When a client's sex drive supercedes the escort

[Mocha]

**Note: The word I was looking for was "surpasses", not super seed

 

I recently had a weekend with a dear client of mine. He's a great guy, I'm actually fairly attracted to him. He's not my ideal type, but I'm attracted to him enough to handle his sex drive. Otherwise, it'd be unbearable.

 

Long story short, the thing i grappled with...is his sex drive is somewhere between sex addict and sex offender feeling. When we weren't going at it, he would discuss it and make innuendos round the clock. I knew this because since we met once a couple months ago, my phone has been blowing up with his fantasies.

 

I told him he'd make a great sex novel writer, but for the most part i found it overwhelming, and felt physically and mentally drained the entire 2 days because sex was integrated in every conversation the whole time.

 

I know the easy solution would be not to see him again, but i like him...and he treated me well otherwise, but his innuendos made me feel queasy. There's a good chance i may not want to see him again because my body literally felt like it was going to shutdown, not from the sex...but from being pressured to perform. I think he sensed that, but overall i lived up to his expectations.

 

Has anyone found themselves with a person like this? I personally don't have a high sex drive. Maybe odd for an escort, but outside of clients, i don't actively look for hookups because i just don't have the drive or desire to have sex everyday, or jerk off 3-4 times a day.

[Nebost]

I would think having a high sex drive would be conducive to being an escort. Just like being argumentative would work in favor of a lawyer, or being logical would help a programmer's career. A successful escort recently told me that besides his job, he and his partner have lots of sex, and they have an open relationship so he gets sex from grinder and gym hookups all the time too. He was ready to go at the whole time he was with me...I don't think it was just Viagara talking, he simply had a huge libido.

That said, I suppose anyone can get worn out, and like any other job, it must be tough to keep going when you've had more than you can take.

[aaronpierce]

I have a client with similar issues. After our initial visit he blew my phone up with scenarios as well as pics of the things he likes. I ignored the messages at first but they didn't stop. I finally had to tell him that I will only respond to messages regarding setting up appointments. He apologized saying he understood and would stop the unsolicited barrage of pics and stories.

 

This lasted for about 2 days.... I wound up managing it the only way I could. I still get all his messages but he now has a special ringtone associated with his number. It's called "silent".

 

I believe we all suffer from a bit of Asperger's syndrome.

 

He is a dear sweet man who knows no better. I see him often.

[Mocha]

I would think having a high sex drive would be conducive to being an escort. A successful escort recently told me that besides his job, he and his partner have lots of sex, and they have an open relationship so he gets sex from grinder and gym hookups all the time too. He was ready to go at the whole time he was with me...I don't think it was just Viagara talking, he simply had a huge libido.

 

That's a ho. Straight up ho. Those type of guys are usually aggressive, persistent, and are sex addicts and perverts. The partnered gay guy who one minute claims to be in an open relationship, then broken up, then living with the ex. They meet people, lie about their situation, lie about seeing other guys, just lie, lie, lie like a dirty dog. I even knew a guy in an open relationship, who pursued and still pursues me aggressively despite me not being a bottom; found out last year he was fucking my best friend. Guys like that are disgusting, and they deserve to pay because they approach everyone like a John soliciting a prostitute. Even though they claim to, "not have to pay". Girl BOOM.

 

That's the subliminal issue I have with this particular client. He reminds me of a guy who I dated recently, and another guy who I also meet for hookups only. All 3 of these guys had 1 thing in common: Overly sexual White guys who talk to me like a slab of meat, and rarely have much intellectual to discuss other than how much they want me to use their ass. Right....

 

The thing is, when I'm being hired for it...it's a performance, a fantasy, so I go along with it. One well known escort tried to fault me and said, "well I don't act for clients, I am a natural sex addict" I said...of course you are. But just because you're a ho in real life, you don't think clients sometimes live double lives themselves? Hell, if a client can be married to a woman, yet suck and get fucked by a man on the side...then I can live my life as chosen too. Its my prerogative if I want to go from jolly St. Nick to being Nick the Dick behind closed doors.

 

Not everyone in this business is fit for telling others how to live their life.

[Gar1eth]

...despite me not being a bottom;

 

I haven't seen an ad of yours in a long time. But I thought you were versatile.

