Clients being to clingy

[zach_wilson]

I understand that this topic has been brought up similar in the past however, I need some good advice from both the client side and escort side. I have been seeing one of my clients on a regular basis, probably around 12 days out of a month, for almost a yr and four months. He has asked me to start dating him and I declined for multiple different reasons. However he insist on treating me like a boyfriend, claiming "I pay for you to live basically so I should be able to have some control when you leave me". However I still am always accepting new clients and seeing them when I can. He has recently started getting really jealous over my personal life,which he ask me about, he may ask are you seeing anyone new. When i respond no, he assumes im lying and flys off the handle saying I am to and that he isn't going to hire me again, if I say yes the same thing. Just recently he went through my cell phone, keep in mind this isn't easy to do as I have a passcode lock to keep my clients information and what is said between us, between us. He found one of the guys that he knows I hang out with text and got mad because I let him know that my client was upset that I was talking with him because he thinks were dating,and that if I go to the bar with my client this weekend I may not be able to acknowledge him.My client then proceeded to say "im not hiring you anymore because your talking about me". Is this right of him to say? Should escorts not be able to vent a little as long as names are not brought into it. And did the client have a right to go through the phone then get upset over what was said? look forward to having great insight from everybody.

 

xoxo zach wilson

[jjkrkwood]

Zach,

 

Two words are alarming to me in your story: Jealousy and control. While I dont know you, nor the type of life or lifestyle you aspire to, unless you WANT/NEED to be controlled by a jealous cliient, I would cut the ties and move on. I have heard too many stories where jealousy is taken TOO far, not only with escorts, but in life in general. Its an emotion that is basically UNCONTROLLABLE and can get the best of you and make you do irrational things.

Of course , the final decision is always yours, but to me it already doesnt sound like a healthy escort/client relationship, and there definitely "seems'' to be something "delusional" going on in your clients mind.

 

Be careful and Good Luck !

[+ Travis69]

The client had no right going though your phone or getting upset. Prior to him hiring you, did he see another escort? If so, you might want to find out how that relationship went. All in all, it doesn't sound like a good client/escort relationship for you to be in.

[jawjateck]

The guy is a creep. Purge him from your life immediately. You do not owe him any explanations, goodbyes, or whatever.

[jgoo]

First, I don't think he had any right to look into your phone....he crossed the line without question so first strike. Second, he is into mind games by threatening to cut you off....second strike. Third, he appears to want more than you are interested or capable of giving (and can't accept that) so it isn't really healthy relationship for either of you....third strike.

 

A couple points to consider, based solely on what you wrote. Did you make it very clear the first time he crossed the line with something that you felt was inappropriate that it was unacceptable? Are you in any way accepting his behavior and attitudes because he is a significant source of income for you and as such that may be clouding your judgement on establishing clear boundaries? Not blaming you for this guy's behavior but just want to bring it up so you can consider if there was any way you might have been able to better discourage him earlier on before it got to this point.

 

I believe you need to get away from the situation as it is potentially very dangerous. Have you thought about the best way to cut things off with this guy? I don't want to overstate how serious it could be but one never knows how someone scorned will react. If you haven't done so already, do consider what risks you face such as does he know personal details (i.e. your real name, assuming Zach Wilson is your stage name, where you live, where you frequent, the car you drive, etc). Just be very careful and try to find a safe way to end things with this guy who could be unstable and potentially dangerous to you.

 

Do let us know how things turn out and best of luck to you.

[adriano46]

Zach - as everyone else has said here -- DROP HIM immediately; change your phone number and even your e-mails and block him from access to them.

 

Unfortunately, I assume he knows where you live and probably given the amount of time you have seen him, he probably knows your number. BUT get away from him and if necessary, mak sure a close friend/acquaintance knows his name and number in case he ever threatens you. This man sounds sick, unstable, and just plain trouble. NO CLIENT is worth that unless you have a really bad self-image, which I doubt is your problem. MOVE ONE from him a.s.a.p.

[whyamihere]

I am concerned for your physical safety. Your "client" sounds dangerous. You used the words "jealous" and "control" in your post. TRUST YOUR GUT!

Spending "12 days out of each month, for almost a yr and four months" is an unhealthy situation. Your client has made you dependent on him.

Do you want to control your own destiny - or surrender your freedom?

As others have stated I also think you need to get out of this relationship - SOON!

I suggest you have a "safe house" where you can go. Maybe with a trusted friend or family relative. Preferably far removed from your current location.

Your "client" has a high potential of becoming a stalker. BE CAREFUL!

