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maxwellissmart
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seeker630 Grand Master

seeker630

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I actually wrote this letter several months ago after a bad hire. I got to thinking about all the things that I've put up with as a client. I never posted it but after reading this thread, it brought back the thoughts that there are things that both escort and client can learn from each other. Hope you all take this with the humor with which it was intended. ;)

 

 

Dear Escorts,

 

I've been seeing you guys for almost a year now and have made some great friends, had some incredible sex and continue to be flabbergasted as to some of the boners (and not the good kind) you make. *So, I've decided to write to you all so that you can benefit from or laugh at some of the mistakes of your associates. *Now I'm not talking new or inexperienced escorts here - I hire well reviewed or personally recommended guys. *So my expectations are that you are the pros of the pros!

 

First and foremost, don't you get the concept that I am hiring you for the total experience? - in-call or out-call, it matters not - it's about mood, atmosphere, fantasy and passion. When I'm entertaining you for an out-call appointment, I try to make your stay with me as pleasant as possible. *I always have the hotel provide additional towels and an extra robe if available. *I stock some bottled water, perhaps a bottle of wine and some light snack. *If we've been together before, I try to have something you like available, be it chocolate, a specific wine or a particular soft drink. *I set the mood with dimmed lighting, sometimes votive candles and soft music. *Any supplies we might need are readily available and conveniently located.

 

When you are entertaining me in your space, it would be nice to have you pay some attention to the atmosphere. *In only one case have you gone to the same level of hospitality for me, that I go to for you. *So far, I've been asked to help make the bed as the sheets were still in the dryer, stood around while you set up the massage table in your room, waited awkwardly while you dimmed lights, closed the curtains or lit the candles. *Rarely, am I offered a water or (gasp) a glass of wine. *I've been subjected to mattresses on the floor, dirty bathrooms, and cats and dogs jumping on the bed. *Now I love all animals, but not during our time together. *A nice introduction and then off to another room or kennel for them would be tres appropriate. *I've even had one of you get up during our "paid" time to go walk the dog! *Come on boys - who's paying the rent here. *While cleaning up, a warm wash cloth might be nice as opposed to a wad of paper towels. *And please, clean sheets - I don't know who you had in your bed last!

 

On the matter of personal hygiene - most of you do a great job. *Being a hygiene freak, I always shower IMMEDIATELY before you arrive or I come to you. *If that is not possible, I arrange with you, in advance, to shower immediately upon arrival and I am thoroughly scrubbed, teeth flossed and brushed, and freshly shaved. *I keep my manscaping up to date. *When I'm paying you by the hour, I expect you to be completely ready on my arrival or at least to indicate that you want to clean up and our time won't start until you're ready. *It would even be nice for you to invite me in to wash your back or . *. *. * You should smell and taste wonderful everywhere!

 

Here's a good one, if you advertise that you don't smoke, DON'T. *For those of us that have never smoked - we can taste it on your tongue whether you've recently brushed or not!

 

Don't offer me drugs, even poppers unless I've asked and don't come to the appointment high. *If you're a PNP guy or a 420 guy put it in your ad so I can not call you. *When I say D&D free, I mean it. *When you say it, I expect you to mean it too. *I've changed my wording to you recently to say "drug intolerant" instead of "drug free" - I want to make it clear that my expectation is that you be as clean as me during our time together.

 

At a minimum give me the time for which I am paying*- I like multiple rounds and I tell all my prospective hires that, yet one time you jumped up and started getting dressed after the first round, even though only half of our agreed time had passed. *You did come back to bed after I asked in a friendly way, "Where do you think you're going? *I'm not done with you yet!" *Surprise me sometime and give me something extra.

Don't tell me you're not into cum after I've blown a load on your stomach. *You're an escort for god sake - what do you think the business is about! *Take pride in what you do and be excellent at it! *Be honest with yourself and your clients about what you're in to and what you are (top, bottom, versatile, kink, mild, wild). *I'm an almost "exclusive top" but I'm trying to expand my experience. *I've hired some of you who advertise as tops or versatile tops and I’m clearly a better top than you are! *When you say, "there are lots of things two tops can do" - there aren't!* Top is not just a sexual preference it is a state of mind. *Someone is going to be in control of the encounter and unless you are willing to let me take the controlling role, things aren't going to work out too well.

 

Please have at least some recent pictures on your website. *In a recent hire, the pictures had to be over 10 years old. *It was clearly you, but you don't look like that anymore. *Try not to fudge on your age more than five years in your ad! *I know that not all clients are in the best of physical shape but I spend a lot of time pushing the years back. *I'm in the gym every damn day and I am fanatical about what I eat! *While I can't effect my age, I can work hard at keeping my body in the best shape possible. *Your body is the tool of your trade - don't you think that YOU*should spend more time in the gym than your client does? *I've seen several of you who have clearly let your routines lag!