 

Gman

[Mocha]

I haven't seen an ad of yours in a long time. But I thought you were versatile.

 

Gman

 

Versatile, as in...not a bottom lol. Though, more and more I've been transitioning towards 100% top.

[RussJohnson]

That's a ho. Straight up ho. Those type of guys are usually aggressive, persistent, and are sex addicts and perverts. The partnered gay guy who one minute claims to be in an open relationship, then broken up, then living with the ex. They meet people, lie about their situation, lie about seeing other guys, just lie, lie, lie like a dirty dog. I even knew a guy in an open relationship, who pursued and still pursues me aggressively despite me not being a bottom; found out last year he was fucking my best friend. Guys like that are disgusting, and they deserve to pay because they approach everyone like a John soliciting a prostitute. Even though they claim to, "not have to pay". Girl BOOM.

 

That's the subliminal issue I have with this particular client. He reminds me of a guy who I dated recently, and another guy who I also meet for hookups only. All 3 of these guys had 1 thing in common: Overly sexual White guys who talk to me like a slab of meat, and rarely have much intellectual to discuss other than how much they want me to use their ass. Right....

 

The thing is, when I'm being hired for it...it's a performance, a fantasy, so I go along with it. One well known escort tried to fault me and said, "well I don't act for clients, I am a natural sex addict" I said...of course you are. But just because you're a ho in real life, you don't think clients sometimes live double lives themselves? Hell, if a client can be married to a woman, yet suck and get fucked by a man on the side...then I can live my life as chosen too. Its my prerogative if I want to go from jolly St. Nick to being Nick the Dick behind closed doors.

 

Not everyone in this business is fit for telling others how to live their life.

 

I'm confused...only certain people can tell people how to live their lives?

[Juan Vancouver]

That's a ho. Straight up ho. Those type of guys are usually aggressive, persistent, and are sex addicts and perverts. The partnered gay guy who one minute claims to be in an open relationship, then broken up, then living with the ex. They meet people, lie about their situation, lie about seeing other guys, just lie, lie, lie like a dirty dog.

 

Hey man,

 

I am writing this against my better judgment because I promised myself never to engage in a discussion with you. However, what you wrote shook me so intensely that I have to.

 

Please believe me when I say that this is not an attack on you as a person. I have absolutely no doubt you might be a wonderful, caring, intelligent guy, however what you wrote is so incredibly whacky and hurtful. It makes me think about so many other posts you wrote in the past.

 

I know there are a few incredibly sex-negative cultures and I know we unwittingly tend to reflect the cultural beliefs with which we were raised. A few examples of these cultures are Latin American culture, Catholic culture, most religious cultures and of course Black culture. Sex-shaming, slut-shaming, projecting all sorts of evil characteristics to anyone who is sex positive, wanting to ostracize, punish and expose people who are sexually active are a few of the normal behaviours of such cultures.

 

When I notice this in people I simple cringe and move on. The reason for which I find this case very problematic is because you are (using your own words) a prostitute that charges money for sex (You have described your job as such many times before) writing in a Forum where a lot of escorts, prostitutes, clients and gay men come to exchange views. I don't think you realize how using such a broad brush to defame someone about whom you know nothing smears all of us. I don't think you realize how your internalized shame is hurtful not only to us, but especially to you.

 

You have written endless posts about how impossible it has been for you to find a partner because once they hear (by your own mouth) what you do for a living they judge you, they paint you with all sorts of horrible colours, they ostracize you, they punish you, they shame you. I would like to bring to your attention that this is exactly what you did in reference to someone you don't know, you know nothing of, and have no way of confirming your assertions. I would like to bring to your attention the fact that maybe the way prospective lovers react to you is only a reflection of your own beliefs, sparked by the way you talk about yourself and the shame you feel about what you do.

 

I am an escort. I am in an open relationship. I sometimes have sex outside my relationship. I have a steady, loving, caring, honest, supportive relationship.

 

I don't lie to my partner or anyone with whom I have sex. I am not a pervert. I am not aggressive nor persistent. I don't lie, lie, lie like a dirty dog.

 

I am the owner of my own body, which I share gladly with whomever I want. I celebrate my sexuality the same way I celebrate many other aspects of my humanity. I am a proud escort who loves his job and understands it as the labour of love it really is. I chose to be fully open with my partner and he does that in return, and around my love, my sex, my relationships, my life I feel nothing but pride.

