Escort Sincerity

[gilbert]

In some cases clients are looking for that "friend" experience with their escorts, and often you'll see the "friend and boyfriend" experiences offered by the escort. In my own experiences and from threads I've read on this site some "friendships" between clients and escorts go beyond the hours the escort is hired to entertain. Personally, when I've been with an escort and our personalities kind of "clicked" I found myself keeping in touch through emails until our next encounter. However, I think it's important to say that I do this only when the escort indicates that he wants to keep in touch. I enjoy having someone I can share thoughts from my "gay" side with, but I am careful not to cross the line and get emotionally involved with him, because, after-all, he is someone I'm paying to spend time with. Chances are the escort is is being nice just to insure the client keeps hiring him. And that's fine. You can't blame the escort for trying to keep his clients happy, even if it's off the clock. I think it's up to the client to be careful and not get too emotionally involved. If the escort wants a true friendship or relationship it's up to him to make that clear.

 

So I have to ask a couple questions. First, as an escort do you ever have clients who want to get too personally involved with you or who develop a crush on you and you have to put a stop to it? Secondly, do a lot of escorts like to get to know their clients personally or is it more of a professional relationship to keep your clients happy? I apologize if this subject has been discussed recently.

[Kevin Slater]

Abel Rey talks about these issues on his web channel, www.youtube.com/c/abelrey. Specifically, episodes 8 and 20 may be of interest to you.

 

Kevin Slater

[+ dutchmuch]

http://ts1.mm.bing.net/th?&id=JN.P4cpRfRLgjNxn82f0303Ug&w=300&h=300&c=0&pid=1.9&rs=0&p=0

[Juan Vancouver]

Yes, it happens that clients lose sight of the nature of the relationship and measures have to be taken to ensure the emotional safety of all involved. In my case, whenever the boundary has been crossed, I have always ended the relationship to avoid creating any more damage. That is what I see as the only responsible thing to do.

 

Yes, this is a people's profession. I LOVE to get to know my clients, know their past, know what makes them tick. Many, especially my regulars over time end up sharing pretty much every detail of their private lives. This is not a ruse. This is not a fake way to keep my clients happy. I love people and I love to know them well. HOWEVER this is not friendship nor a romantic relationship. This is still a professional relationship in which I provide expert companionship, intimacy, a safe place where my client can relax, be himself and investigate what being himself really means, and in order for this to be a safe place, it is of utmost importance that there is a professional boundary and that it is very clear that all I ever want from this relationship is to be able to perform my job lovingly and get paid for it.

 

I believe the minute escorts try to fulfill their own needs with their clients the relationship and its boundaries get muddled and emotional hurt becomes a cruel and unnecessary reality.

 

You cannot buy friendship. You cannot buy love. If you are in a relationship with someone to whom you are paying to provide these, it means this person is not a friend, is not a lover. In the best of cases this person is a loving, caring, skillful professional. In the worse case scenario, this person might be taking you for a ride.

 

Know the healthy boundaries. Remember them. Tattoo them on your eyelids. Repeat them every time you feel something that you are interpreting as "something real".

 

Satisfaction, pleasure, fun, companionship, intimacy, sensuality, all these can be provided by a skillful professional. Those are real.

 

Romance and friendship can only be provided by a lover and a friend.

 

If you are paying him, he is neither.

 

Some people think otherwise, but this is the only way in which I have been able to continue practising my profession lovingly and in a healthy way without ever having the feeling that I might be hurting or taking advantage of someone.

[gilbert]

After posting my thread I realized the subject I discussed might be a little difficult for escorts to discuss without possibly jeopardizing some connections with clients...then again, maybe not. I like Juan's statement about the "professional" relationship. I think he said it as well as it can be said. Thank's Juan.

[down_to_business]

Yes, it happens that clients lose sight of the nature of the relationship and measures have to be taken to ensure the emotional safety of all involved. In my case, whenever the boundary has been crossed, I have always ended the relationship to avoid creating any more damage. That is what I see as the only responsible thing to do.