 

To me, you guys are professional athletes - your playing career has a life limit. *You can extend that limit by taking great care of yourself physically and mentally but ultimately all professional athletic careers come to an end. *It can be a "going out at the top of your game" kind of end or a "train wreck" kind of end. *It's not just about age either, my best experiences have been with guys in their 30s and 40s - but they clearly make the effort to keep their "tool of the trade" in the best possible shape!

 

Speaking of the tool of your trade, if you can’t stay hard get a prescription for Viagra! *I want the fantasy that you are turned-on with what we are doing! *At almost 60, I can get and stay rock hard - you should be able to do it too, you can probably get away with a reduced dosage, get your doctor prescribe the 100's and cut them into fourths! *It's a small investment for a satisfied client.

 

All that being said, I love you guys! *You have become friends, confidants, counselors. *Of the near 20 experiences I've had there are only two that I would throw back. *I write this letter in the hope that many of you will recognize some of these faux pas and will work to eliminate them from your service. I want each and every time with you to be the most memorable it can be.

 

Lots of worthwhile comments here. Did you put any of it in your specific reviews or give feedback to the individual escorts?

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Guest MajorTomp

Guest MajorTomp

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Lots of worthwhile comments here. Did you put any of it in your specific reviews or give feedback to the individual escorts?

 

Ah, hell no! I'm way too nice a guy to cause someone grief. I just take my business elsewhere. Some of the guys are regulars for me and I do love them all.

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SteveEscort Mentor

SteveEscort

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*While cleaning up, a warm wash cloth might be nice as opposed to a wad of paper towels.

 

Exactly what I have done for over 12 years. I have 20 freshly laundered face cloths next to the bed which are used and then put in the washing machine on a hot wash. They're great for cleaning up the immediate mess and are far more practical than baby wipes or tissue. I have a pet name for them, I call them my spunk rags. Two female escort friends of mine introduced them to their clients after seeing them at my house. Clients always comment on how much nicer it is.

 

Here's a good one, if you advertise that you don't smoke, DON'T. *For those of us that have never smoked - we can taste it on your tongue whether you've recently brushed or not!

 

I would be a rich man if I had a penny for every client that has said "I smoke but you can't tell". Actually I can because the smell doesn't leave you for up 48 hours after your last cigarette. It's still in your lungs and passageways. I refuse to kiss smokers.

 

At a minimum give me the time for which I am paying*- I like multiple rounds and I tell all my prospective hires that,

 

I always say, lets have a rest before round two and that is then the indicator I use to determine as to whether he will want another go

 

Don't tell me you're not into cum after I've blown a load on your stomach. *You're an escort for god sake - what do you think the business is about!

 

To be brutally honest I am not into cum, I don't like the taste of it and I detest the smell of it, but I always allow all clients to cum in my mouth and I will swallow if requested and I never ever ever ever let it show. Just because you're an escort it doesn't make you a cumw.hore.

 

 

Your body is the tool of your trade - don't you think that YOU*should spend more time in the gym than your client does? *I've seen several of you who have clearly let your routines lag!

 

Not really no, I watch what I eat and excercise regularly but there's more important things I can do than work out in a testosterone fuelled gym every day. The clients I see are usually married professional older gentlemen who want a "normal" escort, not something airheaded with zero personality. My clients look for a university educated escort who knows a bit about life and how to live it. A washboard stomach doesn't make you a wonderful escort.

 

Speaking of the tool of your trade, if you can’t stay hard get a prescription for Viagra!

 

You said earlier, you prefer to be top and in control. I have no problems getting an erection but this is USUALLY the fault of the top and not the bottom. I have posted this on here before and I will post it again. If I am getting shagged stupid then expected to deep rim and deep throat my top, unless he pays attention to me then I am going to go soft. It's very difficult to be bottom, concentrating on the tops needs and keeping yourself entertained. If the top is a good one he will massage your balls and dick to keep them hard whilst you concentrate on him. This isn't always a fault of the escort, it's often a fault of the client. We can multitask but we're not superman.

 

Getting a prescription for Viagra isn't easy either. In England it's prescribed to men over 40 ONLY who are in a relationship. Random single blokes can't just walk in and get it. You have to undergo tests and suitability for the product too and it's not available to anyone with blood pressure problems.

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Guest MajorTomp

Guest MajorTomp

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Steve,

 

All valid comments and very well thought out. You obviously have your shit together and know your market. Of course every comment does not pertain to every escort - just a collection of the quirky little things that have happened to me. Like your spunk rag program. Even better was when an escort took that rag to the bathroom warmed it with hot water and came back to gentle clean me up! The warm cloth was like a little piece of heaven.

