Hiring an Escort when the client had Prostate Cancer

[Sigmund Freud]

Hello everyone. New to the Forum. Also kinda new to hiring escorts. I come to New York City about 3 times a year and love to hire escorts in my free time. I started hiring escorts around 5 years ago and then 3 years ago was diagnosed with prostate cancer at the age of 46. I did the normal radiation round and have been cancer free for going on 2 years. My concern is how do you tell an escort that you are looking for a boyfriend experience but sexually have major issues. Sometimes it works, but most of the time it doesn't work. Now, last year I was with 3 escorts in NYC and all of them had a negative reaction when I told them this. So as an escort, how do you respond to a client when he wants the boyfriend experience but really has a hard time performing and why does that turn some of the escorts off ????

[Brian Kevin]

I started hiring escorts around 5 years ago and then 3 years ago was diagnosed with prostate cancer at the age of 46.

 

I was diagnosed with prostate cancer at 19 years old. I am 100% now thank god, but half of one of my testicles is fake ^_^

 

as far as your post. TLC, soft, sensual touches in stimulation places where there is tons of nerve endings. You have to excite, excite, excite. Please forgive some escorts, they are fucking morons and don't even understand what cancer is. Try your hardest to NOT think about it, enjoy life in the moment. Don't think about anything besides how relax and sensual the experience is. Breath deep, close your eyes live in the moment. Smell, taste, breath and relax and let it all go!

 

XOXOXOXOOXOXOXOXO

MWAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :*

[Kevin Slater]

I respond that you ought not worry, it's my job to perform and your job to enjoy yourself, however that may present itself. There's a lot to do, and a lot of fun to be had, whether the client has a prostate / erection / ejaculation or not.

 

Kevin Slater

[+ WilliamM]

Now, last year I was with 3 escorts in NYC and all of them had a negative reaction when I told them this.

 

Like you, I have had prostate cancer. I am confused by the term "negative reaction." Could you explain a little more either on this site or a personal message (PM) to me.

[Sigmund Freud]

No Problem WilliamM. When I hire an escort, I do the same thing with everybody, no deviation at all. Either in a Text Message or Email, I introduce myself, age, weight and what I am looking for (I emphasize that I do like to kiss and the I look for body contact - this for me makes up for the fact that it is very difficult to get or maintain an erection, how long and date, and I am never vulgar or obscene. I typically then wait for a response, if I get a response, then I will continue to tell him that I am cancer free and that I had prostate cancer.

 

Then 1 of 2 things happen, I get an not interested when they were interested before I told them or, which this happens most often. The escort will arrive, we start and then when he realizes that I am not getting an erection, his demeanor changes, not that he becomes nasty, it is that the escort is almost turned off by the fact that I can't get or maintain an erection. When I explain the cancer to him, then body contact and kissing quickly subside.

 

Now.. I will tell you that I don't hire an escort without a review because of the past 2 years. I try to be up front as much as possible.

 

I tried an experiment with an escort last weekend. I omitted the fact that I had prostate cancer, we had booked an overnight, when I told him during the session, it didn't phase him a bit. The name of the escort was Alec Andrews.

 

He made me feel things that I had never felt before and I had I guess what you call an Internal Orgasm. I will probably never see Alec again and this past time he was in NYC, I was available because of a fluke in my schedule.

 

I am due to come up to NYC in March 2016 for 3 nights and I would like to try my hand at hiring again, but being that I have had many bad experiences, the idea of hiring an escort has just almost turned me off. Before the cancer, I met an escort, who has since retired, and saw him 3x a year for 3 years. ..

 

I guess that is what I mean by a negative reaction.

[nate_sf]

Any escort worth his salt will have encountered this. It is very common and is no big deal. When I was escorting I encountered it regularly, and yes, no big deal - particularly if you like kissing and body contact. As far as I'm concerned, what more do you need? I'm not surprised it worked out with Alec, as from what I understand he is the gold standard. Kevin Slater is a proven established guy too.

 

My suggestion is to continue to disclose your situation but also what you like to do. If the guy even hesitates, move along until you find a pro who gets it. They are out there but may take some finding.

