Social versus sexual time

[unsub2O17]

unsub, in fairness, nowhere in ANY of your posts on this matter have I heard the escorts take on the situation. Its all about what YOU think and how YOU feel. What if the escorts perception of the situation is NOT the same as yours, and he doesnt feel the "balance" has changed ? and I am not sure that can be determined unless you have seen the escort several times. The way you describe it is akin to "Love at first site"..... and I am not totally convinced you are interested in a "non-sexual" encounter... Unless the escort has turned into your lover after your first encounter, he should by all means be charging YOU for every second of his time. Always remember when interactting with another person that its "not just about YOU".... Therefore, as has been repeated Ad Nauseum here, talk to your target escort, let him know how you feel, and get his feelings on the matter. Thats why they say "It takes 2 to Tango".....

 

 

OK. I was ready to let this go, but I did ask an escort that I have seen many, many times about this today. His response was that he'd love to do something with me (he even suggested the location and dinner), and he didn't expect to get paid "for this particular time." I freely admit that I'm quite sure that I heard some indecision in his voice, but we have definitely scheduled a 4 hour outing (immediately following a 2 hour session). He also specifically left any payment entirely up to me. Obviously, I've thought about this a lot, and what I've decided to do is pay him just for the session but add a very very generous tip plus, of course, pick up all expenses for the outing. After today, I realize that there can be no general policy on this and that it depends on many variables. Talking this out with the particular escort is clearly a must.

[BostonPhil]

Now, if only we could arrange some sort of escort buffet............

 

I'm sure that can be arranged

[unsub2O17]

You know what? I changed my mind. I can't get that note of indecision in his voice out of my mind. When all is said and done, I don't feel right about haggling in ANY way with someone I respect. So I'm going back to him, and I'm going to insist that he set a price/rate that HE'S comfortable with. And, only then, will I decide if I want to do it or not. That seems to me a much more equitable way to handle this social/sexual rate and time thing.

[jjkrkwood]

You know what? I changed my mind. I can't get that note of indecision in his voice out of my mind. When all is said and done, I don't feel right about haggling in ANY way with someone I respect. So I'm going back to him, and I'm going to insist that he set a price/rate that HE'S comfortable with. And, only then, will I decide if I want to do it or not. That seems to me a much more equitable way to handle this social/sexual rate and time thing.

 

unsub, before you go and DO that, think about the impression and vibe you are giving this guy... you are coming off as an indecisive, insecure person. If you were the escort, would that inspire you to want to spend social time with THAT kind of person ???? Just think about the expression "Always put your BEST foot forward" Maybe that will help you in your pursuits ?

[seeker630]

You know what? I changed my mind. I can't get that note of indecision in his voice out of my mind. When all is said and done, I don't feel right about haggling in ANY way with someone I respect. So I'm going back to him, and I'm going to insist that he set a price/rate that HE'S comfortable with. And, only then, will I decide if I want to do it or not. That seems to me a much more equitable way to handle this social/sexual rate and time thing.

 

Unsub, with respect - this is beginning to sound almost confrontational. That's something you might to be wary of.

[jjkrkwood]

Forcing the guy to name a price, and then possibly reject it, after the matter had been discussed is NOT the wisest move... It is giving him the impression you are perhaps one of those "Flakey" clients the escorts are always talking about... Ponder unsub, ponder !

[Guest countryboywny]

Forcing the guy to name a price, and then possibly reject it, after the matter had been discussed is NOT the wisest move... It is giving him the impression you are perhaps one of those "Flakey" clients the escorts are always talking about... Ponder unsub, ponder !

 

I don't think it's "forcing" when you contact an escort, explain what you have in mind, and ask what his rate would be. It is then your decision whether to book or not.. simple?

[jjkrkwood]

I don't think it's "forcing" when you contact an escort, explain what you have in mind, and ask what his rate would be. It is then your decision whether to book or not.. simple?

 

I agree country, but you obviously have NOT followed this thread and unsub posts about THIS situation, his intentions and expectations of the escort. If you had, then my comment would have made more sense to you. Actually I substituted the word "force" for the word unsub used "insist", but basically his idea remained in tact. I suggest to read this thread from the beginning...

[+ purplekow]

So let me understand this, some of you guys are having sex with the escort after you have dinner. Gee, I really didn't have the whole picture here.

[Guest countryboywny]

I agree country, but you obviously have NOT followed this thread and unsub posts about THIS situation, his intentions and expectations of the escort. If you had, then my comment would have made more sense to you. Actually I substituted the word "force" for the word unsub used "insist", but basically his idea remained in tact. I suggest to read this thread from the beginning...