 

Yes, this is a people's profession. I LOVE to get to know my clients, know their past, know what makes them tick. Many, especially my regulars over time end up sharing pretty much every detail of their private lives. This is not a ruse. This is not a fake way to keep my clients happy. I love people and I love to know them well. HOWEVER this is not friendship nor a romantic relationship. This is still a professional relationship in which I provide expert companionship, intimacy, a safe place where my client can relax, be himself and investigate what being himself really means, and in order for this to be a safe place, it is of utmost importance that there is a professional boundary and that it is very clear that all I ever want from this relationship is to be able to perform my job lovingly and get paid for it.

 

I believe the minute escorts try to fulfill their own needs with their clients the relationship and its boundaries get muddled and emotional hurt becomes a cruel and unnecessary reality.

 

You cannot buy friendship. You cannot buy love. If you are in a relationship with someone to whom you are paying to provide these, it means this person is not a friend, is not a lover. In the best of cases this person is a loving, caring, skillful professional. In the worse case scenario, this person might be taking you for a ride.

 

Know the healthy boundaries. Remember them. Tattoo them on your eyelids. Repeat them every time you feel something that you are interpreting as "something real".

 

Satisfaction, pleasure, fun, companionship, intimacy, sensuality, all these can be provided by a skillful professional. Those are real.

 

Romance and friendship can only be provided by a lover and a friend.

 

If you are paying him, he is neither.

 

Some people think otherwise, but this is the only way in which I have been able to continue practising my profession lovingly and in a healthy way without ever having the feeling that I might be hurting or taking advantage of someone.

 

 

Juan - while I have always valued your opinion on any subject this is the first time I actually agree with you

 

You hit it out of the park with your answer. I can't tell you how upsetting it is to hear so many clients on here confuse the relationship and distort the boundaries, and not because I don't want them to have that, solely because they are setting themselves up to be hurt or worse (up to total emotional and financial devastation). I sincerely hope the majority of clients read what you have to say because it is perfectly stated and could save some people their sanity. Thank you so much for answering a personal and potentially minefield of a question with such honesty, integrity and wisdom.

[+ purplekow]

Yes, it happens that clients lose sight of the nature of the relationship and measures have to be taken to ensure the emotional safety of all involved. In my case, whenever the boundary has been crossed, I have always ended the relationship to avoid creating any more damage. That is what I see as the only responsible thing to do.

 

Yes, this is a people's profession. I LOVE to get to know my clients, know their past, know what makes them tick. Many, especially my regulars over time end up sharing pretty much every detail of their private lives. This is not a ruse. This is not a fake way to keep my clients happy. I love people and I love to know them well. HOWEVER this is not friendship nor a romantic relationship. This is still a professional relationship in which I provide expert companionship, intimacy, a safe place where my client can relax, be himself and investigate what being himself really means, and in order for this to be a safe place, it is of utmost importance that there is a professional boundary and that it is very clear that all I ever want from this relationship is to be able to perform my job lovingly and get paid for it.

 

I believe the minute escorts try to fulfill their own needs with their clients the relationship and its boundaries get muddled and emotional hurt becomes a cruel and unnecessary reality.

 

You cannot buy friendship. You cannot buy love. If you are in a relationship with someone to whom you are paying to provide these, it means this person is not a friend, is not a lover. In the best of cases this person is a loving, caring, skillful professional. In the worse case scenario, this person might be taking you for a ride.

 

Know the healthy boundaries. Remember them. Tattoo them on your eyelids. Repeat them every time you feel something that you are interpreting as "something real".

 

Satisfaction, pleasure, fun, companionship, intimacy, sensuality, all these can be provided by a skillful professional. Those are real.

 

Romance and friendship can only be provided by a lover and a friend.

 

If you are paying him, he is neither.

 

Some people think otherwise, but this is the only way in which I have been able to continue practising my profession lovingly and in a healthy way without ever having the feeling that I might be hurting or taking advantage of someone.

I am friends with a contractor. We go to concerts and the occasional play. He does my home renovations. I pay him for his handiwork and he is my friend.

I am friends with a lawyer. I go out to dinner with him. Call him to discuss family issues and he calls me. I pay him for my legal advice. He is a lawyer and he is my friend.

