DOs and DON'Ts

[maxwellissmart]

I'm sure something similar has been posted (perhaps even by ME), but many of these issues are things that have come up within the last couple of months, weeks or days. It may seem obvious to some—but these are factors that can make or break an appointment.

 

Eleven Things You Should Always Do As A Client

 

 

1) Give yourself plenty of pad-time between your business appointments and dinners and your appointment with me. Your business dinner will run over just as soon as you think it won't, even as you plead with your boss with your best "but I'm about to get fucked!" look.

 

 

2) Keep your escort in the loop often, and confirm when you check in your room. And if you don't hear back—touch base again. Your email could have gone to spam by mistake, or he couldn't answer the phone.

 

 

3) When you cancel your plans, cancel with your escort instead of letting them "figure it out" when you don't show up or call.

 

 

4) Be realistic. If the largest thing that's ever gone in your bottom is—well, nothing—then you're probably not going to enjoy someone pounding your ass like there's no tomorrow, no matter how good it sounds in theory.

 

 

5) Use consistent contact information. (This happened to me as I was posting this thread, actually.) Multiple phone numbers are one thing—multiple emails make you look highly suspicious, and using different names between them gets you blocked. Pick a name and stick with it.

 

 

6) Plan ahead—and don't wait until the last second to call. We can be very flexible, but only up to a point. And if you call at midnight on a weeknight, it's going to be unlikely.

 

 

7) Treat talking to an escort (especially an introduction) like you would any person in a bar or normal social setting. Would you walk up to a stranger and say "u avail?" Probably not.

 

 

8) Be prepared to have a drink before, or grab a bite to eat after—even if it doesn't pan out. There's lots of times when we'd like to continue the conversation.

 

 

9) Get a Gmail or Yahoo email account and leave the AOL, Earthlink, PeoplePC and Hotmail bullshit behind. I send emails to the latter group and either have to jump through verification hoops which never work (so you never get my response), or I get added to your Trojan's spam folder. Also, get a Google Voice phone number if you need privacy—it's free and takes 5 minutes to create.

 

 

10) Take 10 minutes before meeting and create a 50 word paragraph about yourself now, as opposed to later, with your likes and dislikes. You can tailor it to suit the situation, then copy and paste it as you need to. This way when an escort says: "so tell me about you and what you'd like to experience," you don't sit around for an hour trying to think up something, or tell someone stuff that has no bearing whatsoever on what you're looking to experience.

 

 

11) Take advantage of the option to ask your escort how to do something, do something better, or avoid something completely. We probably know, and if we don't—we can point you in the right direction.

 

 

 

Twelve Things You Should Never Do As A Client

 

 

1) Call from a nice hotel and leave me a message with your room number, but no name. (This happened last night, from the same person—twice.) It's great that you're in room 313. But you won't get called back because the switchboard won't transfer me to you and I have no other way to contact you. And you'll think I'm a dick for not calling you back. Another version of this is to call and use a different name from what you used before, so that I have no way of knowing who you are to call you back at your unlisted number.

 

 

2) Pay first. This makes you look like 1) a cop, 2) a fool, or 3) an amateur. Do this and watch me go from friendly and outgoing to cautious and suddenly needing to go back to my car because I... forgot... something.

 

 

3) Lay there and not talk. Unless you're mute, this has "I AM SO DISINTERESTED" written all over it, which is hurtful and insulting, not to mention frustrating and a way to get things wrapped up.

 

 

4) Use your teeth during oral or kissing. Think of your teeth as 30 or so LITTLE INCREDIBLY SHARP WHITE GINSU KNIVES. That's how my lips feel, anyway. Unless you're an oral expert, (just go ahead and assume you're not), there's really little to no need for them.

 

 

5) Try to put your finger all up inside your escort-top without asking first (or lubing it). You may just turn into Georgy Porgy—since they may not have prepared for such.

 

 

6) Do drugs before or during your meeting with your escort without their knowledge. My job has random testing, and the cocaine that's happily melting away on your gums can cause me to test positive—and if that happens I will hunt you down and kill you, or at the very least blacklist you. Seriously.

 

 

7) Not be prepared to engage with me when I walk through the door. That's when the clock that I don't watch starts getting watched. So if you insist on finishing the last 25 minutes of "Boardwalk Empire" while I twiddle my thumbs, well—I hope you enjoy that 35 minutes of sexytime. Because you're not getting a minute over—even if you haven't come yet.

 

 

8) Contact someone and act as if the world will end if they don't get back to you immediately. I do drive on occasion, and sometimes I'm actually with another client or at work. Trust me, I WILL get back to you.

