First Time

[gallahadesquire]

Ok, I'm up for expanding this.

 

Kevin, does Social Anxiety affect other parts of your life? Relationships at work, at playtime ("regular" social activities), [at church], or otherwise? If it is particularly pervasive, perhaps you need to see a good psychologist. The Font of All Knowledge and Wisdom, wikipedia.org, says that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy [CBT] is the proper first step. And, frankly, when it comes to emotional sedatives, I think valium is superior to Xanax, in particular with respect to the mild skeletal muscle relaxation that accompanies it.

 

I realized I was shy at the age of 45, about six weeks before my therapist realized it. I'd been shy since, oh, age 15 or so, but never recognized it. I still am, but I realize what the feelings are, where they're generated, and how to deal with them.

 

I would postulate that CBT would work wonders for you.

 

But to get to the bottom line [no pun intended]: Warning that your anxiety might be above the average is a good thing to tell your partner. Also, how quickly things should or will progress.

 

And, in the end result, you might want to look into your expectations regarding escort experiences. Personally, I have never climaxed with another person. I'm used to it. And, at this point in my life, even getting an erection is not necessarily a given. But there's all sorts of things I like doing, that most escorts will agree to, that make my experiences fine for me. You mentioned that your experiences

weren't up to your expectations. Maybe those need to be toned down.

 

I'm not often socially spiritual, but if I had the ability, I would send thoughts of confidence and relaxation your way, to calm your nerves and enhance your intimacies. You deserve it: You're obviously an insightful man who enjoys intimacy when your "other side" doesn't interfere.

 

I think I need to turn the doctor off for a while. Best of luck to you, Kevin! This problem is not insurmountable.

[LADoug1]

I've only scanned the posts ... sorry, but it's 2:30. Anyway, I need some help on "social anxiety" versus "being shy." They seem awfully similar, with the former being far more severe.

 

I'm also not up on the usefulness of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy in Social Anxiety. I have a gut feeling that it would work very, very well (it exceeds expectations in Panic Attacks).

Perhaps that would be a good start?

 

I think telling an escort "I'm going to be very nervous" might be a good way of approaching the topic. Or, what the hell, pop a valium. I suggest 10 milligrams.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy helped me more than a life-time of seeing less than helpful psychotherapists. Believe it or not I first heard about it at Kaiser in a workshop. I don't have Social Anxiety but it helped me with a number of other behavioral problems. I recommend it highly. Suggest the book "Feeling Good" (awful title) by Burns.

[+ quoththeraven]

+1 for cognitive behavioral therapy. There are also medications that can help.

 

Gallahadesquire may find this funny: valium does nothing for me. Xanax is more useful, but Ativan (lorazepam) is the most helpful. I use it for pain/muscle spasms because muscle relaxants make me dizzy (I have Meniere's) and it's the only medication that reasonably reliably helps with insomnia.

[JuniorNYC]

Tell him.

 

If his response doesn't put you at ease, move on to someone else. For some escorts, they may not know what to do with a nervous client – they may not know what to say, and more importantly, what not to say. For others, it may be their specialty. I think for your sake, not the escort’s, use this as a buffer to determine whether the escort is a right match for you.

 

For me, as someone who had severe social anxiety in my mid-teens to early twenties, when a client warns me that they’re nervous about meeting up, or seem anxious when we meet, I’m filled with enthusiasm because I know there will be more of a connection (for me at least - I see this as an incredibly charming and enduring trait); so don’t view your anxiety as being a burden on the escort. An escort who practices what I feel is one of the most important qualities to possess, empathy, will know exactly how to make you feel at ease.

[+ Hoover42]

In a reply to a long, long ago post I made, someone suggested the following regimen to help with my social anxiety:

 

Six shots of Cuervo Gold, and E, a couple of lines to take the edge off, a viagra, [...] then call an escort whose pic rocks your boat. If it turns out he doesn't click with you, keep repeating the process until you're successful.

 

:)

[+ Funguy]

Watch out on the "medications" (valium, xanax, ativan) - they may inhibit your erection and then you will REALLY be anxious!

 

Think about hypnotherapy (including learning self-hypnosis) - it is widely used for this kind of a problem.

[+ honcho]

I wonder if there's some kind of link between societal anxiety and Stage Fright - performance anxiety in the context of actors and musicians . . .

[Guest AnthonyDriller]

I'd sympythize with you. Try to make you comfortable by revealing something personal about myself. Social anxiety is a personal issue I faced growing up until I became confident in who I am and what God blessed me with.