I am friends with a doctor. I go to his house for barbecues and he calls me on my birthday. I pay him for medical advice.

He is a doctor and he is my friend.

I am friends with an escort. He stays at my home and dog sits for me when I travel. Occasionally I pay him for sex. We are not lovers.

He is an escort and he is my friend.

When I want renovations, I do not always ask my friend.

When I need legal advice, I do not always ask my friend.

When I need medical advice, I do not always ask my friend.

When I need a good roll (and role) in the sack, I do not always ask my friend.

 

I think you may be missing out, but whatever works for you Juan. I do not believe one can be dogmatic on what works in interpersonal relationships.

[Juan Vancouver]

I am friends with a contractor. We go to concerts and the occasional play. He does my home renovations. I pay him for his handiwork and he is my friend.

I am friends with a lawyer. I go out to dinner with him. Call him to discuss family issues and he calls me. I pay him for my legal advice. He is a lawyer and he is my friend.

I am friends with a doctor. I go to his house for barbecues and he calls me on my birthday. I pay him for medical advice.

He is a doctor and he is my friend.

I am friends with an escort. He stays at my home and dog sits for me when I travel. Occasionally I pay him for sex. We are not lovers.

He is an escort and he is my friend.

 

I knew you would disagree with this. Maybe the big difference is that I am never paid for sex. I charge for my companionship. Some of the time I spend with my clients is fucking, but a bigger chunk is spent travelling, dinning, going to shows and sharing experiences, listening to their lives and sharing my opinion about them, offering emotional support and being together.

 

That is by definition what a friend or a lover would do. But I am getting paid for that time. That means I am not a friend nor a lover. I am a loving professional. If I spend much time with my clients it is because I love them, enjoy them and feel all sorts of warm and fluffy feelings for them. I would never spend much time with someone I dislike, no matter how much money is involved.

 

You can be friends with a lawyer and pay for his legal advise. You can't be friends with an escort like me and pay me for things a friend would do.

 

Friends don't get paid. Those are called employees.

 

I think you may be missing out, but whatever works for you Juan. I do not believe one can be dogmatic on what works in interpersonal relationships.

 

I think you are assuming I don't have a deep, fulfilling and super fun relationship with my clients. You are wrong. I love most of them and I am getting to know the rest.

 

As for being dogmatic, in my case I HAVE to. This is the only way I can ensure that I am doing as much as I can do to maintain my client's mental and emotional health. When it comes to my client's wellness I can't get wishy washy regardless how much I would love to get closer to them. If they overstep the boundary and develop feelings, I end the relationship, but the same applies if I ever developed feelings for a clients. It's a No-No. My client's well being comes first.

 

Clearly your way works for you, mine works for me. Luckily there's so many of us that we can choose people with whom we are a good match.

[gilbert]

If they overstep the boundary and develop feelings, I end the relationship, but the same applies if I ever developed feelings for a clients. It's a No-No. My client's well being comes first.

Juan.....Really? If you and your client develop feelings for each other you wouldn't consider having a personal relationship? Unless you are saying that you get feelings for him, but he doesn't necessarily have feelings for you, then I can see where you are coming from.

[+ purplekow]

"You cannot buy friendship. You cannot buy love. If you are in a relationship with someone to whom you are paying to provide these, it means this person is not a friend, is not a lover. In the best of cases this person is a loving, caring, skillful professional. In the worse case scenario, this person might be taking you for a ride. "

Juan Vancouver

 

 

I think our difference is in perception.

As a client, i am not paying for love or friendship, I am paying for time and most usually that time is spent having sex.

Sometimes it is having dinner and then having sex.

Sometimes it is going to a show and having sex.

Sometimes it is traveling and having sex.

Sometimes it is having sex and then having sex.

 

I suppose one senses a theme here.

 

I have love in my life. There is always room for more.

I have friends in my life. There is always room for more.

What is lacking at times, is sex.

Since there is always room for more, i am willing to pay for the time of someone who is open to spending his time having sex with me and perhaps other things as well.

If that person also wants to offer friendship and love, that is a gift and a bonus for which i do not pay, except in kind.

