I broke my own rule

[gallahadesquire]

I've been seeing this one guy for a year, about once a month. We have dinner,

come home, have sex, sleep separately, and have a morning session.

 

All too often now, we get home after dinner and keep talking. Then the sex time

is cut short.

 

He now has a boyfriend. Okay, says I, his escorting his business. Then I took

the two of them out for dinner.

 

I think I have to stop seeing my guy - and it's My problem. I let myself get

hooked. He's a combination of the younger brother and son I never had.

I've fallen into the role of confidant, and listen to the woes of him and the

boyfriend.

 

I think I need to terminate what has been a wonderful relationship. Or do I?

 

Advice? Thank you.

[seeker630]

I've been seeing this one guy for a year, about once a month. We have dinner,

come home, have sex, sleep separately, and have a morning session.

 

All too often now, we get home after dinner and keep talking. Then the sex time

is cut short.

 

He now has a boyfriend. Okay, says I, his escorting his business. Then I took

the two of them out for dinner.

 

I think I have to stop seeing my guy - and it's My problem. I let myself get

hooked. He's a combination of the younger brother and son I never had.

I've fallen into the role of confidant, and listen to the woes of him and the

boyfriend.

 

I think I need to terminate what has been a wonderful relationship. Or do I?

 

Advice? Thank you.

 

I know there will lots of opinions here - and probably they won't all be the same.

 

Pragmatically, I think you have to weigh the benefits (both sexual & non-sexual) you're getting from the relationship against the costs (both monetary & emotional).

 

Only you can set the value of the sexual as well as the non-sexual benefits - individual priorities differ. Likewise, the costs.

[justaguy]

The only--and I mean only--thing you have to ask yourself is if you still enjoy it. If your being a confidant is worth it to you, then do nothing. If you're wanting more of something and less of something else, then you need to act. I would suggest you get in touch with how you feel about it first and based on what you discover talk to the escort. He may be thinking that listening is what you want to do because you haven't indicated otherwise. On the other hand, he could be seeing you as income with little work involved. You'll never know until you talk to him. But first talk to yourself and get a handle on what it is you're looking for in this particular hire.

[bigvalboy]

Gallahad, I think Seek and Jag have given great advice. I agree 100%

[+ purplekow]

I have had several escorts to whom i have become something of a professional reference. What i have found is that the more advice i give, the less sex i get. It is not that they are unwilling, more it is related to a shift in the nature of the relationship. I have stopped hiring all of the men who have fallen into this category but I am still friendly with most of them and speak with them on the phone. We also have the occasional nonsexual get together on a social basis. On one occasion, the old fires started to burn and the social lunch turned into a very satisfying hire.

Relationships are fluid. Going with the flow. Keeping yourself happy within the relationship is up to you. Figure out what you want and make sure that you are getting what you need and if you are paying, make sure you are getting value for the dollar.

[Edward]

Purplekow, you are ok as long as you keep this in the proper prospective. That being, they would no be there if you were not paying their fee. Is the fee you pay worth the service (enjoyment) you receive?

[unsub2O17]

I have had several escorts to whom i have become something of a professional reference. What i have found is that the more advice i give, the less sex i get. It is not that they are unwilling, more it is related to a shift in the nature of the relationship. I have stopped hiring all of the men who have fallen into this category but I am still friendly with most of them and speak with them on the phone. We also have the occasional nonsexual get together on a social basis. On one occasion, the old fires started to burn and the social lunch turned into a very satisfying hire.

Relationships are fluid. Going with the flow. Keeping yourself happy within the relationship is up to you. Figure out what you want and make sure that you are getting what you need and if you are paying, make sure you are getting value for the dollar.

 

This is starting to happen to me too with a couple of escorts that I adore and still, most definitely, have the hots for. First, I am not qualified to give "professional reference," and I come away from these sessions feeling like I've done more harm than good. And, second, it does, indeed, affect the frequency and the quality of the sex enjoyed. For me, I do have to consider whether or not I'm getting the right "bang" for my buck. And, that, as many others have said, depends on the two men involved and their goals.

[robberbaron4u]

Unless you are licensed as a social worker, and, "counselling" is YOUR business, cut the lads loose now. . .

[+ purplekow]

Purplekow, you are ok as long as you keep this in the proper prospective. That being, they would no be there if you were not paying their fee. Is the fee you pay worth the service (enjoyment) you receive?

i am not sure if you were referring to the OP or to me. With me, when the relationship stops being as hot as I like sexually, I stop paying the fee. I am perfectly happy speaking on the phone, texting, even getting together for meals and other encounters.

Rarely do the old desires fire up, but when that has happened, I have paid the fee. But with me, no sex no money.

The original poster seems to be paying the fee for the company and the companionship. If that is what he wants from the encounters, then more power to them. But if he is settling for companionship when he wants more, then he needs to be out of there.

[gallahadesquire]

I thank you all for your kind insights! it has helped to get my sometimes addled brain back on the right track.

[BaronArtz]

As long as you get paid, and paid well, keep going.