Psychologically attracted: What to do

[gallahadesquire]

A certain astrologer, namely Irish69 here, read my natal chart and told me the following:

 

My problem with meeting men for sex is that I have to have some sort of relationship, maybe what others call "Chemistry", in order to be interested in someone.

 

Back in the days of Instant Messaging on AOL, I spoke with someone (now retired) for five years before he and I finally met. I know most of his foibles. Both he

and his now husband are on facebook with me.

 

I find I can't just dive into an hour with someone. I need to have some-sort of connection. I don't think it's the chemistry, it's more of a personal / psychological

understanding of the person with whom I'm going to be.

 

It makes it hard. Escorts think I'm stringing them along, when I'm just trying to establish some sort of relationship. Of course, the last one I managed to

connect with on this level is now living with my house with my / his cat [the cat is out on this discussion].

 

I guess I need much more of a BFE than a good fuck, but I don't know how to express this to escorts.

 

Any suggestions? I don't want to do any more therapy.

[TruHart1]

...

 

I find I can't just dive into an hour with someone. I need to have some-sort of connection. I don't think it's the chemistry, it's more of a personal / psychological

understanding of the person with whom I'm going to be.

 

It makes it hard. Escorts think I'm stringing them along, when I'm just trying to establish some sort of relationship. Of course, the last one I managed to

connect with on this level is now living with my house with my / his cat [the cat is out on this discussion].

 

I guess I need much more of a BFE than a good fuck, but I don't know how to express this to escorts.

 

Any suggestions? I don't want to do any more therapy.

 

I may be missing your point completely but I’m curious, gallahadesquire. Would you be uncomfortable hiring an escort who interests you or who seems attractive to you (after some small amount of preliminary email or phone contact) for a few hours just to meet, talk and get to know them? It would seem possible and perhaps logical for your purposes, if you have the means, to spend a little time, either in a public place or in private, with an escort (paying his fee) in which to figure out if a connection between the two of you might be a possibility, i.e. you feel that psychological attraction you speak of.

 

If you weren’t doing this with an escort, it would be called a date. Not every date, especially a first date, would necessarily begin or end with sex. If you are upfront about just interacting socially with the escort and are clear that no sexual interaction is on the table, there should be no feeling by the escort that you are stringing them along since you are willing to pay them their escort fees for the time you spend with each other. Spending time with a man to whom you may be attracted would certainly help you decide if you want to move on to another level or not.

 

TruHart1:cool:

[Diverdan]

I agree with TruHart1 completely. A first "session" with an escort does not have to have to end in a full blown sexual escapade. Think of it as a date, which it is. You are paying for someone's time, so enjoy that time together, whether over drinks, dinner, a movie or what ever the two of you would both enjoy. Then, over time, just like in any dating situation, you can see how the relationship develops, or not.

[maninsoma]

Any escort who doesn't welcome a little conversation (whether on the phone or via email) before a prospective client makes an appointment is obviously not someone who is going to excel at providing a "boyfriend experience." That being said, I can understand that escorts likely get contacted by many guys who want to talk at length because it excites them, yet they never follow through with an appointment. If I were in that position, I probably wouldn't want to indulge someone for very long without that person having made an appointment. I agree with the suggestion to hire someone for something social (dinner/drinks) and then take it from there.

[Atomicshawn]

Great topic, I can relate to the OP as I have been in a "relationship" with a CLIENT in the past. This came about from my work as a stripper, which really required us to engage clients. The difference between hiring off a website and meeting an escort/dancer, etc in person is huge, when looking for more than purely sexual encounters.

Make no mistake, there was a financial element within this relationship which was understood and accepted and we both went on great trips, dinners and an all round FUN time together, but I can imagine not all service providers are interested in that type of arrangement.

My advice would be to meet an escort you're interested in and see how HE leads the session. If he's down to business right away after you have some preliminary chat before the session, chances are he's looking for an hours rate with a "thank you come again" mentality.

If your potential guy takes your hints and gives you a slower more "bf" experience, he might be good for ya?

 

This isn't an exact science, so listen to your gut and good luck on your search dude!