First Time

[Kevinatl15]

--

[LADoug1]

How would you feel if you received a text from someone who wanted to meet up with you for the first time and the person mentioned that he had social anxiety disorder? Would you rather take a pass/decline or give the guy a chance? I'm contemplating whether or not I should bring this up before meeting with the next guy. I think if I tell him and I'm open from the start, it'll be a giant weight off my shoulders and I'll enjoy the time together a lot more.

 

I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder a few years ago.. I think I was probably born with this condition as it runs in my family. I notice when I'm experiencing a lot of anxiety, most people give me that look like what the hell's wrong with this guy and would rather not hang around someone who's nervous and awkward.

 

You're probably wondering why someone with social anxiety would ever want to do something like meet up with a total stranger but I figure I might as well live life to the fullest instead of just existing, and I actually love being around people when I'm not anxious. When I'm with someone who can put me at ease, I can usually be myself and have a great time.

 

Just curious how you guys would react if you received a text like this?

I have a different take. I wouldn't tell them up front or at least I wouldn't refer to it as Social Anxiety Disorder. The term might be off-putting. I think most clients are nervous and anxious when meeting an escort for the first time. A good escort is already aware of this and should be prepared to do everything possible to make the client feel comfortable. If you feel like your anxiety is higher than most others then all you have to do is say this to the escort at the time you meet. Let them take it from there.

[Juan Vancouver]

Hey Kevin,

 

Definitely tell your escort in advance if you think -as you wrote- that this will make you feel more at ease. You might consider what Doug said about maybe putting it in terms that might sound less overwhelming to escorts who might not know anything about it.

 

He is right in that we meet MANY clients who are somewhere in fight or flight mode. You'd be surprised how many clients open the door with pupils so dilated you can see no colour in their eyes, nostrils flaring, palms sweating, shallow breathing, the works. If you knew how high that percentage is you might feel actually really relaxed and confident, knowing you will not be an oddity to your escort.

 

In my experience, half of my work as an escort is gently allowing for space, time and giving enough reassurance for my client to get out of fight or flight. Intimacy and pleasure can only happen when the Amygdala is at rest, when the Adrenaline and Cortisol spikes are over. A good escort, upon seeing the classic anxiety symptoms will gently let you in, will talk to you, ask you questions, offer you water, offer you space and will be mindful that you need time for your body to regain composure.

 

This is why it is important to let your escort know beforehand that you tend to get very nervous around people you don't know and might need time to settle down. An inexperienced escort might misinterpret your body language as threatening and might go defensive, which will make you feel even worse.

 

When you feel the anxiety taking over, simply tell him out loud that you are very nervous and you need a little time to relax. A good escort will be calm, relaxed and will help you feel safer. A good escort will give you enough time. When you feel the anxiety soften, start by sitting closer touching knees, then hand on leg, breathe and relax. After that, I am sure you will be perfectly fine.

 

I am sure you will have a fantastic time! Let us know how it went!

[Brian Kevin]

I have a reputation of giving a deep french kiss the minute the door opens

 

[+ Truereview]

Kevin, you are getting some solid advice.

 

From a client perspective, I disclose a couple of sensitive things about myself upfront. I'm painfully descriptive and honest about it, but I try to do it in a way that doesn't send the escort running. So be thoughtful about how you phrase things.

 

I also choose to disclose it by text. I do it bc it is easier than saying it outloud. Im not evolved enough yet to verbalize it. I also do it bc it is easier for the escort to reject you by text. By the way, be ready to be surprised as to how few escorts will find it a reason to decline you. Also, when they do decline you (again, doesn't happen often) don't dwell. Just move on to the next guy.

 

One side benefit: disclosing upfront is freeing. To me, it has helped me own all of who I am. I send you good vibes!

-TR

[seaboy4hire]

I have a friend who has anxiety attacks. Sometimes some up lifting light hearted texts work and sometimes if I am not tied down with work I'll run over to his place and I'll cuddle him hardcore with light touches, massaging his scalp and light kisses to help calm him down.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[BabyBoomer]

 

I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder a few years ago.

 

And you opted against taking medication?

 

~ Boomer ~

[+ quoththeraven]

And you opted against taking medication?

 

~ Boomer ~

 

As someone whose daughter is on Social Security disability due to anxiety/panic disorder (though her high school average exceeded 4.0) and who is just getting her life back on track, I can assure you medication alone doesn't necessarily control it.

 

You are making a big assumption here. Even if you are correct, why is it your business, how germane is it to the question posed, and how humane is it of you to ask it?

