Choosing between integrity and money...when the client feels duly entitled

[JoeyBryant]

So last night, on a Saturday...I was called to see a client I met in the past. I had already planned on meeting some friends that night, but he mentioned he wanted to just meet for an hour. Fair enough. But he called late, and I was not the 1st option of the night as he mentioned he had some friends with benefits who were going to be coming over but didn't show.

 

I asked him over the phone prior to coming if he may wanted me to spend the night since I met him before some time ago in the past and it happened that way. Well, once the time was up...He asks me to spend the night.

 

But, it's a Saturday night...a last minute call, and I'm supposed to just blow my friends off. I also didn't particularly feel in the zone to really accomodate an overnight appointment either. But for a good 10 minutes or so the guy was trying to compel me into spending the night with him. Offering to give my overnight rate which was clearly available in a safe. Saying I had nothing better to do, and that it was already too late to go out. That's when I started to get annoyed...

 

I'm just like okay...1st you call me at the last minute. You say over the phone you only wanted an hour. And now you're letting me know how much money I am giving up because 2 hours ago when I was home, I had no idea I would need to spend the rest of my night with you. I just felt like it's an issue one can't just call ahead of time to plan this and that way I have time to mentally and scheduley prepare myself instead of being made to feel like you can call me on a dime at any time, and that I'll just drop everything and monopolize my entire evening.

 

The guy isn't a bad client, but I had to show him that calling me at the last minute as a backup plan AND then expecting me to spend a night is not going to fly. It makes it feel especially bad when you have to feel like you resent whichever decision you make, because someone can't be arsed to atleast call earlier in the day.

[dcguy20]

It is always best to go with what's best for you, especially at the last minute. Not sure whether you stayed overnight with your client or kept with the original plans with your friends. If you didn't really want to stay you could have gracefully bowed out with a, "I wish I had known as I have already made other plans." It's none of his business what those plans are (business or personal).

[JoshChgo]

I think you're taking this way too personally Joey. You wanted the client on your terms and not on his. Well, I suppose that's fine, but if you are in business to make money then when the phone rings......it's your choice to answer it with a yes or no, no matter which direction the conversation goes in. You're in charge, after all.

 

Seems to me if you really wanted the business (money) you would have been appreciative of the call for your services. Especially when it's a repeat client. Those are the one's that make escorting a bit safer and a bit more enjoyable for you, I would think.

 

You're either on call or you're not on call. This is more of a personal-management issue than it is a client getting under your skin and annoying you type issue, in my opinion.

 

Are you a high maintenance type personality by any chance? I'm asking seriously because you're in a type of business where; if you're going to be successful, these type things should be the least annoying things to you, considering all of the other undesirable situations which you could be faced with by clients.

[Steven_Draker]

JoshChgo, I believe the OP was more upset of the fact he was asked to extend the session to an overnight once he arrived at the premises, rather from the fact he was called last minute as a backup plan.

 

I particularly liked when the OP titled the query "Choosing between integrity and money". The tone is set. :-)

[Guest countryboywny]

Joey,

 

You have to remember that you're in control of the situation. Your client does not know or care if you have prior plans when he contacted you. It is totally your choice whether or not to accept the appointment. If the client asks you to stay overtime, then, again, it's your choice. I don't understand your apparent upset at this. A polite "no thank you, I have other plans" could have resolved either situation. Is this the first time that you have faced this?

[cany10011]

I can empathize with Joey if it were a simple case of time management and trying to please the client. However, i'm not sure if that is the case. It appears that there is a sense of resentment being second choice and "on call". And, on top of it, the client changes his expectations (asking for an overnight). Joey, you are in control of your own time and you can easily back out if you wanted to.

 

Joey,

 

You have to remember that you're in control of the situation. Your client does not know or care if you have prior plans when he contacted you. It is totally your choice whether or not to accept the appointment. If the client asks you to stay overtime, then, again, it's your choice. I don't understand your apparent upset at this. A polite "no thank you, I have other plans" could have resolved either situation. Is this the first time that you have faced this?

[MiamiLooker]

I agree with Joey. It’s always the client’s fault. The escort shouldn’t be expected to act professionally; that’s the client’s job.

[Steven_Draker]

It’s always the client’s fault.

 

Alas, his post reads that way. Probably he didn't mean it that way.

 

Part of the escort's job is to be flexible and to adapt quickly to any change of situation, mood, etc.