 

 

9) Get the Health Department to contact me with "important information" instead of doing it yourself. Yes, it's embarrassing. Yes, I'll be grateful. No, I won't have to assume you're Client #1 and therefore contact every single person I've seen should things turn out less than kosher. Be a man—if you can hire an escort, you can call them back if you think you have potentially bad news. And if I get tagged as a public health hazard and they take my computer or demand other info from me, that anonymity you might have had at the clinic may just fly right out the window.

 

 

10) Never, EVER use the words "maybe" or "might" or "soon," if you want to be taken the least bit seriously when contacting an escort. Never, EVER send an email that says "when are you coming to MY town?" Never, EVER tell an escort "you're sure they're worth it, but..." or "that's more than I'd like to spend," or anything similar.

 

 

11) DO NOT masturbate your little heart out in the days/hours/minutes before we meet. I cannot tell you the number of clients who have done this. Of course, then they can't come and get frustrated, and wonder why. Save it and shoot it all over me. It's what I want and it's what you want.

 

 

12) Never wait until the last text or email before sending your address info to ask an escort: "can you send me a pic?" My immediate reaction is: "seriously?" If you need a pic or other information to set up a meeting—fine, but ask for it up front.

[ctc2001]

Wow, very informative! Learned a couple of things, I hadn't considered before. Thanks for posting!

[bigvalboy]

Very well done Max as usual...but I think someone should start one for escorts as well...ya know all those do's and don't's go both ways...uuummm;) and, no I am not going to do it...way too much work!

[unsub2O17]

Got no problem with any of them except #10 on the don't list. There's got to be a way to indicate that you intend to book, but can only afford to do so when the escort is visiting your area. Is that a better way to say it?

[Kevin Slater]

And for gentlemen of a certain age: there is absolutely nothing sexy about a shaky finger going into my ear canal. Please refrain.

 

On that point, if the escort gently moves your hand away from his [ear canal, butt hole, tits], don't just immediately put it back. He moved it for a reason.

 

Don't ask "what do you charge" if it's listed on the ad. If you can read a phone number, you can read a dollar amount.

 

Don't open the conversation with "This is John. Remember me?" And if you accidentally do go down that road, don't expect that "we met up at your place and you fucked the daylights out of me" is going to ring any specific bells, either.

 

Kevin Slater

[Kevin Slater]

Got no problem with any of them except #10 on the don't list. There's got to be a way to indicate that you intend to book, but can only afford to do so when the escort is visiting your area. Is that a better way to say it?

 

I see nothing wrong with "I am captivated by your ad. Please do let me know should you find yourself in Winnemucca." Provided it's done over email, not a phone call (in what way is that sentiment timely?) and not a text (how am I supposed to save that in my Winnemucca folder?).

 

Kevin Slater

[Kevin Slater]

6) Plan ahead—and don't wait until the last second to call. We can be very flexible, but only up to a point. And if you call at midnight on a weeknight, it's going to be unlikely.

 

I far prefer right-now calls to "are you available three weeks from Tuesday?" Especially from someone whom I've not met before.

 

Kevin Slater

[josephga]

I don't care for those what do you charge types either makes me feel like they havent read anything in the ad if they don't know what you charge

[maxwellissmart]

And for gentlemen of a certain age: there is absolutely nothing sexy about a shaky finger going into my ear canal. Please refrain.

 

On that point, if the escort gently moves your hand away from his [ear canal, butt hole, tits], don't just immediately put it back. He moved it for a reason.

 

Don't ask "what do you charge" if it's listed on the ad. If you can read a phone number, you can read a dollar amount.

 

Don't open the conversation with "This is John. Remember me?" And if you accidentally do go down that road, don't expect that "we met up at your place and you fucked the daylights out of me" is going to ring any specific bells, either.

 

Kevin Slater

 

I KNEW there was one I was leaving out:

 

12a) DON'T contact me and then act like you don't know who I am. I understand if you've contacted more than one Max, but I ALWAYS put my Men4Rent reference name in my response. So when you come back with "who are you? can you send me pics, stats, info?" and other such, it's going to get you ignored.

 

And Unsub—I agree with Kevin's approach. I get approached by people who want to know when I'm coming to Little Rock. The short answer is—never. Sometimes escorts just don't travel—so either look for someone closer to you, or maybe offer up a "hey, would you be up for meeting in Dallas, Houston, New Orleans, (a major city near Little Rock) at some point?" And be ready to defer at least part of the travel costs, unless that escort has a history of traveling/touring.