 

Guilty as charged.. I was reading the thread at the beginning, got bored, checked back because I was wondering how such a simple (in my mind) issue has lasted for this long and 59 posts. Is my suggestion not the solution to the OP's query? I stand, humbly, corrected.

[BostonPhil]

Unsub walks into the Best Buy and tells them that he wants to buy this $2000 plasma TV, but that he is going to need a second one at half the price. They laugh and ask why. "I am going to play video games on the first one, the second I am just going to watch TV."

 

So you have built a working relationship with this escort. You hear uncertainty in his voice, you should have said for him not to worry about it and that you were just going to keep hiring him. What is that hesitation all about? Well:

 

1. He is not going to be able to work during that time.

2. If he had said no, odds are in favor of him losing a client.

3. He may feel he was asked on a date by a client. You can see where this is a problem, it happens all the time.

 

I am not picking on you Unsub, I am trying to get you to see things from our point of view which I feel you have been somewhat stubborn about. Remember that this is our job and for many our livelihood. The expectation that your escort will like you enough to want to hang out with you outside of a working situation is unrealistic. For many of us, we do like our clients. Many might be people we would see socially as well, but one thing we HAVE to do is keep clear demarcation between our work and private lives.

 

What we do ranges from the purely carnal to intensely intimate, I get the sense from your posts you're the latter. Clients who enjoy these intimate sessions can often blur the line between the illusion of love and reality. I had to stop seeing a client just last week because of this. I know you have denied this to be the case before, I ask you just take a minute and think it over. Take it from some one who has been the object of such affection and has seen it develop many times, there is more going on here emotionally than I think you realize.

 

You need to give him a way out and ask how much you should pay him. Tell him you didn't want to impose on his time and that he should feel free to decline the offer if he is not comfortable with the situation. Explain that it would in no way have an effect on your hiring him in the future. Reassure him in your own way that you are not trying to cross the line between his work and private lives. This would be the point at which you tell him you aren't comfortable not compensating him for his time and you would like to know what he thinks a fair price is for the four additional hours. Tell him he doesn't have to let you know right away. If you have it, I would suggest doing this in an email and not over the phone. That lets you get it all out there before he feels the need to respond on impulse, giving him time to think about it.

 

In the future you might be able to feel this out at the end of one of your sessions with an escort, "Hey, Billy, do you have a social rate?" It even opens up the dialogue and you can figure out what his expectations are and what the potential is for getting what you want. And there your escort isn't going to potentially feel pressured into agreeing to an extended 'free' appointment in order to keep an appointment or you as a client.

 

Best of Luck to You,

 

-P

[Lookin]

Guilty as charged.. I was reading the thread at the beginning, got bored, checked back because I was wondering how such a simple (in my mind) issue has lasted for this long and 59 posts. Is my suggestion not the solution to the OP's query? I stand, humbly, corrected.

 

I wandered off course as well. When I read the original post, I thought it was a hypothetical question about the issue in general. It wasn't until I shoved my oar in the water several times that I realized it had to do with a specific escort.

 

If it's a question for a specific escort, as many have said better, just ask him!

 

My intent was only to encourage the OP to realize that there are issues, other than the pleasure of hanging out with a great guy, that may cause an escort to decline the invitation. As long as that's understood, no harm in asking.

 

And, as always, I think clarity in one's own intention is key to good communication of any kind.

[BostonPhil]

My intent was only to encourage the OP to realize that there are issues, other than the pleasure of hanging out with a great guy, that may cause an escort to decline the invitation. As long as that's understood, no harm in asking.

 

This is why I decided to write my post.

[jjkrkwood]

What we do ranges from the purely carnal to intensely intimate, I get the sense from your posts you're the latter. Clients who enjoy these intimate sessions can often blur the line between the illusion of love and reality. I had to stop seeing a client just last week because of this. I know you have denied this to be the case before, I ask you just take a minute and think it over. Take it from some one who has been the object of such affection and has seen it develop many times, there is more going on here emotionally than I think you realize.

 

 

Hell, I'm in Love with YOU already, and I havent even Tasted YOU yet !.........

[BostonPhil]

Hell, I'm in Love with YOU already, and I havent even Tasted YOU yet !.........