[+ dupontversDC]

Joey, why do you escort?

 

It seems you dislike being in a service business, where the service is taking care of guys who are horny, they don't always schedule when they are horny, and you seem to get upset when 1) a client tries to buy more of your services as in this case; or 2) when you talk about how little work there is.

 

either way, you don't seem to like this job much.

[+ Amir]

I have totally have to agree with dupontverDC.. Its the name of the game baby. Sometimes clients book in advance and are very gracious and considerate of your time and sometimes they don't, thats ok its the nature of the job. It comes with the territory of being in "the business". I firmly believe you will receive exactly what you put out into the universe. Just some food for thought my friend. Happy Hooking!

[+ purplekow]

I believe Joey asked the question of an overnight and the client said no. When the client then asks for an overnight, I am sure Joey was frustrated that the client changed his mind and now Joey found himself in a position of giving his friends short notice or seeing the client for the overnight. When people change their plans and it affects you in a way that leaves you dilemma, then frustration is a frequent outcome. How you handle that frustration is the key to being a professional. When people do this to me at my work, I air out my frustration but not to the client. So Joey, people can be arses and you can respond to them in kind or be kind. I agree with others that you are in control and i believe the frustration that you are feeling indicates that you do not feel in control. Just Say "NO" to overnight if that is your desire.

[wklucas]

I fully agree about wondering why this guy is in his chosen field of choice at all. Most, or at least A LOT, of his posts are his whining, complaining, anger, frustrations & other negativities about being an escort. That's just my impressions / read / take of the guy but I'm sticking to them.

[Griffin Donavon]

Joey,

 

I can understand your difficulty, as I have had situation's were I had to make decisions on friends or client's. However, The conclusion I have came too very recently. We are providing a service, you need to bite the bullet. especially a valuable client. From your past post's there were times you struggled, if you have been escorting 5 years plus.. And two months ago your barley making it, your running your empire wrong.

 

If you want to make it, i suggest doing what the best in this industry has done. Start reading business books and psychology books on chemistry. Also stop your bitching, it makes you look bad.

[+ dupontversDC]

I have sympathy for Joey. I am a consultant. I am not thrilled when clients call at the worst time, but its the nature of the game for me.

 

I know if its a beautiful Friday afternoon, almost certainly a client of mine will finally act on something I gave them days or weeks ago.

 

I've cancelled numerous vacations because work gets in the way. Its a simple thing, you take the work when it comes, not when you wish it came... or you starve.

 

When you're a consultant or an escort or a lawyer, you don't get to pick when you're busy.

 

If you can't deal with that, get a 9-5 job.

[Newly]

Can we ease off a bit? It's not that I disagree with what a lot of you are saying, but give Joey a break. Based on what people said about him when they saw him in PS there seems to be a big disconnect between him in person and what he writes. Escorts are humans, they have bad days and maybe they want to vent. To be honest although I often disagree with him I love his postings. They seem real and not just telling us what we want to hear. I don't want to chase more escorts away from the forum, I learn a lot from them and it has given me a lot of insight into how hard it must be to try to please everyone. Looks and age aside I could never do what they do, I wouldn't have the patience or grace. Again, I don't mean to lecture, but I wish this forum could be a bit more of a safe zone for escorts.

[JoeyBryant]

I just realized I didn't mention what I eventually did. I declined the overnight, but on the premise that I knew it wouldn't be fair to the client for me to do it without being in the mindframe to do so...Plus I've learned my lessons in the past of having lost friends due to choosing to take calls over my word. Like I told the client, "business is easier to come by than a good friend". It was then he understood where I was coming from.

 

I don't understand your apparent upset at this. A polite "no thank you, I have other plans" could have resolved either situation. Is this the first time that you have faced this?

 

You don't get it do you? I DID say that. But despite my repeating it over and over, he wasn't buying it. I literally thought I wasn't going to be able to leave the place. I hated that I felt like I had to argue about turn down money! Where they do that at? It made me feel bad on top of feeling bad! The client asked me 4 or 5 times if I wanted to spend the night and I had to say no 4 or 5 times!

 

Seems to me if you really wanted the business (money) you would have been appreciative of the call for your services. Especially when it's a repeat client. Those are the one's that make escorting a bit safer and a bit more enjoyable for you, I would think.

 

You're either on call or you're not on call. This is more of a personal-management issue than it is a client getting under your skin and annoying you type issue, in my opinion.