Your safety comes first!

[jjkrkwood]

As they often say "Nothing comes totally FREE". While on the surface your long term relationship may have been viewed as a "no strings attached" kinda deal, there were obviously strings attached in your clients mind. It sounds as if he interpreted his arrangement with you as "ownership", and you were his "possession" All these terms carry a BAD connotation, especially when combined with a "disturbed" mind. You certianly have heard, and have read Horror stories of these situations ? I also think the TITLE you have chosen for this thread "UNDERestimates" the severity of the situation. I think you know the next RIGHT move ?

[+ sf westcoaster]

Do whatever is necessary to end this relationship. It is not healthy.

[zach_wilson]

He has mentioned he hired twice before but has stated that after a while he stopped and they just became friends..

[zach_wilson]

Thanks all for responding, sadly yes he knows where I reside, vehical type I drive. I do have a safe place to go, however am hoping it would never come to that point, he has never made a threat toward me physically just saying "im going to cut you off". I did explain my utter disappointment that he would go through my personal cell phone and read messages and then get upset with me over a text message sent to a friend. And that there was no right for him to do that. I am hoping for the best in that maybe things turn around he apologizes, and if he does then maybe I can slowly stop seeing him this way it does not seam so abrupt and he can wing himself off seeing me and no bad situation arises. thanks all for the comments again.

 

xoxo zach wilson

[adriano46]

AMEN to what Anton just wrote -- and Zach, if you do not know Anton, he is one of the most experienced escorts around - so a voice you should heed.

 

As I read your own response to what many of us said here, I had a sinking feeling that you are trying - in a twisted way - to ween him from you -- that is NOT the way to go. If you feel the truth is too difficult, then invent an emergency and disappear for a week or two (unless you are carrying a day job). BUT move on from this guy NOW, not tomorrow and definitely not next week or next month.

[BostonPhil]

I did not even read any one's response but I will agree with them anyway. You need to stop seeing him immediately.

 

No client should ever be touching your phone, ever. No one should ever feel like they should have some sort of control over you. What Anton says above is absolutely what I would do.

 

Oddly, I have received 3 calls in the past two days to travel to your location.

[Keenan]

We as escorts have this risk come up from time to time and the best way to deal with it is to just cut ties. The money isn't worth staying in a dangerous situation.

 

Keenan

[whyamihere]

...I am hoping for the best in that maybe things turn around he apologizes, and if he does then maybe I can slowly stop seeing him this way it does not seam so abrupt and he can wing himself off seeing me and no bad situation arises....

 

Wrong move! Hoping "for the best" is playing right into his hands and lets him continue to control your life. He has crossed the line. BREAK THE RELATIONSHIP NOW! Even if he apologizes it will not last. This relationship has no future - only pain.

[maxwellissmart]

Wrong move! Hoping "for the best" is playing right into his hands and lets him continue to control your life. He has crossed the line. BREAK THE RELATIONSHIP NOW! Even if he apologizes it will not last. This relationship has no future - only pain.

 

I did not even read any one's response but I will agree with them anyway. You need to stop seeing him immediately.

 

No client should ever be touching your phone, ever. No one should ever feel like they should have some sort of control over you. What Anton says above is absolutely what I would do.

 

Oddly, I have received 3 calls in the past two days to travel to your location.

 

I just saw this thread and it gave me the creeps—I've had similar experiences and I'm sorry to see that you're going through this.

 

I'm going to play devil's advocate for a second, because I wish someone had been blunt and told me the same thing before it actually happened to me: you have TWO problems here—a pushy, clingy client, and your inability to set boundaries and say "no."

 

You're going to have to choose carefully here before making a firm decision on what action to take—because doing the wrong thing could easily blow up in your face and make the situation much, much worse.

 

First—assess what info he has on you, and imagine what the absolute worst case scenario would be, and then start preparing for it. What information do you have on him?

 

Two—if you were to cut him off cold turkey, what do you think his reaction would be? Would this trigger revenge or would he slink away quietly? Is he the type who would wait and then try to get back at you?

 

Three—what would happen if you agreed to "date?" Is he someone you have any attraction to in that way at all? Could you continue to see clients on the side if you wanted to? Could you make this prohibitively expensive so that it would be unrealistic for him? Can you show a really nasty, jealous side of your own—once you're "together?" Oh, and I can almost guarantee he's still seeing other people. Ask all the other escorts if they've gotten an email/call from whatever his contact info is. If you can agree to "date" and then uncover this—you'll have a legitimate reason for "breaking up." Of course, this means you'll have to pull your ad—but it sounds like you're probably going to have to do that anyway.

