Escort asking for pics?

[bostonman]

Ok, so I know this has been discussed out here before, and I probably should have been wary of this. But again, I think a proverbial red flag - do we agree that if an escort (especially one who seems on the young/inexperienced side) asks for pics it's a bad sign?

 

I had emailed an escort on Rentboy last week (Wednesday), and got a very friendly, detailed response (just the kind I like) and he seemed very open to discussing all sorts of things with me - he even went on to say that he preferred that, as it built the excitement before meeting. We sent a few friendly emails back and forth that afternoon. He then asked me if I had pics i could send. I told him I would have to send them that evening, as I would need to get them off my home computer.

 

I didn't really sense too much of a red flag at this point, because the conversation had been already very friendly, open, specific, and continuing. He felt like the real deal.

 

I sent pics that evening.

 

No response.

 

The next day, no response.

 

I emailed him Thursday evening just to check in. I got a very terse response - very much a contrast to the lengthy, open emails he had previously sent, and one that seemed to put things back in my lap instead of continuing where we had left off. ("Hey! Sorry busy busy day. What's goin on?")

 

I wrote back, but got no response.

 

I wrote again over the weekend, hinting that I wondered if things were not looking up for meeting...still no response.

 

I wrote this morning. Hinted more strongly. Finally got this response:

 

"I had a retreat all weekend, therefore I've been MIA from everybody. Unfortunately I am not interested in meeting. I am having cold feet in general and would rather not have to resort to escorting. Sorry!"

 

I responded with a follow-up that if he has cold feet and is no longer interested in escorting, I would expect that he'd be taking his ad off of Rentboy.

 

Somehow I'm betting that won't happen.

 

 

So - I know I'm not the best looking guy in the world, lol - and I have never thought I take very good pics anyway. So it's ok with me if he didn't like the pics. (I do think I look better in person, lol.) But his immature method of "disappearing" instead of simply saying upfront, in a professional way, that he was going to need to back out, really annoys the fuck out of me. I would not expect ANY escort to provide services to someone he was truly not attracted to in some way - and yet, that's also one of the oddities of the business, lol - and had he been more experienced, perhaps it would have been a different story all around. If things weren't going to work out from his vantage point, so be it - but his refusal to own up to what certainly seems like a rejection is just infuriating. (That is, I'm less hurt by the rejection than I am by the way he did it.)

 

But again, I guess it does prove that if the escort is so worried about his client's looks, he's probably not going to be a very good escort (or at least not one that behaves in a professional way), and/or he's going to run into a number of situations where he has to awkwardly refuse clients. And somehow, that defeats the whole point of the business, doesn't it?

[jimboivyo]

you sent the picture to begin with. that was a bad move and even worse for the escort to ask

 

sorry about the experience

[+ azdr0710]

sorry about this...I'm sure you were psyched to meet him....

 

yeah, sending a picture was probably a mistake, though you say things were going smoothly beforehand and it seemed like no big deal to do it....

 

but, yes, this "no reply" thing really bugs me...it's apparently very common in the internet world of texts, emails, etc. to just not reply if the recipient is thru with the conversation...I'm always polite when I write, but the conventional tradition these days of not even simply saying, "no, thanks" or "sorry, but this won't work for me" is frustrating.....

[Guest Starbuck]

...I'm always polite when I write, but the conventional tradition these days of not even simply saying, "no, thanks" or "sorry, but this won't work for me" is frustrating...

 

+1 !!

 

... and very sorry to hear about your experience, bostonman. At this point, I know I'd never send a picture to an escort (after all, plenty of them won't show their faces, even in a private email, even after you've made an appointment) but I remember thinking about doing it when I made my first appointment. We were having a nice exchange of emails, he sent me a picture of his face (which he does not include in his ads) and I had a brief impulse to reciprocate. So I understand how you got to that place.