 

Are you a high maintenance type personality by any chance? I'm asking seriously because you're in a type of business where; if you're going to be successful, these type things should be the least annoying things to you, considering all of the other undesirable situations which you could be faced with by clients.

 

1st of all, yes I was appreciative of the business. I took the call, and showed up. This has nothing to do with being on call or not on call. Just because I'm on call doesn't mean I'm going to be waiting hand and foot at the drop of a dime on Saturday (a universal date/friends night) at the last 2 hours of the day...and then expect to be available to spend the night.

 

It wasn't an issue that he called on Saturday. It wasn't an issue he asked to have an overnight on Saturday. It wasn't even an issue that he called at the last minute. It was a combination of the 3 that kind of made me feel (however unlikely the intent) that my time wasn't seen as valuable just because you're paying a fucking hooker (not saying I'm a hooker, but that was the attitude). And what kind of message of my desirability and own respect of my time does that project to be so easy and do it?

 

I know if its a beautiful Friday afternoon, almost certainly a client of mine will finally act on something I gave them days or weeks ago.

I've cancelled numerous vacations because work gets in the way. Its a simple thing, you take the work when it comes, not when you wish it came... or you starve.

If you can't deal with that, get a 9-5 job.

 

1st things 1st. You don't tell me what to do. Let's just be clear on that.

 

2nd, Yes I understand that concept. I am well aware of that fact. But, I also took late night last minute calls all week long and have to admit I flipped out a little bit at the end. I don't mind last minute calls, and I've dropped shit PLENTY of times to take calls. But overnights, usually you know sooner than 10 seconds notice. But believe me...no one is starving here. I had a full week last week, and I knew that I could accept 1 hour and be alright than to feel like crap and take an entire overnight for times over that amount.

 

See, you think I'm not smart. But I'm smart. See...by turning down that overnight, I was really putting aside a reserve for a later date...for when he calls me again, like he did...I'll more likely be ready for the overnight, or at the very least another hour. But, had I taken the overnight...it may have been longer a longer stretch before I seen him, as was the last time he hired me for an overnight.

 

When you're a consultant or an escort or a lawyer, you don't get to pick when you're busy.

 

Bull frogging shit. I don't know why people think lawyers run around like chickens with their heads cut off for clients LOL. That's what paralegals are for. On a Saturday night, at that time, when lots of people are probably getting or about to get DUI's, Lawyers are not getting dressed and running to their office to meet you in their jammies. You might find 1 who will answer the phone, but that's it. They'll then schedule to meet you for Tuesday at 6 pm because they are in court all day.

 

Answering the phone and doing a free consultation is not the same as getting dressed, showing up to a 8 hour trial unannounced at Saturday night 1130 pm. I don't know any lawyer who does that. Correct me if I'm wrong.

[JoeyBryant]

I have totally have to agree with dupontverDC.. Its the name of the game baby. Sometimes clients book in advance and are very gracious and considerate of your time and sometimes they don't, thats ok its the nature of the job. It comes with the territory of being in "the business". I firmly believe you will receive exactly what you put out into the universe. Just some food for thought my friend. Happy Hooking!

 

I never said it wasn't okay. Do you not think I have never taken a last minute call in my life? Shit, I'm the ones who takes last minute calls. I've arrived over 500 miles in less than 24 hours for clients who booked me the night before. UPS and FEDEX overnight couldn't get there faster than me...

 

What's not okay is to think one can reserve an entire night, even after they change their mind from 2 hours earlier, as was in this case...to think an escort HAS NOTHING BETTER TO DO WITH THEIR TIME, to where they are just lonely with their fucking dick in their hand 24/7 waiting desperately for a call...and with no place to live so he will be more than willing to spend the night...since after all, he has no money so he won't turn it down.

 

Part of the escort's job is to be flexible and to adapt quickly to any change of situation, mood, etc.[/color]

 

So if a client mentions he's in the mood for 'vanilla' play no anal over the phone, and then you arrive and he decides he wants to shove dildos the size of cucumbers in your ass...you just have to adapt right? Is that what you're telling me?

 

http://lazerhorse.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Big-Vegetable-Photo-Collection-Monster-Vegetable-Giant-Cucumber-Gorden-Spence-2.jpg

[JoeyBryant]

From your past post's there were times you struggled, if you have been escorting 5 years plus.. And two months ago your barley making it, your running your empire wrong.