[+ Truereview]

No Problem WilliamM. When I hire an escort, I do the same thing with everybody, no deviation at all. Either in a Text Message or Email, I introduce myself, age, weight and what I am looking for (I emphasize that I do like to kiss and the I look for body contact - this for me makes up for the fact that it is very difficult to get or maintain an erection, how long and date, and I am never vulgar or obscene. I typically then wait for a response, if I get a response, then I will continue to tell him that I am cancer free and that I had prostate cancer. Then 1 of 2 things happen, I get an not interested when they were interested before I told them or, which this happens most often. The escort will arrive, we start and then when he realizes that I am not getting an erection, his demeanor changes, not that he becomes nasty, it is that the escort is almost turned off by the fact that I can't get or maintain an erection. When I explain the cancer to him, then body contact and kissing quickly subside. Now.. I will tell you that I don't hire an escort without a review because of the past 2 years. I try to be up front as much as possible. I tried an experiment with an escort last weekend. I omitted the fact that I had prostate cancer, we had booked an overnight, when I told him during the session, it didn't phase him a bit. The name of the escort was Alec Andrews. He made me feel things that I had never felt before and I had I guess what you call an Internal Orgasm. I will probably never see Alec again and this past time he was in NYC, I was available because of a fluke in my schedule. I am due to come up to NYC in March 2016 for 3 nights and I would like to try my hand at hiring again, but being that I have had many bad experiences, the idea of hiring an escort has just almost turned me off. Before the cancer, I met an escort, who has since retired, and saw him 3x a year for 3 years. .. I guess that is what I mean by a negative reaction.

Hey Mr. Freud, welcome to the Forum! You are already getting great perspectives! I would offer you one thing: reframe your situation. Look at your past prostate cancer as a screening test of sorts. Don't waste your time thinking about those who ignored you. Instead, focus on those who are willing to meet you and how you will manage the experience. There are 3 types that will meet you: 1) the handymen, 2) the contractors, and 3) the craftsmen.

 

The handymen - those who need a gig and will meet you regardless of situation/circumstances. These are the ones you will find most tedious. Try to weed them out or manage their performance. When they arrive, welcome them warmly and then you need to sit them down and explain what you will need to fulfill your needs. Be detailed and direct. If they waver, take this as your opportunity to pause and to recontract with them - to leave the premises or to stay and perform. If they stay, you will actually be managing performance. It's probably going to be a mechanical interaction. Get them to work on the task of getting you what you enjoy - hopefully they are hot so they make up for what they lack in skill!

 

The contractors- Don't get me wrong, these guys are still there for the money. However, they are also wanting to learn/experiment/explore. There is trepidation but they are genuinely trying to expand their own horizons. Same treatment: welcome them warmly, sit them down for the ABCs of turning Freud on, and coach them thru the session (affirmations when they are doing well, asking them to do more of X and less of Y, be demonstrative). These contractors respond well to positive reinforcement.

 

The craftsmen - ahhhh, finally, la creme de la creme (like Alec Andrews) : welcome them warmly, begin to explain and they will likely pause you and say they don't need details. Heed their words and surrender to their mastery. They do this work bc they enjoy it and, although the money is a good, they are in the craft b/c it is a calling. They are true companions and courtesans. Enjoy and let go!

 

One last thing, when we are closer to your arrival in March, please PM me. I would be delighted to introduce you to some of my very best craftsmen in NYC. Only cost will be for you to let go of your concerns and trust you are in good hands. Virtual hug to you, - TR

[Brian Kevin]

Brian,I think you may have had TESTICULAR not PROSTATE cancer. Sometimes after the affected testis is removed, an artificial one called a neuticle (a prosthesis) is inserted for cosmetic effect.

 

I had a small part of my prostate removed. About 45% of my right testicle the testi came back negative for any cancer. The cyst they removed from the prostate was cancerous. Was so early in stage that I didn't have to go through Chemo or any kind of radiation. I have a year worth of fallow up appointments and tons of medication I had to take. I went in for the inital testical issue I was having and after CAT scans and ultrasounds we found out about the prostate.

[jawjateck]

Hey SF, welcome to our little village. You are going through the learning curve on how to attain sensual exhilaration with compatible providers. While our individual circumstances, health conditions, and preferences are unique, all of us have to refine our screening methods to find the best possible hiring match, so don't feel that you are uniquely alone.