By all accounts, Juan, you offer a great service which includes intimacy and support and interactions of all kinds. You may not be paid for sex , but I have a feeling your clients are thinking it is going to happen when they contact you for the first time. I think very few, if any, come in looking for platonic friendship or love.

[Guest countryboywny]

I have met and mingled with maybe 15-20 different escorts in my hiring career. I have met some that I would never hire again let alone be "friends" with. I have met some that I had a great time in a physical sense, but didn't enjoy their personality. Then, I've met a precious few who I enjoy both physically and mentally, who are grounded and with whom I have had a connection. I have met fewer with whom I've become friends. The bottom line is that as a client/friend, I respect them, I respect their business I don't put any expectations upon them, and I NEVER, ever see them without paying them. I genuinely care about my friends, I care about their well being.. As for sincerity, well I admit that it takes me a long time to believe that sincerity is there.

I am fortunate for the friends that I have escorts and non-escorts. If I owned a doughnut shop, I wouldn't give my friends free doughnuts.

[+ quoththeraven]

It's weird. My personal feelings on this subject are more like Purplekow and countryboywny's, but I absolutely understand Juan's perspective. It is undeniably the safest, least confusing approach possible and minimizes the likelihood of heartbreak and stalking.

 

Figuring out where the lines are can be difficult. Think back to some other threads here, like the one about bar hopping in Montreal with an escort the OP met socially and the escort's boyfriend. That might have turned out a lot differently had the escorts not led the poster to think the sex they had afterwards was also a social activity. Or episode 8 of Abel Rey's YouTube channel mentioned by Kevin Slater above, where Abel talks about being stalked and threatened by a client who became obsessed with him after an extended hire and didn't take rejection well.

 

It's all well and good to say you wouldn't give friends free doughnuts if you owned a doughnut shop, but I'll bet dollars to doughnuts (heh) somebody is going to presume on your friendship and expect or ask for free or discounted doughnuts you wouldn't have offered on your own. Then your choices are to cave or say no and possibly end the relationship. While it may seem inflexible to some of us, it's not irrational to want to prevent that, especially in a business that requires such interpersonal deftness and intimacy.

[MiamiLooker]

Are we talking about Krispy Kreme doughnuts?

[AdamSmith]

Venturing some way out onto the thin ice of emotional exposure and vulnerability is something I've chosen to do more than once with an escort, and in fact tend to do more often than not.

 

The risks are clear. Overinvestment in the fantasy of escort falling in love with client. Too effective denial of the power relationship of payor/payee. The rest of that long catalog.

 

Long-departed forum member Woodlawn once offered this perspective: Hiring can be like flirting with any other potentially addictive agent, what society once termed vices – tobacco, booze, drugs. Often manageable, but not always, and not by all. And the precipice may be closer than one thinks.

 

In the Manhattan Project, Otto Frisch conceived an experiment that involved assembling a just-subcritical mass of uranium, then dropping a slug of the same material through a hole in the assembly. As it passed through, for a moment the mass would go critical and chain-react. Feynman called this “tickling the tail of the dragon.” On two occasions, the investigators failed to use safeguards, and the assembly remained critical long enough to deliver lethal radiation doses to the experiment's operator. But those simulations and near-misses yielded empirical data that theory and calculation alone could not confirm.

 

In hiring, I find myself almost always willing to tickle the dragon's tail. In four different instances, deep and, in one case, life-altering human relatednesses resulted. All of which endure still, long beyond the end of the hiring aspect.

[+ quoththeraven]

Are we talking about Krispy Kreme doughnuts?

 

Would it make a difference?

[AdamSmith]

Would it make a difference?

 

Entirely gratuitously...

 

http://cdn.foodbeast.com/content/uploads/2014/11/B2QBO58CMAEHaZ_.jpg

[+ quoththeraven]

Entirely gratuitously...

 

http://cdn.foodbeast.com/content/uploads/2014/11/B2QBO58CMAEHaZ_.jpg

 

When it comes to women, I'm more of a boob gal. I appreciate shapely male butts, but(t) for some reason prefer them in jeans or jockstraps. I particularly appreciate Eric Christian Olsen's jeans-covered butt, which is weird because while he's good-looking, I'm not sexually attracted to him. I just enjoy looking at his butt.