 

If you want to make it, i suggest doing what the best in this industry has done. Start reading business books and psychology books on chemistry. Also stop your bitching, it makes you look bad.

 

Wow, 1 minute we're having a friendly conversation over email, and the next minute you're spitting fire? Don't be jealous because I have a life and can turn stuff down and still live well. You're not about that life. You're on call 24/7. That's what rookies do. I'll tell you what the best in the industry do: They take time off and don't allow themselves to be coerced into doing things solely for money or intimidation purposes. They don't allow themselves to be pressured into working themselves into a burnout just because that's what people 'think' they should.

 

1st of all...there's no empire and I'm doing just fine, thankyou very much. Where did I say I was barely making it? Because you don't even have a fucking home base, let's just be clear on that. You can talk to me like that once you get one....I don't have to prove myself to nomads.

[cany10011]

Joey, I'm glad you stood by your principles to keep your promise to your friends and postpone this client to a later date that appears has already happen Thank you for providing some valuable insights from the "other side."

[Steven_Draker]

Too much noise for nothing, Bryant.

 

Escorts face much more serious dilemmas, while the OP is simply looking to validate his actions. If you have no desire to work on Saturday night, buddy, why don't you turn off your cell phone? We all know that you stood up by your principles and you have high integrity.

 

Just bear in mind that good friends have one quality called UNDERSTANDING ... and good escorts are flexible.

 

I'd suggest you keep yourself open to new experiences in a larger spectrum and be open to learn. You might surprise yourself.

[+ dupontversDC]

Bull frogging shit. I don't know why people think lawyers run around like chickens with their heads cut off for clients LOL. That's what paralegals are for. On a Saturday night, at that time, when lots of people are probably getting or about to get DUI's, Lawyers are not getting dressed and running to their office to meet you in their jammies. You might find 1 who will answer the phone, but that's it. They'll then schedule to meet you for Tuesday at 6 pm because they are in court all day.

 

Answering the phone and doing a free consultation is not the same as getting dressed, showing up to a 8 hour trial unannounced at Saturday night 1130 pm. I don't know any lawyer who does that. Correct me if I'm wrong.

 

In fact, you are very, very wrong. Low rent criminal lawyers making chump change for DUI's may act that way, but deal lawyers drop everything and work all weekend all the time.

 

The M&A lawyers I know drop everything and cancel entire weekend schedules frequently, because that's when their jobs demand they be done. The hardest working, most unpredictable schedules come with the highest pay and most pressure.

 

Sure, for nothing stakes like a couple grand for a DUI, you can't get someone on Saturday night, but for real money, the best and brightest show up and leave their families and friends. (These aren't yellow-pages lawyers)

 

A friend related how when he was summering at a very prestigious NYC law firm one of the partners, who makes in the range of $2-3 mil / year, told a story of how his small child was literally crying as he left another one of their vacations to rush back to Manhattan for a client matter ... mind you, this story was told at what was in essence a recruiting dinner for the firm.

 

The message was clear: we are the best, we make tons of money, and we drop everything when the client calls, don't join us if you don't want to live this life.

 

Its not a life for everyone, that's for sure, and I'm glad I don't work like they do, my business has a lot in common with these lawyers, but its not as bad, and a bit more predictable, among the many reasons I'm glad I didn't do go to law school.

[maninsoma]

Wow, 1 minute we're having a friendly conversation over email, and the next minute you're spitting fire? Don't be jealous because I have a life and can turn stuff down and still live well. You're not about that life. You're on call 24/7. That's what rookies do. I'll tell you what the best in the industry do: They take time off and don't allow themselves to be coerced into doing things solely for money or intimidation purposes. They don't allow themselves to be pressured into working themselves into a burnout just because that's what people 'think' they should.

 

1st of all...there's no empire and I'm doing just fine, thankyou very much. Where did I say I was barely making it? Because you don't even have a fucking home base, let's just be clear on that. You can talk to me like that once you get one....I don't have to prove myself to nomads.

 

I don't know either you or Griffin outside your posts here. What you've written here alone, though, is enough to make me never want to meet you. You should really consider the nastiness in your tone when exchanging ideas here. It's bad enough when clients become extremely nasty, but they have less to lose because they aren't also trying to get business out of this forum.