 

In addition, I now feel wary of people being able to identify any of us by matching images we privately share to other images of us already "out there" in cyberspace. I always mean to pay better attention to this subject (frequently brought up in conversations about whether an escort's pictures are real), but I still don't know how this is done. What I do know is that you can find images of me, linked to my name and to professional associations, by Googling, so I assume a picture I sent to an escort (or any other stranger) could be compared, that I could be "IDed" and that there could be consequences far more troublesome than being rebuffed by some young dope with none of the class needed to be the kind of gentleman we all value and respect.

[+ azdr0710]

What I do know is that you can find images of me, linked to my name and to professional associations, by Googling, so I assume a picture I sent to an escort (or any other stranger) could be compared, that I could be "IDed"

 

 

very good point!!....if you send a picture of yourself to an escort, he could do an image search himself!!....I don't think it's unfair to ask (he still may not want to give it for personal privacy concerns) for a face pic of an escort as he is the "business owner" and is marketing himself.....a client has no obligation to send a pic of himself, but an accurate description of yourself (stats) is very courteous and I do that every time I communicate with a new guy

[Guest Starbuck]

...a client has no obligation to send a pic of himself, but an accurate description of yourself (stats) is very courteous and I do that every time I communicate with a new guy

 

Ditto! I feel more comfortable if the guy has a reasonable sense of what he's getting. A look of horror when the door opens would really kill my confidence!

 

AZDR, very nice to be leap-frogging posts with you ... I think you know you were my first "mentor" when I came to this site and hadn't yet had my first appointment. Always grateful for that!

[bigvalboy]

AZDR, very nice to be leap-frogging posts with you ... I think you know you were my first "mentor" when I came to this site and hadn't yet had my first appointment. Always grateful for that!

 

And Starbuck, I will add this about azdr....He is one of the good guys. If the chance should ever arise for a casual lunch or breakfast (azdr loves breakfast) then do not hestitate. I can personally guarantee that it will be a very rewarding dining experience.

 

OK...sorry to the OP for that mini-hijack. Now onto the original post. I never send face pics, though I always will ask an escort to send his. I am the one paying for the service. If the escort hesitates or says, "Don't worry you will not be disappointed, I guarantee it" (yes I actually got that response once) then I just move on.

 

In all the years I have been hiring, I have only had one 'very popular' escort ask for face pics, I refused and posted about it, and a firestorm erupted on the forum that went on forever, in addition to receiving some very nasty pm's accusing me of all sorts of silly things. Personally I wasn't mad or upset, hey in my opinion, an escort has a right to ask, and I have a right to refuse. For some escorts, thankfully not many, but some, chemistry won't work unless there is some level of attraction. Just as some are HWP sensitive, get that.

 

And finally my hat goes off to bostonman for going through this. I think he showed a lot of restraint in his attempts to contact the escort.

Speaking for myself only, a face pic would not have been sent, and certainly no more than 'one' email would have been sent inquiring as to the whereabouts of the escort when he failed to communicate after the face pic was sent. Don't want to respond? fine then I would just move on.

 

I think the escort demonstrated a lot of immaturity and lack of respect for a client. Few stay in business very long when they operate like that.

[down_to_business]

Ok, so I know this has been discussed out here before, and I probably should have been wary of this. But again, I think a proverbial red flag - do we agree that if an escort (especially one who seems on the young/inexperienced side) asks for pics it's a bad sign? ...

 

But again, I guess it does prove that if the escort is so worried about his client's looks, he's probably not going to be a very good escort (or at least not one that behaves in a professional way), and/or he's going to run into a number of situations where he has to awkwardly refuse clients. And somehow, that defeats the whole point of the business, doesn't it?

 

...I never send face pics, though I always will ask an escort to send his. I am the one paying for the service. If the escort hesitates or says, "Don't worry you will not be disappointed, I guarantee it" (yes I actually got that response once) then I just move on.