 

This is not to say you are worse and I am better.

 

All I want to say and I really wish I could communicate to you is that shame is optional. Shame is a choice. In most cases it is a dreadful inheritance, passed down by generations of pained people, but it is perfectly possible to brake the chain of shame and stop hurting oneself.

 

You are a beautiful human being, with many wonderful characteristics and drives. Sexuality, in whatever way you chose to express it, is just one of those beautiful characteristics.

 

Celebrate it, brother.

[Mocha]

I know there are a few incredibly sex-negative cultures and I know we unwittingly tend to reflect the cultural beliefs with which we were raised. A few examples of these cultures are Latin American culture, Catholic culture, most religious cultures and of course Black culture. Sex-shaming, slut-shaming, projecting all sorts of evil characteristics to anyone who is sex positive, wanting to ostracize, punish and expose people who are sexually active are a few of the normal behaviours of such cultures.

 

I am an escort. I am in an open relationship. I sometimes have sex outside my relationship. I have a steady, loving, caring, honest, supportive relationship.

 

I hear what you're saying. But you can't be bipolar. You can't call me beautiful and wonderful, but then throw me under the bus by saying you'll never engage in a discussion with me.

 

Sometimes I think what people get confused on, or maybe I'm failing to convey...is that when I "shame" someone, I'm not shaming everyone. I'm talking about the reality that I've encountered. For example, I've been chatting with an escort from Miami who's contacted me a couple times, and most recently about a month ago. He seemed really into me, but when I actually was in Miami this weekend; he gives me some bullshit, " I can't host, I live with my ex". And when I suggested we just meet and hangout first, only thing he can offer me is, "I want to fuck bro". But yet, he never bothered to tell me that, and I had to ask to find out.

 

Those are the type of guys who are hoes. The other type of guys who are hoes are those who disrespect gay relationships by being slutty and thinking they can make passes and moves on guys who are together, kind of like making it seem like it's an open relationship by default, and that's acceptable. It's not. And these home wrecker gay guys who have no self control, and will sleep with a man who's living and partnered with a another man are lower on the totem pole than prostitutes. I have never heard of a situation where it has lead anywhere except a bunch of drama. And mind you let me be clear, I'm not referring to guys who PLAY TOGETHER. That's consensual. All 3 people know what they're getting into. But, there's guys who hide behind the open relationship title to just do whatever they want and an excuse to cheat, not commit to anyone, and generally become a parasite in the gay community...sucking blood and cum out of the men who inhabit it.

 

The escort in question was said to hookup at gyms, bathhouses, and grindr...in addition to being in a open relationship. Do you think that guy has any respect for the guys he sleeps with? Hell no. He's out for his own interest and pleasure only, no matter how many people he hurts or leads on.

[Mocha]

I'm confused...only certain people can tell people how to live their lives?

 

What I'm saying is, though someone may want to live/operate a certain way, doesn't mean it'll work for everyone. In the example you quoted, I was referring to someone who told me to become more sexually promiscuous with random guys, even if pay wasn't involved. Just because that's what HE wanted to.

 

I never suggested anyone not have open relationships, or play or the side. But just because one escort is successful doing that...doesn't mean I will.

[BabyBoomer]

I hear what you're saying. But you can't be bipolar. You can't call me beautiful and wonderful, but then throw me under the bus by saying you'll never engage in a discussion with me.

 

Sometimes I think what people get confused on, or maybe I'm failing to convey...is that when I "shame" someone, I'm not shaming everyone. I'm talking about the reality that I've encountered. For example, I've been chatting with an escort from Miami who's contacted me a couple times, and most recently about a month ago. He seemed really into me, but when I actually was in Miami this weekend; he gives me some bullshit, " I can't host, I live with my ex". And when I suggested we just meet and hangout first, only thing he can offer me is, "I want to fuck bro". But yet, he never bothered to tell me that, and I had to ask to find out.