[rocky]

Hi There; I really don't know what to make of this string, seriously. OK, here I am a mature person who engages escorts frequently, which I consider my business, overnight and sometimes for an hour of their time if they are ever in upstate NY or when I travel. Now, when I contact an escort ( or I know hear that some I see they are not escorts but I reached them in other ways, i.e. craigslist or adam) and I say I'd like to see you, a night or not, here's my time., I really don't want to hear that's not convenient or other excuses, just say not available. I have been responded to "can I see you at Saturday at 10am" to a response of "NO, I never do mornings", oopps, sorry for asking, let me know. Anyhow my thoughts.

[+ FreshFluff]

The M&A lawyers I know drop everything and cancel entire weekend schedules frequently, because that's when their jobs demand they be done. The hardest working, most unpredictable schedules come with the highest pay and most pressure.

 

Sure, for nothing stakes like a couple grand for a DUI, you can't get someone on Saturday night, but for real money, the best and brightest show up and leave their families and friends. (These aren't yellow-pages lawyers)

 

A friend related how when he was summering at a very prestigious NYC law firm one of the partners, who makes in the range of $2-3 mil / year, told a story of how his small child was literally crying as he left another one of their vacations to rush back to Manhattan for a client matter ... mind you, this story was told at what was in essence a recruiting dinner for the firm.

 

The message was clear: we are the best, we make tons of money, and we drop everything when the client calls, don't join us if you don't want to live this life.

 

I worked as a junior investment banker for a few years. We would often come into work at 8 AM on a Saturday because some fair weather client had woken up the previous morning and decided they wanted to look into acquiring, say, Duane Reade. We'd spend the weekend putting together a one-pager for them. Guess what? They'd never mention Duane Reade again, but that's what we needed to do to compete. And that was just a holdco that owned a few brands, not a Google or a Microsoft. As a friend told me in my first few months out of college when I was upset about working on Thanksgiving day, "Welcome to the service industry."

 

Lawyers worked even harder. I remember leaving a drafting session at 3 AM as a brand new banker at age 22. I'm embarrassed to say this, but I was in tears while checking numbers because I was so exhausted. The associate from (one of the top paying firms--Cravath, S&C etc.) was still there checking the footnotes when the bankers got back at 9 AM the next morning. He managed to look as fresh as a rose. I just checked: He's now a partner at that same firm.

 

The partners have somewhat better schedules, but that's only after slaving away as an associate for many years.

[BgMstr4u]

Success requires hard work and availability, that's for sure. But it seems to me that in the personal contact professions, it also requires the ability to establish a positive connection, to draw the other person in, to make the client want you more now that you are with him than he did when he made the call. And in order to do that, the service professional has to be true to his own self and his own desires. Even though sometimes you have to suck it up, do the work, and smile (which every grownup has to do from time to time), to a greater extent than in a field where technical skill is what is wanted, what you love doing is all intertwined with who you are. Your unique personal and professional mix and what the client wants done have to line up together. When they do, great things happen and you will soar. But if there is a basic mismatch between what you are and want and what the client wants, it won't work, and there won't be much more for you from it.

 

Example. I have two friends who are psychotherapists. They are both successful. One is a real free spirit, loves seeing clients on a their-need basis in addition to their regularly scheduled sessions. It is just in his makeup. The other is a control freak about everything in his life. He has analyzed this deeply in himself and uses it to his advantage and that of his clients. They know when they show up for their session, he is going to be totally there for them and it is terrific. But the schedule rules. These guys are so different, and both are successful because they have matched their personalities and personal needs to how they pursue their profession.

 

The question I think needs to be asked is: What are YOUR needs? Do you want and need time with your friends on Saturday night? Fine. In fact, better than fine. This is something that makes your life good for you. So do it. Plan for it, structure your work for it. And also know that sometimes people will want more than you can really give. In fact, as you are happier in yourself and better with your clients, their attempts to draw you out beyond your boundaries will probably grow. When that happens, it really is a huge compliment to you, that they want you. But to do a really good job for them you need to meet your needs. No need to twist around about it. Be glad the guy wanted you! And tell him that. And in the nicest way you can, say no to what you can't do.

 

Having said that, I'll add this: Neither of these guys is set in stone. The therapist who likes the unpredictable has to run a tight ship on his schedule. The control freak knows that when business gets thin, as it sometimes does, he needs to expand his limits. But that's just saying, we live in an imperfect world and need to accommodate to reality.

 

Be true to who you are and meet your real needs so that you can be excellent when you are with your clients. But also watch for the unexpected good that might challenge your boundaries.