 

In all the years I have been hiring, I have only had one 'very popular' escort ask for face pics, I refused and posted about it, and a firestorm erupted on the forum that went on forever, in addition to receiving some very nasty pm's accusing me of all sorts of silly things. Personally I wasn't mad or upset, hey in my opinion, an escort has a right to ask, and I have a right to refuse. For some escorts, thankfully not many, but some, chemistry won't work unless there is some level of attraction. Just as some are HWP sensitive, get that.

 

And finally my hat goes off to bostonman for going through this. I think he showed a lot of restraint in his attempts to contact the escort.

Speaking for myself only, a face pic would not have been sent, and certainly no more than 'one' email would have been sent inquiring as to the whereabouts of the escort when he failed to communicate after the face pic was sent. Don't want to respond? fine then I would just move on.

 

I think the escort demonstrated a lot of immaturity and lack of respect for a client. Few stay in business very long when they operate like that.

 

I agree with BVB fully on many points. Yes, the escort has a right to ask for pics and yes, you can refuse. As you correctly surmise, if an escort is overly concerned about how you look- you are more than likely going to be disappointed. I wouldn't even consider sending out my pics to an escort. As I have said before, you are paying for a service- you aren't going out on a date.

 

I guess the escort could have written back to you and said something along the lines of :

indirect: This isn't going to work out.

direct: I am not interested in meeting with you because there is no physical attraction.

cruel: There isn't enough Viagra on the planet to get me hard enough to fuck you.

 

But is this really any better than simply no longer responding. They all mean the same thing, that your meeting is never going to happen. Would you follow-up with another email asking why?

 

The best of the best escorts will not focus on your physical appearance and have the ability to find something to connect with each and every potential client. Hire the professionals. You really don't need the others.

[Bargara Leatherboy]

I am a gentleman of size, so I normally include that in my communications with a potential hire.

Pic requests tell me the escort is getting paid for a hook up he would normally do. That might work for some .

However I had a booking with an incredible Dom who asked for a pic, he had suggested I visit a shop as there was a dirty pig sale on, I ended up buying a Harness he asked for a pic. He still kept the appt and he was outstanding.

 

But normally it would raise a Red flag

[bostonman]

I guess the escort could have written back to you and said something along the lines of :

indirect: This isn't going to work out.

direct: I am not interested in meeting with you because there is no physical attraction.

cruel: There isn't enough Viagra on the planet to get me hard enough to fuck you.

 

But is this really any better than simply no longer responding. They all mean the same thing, that your meeting is never going to happen.

 

I would have taken the "indirect" response (and knew that most likely he was referring to not liking the pics), or even the "direct one" (though a *good* escort might couch this a bit differently). As long as there is indeed a response. That is the professional thing to do. No response is unprofessional. An honest, polite unprovoked response (in this case, his response had to be drawn out of him - he didn't volunteer it at first) goes a long way to show professional behavior. As a client, I might still feel rejection, but at least I would respect the escort for being honest. I might even be willing to recommend him to others - (he didn't work out with me, but maybe you'd be right for him, etc).

 

I imagine that most businesses take a moment to let potential applicants know if they're not getting the job they applied for, etc. Being in entertainment myself, we always email courtesy thank-you's to auditioners who we won't be casting. If someone offers me a gig that I'm not interested in taking, I still get back in touch to let them know I'm not available, and try to spin it positively (usually even saying to let me know about future opportunities, etc). Even though escorting does involve a more personal kind of interaction, an escort afraid of hurting someone's feelings should STILL find a way to respond politely as any business professional would.

[bigvalboy]

An honest, polite unprovoked response (in this case, his response had to be drawn out of him - he didn't volunteer it at first) goes a long way to show professional behavior. As a client, I might still feel rejection, but at least I would respect the escort for being honest. I might even be willing to recommend him to others - (he didn't work out with me, but maybe you'd be right for him, etc).

 

This is an excellent point as well. Though my situation in regards to the escort asking me for a face pic is slightly different, since he asked for different reasons, how he handled it is what should be noted. I said then and will say now, his rejection of me was handled in a very professional way. It was immediate, he was upfront, and I actually thanked him for his honesty, and he in turn apologized for having to ask for a face pic.