 

Those are the type of guys who are hoes. The other type of guys who are hoes are those who disrespect gay relationships by being slutty and thinking they can make passes and moves on guys who are together, kind of like making it seem like it's an open relationship by default, and that's acceptable. It's not. And these home wrecker gay guys who have no self control, and will sleep with a man who's living and partnered with a another man are lower on the totem pole than prostitutes. I have never heard of a situation where it has lead anywhere except a bunch of drama. And mind you let me be clear, I'm not referring to guys who PLAY together. That's consensual. There's guys who hide behind the open relationship title to just do whatever they want and an excuse to play fucking mind games.

 

The escort in question was said to hookup at gyms, bathhouses, and grindr...in addition to being in a open relationship. Do you think that guy has any respect for the guys he sleeps with? Hell no. He's out for his own interest and pleasure only, no matter how many people he hurts or leads on.

 

I'm glad you had the sense to delete the last paragraph that was in this post.

 

~ Boomer ~

[instudiocity]

Sorry Joey, but I'm still laughing at your headline: "When a client's sex drive supercedes the escort"

 

First, it's supersedes. Not supercedes.

 

And the word means : to take the place of (someone or something that is old, no longer useful, etc.) : to replace (someone or something)

 

So your headline says, "When a client's sex drive replaces the escort's sex drive" or worse, "when the client's sex drive replaces the older sex drive of the no longer useful escort's sex drive."

 

Sorry but you just can't make this shit up! Rofl!!

[RussJohnson]

I hear what you're saying. But you can't be bipolar. You can't call me beautiful and wonderful, but then throw me under the bus by saying you'll never engage in a discussion with me.

 

Sometimes I think what people get confused on, or maybe I'm failing to convey...is that when I "shame" someone, I'm not shaming everyone. I'm talking about the reality that I've encountered. For example, I've been chatting with an escort from Miami who's contacted me a couple times, and most recently about a month ago. He seemed really into me, but when I actually was in Miami this weekend; he gives me some bullshit, " I can't host, I live with my ex". And when I suggested we just meet and hangout first, only thing he can offer me is, "I want to fuck bro". But yet, he never bothered to tell me that, and I had to ask to find out.

 

Those are the type of guys who are hoes. The other type of guys who are hoes are those who disrespect gay relationships by being slutty and thinking they can make passes and moves on guys who are together, kind of like making it seem like it's an open relationship by default, and that's acceptable. It's not. And these home wrecker gay guys who have no self control, and will sleep with a man who's living and partnered with a another man are lower on the totem pole than prostitutes. I have never heard of a situation where it has lead anywhere except a bunch of drama. And mind you let me be clear, I'm not referring to guys who PLAY TOGETHER. That's consensual. All 3 people know what they're getting into. But, there's guys who hide behind the open relationship title to just do whatever they want and an excuse to cheat, not commit to anyone, and generally become a parasite in the gay community...sucking blood and cum out of the men who inhabit it.

 

The escort in question was said to hookup at gyms, bathhouses, and grindr...in addition to being in a open relationship. Do you think that guy has any respect for the guys he sleeps with? Hell no. He's out for his own interest and pleasure only, no matter how many people he hurts or leads on.

 

People probably get confused because you use language like "Those type of guys..." or "Guys like that" it pretty much implies everyone who does what you were referencing is like that. Especially considering you don't know the person in question.

[Mocha]

Sorry Joey, but I'm still laughing at your headline: "When a client's sex drive supercedes the escort"

 

First, it's supersedes. Not supercedes.

 

And the word means : to take the place of (someone or something that is old, no longer useful, etc.) : to replace (someone or something).

 

Yes, I am aware of that...but once you make a topic you can't change the headline. Sometimes words pop up in my mind that I want to use, but the definition doesn't quite match up to the context I'm using it in. I think the word I meant to use was: "surpasses".

 

And yes, I looked the definition up...but the word sounded good. Thanks for pointing that out.

[Mocha]

People probably get confused because you use language like "Those type of guys..." or "Guys like that" it pretty much implies everyone who does what you were referencing is like that. Especially considering you don't know the person in question.

 

Well, Theres an exception to every rule. But for the most part, it is a general statement, but doesn't apply to every situation.