[maxwellissmart]

I far prefer right-now calls to "are you available three weeks from Tuesday?" Especially from someone whom I've not met before.

 

Kevin Slater

 

So do I, actually. I've just been getting lots of super late-night calls, like 1-2 am. If they had called to give me a heads up that they were in town, I could do it.

[bigvalboy]

I far prefer right-now calls to "are you available three weeks from Tuesday?" Especially from someone whom I've not met before.

 

LOL learned this one the hard way...It never seems to take place when I try and plan ahead, except for 'weekend hires' or a 'fly in' those are a 'must plan ahead' kind of situation. But I have had much better success with just calling on the spur-of-the moment. Most escorts are very accomodating in that respect.

[josephga]

stuff mentioned here is one reason I no longer offer nude massage. I was fine with a light touch. I pat on the butt a soft touch against the leg. But I was getting these guys that completely ignored my boundaries or just didn't give a shit. trying to stick a dry finger in my ass grabbing my balls aggressively. trying to stick my dick in their mouth after already being told that oral was off limits. then whining about it after being told no. with some come back remark like why not? And i have always said NO is just that NO it requires no explanation

[maxwellissmart]

stuff mentioned here is one reason I no longer offer nude massage. I was fine with a light touch. I pat on the butt a soft touch against the leg. But I was getting these guys that completely ignored my boundaries or just didn't give a shit. trying to stick a dry finger in my ass grabbing my balls aggressively. trying to stick my dick in their mouth after already being told that oral was off limits. then whining about it after being told no. with some come back remark like why not? And i have always said NO is just that NO it requires no explanation

 

Silly, you should have had a couple of issues of Cosmo on hand—problem solved.

[josephga]

I remember that time i told a guy if he stuck my dick in his mouth that he would never eat solid food again ha ha

[maxwellissmart]

So what is really up with all you escorts tonight?...yall sound so angry!!! What's the deal?

 

Not angry at all, BVB—I was really frustrated last night because I tried every way in the world to convince the front desk at the hotel to connect me, and they wouldn't do it. Then the guy called back 30 minutes later when I went to walk my dog and did the same thing. I think it probably just never occurred to him that I wouldn't be able to connect.

[raulgmanzo]

Not angry at all, BVB—I was really frustrated last night because I tried every way in the world to convince the front desk at the hotel to connect me, and they wouldn't do it. Then the guy called back 30 minutes later when I went to walk my dog and did the same thing. I think it probably just never occurred to him that I wouldn't be able to connect.

 

I've had the same thing happen. Sometimes you can ask the hotel operator to put you through to the voicemail or to leave a note for them.

When asked for the guests name you can say something like "I'm returning a message left on my voice mail and the connection wasn't clear, it may be my (boss's assistant, friends finace, etc) but the room number and hotel where clear, could I trouble you to leave a message that Max tried to return his call?"

 

Btw a technique that a client can use in such a hotel while preserving some anonmyity is that during checkin (or any time really) you can tell the front desk that your partner/brother/wife/colleague/friend is arriving later (or already there, they won't care) and you'd like to add his name to the registration in case someone calls for him. Of course the name that the client gives the front desk can be any old made up name which he then uses in communication with the escort.

[bostonman]

7) Not be prepared to engage with me when I walk through the door. That's when the clock that I don't watch starts getting watched. So if you insist on finishing the last 25 minutes of "Boardwalk Empire" while I twiddle my thumbs...

 

Of course, most of what you've said in your first post goes for all hookups, not just paid ones, lol. And I have to comment on the part of your post I quoted, because it happened to me on a hookup recently.

 

I've hooked up several times with this guy, at my place - the sex is nothing extravagant - basically just sucking him off, but he's a nice guy and I've enjoyed doing that for him. hadn't seen him in a while, but recently got in touch to see if he wanted to meet up. He lived not too far from where I was working, and he actually preferred to meet as his place this time. So we made plans for me to come by after work one night.

 

First of all, I walked into his apartment, and it was an absolute pig sty. Stuff thrown all over the place - bags from fast food meals, clothes and the like strewn all over, etc. The bed wasn't made. If this had been a first meeting, I would have turned around and fled - but since I did know him, I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. he did say something about not being at home much lately and he just didn't have time to clean up. (Hmm...)