 

Since he was a very popular escort I received a couple of pm's from members concerned about my experience, since they had planned on hiring him. I didn't hesitate in recommending him, and made it very clear that ours was a personal situation. I did not then nor do I now have any ill feelings towards him.

 

As Bostonman and D2B point out, it is a matter of professionalism and in my opinion maturity as well. BM unfortunately dealt with an escort that lacked both.

[+ azdr0710]

AZDR, very nice to be leap-frogging posts with you ... I think you know you were my first "mentor" when I came to this site and hadn't yet had my first appointment. Always grateful for that!

 

And Starbuck, I will add this about azdr....He is one of the good guys. If the chance should ever arise for a casual lunch or breakfast (azdr loves breakfast) then do not hestitate. I can personally guarantee that it will be a very rewarding dining experience.

 

 

 

thanks guys....yes, Starbuck, I certainly remembering advising on our good guy down near that very dysfunctional city....would be great to meet up for some down-home grits, but we three each now live in three opposite corners of the country....I know a great breakfast joint in Wichita - equidistant from each of us!

[unsub2O17]

I've had an escort use the "indirect" line: "it's not you, it's me". Same result, but it did feel, to me, like a very gentle let down. And this was after what, I thought, was a very successful encounter when I asked to schedule a repeat appointment!

[Guest Starbuck]

thanks guys....yes, Starbuck, I certainly remember advising on our good guy down near that very dysfunctional city....would be great to meet up for some down-home grits, but we each now live in opposite corners of the country....I know a great breakfast joint in Wichita - equidistant from each of us!

 

Just a quick hijack of the thread (with apologies!) ... whenever, wherever the breakfast happens, AZDR, I'm paying ... my best friend lives in Tempe; maybe I need to visit AZ this coming year ... I'm going to PM you later about our guy given recent remarks (just got an email from him this morning).

[ncc1701d]

I had a worse experience with a well reviewed Montreal escort. He asked for my pic after the initial inquiry email, and when I responded saying that it was an odd request and I have never been asked in all my past experiences, he went ballistic over email and started to "yell" at me accusing me of being a bad client !!! To this date I can only guess why, but roid rage is high on the guess list. I am happy that I saved the money and likely bad encounter and moved on ;-)

[Gar1eth]

I would not expect ANY escort to provide services to someone he was truly not attracted to in some way - and yet, that's also one of the oddities of the business....

 

This is where we differ. While I am not a Gorgon, I'm betting over 90%, and probably more, have not really been attracted to any physical part of me. I am not lucky enough to be one of the clients like BVB who sounds like he is in incredible shpae and that really if he were interested and put the effort into it, he could find guys just as hot as the escorts he hires on his own- and probably does even if he doesn't mention it on the Forum.

 

Now the majority of escorts that I have hired have told me I'm a nice guy. And I hope that the majority aren't just saying that as a good business practice ( on the other hand I am not one of the lucky clients who usually receive thank you emails to refer to another thread on here. In fact I'm not sure I have ever received one- or at least no more than a couple over the years- no matter how much they said they enjoyed my company in person. Although maybe familiarity breeds contempt. I used to when I had a career be very into weekends. And I had a not absolute preference for hiring guys more than once. So maybe they felt we knew each other well enough that that wasnt necessary. Still I did hire new guys occasionally. Anyway...)

 

I did in the majority of cases give a description of myself. In fact I may have slightly overemphasized my undesirability. It's difficult to know as if I did, I didn't exaggerate my faults by much.

 

In any case I would not for multiple reasons send an escort my picture. When I had a career, I was too much afraid of the picture coming back to haunt me professionally. I was even leery of putting my picture on the Social apps. I have and while I have met guys occasionally- February 29th comes only slightly less often. And before anyone says I'm too negative- I've been rejected tonight by a guy handsomer and just as or more endowed than 3/4 of the escorts out there who had initially shown some interest in me- for some unfathomable reason this guy who could have had anyone and was handsome enough and built enough to be a pornstar any studio would have loved was initially interested in me. But now he is not.