 

I wish I could convey better the situations I've encountered, but I can't name em all. One reason I refer to such guys as hoes, is because there was a friend of a guy I was merely dating...my friend introduced me to him at the bar. Within 30 seconds, his friend was already bent over grinding his ass on my dick...in front of my boyfriend and a room full of people! That's just a disrespectful tramp. He made my boyfriend jealous and walk away. Then, a few weeks later after him and I moved apart, this guy is trying to solicit me for a blowjob, and telling me that the guy I was seeing said, "you can have him if you want him". When I called him out on his bullshit, he had nothing to say.

 

What type of person does that? Most likely the same guys cruising the gym, cruisin grindr, and probably has a boyfriend of their own sitting at home.

[RussJohnson]

Well, Theres an exception to every rule. But for the most part, it is a general statement, but doesn't apply to every situation.

 

I wish I could convey better the situations I've encountered, but I can't name em all. One reason I refer to such guys as hoes, is because there was a friend of a guy I was merely dating...my friend introduced me to him at the bar. Within 30 seconds, his friend was already bent over grinding his ass on my dick...in front of my boyfriend and a room full of people! That's just a disrespectful tramp. He made my boyfriend jealous and walk away. Then, a few weeks later after him and I moved apart, this guy is trying to solicit me for a blowjob, and telling me that the guy I was seeing said, "you can have him if you want him". When I called him out on his bullshit, he had nothing to say.

 

What type of person does that? Most likely the same guys cruising the gym, cruisin grindr, and probably has a boyfriend of their own sitting at home.

 

I just think making generalizations should be avoided if you want people to not feel shamed, especially when the particular person in your situation above, as far as we know from what you're telling us, didn't have a boyfriend and wasn't on grindr or at the gym, so saying "most likely the same guys" seems really biased and unfounded.

[Mocha]

I just think making generalizations should be avoided if you want people to not feel shamed, especially when the particular person in your situation above, as far as we know from what you're telling us, didn't have a boyfriend and wasn't on grindr or at the gym, so saying "most likely the same guys" seems really biased and unfounded.

 

I agree, but some people need to feel shamed. So the fuck what. Goddamit. (Not cursing at you, but rather the situation). I'm just so sick of guys treating sexual partners like a piece of meat, to be discarded. And too many gay men are afraid to speak up and set boundaries for themselves, so these lying dogs get to keep approaching other gay men like nothing but a free, cheap, worthless piece of ass/dick. This stuff doesn't fly in the straight community. If a woman was known to sleep around outside of a relationship, or sleep around with married men for free...she would have a reputation for being a tramp. A man who does the same would be considered a womanizer.

 

So when I hear about these "open relationship" guys playing on the side...I only have respect for the ones who either play together, or are going into it as a mutually beneficial agreement. And I can bet, the ho Nebost mentioned who creeps around at gyms and grinder isn't being honest with every person he comes across. He probably fucks them a couple of times, and then leave em for dead. Guys like that aren't interested in even being friends...every move they make and every step they take is about how far the next guy can get up their ass or vice versa.

 

Now, on the contrary...I realize this does not relate to the client mentioned in this thread. He was very respectful even though he admitted he was bi and that due to his career, he does not want to be openly gay (even though his public innuendos were way gay). But hey, a tropical vacation, going out to eat, and getting a donation is far more than all the other guys I've been dating have offered. That's why I continue to escort, because the openly gay guys nowadays ain't shit.

[RussJohnson]

I agree, but some people need to feel shamed. So the fuck what. Goddamit. (Not cursing at you, but rather the situation). I'm just so sick of guys treating sexual partners like a piece of meat, to be discarded. And too many gay men are afraid to speak up and set boundaries for themselves, so these lying dogs get to keep approaching other gay men like nothing but a free, cheap, worthless piece of ass/dick. This stuff doesn't fly in the straight community. If a woman was known to sleep around outside of a relationship, or sleep around with married men for free...she would have a reputation for being a tramp. A man who does the same would be considered a womanizer.

 

So when I hear about these "open relationship" guys playing on the side...I only have respect for the ones who either play together, or are going into it as a mutually beneficial agreement. And I can bet, the ho Nebost mentioned who creeps around at gyms and grinder isn't being honest with every person he comes across. He probably fucks them a couple of times, and then leave em for dead. Guys like that aren't interested in even being friends...every move they make and every step they take is about how far the next guy can get up their ass or vice versa.