[Juan Vancouver]

I have a friend who has anxiety attacks. If I am not tied down with work I'll run over to his place and I'll cuddle him hardcore with light touches, massaging his scalp and light kisses to help calm him down.

 

That's so sweet! You friend is very lucky.

 

I have learned that for some people, physical touch can be overwhelming in the middle of an attack. This is specially true when it comes to being touched by someone they just met. In the case of clients going through an attack upon meeting I always make sure to err on the side of caution and give them space, and then, gently, with a smile, ask whether it would be helpful if I held their hand. If the response is positive and depending how they react to my touch, further closeness might be the way to go.

 

The amazing thing about human touch is that sooner or later, often quite fast, walls fall down, hearts beat slower and clothes fall to the floor.

[seaboy4hire]

That's so sweet! You friend is very lucky.

 

I have learned that for some people, physical touch can be overwhelming in the middle of an attack. This is specially true when it comes to being touched by someone they just met. In the case of clients going through an attack upon meeting I always make sure to err on the side of caution and give them space, and then, gently, with a smile, ask whether it would be helpful if I held their hand. If the response is positive and depending how they react to my touch, further closeness might be the way to go.

 

The amazing thing about human touch is that sooner or later, often quite fast, walls fall down, hearts beat slower and clothes fall to the floor.

 

You are exactly spot on about physical touching being overwhelming. I've known my friend for a couple years now so he feel comfortable with me. Situations like this is when communication is key and find out what might be triggering the anxiety and what the client feels comfortable with.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[+ DickyF]

IMHO I think hiring helps with social anxiety. I think touching and cuddling are great anxiety reducers. Humans benefit greatly from it - I know it makes me feel much better.

The last sentence from Juan above states it perfectly.

 

Do you also have anxiety about sex? If so hiring will reduce that; I used to have sexual performance anxiety. A good to great escort will take off that pressure so you can just have fun. Even if you don't get hard, don't come, come early, etc.

 

To be clear I'm not a professional therapist; I'm just giving my sentiments.

[sincitymix]

I don't like being touched. It drives my libido through the roof. No squeezing the shoulders or neck please. People sometimes think im being standoffish, when its far from the truth.

[mike carey]

Anyway, after last night I won't be hiring anymore.

I don't think you should give up so easily. There are heaps of top notch escorts out there who have based their reputations on being able to connect with all sorts of clients, and overcome any inhibitions their clients might have. Hire a guy to just spoon with you, tease you and try to convince you to fuck, don't feel ashamed if you just cuddle.

[+ Truereview]

For me, I need to know the person well and feel completely comfortable and relaxed in order to stay hard. Like Juan said, it can only happen when the amygdala is at rest. I just figured I would give hiring a try because it seemed thrilling, a way to help my anxiety and gain some confidence.

 

Anyway, after last night I won't be hiring anymore. It's not for everyone. Gave it a 2nd try last night and didn't go well at all. I never got close to 100% hard, and neither of us finished.

 

I didn't disclose my condition beforehand, but I did tell him I was nervous, full of butterflies when we first met. And that was brought up throughout the hour which kind of killed the mood. Took 2 Xanax pills and it didn't do shit. Woke up feeling like crap this morning. At least he was a super nice guy and enjoyed our convos.

Kevin, you know yourself and your limits best. We will be here for you either way - hiring or not. Our only aim is for you to have fun! However you choose to define it ! Stay in touch.

[seaboy4hire]

For me, I need to know the person well and feel completely comfortable and relaxed in order to stay hard. Like Juan said, it can only happen when the amygdala is at rest. I just figured I would give hiring a try because it seemed thrilling, a way to help my anxiety and gain some confidence.

 

Anyway, after last night I won't be hiring anymore. It's not for everyone. Gave it a 2nd try last night and didn't go well at all. I never got close to 100% hard, and neither of us finished.

 

I didn't disclose my condition beforehand, but I did tell him I was nervous, full of butterflies when we first met. And that was brought up throughout the hour which kind of killed the mood. Took 2 Xanax pills and it didn't do shit. Woke up feeling like crap this morning. At least he was a super nice guy and enjoyed our convos.

 

Kevin, would it help if you had some communication with the guy before hand? Maybe emails and or text? Keeping it light and not too naughty I think that if you are up front about your anxiety and explain what might put you at ease a good working guy would be willing to work with you to make sure you are as comfortable as possible.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[jawjateck]

Assuming your word "hour" is literal, you are under a lot of pressure. Like everyone, I have suggestions, but won't make any. Sometimes in our zeal to help we just overload the person.