 

Gman

 

PS Sorry I went off on a bit of a tangent to the original subject. But I was just dumped about 45 minutes ago. On top of that and the persistent career failure- well it ain't been a good night.

[UconnFlyer]

It's an interesting thread to me. While I've never had an escort ask for pics, I do sometimes wonder how much I should reveal in advance. I'm in decent physical shape and a bit younger than many clients, but I'll be the first to admit my facial appearance is way below average. If I had a dime for everytime I've been called ugly, I'd be a very wealthy man.

 

Nevertheless, the solution to the problem has generally been to stick to those escorts that are well reviewed and I haven't had any issues. Now, I'm sure some of the escorts weren't attracted to me in the least bit, but they were all professional/skilled enough to get past it. And I thank them for that!

[+ FreshFluff]

i"m sorry, Bostonman. "Without resorting to escorting." What an asshole that guy is.

 

Keep in mind that the wannabe escort may have been looking for a specific type (smooth muscular blond, say) rather than a good looking guy of any type. In any case, if he wants to be paid to be with an A&F model, he's in the wrong business.

[Steven_Draker]

I feel for the OP.

 

He did sent self pictures only with good intentions (although he wasn't obliged to do so) and he gets no response whatsoever. The humiliation of this rejection is even more difficult to swallow.

 

Hopefully he can turn this into a learning experience.

[bostonman]

i"m sorry, Bostonman. "Without resorting to escorting." What an asshole that guy is.

 

Keep in mind that the wannabe escort may have been looking for a specific type (smooth muscular blond, say) rather than a good looking guy of any type. In any case, if he wants to be paid to be with an A&F model, he's in the wrong business.

 

Well, I think I understand where the "resorting to escorting" comment comes from - after all, not everyone gets into this business because they WANT to do it...but probably particularly for a college kid like this, he feels it's a way to make some fast money, etc. I met another college boy with a similar outlook around this time last year - he was a nice, average, good-looking guy, who did seem to enjoy himself in the session, though his inexperience showed. But yes, I'd say that the guy we're talking about in this thread is probably in the wrong business - unless he can specifically market to the type he wants.

 

What's more telling, of course, is that his Rentboy ad is still up. So, as I suspected, the part about deciding not to escort was a big ol' lie. (I've been tempted to email him again to remind him he really should take down his ad if he's no longer escorting, lol - but really, what's the point...might as well just leave it alone.)

 

And, Mr. Draker, thank you for your post as well.

[Glenn1441]

Interesting or thought provoking responses from all -- but there is also the issue of discretion. I have been asked for photos by quite a few escorts. Regardless of their age -- early 20s or mid-30s, let's say -- the unprofessional-ism or unfamiliarity with the business shows for the simple fact that I'm sure many clients wish to keep their sexual lives private. Some may be married, partnered, high-profile -- what have you. I've responded to pic requests each time with something along those lines. Sometimes, the escort apologizes while at the same time offering the excuse that he merely wishes to put a face to a voice or text. Sure, he has the 'right' to ask. I don't dispute that. But experience has taught me that discretion -- for clients and escorts -- is at the heart of the relationship or transaction. Of course, seems to me that most who have asked are in fact concerned that they will not be able to perform if the client is not somewhat appealing to them. In the end, the great majority of escorts I've been with are those who can find a sexual vibe with nearly everyone -- a good point discussed in other threads.

[BallerBoy]

I would never send a face pic. If he's concerned about his ability to perform, he should just go with your stats

 

"6'1 180 for example."

 

If that's not enough, then maybe he's a flake or pic collector.

If you "want" to send a photo, insist that he use the SnapChat Phone App or maybe a quick view on Skype.