How Do You Respond / Are You For Hire

[RockyHardon]

Was at a clothing optional resort this weekend. Had a great time, and was approached by a gentlemen who asked "Are you for hire?"

 

Now I was just was not at the resort in a professional capacity, and was realized I had not been directly asked in out of context situations.

 

If you are in a bar, club, resort, and your a asked directly if you are for hire. When you are not working at the moment, how do you respond?

 

Probably a stupid question.

[Juan Vancouver]

Not a stupid question at all!

 

I find that incredibly rude. Unless it is a venue designed for clients and escorts to do business, I find it incredibly rude when some people think it is perfectly okay to contact men with monetary propositions.

I respond differently depending on how overtly offensive the "offer" is. I am from very polite to not so polite.

 

Once I was at the fucking Opera of all places and a guy lasciviously licking his lips from across the room approached me and ignoring the company I was with tried to hand me a wad of cash and his business card. He slurred "Contact me if you want to make some cash". It was really hard not to tell him to go fuck himself and report him to security.

 

It's really sad that we are sometimes unable to see our humanity and start seeing each other as a commodity, a thing that can be (and must want to be) purchased at any time.

 

Want an escort? Look for one at the correct venue. There's tons to chose from. You think I am that escort you saw in a magazine? Call me through that number listed in the magazine and find out. Do not bug me in my personal life.

 

This kind of behaviour is every bit as inappropriate as someone approaching a dentist in a fancy restaurant, opening their mouth and saying "My third molar is rotting... why don't you take a look at it? You're a dentist, right?"

 

There's a place and time for everything.

[dannyboynyc]

Juan -

 

On this response, I somewhat (respectfully) disagree with you. I agree with your reaction to that specific situation - someone handing a wad of cash and business card and not being discreet.

 

This is something from my experience. I was at a bar recently and had a hot, personable energetic go go boy. I did give him a tip and chatted a bit. When I was sure no one was in earshot I asked him if he escorted. He said no, and smiled. That's all I wanted - wondering if this particular person did or did not escort.

 

I personally don't think the question is off base - assuming the person asking the question is discreet. It could be just a point of information.

 

I'll be interested to see what type of response this posting gets . . . my guess is there will be a mix of opinions.

[Juan Vancouver]

Hey Danny,

 

I don't even care that much about it being discreet, I care much more about it being appropriate. And by your post I don't think you disagree with me that much.

 

I would not fault you for asking a gogoboy if he escorts. Escorting, stripping, doing porn, are all different expressions of what people bundle up as "sex trade" even if there might not be sex involved in some of those. It is pretty conceivable that someone who strips might do porn or escort. Doesn't mean they do, but if you are in such a venue this kind of question is to be expected. If I am stripping or in a porn set or at a porn convention rocking the Falcon Studios booth I would not be surprised or offended at all if people asked me if I escort.

 

If I am anywhere else and I am not giving off absolutely any indication that this might be the case, an offer like this or a question like this is entirely out of place, rude and reductionistic of me, my humanity and the humanity of the offerer.

 

Things one should ask oneself before making such an advance are: Could I offend this guy asking this and would it be justified for him to become violent? Is this the kind of venue in which such offers are acceptable? has he given any indication that he is looking for money and will do anything for it? and lastly... could I be kicked out of this venue or be arrested if he lets the authorities know that I approached him like this?

 

If the answer to any of those questions is in a gray area, just don't. It's called human decency and respect of one another.

[BgMstr4u]

I wonder what prompted that man's rude offer, Juan. Nothing you said or did, I'm sure! But I wonder if you are famous, known by what you look like. Can celebrity, admittedly somewhat specialized in this context, be a problem?

[+ WhamIAm]

Context is everything. making a play for a future meeting while you're clearly on personal time (or at the opera with another client) is poor form and tells a lot about the dude making the advance. OTOH, I can't imagine a situation like this where violence would be justified. Again, context.

 

And, yeah, first rule of thumb - if the appropriateness of an advance is ever in question, STFU

[Juan Vancouver]

I wonder what prompted that man's rude offer, Juan. Nothing you said or did, I'm sure! But I wonder if you are famous, known by what you look like. Can celebrity, admittedly somewhat specialized in this context, be a problem?