 

Now, on the contrary...I realize this does not relate to the client mentioned in this thread. He was very respectful even though he admitted he was bi and that due to his career, he does not want to be openly gay (even though his public innuendos were way gay). But hey, a tropical vacation, going out to eat, and getting a donation is far more than all the other guys I've been dating have offered. That's why I continue to escort, because the openly gay guys nowadays ain't shit.

 

You must have a few bad personal experiences related to this, but it still doesn't excuse judging someone you don't know based on hearsay and your own prejudices. As much as you do know about them the description probably fits multiple people on here. I would expect you of all people to see the fault in that thinking

[Juan Vancouver]

You can't call me beautiful and wonderful, but then throw me under the bus by saying you'll never engage in a discussion with me.

 

You are right. After I posted my response I realized I didn't like that part because it's imprecise and potentially hurtful. I apologize. Let me explain what I mean. A few times before I have responded to threads you posted and soon enough I found that neither you nor me were able to communicate anything to the other because of our different incompatible communication styles. Lots of wasted time and no communication achieved. Neither of us at fault, just communicating differently.

 

I have read your responses carefully and throughout this whole thread I see a common theme. You have a negative experience with one guy, then you fill in the blanks, guided by your culturally informed prejudice, then extrapolate this "discovery" on to all men who __do something you don't like___. The problem with this logic is that when you are just using your cultural prejudice to understand the world you will never be able to relate to the situation objectively and will never be able to see people for what they really are.

 

Let me show you examples of this happening:

 

I've been chatting with an escort from Miami who's contacted me a couple times, and most recently about a month ago. He seemed really into me, but when I actually was in Miami this weekend; he gives me some bullshit, " I can't host, I live with my ex". And when I suggested we just meet and hangout first, only thing he can offer me is, "I want to fuck bro". But yet, he never bothered to tell me that, and I had to ask to find out. Those are the type of guys who are hoes.

 

That doesn't sound like a Ho to me. (Even if I must confess I am not even entirely sure what is it that you may mean by that). It just sounds like a guy with whom you weren't able to connect, communicate or agree on terms. You wanted different things. Instead of seeing this, you go on and say that all guys who do this are hoes. And by the way, we are adults. It is perfectly normal in an adult interaction to have to ask what is it the other wants. Going on assumptions (what you did, thinking he obviously wanted the same thing you want) only gets you in trouble.

 

The escort in question was said to hookup at gyms, bathhouses, and grindr...in addition to being in a open relationship. Do you think that guy has any respect for the guys he sleeps with? Hell no. He's out for his own interest and pleasure only, no matter how many people he hurts or leads on.

 

Truth is, you don't know. You haven't met. You haven't talked to him or his "victims". You are speaking entirely out of prejudice and shame, the same cultural prejudice that is active in the culture in which you grew up.

 

What type of person does that? Most likely the same guys cruising the gym, cruisin grindr, and probably has a boyfriend of their own sitting at home.

 

Again, extrapolating your own prejudice to explain a theoretical situation about which you know nothing, deciding that all guys who do those things are the same.

 

So when I hear about these "open relationship" guys playing on the side...I only have respect for the ones who either play together, or are going into it as a mutually beneficial agreement. And I can bet, the ho Nebost mentioned who creeps around at gyms and grinder isn't being honest with every person he comes across.

 

Here, you are even ready to bet. You know absolutely nothing about all these guys you talk about, but you are certain of their moral character and lack of honesty.

 

Also, I find it kind of strange that you think it's ok only if the couple plays together or if one of them plays apart but gets paid for it... Can you imagine what your mom would say about this? Your pastor? Your aunts? I am not saying this to instil shame on you, I am just trying to bring to your attention how entirely random and personal your beliefs are. These beliefs are not universally right. They don't make any logic, but they kind of do because they are informed by shame, and shame is the most illogical thing there is. Once we live guided by it we believe, think and do the weirdest things.

 

I agree, but some people need to feel shamed.

And these home wrecker gay guys who have no self control, and will sleep with a man who's living and partnered with a another man are lower on the totem pole than prostitutes.

 

My brother, there is no totem pole. That is just a cultural construct and not even a universal one. In all cultures there is a clear system of tiers and the higher tiers have to shame the lower tiers to control them and disempower them. The funniest part about this is that the lower in the tiers one finds oneself, the strongest the desire to shame those below us feels.

