Dom / Sub / Pain / Pleasure

[whipped guy]

Well I understand about abhorring pain. Not the biggest fan of it either, so a few days ago when I was asked to be the Dom in a situation, I agreed. I told my partner for the session, that I was a newbie, but would give it a go. He usually takes the role as a Dom, but wanted to be submissive. Sadly, as a Dom, I was probably pathetic. No matter how much I tried, I couldn't push him enough. He was very nice about it, remained understanding, and just kept talking to me quietly, to dial it up, and that it was OK, but because of my fear of pain, I kept thinking that I was hurting him. I just couldn't put my feelings aside. It was fascinating, and since I'm having problems being a sub, I think learning the Dom role is more to my liking. Despite my inabilities, I am realizing that I need to get more mentally ready for a session, and most likely lessons with a competent Dom.

BVB... I guess we are going to get a bit deeper into things than I thought that we would getting into so I decided to start a new thread that would alert others to this discussion. I posted the following recently in another thread:

 

As I have morphed into playing the dom, I find that the most difficult part is trying to sound menacing and domineering. It sounds unnatural as it goes against my normal persona, but it is something that I am working on. Still, that is an asset. If the sub perceives you as sincerely being a nice guy it inspires trust and confidence... and that is one of the keys to success. Still, some subs don't need or want the threatening aspect... That makes things analogous to a more "traditional" encounter.

 

Therefore, it is always a good thing for the dom and the sub to spend a bit of time talking things over with and especially when meeting for the first time. It is important for the dom to get into the sub's headspace and then attempt to satisfy his needs and wants. A really good dom might just know what the sub needs even before he knows it himself... and most first time subs really have no clue and are more than a bit intimidated with the thought of crossing over into a "realm of darkness".

 

I might add that first time doms often have no clue either!! My first time was unplanned. I hired a now retired escort as the dom. We were about ten minutes into our session and he suddenly said that he wanted to turn the tables... He was to be the sub and I was to play the dom... Spur of the moment... He got on his knees and begged me to punish him... and the look on his face reassured me that not only that he was sincere, but that he trusted me as well. It blew my mind as he was blowing me... as I kept ordering and admonishing him that he needed to "do it better"!!!! Still, I was able to somewhat pull it off because I saw myself kneeling on the floor and begging for mercy... I instinctively knew what he needed at the moment because I had been there... Now if I would have been unable to personally relate, I certainly would have had no clue.

 

A few weeks ago I met a fellow poster. He was the nicest guy imaginable. I tried to get him to twist and squeeze my nips. He really thought that he was hurting me, but I kept telling him that on a scale of one to ten he was at .05!!! He was flabbergasted!! By the end of the evening he got it up to about an eight. I think he now appreciates the concept. Next time were going for off the charts!!!!

 

It may sound strange to some, but one needs to personally appreciate that pain can equal pleasure. That's why guys who not only practice BDSM in their own sex lives and have had experiences being a sub are the best S&M doms. The best CEOs likewise have had experiences working their way from the bottom to the top...

[wisconsinguy]

BVB... I guess we are going to get a bit deeper into things than I thought that we would getting into so I decided to start a new thread that would alert others to this discussion. I posted the following recently in another thread:

 

 

 

I might add that first time doms often have no clue either!! My first time was unplanned. I hired a now retired escort as the dom. We were about ten minutes into our session and he suddenly said that he wanted to turn the tables... He was to be the sub and I was to play the dom... Spur of the moment... He got on his knees and begged me to punish him... and the look on his face reassured me that not only that he was sincere, but that he trusted me as well. It blew my mind as he was blowing me... as I kept ordering and admonishing him that he needed to "do it better"!!!! Still, I was able to somewhat pull it off because I saw myself kneeling on the floor and begging for mercy... I instinctively knew what he needed at the moment because I had been there... Now if I would have been unable to personally relate, I certainly would have had no clue.

 

A few weeks ago I met a fellow poster. He was the nicest guy imaginable. I tried to get him to twist and squeeze my nips. He really thought that he was hurting me, but I kept telling him that on a scale of one to ten he was at .05!!! He was flabbergasted!! By the end of the evening he got it up to about an eight. I think he now appreciates the concept. Next time were going for off the charts!!!!

 

It may sound strange to some, but one needs to personally appreciate that pain can equal pleasure. That's why guys who not only practice BDSM in their own sex lives and have had experiences being a sub are the best S&M doms. The best CEOs likewise have had experiences working their way from the bottom to the top...

If we just are talking nip play, the pain/pleasure thing certainly comes into play with me. I am sooo nip sensitive, I guess my perception of causing pain to another guy is heightened without even going there! Perhaps I should ask WG to write a "how to" manual for me?

[+ Funguy]

Talk about pain and pleasure…….

 

I'm a chronic back pain sufferer and the practice of distraction (substituting one pain for another) can often lead to exquisite pleasure, especially just as the new pain equals and then begins to surpass the current pain. In the past, when the back was killing me I would kick and bang my foot into a wall or head-butt a wall until I reached that state. However, a broken toe and facial bruising were not good results.

 

So, definitely, as my nipples are very sensitive, they are the perfect answer - I can even use my own nipple clamps (haven't found any i like yet) on myself or, better yet, find someone I TRUST and have a good flogging. To that end……………..

 

Thanks WG.

[bigvalboy]

BVB... I guess we are going to get a bit deeper into things than I thought that we would getting into so I decided to start a new thread that would alert others to this discussion. I posted the following recently in another thread:

 

 

 

I might add that first time doms often have no clue either!! My first time was unplanned. I hired a now retired escort as the dom. We were about ten minutes into our session and he suddenly said that he wanted to turn the tables... He was to be the sub and I was to play the dom... Spur of the moment... He got on his knees and begged me to punish him... and the look on his face reassured me that not only that he was sincere, but that he trusted me as well. It blew my mind as he was blowing me... as I kept ordering and admonishing him that he needed to "do it better"!!!! Still, I was able to somewhat pull it off because I saw myself kneeling on the floor and begging for mercy... I instinctively knew what he needed at the moment because I had been there... Now if I would have been unable to personally relate, I certainly would have had no clue.

 

A few weeks ago I met a fellow poster. He was the nicest guy imaginable. I tried to get him to twist and squeeze my nips. He really thought that he was hurting me, but I kept telling him that on a scale of one to ten he was at .05!!! He was flabbergasted!! By the end of the evening he got it up to about an eight. I think he now appreciates the concept. Next time were going for off the charts!!!!

 

It may sound strange to some, but one needs to personally appreciate that pain can equal pleasure. That's why guys who not only practice BDSM in their own sex lives and have had experiences being a sub are the best S&M doms. The best CEOs likewise have had experiences working their way from the bottom to the top...

 

That really is an excellent analysis of what I went through WG. My fear of hurting him, really prevented me from going further. I remember he kept looking at me with a little smirk on his face, encouraging me to take the pain level all the way up. I think on a scale of 1-10, I probably hit a .05 also. lol...In hind site I realize that mentally I hadn't come prepared to play the Dom role.

 

You also state earlier: "As I morphed into playing the Dom, I find that the most difficult part is trying to sound menacing and domineering"...That is spot on WG. He also kept looking at me square in the eye and encouraging me to talk dirty to him in a humiliating tone. I tried, God knows I tried, but at one point I broke out laughing. It was so unnatural to my persona also. Looking back on it, I can laugh at what was surely a laughable situation to anyone else looking on. One can easily appreciate the true pros, who play the Master Dom role so well. Thanks WG for your advice and thorough understanding of this most interesting side of sexual encounters. It's a lot of fun down here in the Fetish Forum...