 

But that wasn't all. I think I knew he was a "gamer" (i.e. computer gaming, online fantasy stuff,etc), so maybe I shouldn't have been surprised by both the large flat-screen with some fantasy game going on, AND something similar on his computer. And they were LOUD!! Well, ok, fine. But I then sat there on the bed (this was a very small studio apartment) for what seemed like 5-10 minutes waiting for him to finish up what he was playing and turn it all off. During all this time, no apologies from him, no explanations - and no attention paid to me whatsoever. I was truly having a debate in my head as to whether my hormones were more important than my dignity, lol. But of course I also didn't want to seem rude and leave, no matter how rude he seemed to be to me.

 

Finally, we got down to things - and things were nice as always. But after leaving, I realized that my opinion of this guy really had changed, and that I really didn't need to see him again.

 

Now - I'm not a "clean freak" - and though I try to keep my apartment presentable when I have people over, cleaning has never been my strong suit, lol. But I do like to have things straightened up, put away, etc. But more importantly, if I know someone's coming over, and I'm in the middle of something, I stop what I'm doing, and give full attention to my guest. I think that would go without saying, whether we're talking the escort business or not.

 

It's too bad about Jay...I liked blowing him. But I guess he kinda blew it, lol.

[bigvalboy]

Of course, most of what you've said in your first post goes for all hookups, not just paid ones, lol. And I have to comment on the part of your post I quoted, because it happened to me on a hookup recently.

 

I've hooked up several times with this guy, at my place - the sex is nothing extravagant - basically just sucking him off, but he's a nice guy and I've enjoyed doing that for him. hadn't seen him in a while, but recently got in touch to see if he wanted to meet up. He lived not too far from where I was working, and he actually preferred to meet as his place this time. So we made plans for me to come by after work one night.

 

First of all, I walked into his apartment, and it was an absolute pig sty. Stuff thrown all over the place - bags from fast food meals, clothes and the like strewn all over, etc. The bed wasn't made. If this had been a first meeting, I would have turned around and fled - but since I did know him, I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. he did say something about not being at home much lately and he just didn't have time to clean up. (Hmm...)

 

But that wasn't all. I think I knew he was a "gamer" (i.e. computer gaming, online fantasy stuff,etc), so maybe I shouldn't have been surprised by both the large flat-screen with some fantasy game going on, AND something similar on his computer. And they were LOUD!! Well, ok, fine. But I then sat there on the bed (this was a very small studio apartment) for what seemed like 5-10 minutes waiting for him to finish up what he was playing and turn it all off. During all this time, no apologies from him, no explanations - and no attention paid to me whatsoever. I was truly having a debate in my head as to whether my hormones were more important than my dignity, lol. But of course I also didn't want to seem rude and leave, no matter how rude he seemed to be to me.

 

Finally, we got down to things - and things were nice as always. But after leaving, I realized that my opinion of this guy really had changed, and that I really didn't need to see him again.

 

Now - I'm not a "clean freak" - and though I try to keep my apartment presentable when I have people over, cleaning has never been my strong suit, lol. But I do like to have things straightened up, put away, etc. But more importantly, if I know someone's coming over, and I'm in the middle of something, I stop what I'm doing, and give full attention to my guest. I think that would go without saying, whether we're talking the escort business or not.

 

It's too bad about Jay...I liked blowing him. But I guess he kinda blew it, lol.

 

I liked your story. I think that has happened to a lot of us. For me it wasn't the messy apt, it was the way that he dismissed you, as if you really didn't matter at all. I think it showed a lack of respect to you, regardless of what you were there for. I am glad that you realized that you didn't really need him. It feels good sometimes to come to those realizations. Hey there are tons of guys out there that would want you to service them like that and most would even throw in a kiss or two.

[Steven_Draker]

I tried every way in the world to convince the front desk at the hotel to connect me, and they wouldn't do it

 

Hotels are inconsistent in that regard. Sometimes they'll put you through with the room number right away, other times they'll ask for first and last name that match the room number. If I don't have the last name, I'd ask politely the operator to call the room and tell their guest that Steven is trying to reach him with an "important message".

[Steven_Draker]

5) Try to put your finger all up inside your escort-top without asking first (or lubing it)

 

Not to mention fists and toes.

[unsub2O17]

Okay! Max, Kevin, and Raul. You all win. I accept that I'll have to be in your town if I'm to have any chance of seeing you!!

[maxwellissmart]

Of course, most of what you've said in your first post goes for all hookups, not just paid ones, lol. And I have to comment on the part of your post I quoted, because it happened to me on a hookup recently.

 

I've hooked up several times with this guy, at my place - the sex is nothing extravagant - basically just sucking him off, but he's a nice guy and I've enjoyed doing that for him. hadn't seen him in a while, but recently got in touch to see if he wanted to meet up. He lived not too far from where I was working, and he actually preferred to meet as his place this time. So we made plans for me to come by after work one night.