 

You, as a prostitute, are not low in the totem pole. The totem pole is imaginary and will only stay alive as long as you keep talking about it as something real.

 

You don't have to shame anyone, because the more you do, the more you are accepting you, yourself, are shameful and bad.

 

Shame is just a repressive tool, a result of archaic theocracies and all sorts of oppressive, dehumanizing cultures. It's a powerful tool for domination, but it has one huge weakness: it depends on those at the base of the totem pole to enforce it and keep it in place. The minute those that feel disempowered empower themselves, shame has absolutely no power or place.

 

I sincerely recommend you to read a fascinating and helpful book. It's written in a very colloquial, friendly way and has a few really useful exercises to find, understand and tackle shame in ourselves. If I remember correctly, the name of this books is:

"Coming out of shame", By Ghershen Kaufmann and Lev Raphael.

Shame is an ugly, heavy thing to carry around, which is why when we feel it we always try to pass it on to those around us.

[Mocha]

Juan, I'm glad we're working out our differences. However, there is no shame here. I've been gay for 18 years, and my views and feelings on things have nothing to do with my mom, aunt, or pastor...whom i don't have. Cultural reasonings also don't carry much clout.

 

But you want to know what my views are based on? Experience. Not just the 1 guy i mentioned. That's just the ones i mentioned. You know how many times I've had guys tell me their living with their ex, only to hear something different down the line?

 

I'm curious, what are you trying to make me feel differently about? Now, my totem pole analogy was incorrect, and I'm glad you broke that down. However, the fact that i don't want to live a life of lots of random, casual sex whilst escorting and in a relationship, isn't shame. I think you're more interested in sharing your testimony, and maybe you were once shamed...and that promiscuousity/multiple partners outside your relationship equates to freedom.

 

Again, I'm saying things as they relate to my experiences. Prejudice? No. But like i said, i know what goes on. I haven't even told you half of the stories. That's just the stories from this last month. Remember, i have 18 YEARS of experience with gay relations, and i know the ones who are hoes...they are very obvious. On hookup apps with "partnered" status.

 

I'll give a last example of 2 hoes, and their fate: friend of mine dated a wealthy doctor guy for 2 months. The doctor told him he had a "husband", who lived outside the home. My friend was hardheaded. Didn't wanna listen to me. Well, after my poor friend spoiled this rich doctor guy with a trip to a rodeo show and having lots of sex with different guys in one day (what are hoes known for?), the following weekend the open friendship/relationship was over. The doctor dumped my friend, citing his husband. He should have took that into consideration.

 

I will check out the shame book, as it sounds uplifting, and i admit...i am at a point in life where i could use encouragement as the gay scene has me jaded. But, you have to listen to the song "sideline ho" by Monica...to understand where I'm coming from

[Mocha]

[Juan Vancouver]

Hey man,

 

I promised myself that I won't beat a dead horse, so just a couple things.

 

But you want to know what my views are based on? Experience.

 

Problem is that you don't have experience of those things -or people- about whom you claim to know so much. You haven't experienced that escort who was originally mentioned, you haven't experienced me. However, based on your pre-informed bias you seem to feel confident you know how we operate, you seem to know we never tell the truth to our partners, how we are predators, perverts and lying hoes.

 

That is the textbook definition of prejudice.

 

I think you're more interested in sharing your testimony, and maybe you were once shamed...and that promiscuousity/multiple partners outside your relationship equates to freedom.

 

You are half right there. I was shamed before. And even now I experience attempts of shaming me. From people around me, from ads, from our culture. We are all constantly suffering a shame crusade against us. For being gay, for being sexually active, for being latino, for being a man, for being black, for being an immigrant, for being a woman, for being different, for living in privilege, for being intelligent, for being stupid, for being poor, for being too normal, for being bisexual, for being fat, for being beautiful.

 

Yes, I am very interested in sharing my testimony and if in doing so I coax even one person away from shame and into self-acceptance, I will die a happy man. I had hoped I could perhaps share this view with you, believing it would be liberating for you, but I will have to take what you say at face value and accept that you don't experience shame. I feel happy about that possibility.

 

Believe me, I don't expect you to want to be promiscuous or live in a different way you want to live. We all have a right to choose. I celebrate you for sticking to you guns and do what makes you feel comfortable.