 

The mind boggles. I had not laid eyes on him until the infaust moment in which I realized he was bee lining towards me licking his lips like a snake smelling the air. I don't show my face for escorting. Only my friends and past clients know that I am Juan Bruno. Nobody would be able to recognize me.

 

I seriously doubt he knew (or cared) if I was an escort. He saw me, liked me, thought it would be a good idea to offer. I have received many different offers like this at the most varied and unlikely of venues. Sometimes I have had the time to ask why they thought it would be okay to do this and the response is often in the vicinity of "'cause you're hot. You should be happy someone's offering you money. Won't be like this forever!"

 

I guess in Killian's case things are a bit different. Advertising with a handsome, unforgettable face might put one in that circumstance more often. Receiving a text at the gym sounds polite enough. Being followed to the sauna and offered money there, not so much.

[BaronArtz]

I totally agree with the 'right time and place' argument. Here on the streets in NYC, in Hells Kitchen and in Chelsea, I have had the pleasure of occasionally seeing well-known escorts walking around. Other than a polite, appreciative smile, I do not strike up a conversation. In male strip clubs, I have offered a drink to a dancer I am interested in, started a very neutral conversation and if that goes well I may casually ask if he would be interested in a 'more private' setting. Usually that goes well and if it doesn't ... that's fine too.

 

But I have never asked 'are you for hire'. That is just too direct for my taste. Let's have a bit of class about things, please.

[RockyHardon]

Great responses...I just ignored the inquiry with a smile and moved on...

[TruHart1]

All of the escorts here so far are impressive in being honest about their responses to an intrusion like this into their private lives. I too, can't see an excuse for the escort to become violent, though, unless the insensitive bastard were to try to fondle him and then, of course, defensive action might be needed.

 

I don't think I will ever understand the mindset of the disrespecting client types who believe an escort is just a piece of meat which should always be available for them to buy just because they happen to be sexually attracted to him!

 

Truhart1

[Diverdan]

I have met escorts, ex boy friends, masseurs and others on the streets or at private parties. I may discretely smile, nod my head or if I am introduced to them by the host, I usually follow through with appropriate conversation, but I would never think to bring up a business relationship or in any other way imply that I knew them, etc. The most awkward times have been being introduced to an ex who was obviously with his current partner. What made it most awkward was the fact that the partner was obviously interested in getting to know me much better and before long I did excuse myself to go get some food, saying I hadn't eaten anything and didn't want to drink on an empty stomach. My ex called me a few days later to thank me for my discretion and for not saying anything about our past relationship. I can hardly imagine what goes on in the mid of someone who would so totally disrespect someone to make such an offer such as was done to Rocky or Juan.

[devonhunter]

If I'm not in the mindset to entertain, then it takes me off guard when this happens (whether online or in person). There's a reason I have never included my number in my ads. If I'm grocery shopping, cleaning the cat box, talking to my mother, sleeping, working out, writing the great novel of the Western world, or whatever, I don't need a text from someone telling me about his throbbing erection (particularly not at 4:09 am). I don't know that I would call this spontaneous proposition "rude" per se, but I have never been a "right now" kinda guy. I mean think about it: You want RIGHT NOW? That's kinda nasty. When did you last bathe? When did I? Have you brushed your teeth? Have I? I sure hope you don't expect intercourse. No, sir. No. THAT is a process unto itself. So for me, I have never really entertained "right now," because #1 it puts me at a complete disadvantage for learning about what someone wants and whether or not we are compatible, #2 it interrupts whatever it was I was already doing, #3 it implies that any warm body will do, and that offends my fragile ego, #4 the logistics are completely undermined, and #5 my fee isn't what people generally walk around carrying in their pockets, and I don't dicker or haggle, which is what people want to do in person (this isn't a Turkish carpet in the city bazaar, thank you). I prefer the banter of email. It allows for a much more thoroughly discussed proposition.

[Lankypeters]

Is the question "Are you a flight attendant?" still a buzz phrase for "Do you escort?" It used to be. I don't know if it still has that connotation. Even if it does, I'd still be careful about where I popped it (the question, that is).

[devonhunter]

LORD! Shade! LOL LOL

[mattr]

I got a text message yesterday at the gym "Hey are you at the equinox, if so I'm behind you in the red shirt, I want to hire you". My response: "I'm kind of in the zone right now, get in touch after 9PM".