 

First of all, I walked into his apartment, and it was an absolute pig sty. Stuff thrown all over the place - bags from fast food meals, clothes and the like strewn all over, etc. The bed wasn't made. If this had been a first meeting, I would have turned around and fled - but since I did know him, I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. he did say something about not being at home much lately and he just didn't have time to clean up. (Hmm...)

 

But that wasn't all. I think I knew he was a "gamer" (i.e. computer gaming, online fantasy stuff,etc), so maybe I shouldn't have been surprised by both the large flat-screen with some fantasy game going on, AND something similar on his computer. And they were LOUD!! Well, ok, fine. But I then sat there on the bed (this was a very small studio apartment) for what seemed like 5-10 minutes waiting for him to finish up what he was playing and turn it all off. During all this time, no apologies from him, no explanations - and no attention paid to me whatsoever. I was truly having a debate in my head as to whether my hormones were more important than my dignity, lol. But of course I also didn't want to seem rude and leave, no matter how rude he seemed to be to me.

 

Finally, we got down to things - and things were nice as always. But after leaving, I realized that my opinion of this guy really had changed, and that I really didn't need to see him again.

 

Now - I'm not a "clean freak" - and though I try to keep my apartment presentable when I have people over, cleaning has never been my strong suit, lol. But I do like to have things straightened up, put away, etc. But more importantly, if I know someone's coming over, and I'm in the middle of something, I stop what I'm doing, and give full attention to my guest. I think that would go without saying, whether we're talking the escort business or not.

 

It's too bad about Jay...I liked blowing him. But I guess he kinda blew it, lol.

 

And let me clarify #7...

 

I don't mean that I watched the clock even though I say I don't. I mean that—in this case—I drove 45 minutes to see this guy, walked in to a muttered "hello," and waited on a couch in silence while he finished watching his TV show. Then, when we finally got to it—he acted like the timer was reset to zero and expected me to stay well beyond what we had originally agreed to. Umm.. no. I have no problem with social interaction, but "interaction" is the key word here. Unless you're paying me to watch you watch TV, solve a Rubik's Cube or read Wikipedia—I have things to do.

[MFLV]

Max

This is a great read for clients. Lots of information. I appreciate you taking the time. Somethings, like the hotel phone thing, you never think about. I learned lots from reading it.

 

Thanks

[ErieBear]

How about this issue: The escort checks in under their real name, but the hotel won't let you up unless you know their room number and their real name.

[Guest countryboywny]

Great post, Max!

 

Here's something for escorts to consider:

 

 

1. Please remember that this may be my first time and that I may be unfamiliar with the process of hiring and that I’m probably very nervous.

2. Please understand that I want you to be patient and understanding and that I probably won’t know of or consider the red flags or other finer points of the process that you expect from more seasoned clients. I may not be willing to give you desired personal information because I need to be discreet and after all, I don’t know you either. Discretion is just as important to me as it is to you. I may not be aware of the things that are required for your protection and discretion. I’ve probably never looked at the process from your point of view.

3. Please be aware that it is not always easy for me to verbalize my specific wants and expectations. After all you are a stranger to me and I may not want you to pre-judge me as being a flake if I say the wrong thing. I don’t know how “open” you mind is. All I might know is that I saw your ad, you appealed to me and I want to spend some time with you.

4. I may have differing needs, I may just want a one hour physical experience, or I may want a dinner companion or any of the myriad of services that you may offer. Please respect me in my ignorance and know that I want to be treated as your customer even if I don’t fit into your mould of the “perfect client.” I am responding to your ad, I probably don’t know that a website such as Daddy’s Reviews exists so forgive me if I haven’t researched you and know nothing of your strengths or weaknesses.

5. I may have a pre-conceived notion of what hiring an escort is and may think you only sell sex. Your attitude in dealing with me will educate me that you are much more than sex, or confirm to me that I was right.

6. If you are so busy that you don’t have the extra time to deal with an ignorant client like me, be kind and tell me the truth. Don’t assume that by not responding to me or answering my questions will give me the message that you aren’t interested in seeing me. If I make an unreasonable request don’t ignore me, just respectfully decline and tell me why.. it will educate me.

7. Understand that you are in the customer service industry and while it’s easier to deal with clients who have read your list of do’s and don’ts, dealing effectively with potential clients who are all individuals with varying degrees of experience is a real test of your skills. Anyone can provide physical service, it takes a true professional to provide an “experience”.