[Juan Vancouver]

I wonder if there's some kind of link between societal anxiety and Stage Fright - performance anxiety in the context of actors and musicians . . .

 

In my experience there is no higher number of performers who suffer from anxiety. Some do, some don't but it is a percentage similar to laymen.

 

If anything, for some performers, their job helps them becoming really good at dealing with stress.

[Rudynate]

In my experience there is no higher number of performers who suffer from anxiety. Some do, some don't but it is a percentage similar to laymen.

 

If anything, for some performers, their job helps them becoming really good at dealing with stress.

 

 

People who participate in public speaking programs like Toastmasters often experience dramatic improvement with things like social anxiety. The increased confidence in one mode of communication seems to spill over and generally effect interpersonal relationships in a beneficial way.

[Frequentflier]

And mind you, since I have a reputation of giving a deep french kiss the minute the door opens (which also includes elevator doors ), I'm not sure if you would have the opportunity experiencing any anxiety at all ...

 

Cheers, Anton.

 

How does the mailman or other package delivery people react to receiving a deep French kiss from you?

[+ Truereview]

He's completely swept away. And since he wants more, he comes back with the next package in his truck, and the next, and the next, and the next ...

 

In his case the anxiety comes later ... when he's back at the depot, discovering that the entire truck is empty without having any signed receipts of delivery.

 

Anyone interested in cat food, baby diapers, ladies purses, kitchen timers, doggie bags and all the other items I've got stuffed here?

 

Cheers, Anton.

Stuffed where?

[AndreFuture]

How would you feel if you received a text from someone who wanted to meet up with you for the first time and the person mentioned that he had social anxiety disorder? Would you rather take a pass/decline or give the guy a chance? I'm contemplating whether or not I should bring this up before meeting with the next guy. I think if I tell him and I'm open from the start, it'll be a giant weight off my shoulders and I'll enjoy the time together a lot more.

 

I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder a few years ago.. I think I was probably born with this condition as it runs in my family. I notice when I'm experiencing a lot of anxiety, most people give me that look like what the hell's wrong with this guy and would rather not hang around someone who's nervous and awkward.

 

You're probably wondering why someone with social anxiety would ever want to do something like meet up with a total stranger but I figure I might as well live life to the fullest instead of just existing, and I actually love being around people when I'm not anxious. When I'm with someone who can put me at ease, I can usually be myself and have a great time.

 

Just curious how you guys would react if you received a text like this?

 

I have social anxiety, too, so I would appreciate knowing that about a potential client since we'd have that much in common I'd probably share my experience with how I've learned to manage it, because I also like helping people, too.

[Kuriousity]

For me, I need to know the person well and feel completely comfortable and relaxed in order to stay hard. Like Juan said, it can only happen when the amygdala is at rest. I just figured I would give hiring a try because it seemed thrilling, a way to help my anxiety and gain some confidence.

 

Anyway, after last night I won't be hiring anymore. It's not for everyone. Gave it a 2nd try last night and didn't go well at all. I never got close to 100% hard, and neither of us finished.

 

I didn't disclose my condition beforehand, but I did tell him I was nervous, full of butterflies when we first met. And that was brought up throughout the hour which kind of killed the mood. Took 2 Xanax pills and it didn't do shit. Woke up feeling like crap this morning. At least he was a super nice guy and enjoyed our convos.

 

 

Perhaps Xanax is not a good fit for you. Have you discussed Lithium with your doctor? I would not suggest Paxil for you (even though it advertises itself as being used for Social Anxiety) because Paxil can encourage things such as suicidal thoughts.

[LADoug1]

If you are considering medication I strongly urge that you consult with a VERY GOOD and highly trained psychiatrist and let him/her work with you. I am a firm believer that only psychiatrists should be allowed to prescribe medication for emotional disorders. General practitioners are not trained to do so.

[+ Funguy]

If you can find one, a psychopharmacologist in conjunction with a psychiatrist is a potent combination. Too many people suffer from polypharmacy - too many meds and ones that negate each other.

 

Also, as I said before, hypnosis and the learning of self-hypnosis +/- medication is a good way to consider. To be able to calm oneself quickly is well worth it.

[LADoug1]

If you can find one, a psychopharmacologist in conjunction with a psychiatrist is a potent combination. Too many people suffer from polypharmacy - too many meds and ones that negate each other.

 

Also, as I said before, hypnosis and the learning of self-hypnosis +/- medication is a good way to consider. To be able to calm oneself quickly is well worth it.

 

I've been taking psychotropic medication since 1984. PM me for detailed information on my lengthy experience.