 

Skeet Skeet Skeet Skeet Skeet

[unsub2O17]

Thank you, BP, for a truly caring and thought provoking post. Through my poor communication, you and others have formed a number of misconceptions about my situation. It would take a long post (of NO interest to anyone but myself and I already know about me) to clarify my thoughts and position. So, let me just say that the OP was a general question, that this particular escort knows he is in no danger of losing me as a client, and that I have not been nor will I be confrontational with him. I do recognize that this is his livelihood and that social time with me would be viewed by him as part of his livelihood (CB, I did like your suggestion/solution). I have not "forced" this issue, and I will revisit it with him in an individual way and with the view that he is "free" to say "yes, no, or depends". OK? I thank you all, again, for your concern and input. I do have a better grasp of this issue.

[Juan Vancouver]

Dear Unsub,

 

First of all please let me say clearly that I support your right to choose what you prefer. There are tons of escorts who will gladly go with you for dinner for free. I wish you will find fun and exciting guys who will give you an unforgettable experience. If I am chiming in now it's just because I think you are looking at your hiring experiences from a skewed perspective.

 

Escorts are not charging you because you are not sexually attractive; they are charging you because you are hiring them.

 

Their rates are predetermined and in no way obey a secret assessment of you as a human being. You should never interpret the fact that you are paying them as a confirmation of your own assessment of yourself and your weak and strong points. I have many clients who are so exciting sexually that I am incredibly turned on before an appointment with them. (Even if some of these clients find it hard to believe.) There are some clients with whom I adore going to the museum or the opera or the theatre, and I know they are going to be fun, perceptive, knowledgeable, inspiring, and I can barely wait for the next time I meet them. If they keep needing my services, I will gladly keep providing them, and for that, I will expect to be remunerated. These are wonderful men who could find all sorts of exciting non-professional companions and for whatever reason they choose to hire me. If they pay me to go to dinner with them it's not because they are boring, it's just because this is my job. A job that I adore.

 

I have said it before, but I really wish you will enjoy a different perspective, a much more empowering one; I hope you will no longer think that you are ___________ and for that reason you have to pay a hooker to tolerate you. If you do everything in your power to honour your interaction, there is no reason why your escort would not have a great time and be excited to see you.

 

The thing that I really want to drive home is... you are not a drag that people have to bear. The fact that you are paying someone for their services is not a confirmation of what you fear about yourself.

 

You paid him because that is his job. It ends there.

 

Here's to more fulfilling times!

[unsub2O17]

Dear Unsub,

 

First of all please let me say clearly that I support your right to choose what you prefer. There are tons of escorts who will gladly go with you for dinner for free. I wish you will find fun and exciting guys who will give you an unforgettable experience. If I am chiming in now it's just because I think you are looking at your hiring experiences from a skewed perspective.

 

Escorts are not charging you because you are not sexually attractive; they are charging you because you are hiring them.

 

Their rates are predetermined and in no way obey a secret assessment of you as a human being. You should never interpret the fact that you are paying them as a confirmation of your own assessment of yourself and your weak and strong points. I have many clients who are so exciting sexually that I am incredibly turned on before an appointment with them. (Even if some of these clients find it hard to believe.) There are some clients with whom I adore going to the museum or the opera or the theatre, and I know they are going to be fun, perceptive, knowledgeable, inspiring, and I can barely wait for the next time I meet them. If they keep needing my services, I will gladly keep providing them, and for that, I will expect to be remunerated. These are wonderful men who could find all sorts of exciting non-professional companions and for whatever reason they choose to hire me. If they pay me to go to dinner with them it's not because they are boring, it's just because this is my job. A job that I adore.

 

I have said it before, but I really wish you will enjoy a different perspective, a much more empowering one; I hope you will no longer think that you are ___________ and for that reason you have to pay a hooker to tolerate you. If you do everything in your power to honour your interaction, there is no reason why your escort would not have a great time and be excited to see you.

 

The thing that I really want to drive home is... you are not a drag that people have to bear. The fact that you are paying someone for their services is not a confirmation of what you fear about yourself.

 

You paid him because that is his job. It ends there.

 

Here's to more fulfilling times!

 

Thank you, Juan. Very nicely said and most perceptive on your part. I so appreciate your taking the time to write, and give me a different perspective.

[SteveEscort]

Dear Unsub,

The thing that I really want to drive home is... you are not a drag that people have to bear. The fact that you are paying someone for their services is not a confirmation of what you fear about yourself.

 

Men pay for sex with escorts like myself for many reasons. Sometimes it is because they would have no other chance meeting someone of that caliber but most of my clients book a male escort because they have sexual need to have some fun with other men and are usually in a heterosexual relationship where having a liaison with another guy is completely out of the question.

 

Out of 100 clients I might see, about 3 or 4 are men who live a gay lifestyle, they usually the hardest to please too. I would say 1 in 10 who walk through the door would have no chance picking up someone like myself in a bar and the rest are just normal blokes who fancy a bit of male on male attention.

