very random and serious medical issue knock me out of commission for months. Not a lot of ME time and very little technology at my disposal. Hoping it's all behind me now, though it really underscores that you never know when it's going to be too late so I am back and on a mission now.

 

I'm going back over all the suggestions and wanted your input on a particular escort. Being my first time, a top, not into super masculine guys but needing the patience and understanding of a more professional or experienced escort I saw some great reviews for Iron Maus. I sent him a quick text with some details and he was very responsive and positive about getting together.

 

Also, if things go as planned, I will be traveling to Vegas for a few days next month and was wondering if anyone had a suggestion there.

 

Thanks.

 

GMan II

 

I usually avoid Backpage, but I met this guy through Rentmen and had a VERY good Massage Plus. He also does full escort and is a top. He's got a beautiful body and a very caring attitude.

 

http://lasvegas.backpage.com/MaleEscorts/visiting-couples-always-welcome-text-me-on-7029848872/17335856

[jjkrkwood]

I think the BEST advice anyone can give you is written on this gent's torso.....

 

http://40.media.tumblr.com/b8e624b11a1402d11d70c975a42726ae/tumblr_o2kve3xpkz1ue10zno1_1280.jpg

[+ Eric Hassan]

You introduce yourself as a husband and father, but you haven't said anything about your relationship with your wife. Is she aware of your interest in experimenting with men? If not, have you decided how you will handle her reaction if she finds out that you have done it? I raise this issue only because you sound just like another poster who introduced himself here in a similar way a number of years ago, and who became a close personal friend of mine as a result of the interaction with him here. His wife discovered by accident that he had hired an escort he encountered through this site, and it led to her decision to divorce him--amicably, but it was not what he had wanted. It is important for you to explore your own desires, but you are not operating in a vacuum.

 

Once you do move forward on hiring an escort, all of the advice you have received above is good. But it sounds like what you are really longing for is an authentic romantic relationship rather than simply sexual satisfaction, so hiring an escort is likely to be a way to transition to that rather than a permanent solution to your sexual needs.

 

(I see Gman himself has commented on this issue while I was typing this.)

 

I'm a bit surprised that, in all of the responses, this is the only one that acknowledges your wife and kid(s). I believe everyone has the right to pleasure and joy in his sexual expression and I also believe that everyone has the obligation to take responsibility for his actions and feelings. I do think hiring an escort is an excellent way to help you gain comfort and confidence and a good escort is a safe space for you to explore without feeling body shame and inadequacy at your lack of experience with man-man interactions. But, @Charlie is absolutely correct - you are not operating in a vacuum. I can't speak to what your relationship is like with your family but I do encourage you to think about how you are going to address this with your family. I hope the support groups help, and I hope you come back to us and let us help and listen. Your journey is yours but don't get so caught up in it that you forget all the people that love you and care for you. That said, PLEASE GET LAID!!!

[jjkrkwood]

Secrecy has a way of eating at your soul, and it consumes you. Many men that join this site are living secret lives with wives and children, and need the support they find here. I have always been a person of full disclosure, but that's just me. You have to find a way to live your life and deal with your needs in a way that's comfortable for you, and the others involved in your life. But I feel in order to lessen your burden, a frank and honest discussion with your family is in order, perhaps even in a controlled environment like a therapists office. Sometimes the outcome of your revelations might pleasantly surprise you, but even if they don't, you HAVE accomplished a big task, freeing yourself of the heavy load you've carried. There may be a price to pay, but Freedom always comes with some price.

[GMan]

Secrecy has a way of eating at your soul, and it consumes you. Many men that join this site are living secret lives with wives and children, and need the support they find here. I have always been a person of full disclosure, but that's just me. You have to find a way to live your life and deal with your needs in a way that's comfortable for you, and the others involved in your life. But I feel in order to lessen your burden, a frank and honest discussion with your family is in order, perhaps even in a controlled environment like a therapists office. Sometimes the outcome of your revelations might pleasantly surprise you, but even if they don't, you HAVE accomplished a big task, freeing yourself of the heavy load you've carried. There may be a price to pay, but Freedom always comes with some price.

 

I appreciate your thoughtful comments, and those of Charlie's and Eric's as well ... The discussion with my wife is coming very soon. I'm working with a therapist who is willing to be there when the discussion takes place. Talk about secrecy eating at your soul! The past decade I've piled so much guilt and shame on myself, not to mention keeping my desires in check, I really believe it's had an effect on my health. Everyone close to me can tell that something is wrong, which of course only makes me feel worse because they actually take the time to care and I can't just be honest. If I were to add yet another secret on top of all this I'm pretty sure I'd snap ... She would find out ... That's not how I want it to go. At this point I can at least honestly say that I have never cheated. In the end, her decision may be the same, but it's one less lie to have to live with.