 

Perhaps Nate's advice will encourage you to keep trying. The best companions are not "machines", but there are some providers who offer a scripted, mechanical performance all the time, without regard to the client's needs/wants. They cannot handle a deviation from the playbook. In fact, they are somewhat offended if you cannot "get off" according to their plan. These are the guys you have to identify and avoid. As an example, on some occasions, while I'm enjoying a session and having a fine fun time, I'd rather keep my erection and savor the horniness for the rest of the day or evening, and there are providers who cannot handle it. They take offense, feel rejection or worry they have failed, etc because my desires are outside their normal routine. I mean every client wants to "get off", right? WRONG!

 

So, when you explain to a companion your desires, preferences, and your health condition and limitations, you should expect to receive a positive affirmation with recognition and understanding, AND excitement on his part to fulfill your desires and requests. Anything less than that, cut him and move on. There is a false narrative or assumption that there are just a few great companions; that is soooooooo not true. Keep at it, and when you get it just right, the preliminary search becomes a big part of the fun.

 

Let us know how it goes and do share your success stories. We love to hear about fun times around here.

[Alec Andrews]

I think integrity is inherently built on how we handle and then address the curveballs life invariably throws at us. Whether cleint dealing with cancer or escort dealing with a client that had cancer... I applaud and am in esteem at those who have handled this scary issue with confidence... as losing ones ability to "perform" and then having to share that with a "stranger" and hope for the best.... How Brave!

 

Like most escorts.. I have lots of stories... as I'm sure clients do of their escorts... from 45 yr old virgins, to 6'7 giants who've never been kissed or touched at age 28, to colostomy bags, to penis pumps and removed prostates... to caverjack, to rotund voluptuous men, to hot muscleboys... to scared 110lb 18 yr olds... and I still contend that every single last one of us is the same.... yes we are men and have the physical urgent need to "rut."... but for the most part... it is and will always be about the connection... that magical intimacy that we all crave.. if only for a short while. It's what sets us apart from animals and just the primal need to breed. We are human and we need each other. If it was just about getting off... you can do that without another person.

 

I think many escorts only see their value in the ability to get the client "off"... and while generally an expected part of the experience... they don't realize that it is the minor note in the symphony that they should be creating together with the client. When a client can't "perform" for whatever reason.. an escort should realize this and listen and clue in to the clients demeanor and body language and eyes and just be there with them and treat them like the king they are. The escort makes it about themselves when they should be making it about the client. Half the escorts are too self-absorbed and f-ed up to realize what their job really is. To be kind, giving, honest and as generous to the client if not more so.

[mike carey]

Well said, Alec, I have learned so much from listening to you and some of the really professional escorts who post on here (and the clients who have understood all of the dynamics, of course). I wasn't surprised when poster Sigmund Freud cited you as the escort who had given him such a great experience. Keep up the good work, mate!

[Sigmund Freud]

I am hearing all of this and taking it all in. I do appreciate everybody's reply to this post. I work 3 jobs and rarely have time for myself. The type of work I do, is basically helping people. I am an ER Nurse and also a Zumba and Spinning Instructor so I am helping people when they are sick and trying to get people fit. When I do make it to NYC, I just want to forget all about my life even if for 3-4 days. I have my work and my screening to work on for March. I will PM TrueReview when I have a firm March date.

[nate_sf]

Hey Mr. Freud, welcome to the Forum! You are already getting great perspectives! I would offer you one thing: reframe your situation. Look at your past prostate cancer as a screening test of sorts. Don't waste your time thinking about those who ignored you. Instead, focus on those who are willing to meet you and how you will manage the experience. There are 3 types that will meet you: 1) the handymen, 2) the contractors, and 3) the craftsmen.

 

The handymen - those who need a gig and will meet you regardless of situation/circumstances. These are the ones you will find most tedious. Try to weed them out or manage their performance. When they arrive, welcome them warmly and then you need to sit them down and explain what you will need to fulfill your needs. Be detailed and direct. If they waver, take this as your opportunity to pause and to recontract with them - to leave the premises or to stay and perform. If they stay, you will actually be managing performance. It's probably going to be a mechanical interaction. Get them to work on the task of getting you what you enjoy - hopefully they are hot so they make up for what they lack in skill!

 

The contractors- Don't get me wrong, these guys are still there for the money. However, they are also wanting to learn/experiment/explore. There is trepidation but they are genuinely trying to expand their own horizons. Same treatment: welcome them warmly, sit them down for the ABCs of turning Freud on, and coach them thru the session (affirmations when they are doing well, asking them to do more of X and less of Y, be demonstrative). These contractors respond well to positive reinforcement.