 

I am a confident person but when someone walks through my door who is drop dead gorgeous I get a little nervous and I question why someone so attractive and sexy would need to hire an escort when they could just snap their fingers and get what they wanted.

 

No one should beat themselves up and think they've got no endearing qualities that an escort would find attractive. I have one regular client who is large, bald and not the best looking but the sex is animalistic, he doesn't stop for the whole hour. He packs 3 months of sex into 60 minutes. I look forward to his visit. I also have another good looking client who uses coke before he arrives and wants fisted. If I seen this client in a bar I would probably pass comment to friends about how fooking wonderful he was and how sexy he was, yet in bed he's a nightmare and I don't look forward to his appointments.

[maxwellissmart]

I am a confident person but when someone walks through my door who is drop dead gorgeous I get a little nervous and I question why someone so attractive and sexy would need to hire an escort when they could just snap their fingers and get what they wanted.

 

These tend to be my worst appointments—invariably the person is detached or "checked-out" and I don't feel any real connection, although there was a recent exception where the sex was just... hot, like super-duper hot. Most other clients are actively seeking out intimacy, so they are very there, which I like a lot.

[maxwellissmart]

I have said it before, but I really wish you will enjoy a different perspective, a much more empowering one; I hope you will no longer think that you are ___________ and for that reason you have to pay a hooker to tolerate you. If you do everything in your power to honour your interaction, there is no reason why your escort would not have a great time and be excited to see you.

 

You paid him because that is his job. It ends there.

 

Juan is absolutely correct. One thing that I wanted to mention is that some people will have to pay hookers to tolerate them. For one reason or another, they just don't get it and typically they don't care to get it—and it could be with a hooker or with someone they picked in a bar or online. Don't be one of these kinds of people. An intimate encounter (with anyone, not just an escort), is like a 50lb sack of flour. Or at least that's how it feels when you're trying to lift it yourself, and the other person is watching you and not helping in the least. Both of you should work together to make the encounter as pleasurable and fun as possible—after all, that's why you're there, to enjoy one another.

[jjkrkwood]

All this self-awareness shit talk is Great, but not what THIS thread was about. Its about escorts cheapening themselves or offering FREE hangout time to clients that think they are "worth the escorts time" off the clock..

 

So basically this client thinks he is not good enuf for Free sex, but if he buys his escort a burger, the guy should just hang out with him off the clock ? To me, this client already has an overinflated sense of himself....and doesnt need anymore pep talks. ! Just let the escort do HIS fuckin job....

[seeker630]

All this self-awareness shit talk is Great, but not what THIS thread was about. Its about escorts cheapening themselves or offering FREE hangout time to clients that think they are "worth the escorts time" off the clock..

 

So basically this client thinks he is not good enuf for Free sex, but if he buys his escort a burger, the guy should just hang out with him off the clock ? To me, this client already has an overinflated sense of himself....and doesnt need anymore pep talks. ! Just let the escort do HIS fuckin job....

 

When you begin a post with such confrontational language and continue with such obvious disrespect for anyone who doesn't share your views, I find it really hard to give thoughtful consideration to what you actually say.

[rguer]

The way I think of it is that I expect close to 100% of the escort's attention during escort time. If he's eating or watching a play, I'm not getting (or expecting) his full attention and the social rate would reflect that. Something like showing me around town would also be at the escort rate.

[down_to_business]

All this self-awareness shit talk is Great, but not what THIS thread was about. Its about escorts cheapening themselves or offering FREE hangout time to clients that think they are "worth the escorts time" off the clock..

 

So basically this client thinks he is not good enuf for Free sex, but if he buys his escort a burger, the guy should just hang out with him off the clock ? To me, this client already has an overinflated sense of himself....and doesnt need anymore pep talks. ! Just let the escort do HIS fuckin job....

 

You have stated so clearly that you don't hire for anything but the act of blowing large cock. So WTF did you decide to become the authority on whether or not escorts should or shouldn't have dinner on or off the clock? Thats a decision for the escort and the client, not for his self-anointed highness the moral authority of this website. Who is to say that an escorts off the clock dinner won't result in a 7 day African safari booking. Are you going to castrate a movie casting director because she might make a celebrity audition for a role unpaid? That audition may very well lead to a job.

 

When you begin a post with such confrontational language and continue with such obvious disrespect for anyone who doesn't share your views, I find it really hard to give thoughtful consideration to what you actually say.

 

+1 Seeker 630.. You nailed this one. What disrespect, what venom. I think you owe the client you refer to a real apology jj!