 

Hang around our little playpen here. Occasionally, Decaturguy and I get together for a friendly lunch. He and I have been doing this for years. I haven't spoken to him about it, but I've been thinking about opening it up to other forum members who might want to chat and mingle in a casual lunch atmosphere. If you live in or around ATL, perhaps you might care to join us at some point in the future?

[+ not2rowdy]

Kevin - Don’t give up.

 

Here’s another idea to help with anxiety.

 

I’m a big fan of massage. Schedule a massage appointment at a recognized, totally legitimate spa.

The idea is to know, going in, that nothing sexual is going to happen.

 

But there will be physical contact.

 

Yes, there will probably be anxiety the first massage session. Try to relax but also try to remember the routine they used.

Go back again. Try to get the same massage therapist. The routine they use will likely be much the same. As they go through their routine you will likely feel less anxiety this time - because you know what they will be doing next.

Go back a third time, and use the same therapist. It is very likely you will have very little anxiety. You will actually be able to relax. And just enjoy the massage.

 

In fact... start out with one of those stress relief massage setups you often see in shopping malls.

 

Again the idea is to put yourself in a a non-threating environment where you allow physical touch to reduce your anxiety level.

 

Familiarity will lead to comfort - and reduction of anxiety.

 

Now you can move on to new adventures.

 

Note: edited to add comment about starting with a shopping mall massage.

[+ Hoover42]

Kevin,

 

Take a look at my avatar...I feel your pain, man! I am a poster child for social anxiety.

 

There is lots of good advice here.

 

I encourage you to keep trying. Just accept that it will be unpleasant, painful, even unbearable and just DO IT.

 

Think of the anxiety as your frenemy. Yes, there it is again rearing it's head. It's not going anywhere. Just accept it. Oh, hi old friend! Yeah, we're going to hang out with a hot guy tonight. You don't like it? Yeah, I know.

 

You will survive. You may or may not eventually have fun.

 

But if you stop now, you will never progress.

 

Feel free to ignore any of this advice but at least think about it before giving up.

[sincitymix]

Kevin,

 

Take a look at my avatar...I feel your pain man! I am a poster child for social anxiety.

 

There is lots of good advice here.

 

I encourage you to keep trying. Just accept that it will be unpleasant, painful, even unbearable and just DO IT.

 

Think of the anxiety as your frenemy. Yes, there it is again rearing it's head. It's not going anywhere. Just accept it. Oh, hi old friend! Yeah, we're going to hang out with a hot guy tonight. You don't like it? Yeah, I know.

 

You will survive. You may or may not eventually have fun.

 

But if you stop now, you will never progress.

 

Feel free to ignore any of this advice but at least think about it before giving up.

 

Ahhh. you just need some Happy Plums, or some nice Vinegar Jello

[Donpat]

I have a friend who has anxiety attacks. Sometimes some up lifting light hearted texts work and sometimes if I am not tied down with work I'll run over to his place and I'll cuddle him hardcore with light touches, massaging his scalp and light kisses to help calm him down.

 

Hugs,

Greg

Man, what I wouldn't give to have a friend like you Seaboy - you seem to have a heart that is not only made of gold, but about 3 times normal size.

[seaboy4hire]

Man, what I wouldn't give to have a friend like you Seaboy - you seem to have a heart that is not only made of gold, but about 3 times normal size.

 

Don't let my niceness fool you. I can be quite feisty lol

 

Hugs,

Greg

[Donpat]

Don't let my niceness fool you. I can be quite feisty lol

 

Hugs,

Greg

Hmmmmm - feisty and then you through hugs into the mix ..... I'm liking where this is going!

[seaboy4hire]

Hmmmmm - feisty and then you through hugs into the mix ..... I'm liking where this is going!

 

Stick around you'll see me feisty

 

Hugs,

Greg

[Donpat]

Stick around you'll see me feisty

 

Hugs,

Greg

Yes Sir ....

[gallahadesquire]

I've only scanned the posts ... sorry, but it's 2:30. Anyway, I need some help on "social anxiety" versus "being shy." They seem awfully similar, with the former being far more severe.

 

I'm also not up on the usefulness of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy in Social Anxiety. I have a gut feeling that it would work very, very well (it exceeds expectations in Panic Attacks).

Perhaps that would be a good start?

 

I think telling an escort "I'm going to be very nervous" might be a good way of approaching the topic. Or, what the hell, pop a valium. I suggest 10 milligrams.