 

The craftsmen - ahhhh, finally, la creme de la creme (like Alec Andrews) : welcome them warmly, begin to explain and they will likely pause you and say they don't need details. Heed their words and surrender to their mastery. They do this work bc they enjoy it and, although the money is a good, they are in the craft b/c it is a calling. They are true companions and courtesans. Enjoy and let go!

 

One last thing, when we are closer to your arrival in March, please PM me. I would be delighted to introduce you to some of my very best craftsmen in NYC. Only cost will be for you to let go of your concerns and trust you are in good hands. Virtual hug to you, - TR

 

I really love how you've presented this. It's ingenious and really rings true. Could be part of a FAQ for newbie orientation!

[tyro]

I think integrity is inherently built on how we handle and then address the curveballs life invariably throws at us. Whether cleint dealing with cancer or escort dealing with a client that had cancer... I applaud and am in esteem at those who have handled this scary issue with confidence... as losing ones ability to "perform" and then having to share that with a "stranger" and hope for the best.... How Brave!

 

Like most escorts.. I have lots of stories... as I'm sure clients do of their escorts... from 45 yr old virgins, to 6'7 giants who've never been kissed or touched at age 28, to colostomy bags, to penis pumps and removed prostates... to caverjack, to rotund voluptuous men, to hot muscleboys... to scared 110lb 18 yr olds... and I still contend that every single last one of us is the same.... yes we are men and have the physical urgent need to "rut."... but for the most part... it is and will always be about the connection... that magical intimacy that we all crave.. if only for a short while. It's what sets us apart from animals and just the primal need to breed. We are human and we need each other. If it was just about getting off... you can do that without another person.

 

I think many escorts only see their value in the ability to get the client "off"... and while generally an expected part of the experience... they don't realize that it is the minor note in the symphony that they should be creating together with the client. When a client can't "perform" for whatever reason.. an escort should realize this and listen and clue in to the clients demeanor and body language and eyes and just be there with them and treat them like the king they are. The escort makes it about themselves when they should be making it about the client. Half the escorts are too self-absorbed and f-ed up to realize what their job really is. To be kind, giving, honest and as generous to the client if not more so.

 

 

Alec, thank you for stating so well what so many of us know but sometimes forget: An escort's "job" is to be a phenomenal human being. Part of that is sexual, but just a part.

T

[LADoug1]

Slightly off thread but I had sex with a guy (not an escort) who didn't tell me he had some sort of sexual organ implant until I felt it. Some sort of implanted ring around his penis and testicals. I'm ashamed to admit it was off-putting. Mostly because he didn't tell me in advance.

[+ Lance_Navarro]

The escort will arrive, we start and then when he realizes that I am not getting an erection, his demeanor changes, not that he becomes nasty, it is that the escort is almost turned off by the fact that I can't get or maintain an erection. When I explain the cancer to him, then body contact and kissing quickly subside.

 

I'm always so saddened when I hear of such poor experiences. I've had many clients with erectile difficulties, due to anything from diabetes, medications, prostate cancer, etc. I always approach it as an opportunity to help them explore the rest of their body and all of the delightful erogenous zones, which maybe they haven't thought about before. We often put entirely too much emphasis on an erection, regarding the lack of an erection as a sign that one isn't enjoying themself.

 

When I am bottoming I rarely stay hard, and I've had clients (and my partner when we first started dating) become concerned that I'm not enjoying myself. I always seize this as a learning opportunity that sometimes I enjoy not having to think about my dick and just relaxing into it, especially since I'm topping a majority of the time.

 

I'd say stick with guys that are well reviewed and hopefully you won't have this same experience.

 

Love & Light

Lance

[+ quoththeraven]

Telling them you aren't able to maintain an erection due to a medical condition (namely prostate cancer that has been successfully treated) beforehand is important. I couldn't tell if that is part of what you tell them. Telling them you had prostate cancer isn't a guarantee they'll realize this. Ask them how they'd handle a client like that.

 

I would think that any well-known escort with good reviews who proceeded to schedule an appointment after being told and asked that would bring his A game and ingenuity with him.