 

I think that approaching someone outside of an escort/porn related event, depending of course on how its done, is just not the place nor the time. An ad has an email and a phone number. Those routes are the best for hiring inquiries.

If I was working out behind you Killian, I'd have a hard time controlling myself. I would respect your privacy but I am sure I would need a very cold shower!

[+ Chris Eisenhower]

Them: "Hey, you lookin' to get together? I'm generou$."

 

Me: "Sure. My rate is $220/hr—tell me a little more about yourself, what you're looking for and how long you'd like to plan for."

 

It usually stops right there, or they offer me $20 for "some fun." I've always been tempted to say "Awesome. Your six minutes starts now."

[devonhunter]

Child... Don't you need this $20? THIS IS TWENTY DOLLARS!

[+ Chris Eisenhower]

I call it my "One-song Massage."

[devonhunter]

It reminds me of the skit on "In Living Color" when the hobo said, "A dollar for a soda?? A DOLLAR FOR A SODA?! I'll give you a nickel for a sip."

[TruHart1]

I call it my "One-song Massage."

It reminds me of the skit on "In Living Color" when the hobo said, "A dollar for a soda?? A DOLLAR FOR A SODA?! I'll give you a nickel for a sip."

 

LOL! I believe (from personal experience with Devon and from reading Chris's posts here) that $20 should be just about enough for a nice hug and a kiss on the cheek (and not THAT cheek, guys, get your minds out of the gutter!!! )

 

TruHart1

[Steven_Draker]

I don't show my face for escorting. Only my friends and past clients know that I am Juan Bruno. Nobody would be able to recognize me.

 

I don't show my face either.

Notwithstanding, I have been approached twice by complete strangers in a club asking me whether I was Steven Draker (once in Brussels and once in New York).

It's not that I want to be recognized, but some people are pretty good at spotting ... even if you don't show your face or have your name written on your forehead or another body part.

[+ quoththeraven]

Them: "Hey, you lookin' to get together? I'm generou$."

 

Me: "Sure. My rate is $220/hr—tell me a little more about yourself, what you're looking for and how long you'd like to plan for."

 

It usually stops right there, or they offer me $20 for "some fun." I've always been tempted to say "Awesome. Your six minutes starts now."

 

I kind of wish you'd said it, because that's just perfect.

[recency]

I was at IML one year and recognized a guy who had advertised as an escort. I went up to him, introduced myself, (he was walking along alone at the time) and asked quietly if I could speak to him privately for a moment. He looked bemused but said sure. We went to a quiet spot and I told him I would like to arrange for some of his time. He was fine with it, we exchanged phone numbers, and he became a person I saw several times. But the opera? Never. Never there, never any place like it. And never loudly or boorishly. The fact that rude behavior is almost universal does not make it right.

[dannyboynyc]

All of the escorts here so far are impressive in being honest about their responses to an intrusion like this into their private lives. I too, can't see an excuse for the escort to become violent, though, unless the insensitive bastard were to try to fondle him and then, of course, defensive action might be needed.

 

I don't think I will ever understand the mindset of the disrespecting client types who believe an escort is just a piece of meat which should always be available for them to buy just because they happen to be sexually attracted to him!

 

Truhart1

 

Truhart1 -

 

What you said gave this string a different meaning for me. You hit the main issue directly - the difference between clients who see escorts as a piece of meet and clients who see escorts as offering a professional service. I fall in the second category.

 

Juan - you're correct - I would not walk up to someone on the street and asks if he escorts. If I see an escort on the street that I'd like to hire, I would take the "smile now, text later" approach. When I have seen escorts I have met in the past in a public setting, I'll usually chat about something other than escorting.

 

Danny

[marylander1940]

I got a text message yesterday at the gym "Hey are you at the equinox, if so I'm behind you in the red shirt, I want to hire you". My response: "I'm kind of in the zone right now, get in touch after 9PM".

 

I think that approaching someone outside of an escort/porn related event, depending of course on how its done, is just not the place nor the time. An ad has an email and a phone number. Those routes are the best for hiring inquiries.

 

Do you get recognized a lot now that you're on Randy Blue?