 

Just another way in which women are complicated. Or maybe it's just me...

[wisconsinguy]

Juan, I always look forward to your input. However, I disagree with you totally on this one. I believe an escort and a client can have an outstanding relationship. Sharing our pasts, lives and a futures. Then, reimbursing then for their time. Totally two different issues. I would never dumb an escort if I thought we were becoming too close! Really? I would embellish it. WG2

[MiamiLooker]

Would it make a difference?

 

A good escort will always offer the client his doughnut hole.

http://g.foolcdn.com/editorial/images/129254/kkd-holes_large.jpg

[TruHart1]

I find myself in the same place as QTR. I understand Juan's viewpoint completely, yet I have personal friendships with a select few escorts who I feel close enough with to call them friends, even though I pay them for their time with me in the bedroom. I find these particular guys are men I know I will remain in touch with even after they retire or I stop hiring for whatever reason (old age or bankruptcy! LOL!!!)

 

As WG2 mentions when referencing his special escort/friend, if there is a real connection and it is part of the escort's personality, then the client/escort relationship can develop into a real friendship, one where you continue to keep up on each other's lives even between appointments. The problem may really be in the fact that some clients cannot differentiate between being good friends with an escort and being involved in a sexual relationship with the escort. I have found every great working guy has a point of privacy and they can become uncomfortable if a client ventures past that.

 

For the special escorts with whom I have become friends, I have been very sensitive as to where that line is and I always make sure that he wants the same closeness before I ever go there. Just like Juan, every escort will be pretty clear if you try to push his personal boundary too far. Escorts are just people though, and each one is different in their perception of the personal involvement they may have or want with a client. Once again it is so often just a matter of a connection between two people.

 

I have hired many escorts who have given me a wonderful experience between the sheets but because of their personalities or business perspective, I know we would never move into a true friendship or be connected in that way to each other. Many of them would definitely be repeat hires though, for the satisfaction I experience with them, even though I know we would not be socializing off the clock as I would with the small number of professionals who are open to more. Just as PK notes that his friendships with contractors, doctors, etc. are not connected to payments he gives to them for professional services, I've found a few escorts whose professional fees are not connected to our actual friendship.

 

JMHO about a topic which has been discussed here before and is sure to be discussed again! :):)

 

TruHart1

[+ dutchmuch]

I am friends with an escort. He stays at my home and dog sits for me when I travel. Occasionally I pay him for sex. We are not lovers.

He is an escort and he is my friend.

 

And what kind of (uh um) renumeration does this said escort receive for his house and dog sitting?

[+ purplekow]

And what kind of (uh um) renumeration does this said escort receive for his house and dog sitting?

Well, if you want to apply for the job, submit a resume through this site and i will give you the particulars.

[+ quoththeraven]

Another thing those who keep in touch with escorts between appointments need to be sensitive to is time. They have lives and oftentimes jobs in addition to escorting, making it unreasonable to expect to be able to maintain a consistent or extensive level of contact in most instances.

[TruHart1]

Another thing those who keep in touch with escorts between appointments need to be sensitive to is time. They have lives and oftentimes jobs in addition to escorting, making it unreasonable to expect to be able to maintain a consistent or extensive level of contact in most instances.

 

I agree here also. Even though we may stay in touch, it isn't usually daily or even weekly but within our own personal time frame of communication. I am more aware of their general schedules and some have even shared what their non-escort jobs happen to be. So when I am talking about particular escorts who also have become my friends, the communication is not always extensive. Just as with some members of my family, we stay in touch but not constantly, in most cases.

 

TruHart1

[AdamSmith]

In developing friendships with people I've met by hiring them, following their lead in how much contact they initiate between and beyond paid encounters has been a way to respect that boundary.

 

Nor have I ever found, contrary to what some say, that it's particularly difficult to distinguish between an escort just acting to keep the business contact alive, and one extending the offer of some relatedness beyond the business connection.