[ChrisWydeman]

Hello everyone. New to the Forum. Also kinda new to hiring escorts. I come to New York City about 3 times a year and love to hire escorts in my free time. I started hiring escorts around 5 years ago and then 3 years ago was diagnosed with prostate cancer at the age of 46. I did the normal radiation round and have been cancer free for going on 2 years. My concern is how do you tell an escort that you are looking for a boyfriend experience but sexually have major issues. Sometimes it works, but most of the time it doesn't work. Now, last year I was with 3 escorts in NYC and all of them had a negative reaction when I told them this. So as an escort, how do you respond to a client when he wants the boyfriend experience but really has a hard time performing and why does that turn some of the escorts off ????

 

First and foremost I am sorry you had a negative experience with those escorts. I would highly recommend that if you hire again that you go with someone reviewed from daddy's.

 

As for your disclosure its only a big deal if it is to you. Erections are great when they happen but it has never really mattered to me if someone is hard when I fuck them. There are a myriad of reasons from being nervous to stress or sometimes even a health condition in your case. If your comfortable and can enjoy yourself thats what matters.

[+ WmClarke]

Nice to see you back on the forums, Chris!

[mike carey]

First and foremost I am sorry you had a negative experience with those escorts. I would highly recommend that if you hire again that you go with someone reviewed from daddy's.

Welcome back, Chris!

[+ quoththeraven]

Same here! I'm glad to see you back here, Chris.

[+ honcho]

Nice to see you back on the forums, Chris!

 

Hear, Hear! (or is it "Read, Read!" )

[+ quoththeraven]

What a beautiful review of Alex Andrews, SF. I see you're new to the Forum but not to reviewing. Welcome to the livelier and usually helpful side of the site.

 

The general public thinks escorting is all hustlers and hoes. *shakes head*

[Sigmund Freud]

It took me about 1 hour to come up with that review. It could of been longer but I wanted to make some points relevant. Thank You everybody for the comments to this thread...I will have to refine my screening skills a bit more. Before the Prostate Cancer, I was seeing an Escort, who has since retired, and he was the only one I saw for 3 years. He was a Big Muscle Daddy but words can't describe how he and I were. He knew that I would be upset on his retiring, so he took me and kinda trained me on what to look for and what I need to filter, now this was 5 years ago and some things have changed. When I look at Rentmen (or now the defunct rentboy), I could possibly weed out 95% of the escorts just by their ads. I am not a quick pick when it comes to finding the ideal escort but I try to plan as much as I can. I can tell you that I rely and absolutely love the idea of escorts. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. It makes closeted people like me able to live out fantasy's that they couldn't do where they live. My fantasy's are all the same and they haven't changed for 5+ years. I am very consistent on what I look for an how I approach a potential escort. I think the problem is that some of the escorts see it as a quick buck and they really don't care or their ads and communication is spot on or they are playing the game very well and then falter in person. I rarely go after any escort that doesn't have a review, no matter if they are what I look for in a body type. Last year when I was in NYC, I took my chances with 2 un-reviewed escorts, but what I was looking for at the time, they both did a freaking fantastic job, so I did write a positive review. I will not do that now because of what I am looking for is a more intimate boy friend experience. Like I said, Kissing and body contact has absolutely nothing to do with love, it is a basic human need. I don't look for love and am not looking for love. What I look for is a very intense passionate experience where our bodies are together and we play with each other and have fun. Life is too short to be miserable. I work in an ER and see death on a weekly basis so I look for an escort who can take me away from the real world for a brief time. I can also tell you that I look for more than 1-2 hours. I always want at least 3 or 4 or overnight. If I am unsure, then I do a minimum of 2.

[Harrison Maine]

I'm a little late to this particular party, but I'm somewhat astounded that anyone whose job is to make a person feel good would fail to do that just because their physiological responses aren't what were expected. My first client was a gentleman who had had prostate cancer. He was very up front about it and told me that he had to use a pump to get and maintain an erection and he hoped that wouldn't be a problem. I wondered why it would be a problem for me when the session would be about making sure he was enjoying himself. I will say that I hadn't played with someone who couldn't get an erection before, so when we saw each other I did ask the stupid question of "is this enjoyable for you". He said yes, it was, so I continued to do what I was doing. With the pump, he had a limited amount of time that he could maintain an erection without running the risk of some horrible side effect that I don't want to think about, so we played for a little more than half the session and when he was ready, he got out his pump and we went from there. But honestly, it wasn't about his erection or ejaculation. It was about making sure he had a good time. I like to think he did because we see each other about twice a month now. If you can't make your client feel good, regardless of whether or not he can get an erection, you're not going to be a very good escort.