 

One of the most amazing things that ever happened to me was the escort asked if I was ready for a shower and then turned on the water to warm it up, escorted me into the shower and then gentle washed me from head to toe while we talked quietly about our lives. It was an unbelieveably intimate and erotic finish to a very hot session. I've used this technique myself several time to turn the table on my escorts, at the end of the session I will take him into the shower and provide this treatment. Maybe they will do it for their next client.

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cany10011 Grand Master

cany10011

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Good point... however, there are many colleagues of mine who have a large gay clientele and i know they are asked all the time for viagra esp around a major party weekend.

 

 

 

 

Getting a prescription for Viagra isn't easy either. In England it's prescribed to men over 40 ONLY who are in a relationship. Random single blokes can't just walk in and get it. You have to undergo tests and suitability for the product too and it's not available to anyone with blood pressure problems.

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SteveEscort Mentor

SteveEscort

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An escort once asked me if I had any Viagra. When I replied no he asked me how the hell I expected him to fuck me.

 

Oh dear what a rotten nasty attitude he had. It's not hard to obtain either on the black market, there are dozens of sites that sell it in India (where it's legal to export). http://www.exact-pharma.com is the best of the bunch and deliver in 7-10 days. The generic name in India is Kamagra. Escorts should know quite easily where to obtain it.

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ragazzolupo Community Regular

ragazzolupo

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Oh dear what a rotten nasty attitude he had. It's not hard to obtain either on the black market, there are dozens of sites that sell it in India (where it's legal to export). http://www.exact-pharma.com is the best of the bunch and deliver in 7-10 days. The generic name in India is Kamagra. Escorts should know quite easily where to obtain it.

 

Next time you are in Puerto Rico pick it up at the local pharmacy—Viagra is sold over the counter there. (as are many other drugs)

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Irtwo Mentor

Irtwo

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Get a Gmail or Yahoo email account and leave the AOL, Earthlink, PeoplePC and Hotmail bullshit behind. I send emails to the latter group and either have to jump through verification hoops which never work

 

Max, I have AOL and this is the first I ever heard of this. What verification process?

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rguer Proficient

rguer

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Max, I have AOL and this is the first I ever heard of this. What verification process?

 

Customers of EarthLink, for example, have the option of requiring verification when you send them mail.

 

Instead of having your e-mail delivered to the recipient, you will get e-mail from EarthLink asking you to reply to the email to verify that it came from a real e-mail account with a person behind it who reads their email.

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SteveEscort Mentor

SteveEscort

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Customers of EarthLink, for example, have the option of requiring verification when you send them mail.

 

Instead of having your e-mail delivered to the recipient, you will get e-mail from EarthLink asking you to reply to the email to verify that it came from a real e-mail account with a person behind it who reads their email.

 

That's far too complicated. As an escort I need things to be as simple as possible

 

I dislike AOL though. When clients send me emails from "family friendly" AOL half of the emails are not received and many replies are binned at their side because I'm an adult provider. I hate AOL

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maxwellissmart Veteran

maxwellissmart

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That's far too complicated. As an escort I need things to be as simple as possible

 

I dislike AOL though. When clients send me emails from "family friendly" AOL half of the emails are not received and many replies are binned at their side because I'm an adult provider. I hate AOL

 

The problem I have with AOL is that my responses either go to spam, or I get spam mail in return from clients, along with the 72 other escorts in their address book. Also, out of almost a hundred people who have contacted me via AOL—one has become a client. I've completely blocked MSN because one person keeps spamming me from various emails and unfortunately there's no other way to prevent him from coming through.

 

Every single EarthLink person who has ever contacted me has elected to do the verification thing. I've tried it at least a dozen times and I still don't know if the person ever received the email, because they never responded. Fortunately most people have decided they like Gmail and Yahoo the best now, and have switched over. Occasionally I get some weird domain like PeoplePC, and they almost never pan out.

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josephga Grand Master

josephga

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The majority of those who text me book over 95% The majority of those who email don't. soon as I read the email I send the additional info with a note saying if you would like more info or to book a massage please call. they rarely do. these are the ones that think I'm going to hand out my address in a email and let someone come over without a phone number on the books. I don't want those clients. most of the emails come from gmail or yahoo. I did have a guy last week email me, called finalized showed up he was using a mindspring account

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uwsman2 Grand Master

uwsman2

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I use aol for my non-business email. When I contact an escort from AOL, it's for the purpose of trying to book an appointment. I don't email escorts to initiate random chatter or jack-off material. I'm not questioning the escorts who have posted on this thread that the emails they've received from AOL users have not turned into firm appointments, but I'm asking all you guys to avoid stereotyping AOL users.

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