 

As for your assumption that I might engage in promiscuous sex as a rebellious response for having being shamed, you are wrong.

 

I engage in promiscuous sex because it feels pretty damn good and it is a beautiful, powerful component of who I am as a human being.

 

I like it a lot.

 

Here's to being different and still communicating. Big hug, man.

[RockyHardon]

**Note: The word I was looking for was "surpasses", not super seed

 

I recently had a weekend with a dear client of mine. He's a great guy, I'm actually fairly attracted to him. He's not my ideal type, but I'm attracted to him enough to handle his sex drive. Otherwise, it'd be unbearable.

 

Long story short, the thing i grappled with...is his sex drive is somewhere between sex addict and sex offender feeling. When we weren't going at it, he would discuss it and make innuendos round the clock. I knew this because since we met once a couple months ago, my phone has been blowing up with his fantasies.

 

I told him he'd make a great sex novel writer, but for the most part i found it overwhelming, and felt physically and mentally drained the entire 2 days because sex was integrated in every conversation the whole time.

 

I know the easy solution would be not to see him again, but i like him...and he treated me well otherwise, but his innuendos made me feel queasy. There's a good chance i may not want to see him again because my body literally felt like it was going to shutdown, not from the sex...but from being pressured to perform. I think he sensed that, but overall i lived up to his expectations.

 

Has anyone found themselves with a person like this? I personally don't have a high sex drive. Maybe odd for an escort, but outside of clients, i don't actively look for hookups because i just don't have the drive or desire to have sex everyday, or jerk off 3-4 times a day.

 

There are plenty of clients like this. My experience is they are sex addicts in the "pre-occupation" stage of their addiction. They are constantly thinking about sex until the time they can have it. Also, many fantasize about being free to have sex as much as they believe escorts have sex, and communicating with an escort (who they assume is having having sex 24/7) feeds their fantasy of being able to have sex all day everyday. This is not an uncommon fantasy of clients.

 

My suggestion is that you politely remind him that your time is what you charge for, and you will gladly entertain his fantasies if he is able to pay you per hour just like a one on one session. A little rude, but unless you want to drop your effective hourly rate in half in dealing with all his calls and texts, it is the only way. Any you might be surprised...he may agree to compensate you for your time.

[Mocha]

There are plenty of clients like this. My experience is they are sex addicts in the "pre-occupation" stage of their addiction. They are constantly thinking about sex until the time they can have it.

 

Excellent assessment there. It's crazy how many guys out there these days are sex addicts. Mainly I find the 20s guys are, but it seems to reappear in the 40s. Ho would be an understatement. Hoes can control themselves, sex addicts can't. Get them on that 'Tina" stuff, they become some sort of hypersexual super freak.

 

However, since our marathon, the messages have stopped. But I will say, when he was sending me the messages, I didn't tell him to "stop" but there were times I would not respond for a day, and mentioned that I had several hours of travel for the week prior to our meeting. I just wanted to remain non adversarial because I really wanted this exotic getaway.

[Mocha]

Problem is that you don't have experience of those things -or people- about whom you claim to know so much. You haven't experienced that escort who was originally mentioned, you haven't experienced me. However, based on your pre-informed bias you seem to feel confident you know how we operate, you seem to know we never tell the truth to our partners, how we are predators, perverts and lying hoes.

 

That is the textbook definition of prejudice.

 

No, that's the textbook definition of DeJa Vu. Been there, done that. I don't have to know or experience the escort who was mentioned, because I already know where that road leads. How many times do I have to be played, to realize certain guys are hoes?

 

You just said it yourself: you are promiscuous because it feels damn good. For you. The purpose is carnal and self serving in nature.

 

But you know what, I'm just gonna leave it at that. Whoever is dumb enough to sleep around with married or partnered men (like you) and don't get paid for it...is their perogative. You just won't catch me doing that. However, as an aside...I do find many of the longest gay relationships are open relationships...so maybe I haven't experienced a long enough monogamous relationship to understand why open relationships are so highly desired, or why most guys end of finding themselves on one.

 

But hey, as long as the partnered guys continue giving me their business...I am open relationship friendly 100%. But you won't catch me doing that in ANY other situation.