 

Four—if you decide to "wean" him off you, you're pretty much going to have to come up with a logical reason for why you're reducing contact with him. And as long as you have an escorting ad up, this probably isn't going to fly. That means that..

 

Five—you may just have to make a preemptive strike of some sort, by getting very nasty and telling him to leave you the fuck alone, or you'll _________. If you decide to do this, make sure it's not illegal. And be very serious about following through with your threat.

 

Just remember, whatever plan of action you start, you have to follow through. Otherwise you're going to be back at Square One, and it may eventually turn into something so fucked up that you can't fix it.

 

And I agree wholeheartedly—"hoping for the best" will not fix this problem for you. At all. Only you can do that, and only you can make sure that something like doesn't ever happen again.

 

Good luck, dude—I hope it works out.

[down_to_business]

My opinion is just that, an opinion. I think you have gotten solid advice from others professionals in your industry that can relate a lot more to this than I can. I would also trust their advice more than my own.

 

But- I don't know how we have taken a leap from pushy or controlling client who was definitely out of line snooping in your phone and who has provided you a whole lot of income from your description to immediate threat and stalker with warnings for you to break off all contact, change your name, wear a disguise, and move away. If you feel for one second that your safety is an issue, by all means, do everything immediately to protect yourself. Maybe I just don't get it, but I don't see where you think that this client poses a danger to yourself- hence I wouldn't personally recommend the extreme measures being suggested. Possessive or annoying doesn't necessarily mean dangerous or threatening. Again, if you feel any danger whatsoever, immediately take any and all actions to protect yourself and keep safe.

 

Would I see this cleint again. Only you can answer that question. It sounds to me this person is possessive and controlling and has misintrepreted your actions, feelings, or arrangement. Is that worth 12 appointments each and every month-- again only you can decide that. As to your weaning him off strategy, sorry but I don't think that will work. What you describe sounds like a crush (yes maybe on the obsessive side) and I would predict this strategy to be about as successful as weaning an alcoholic off the booze by having him switch from the hard stuff to only beer and wine.

 

In any case, good luck in your situation and whatever you decide. Please throw all options out other than an immediate break if you feel threatened in any form whatsoever.

[Diverdan]

Run, don't walk... fly away for a few weeks to somewhere that you would like to go... change your phone, email, etc. the sooner the better... you have gotten great advise from some great escorts... follow their advise, no matter how it might cut down on your near term income... the danger is not worth it.

DD

[maxwellissmart]

My opinion is just that, an opinion. I think you have gotten solid advice from others professionals in your industry that can relate a lot more to this than I can. I would also trust their advice more than my own.

 

But- I don't know how we have taken a leap from pushy or controlling client who was definitely out of line snooping in your phone and who has provided you a whole lot of income from your description to immediate threat and stalker with warnings for you to break off all contact, change your name, wear a disguise, and move away. If you feel for one second that your safety is an issue, by all means, do everything immediately to protect yourself. Maybe I just don't get it, but I don't see where you think that this client poses a danger to yourself- hence I wouldn't personally recommend the extreme measures being suggested. Possessive or annoying doesn't necessarily mean dangerous or threatening. Again, if you feel any danger whatsoever, immediately take any and all actions to protect yourself and keep safe.

 

Would I see this cleint again. Only you can answer that question. It sounds to me this person is possessive and controlling and has misintrepreted your actions, feelings, or arrangement. Is that worth 12 appointments each and every month-- again only you can decide that. As to your weaning him off strategy, sorry but I don't think that will work. What you describe sounds like a crush (yes maybe on the obsessive side) and I would predict this strategy to be about as successful as weaning an alcoholic off the booze by having him switch from the hard stuff to only beer and wine.

 

In any case, good luck in your situation and whatever you decide. Please throw all options out other than an immediate break if you feel threatened in any form whatsoever.

 

The key word spoken here is client. The key word that isn't is illegal. Therefore, this situation is not the same dynamic as meeting someone online from Manhunt and then deciding that he's getting too pushy and clingy. Not to candy-coat that kind of situation—but Zach could find himself in some far-reaching and expensive trouble if things get out of hand. As far as "taking leaps," I'm sure that a year and however many months ago, Mr. Client wasn't the sort who seemed like a jealous would-be boyfriend either, yet here we are. When a client begins to direct an escort's escorting—a line has been crossed, and the escort had better well have a contingency plan—or come up with one pretty quickly.

[+ Archer]

Run, do not walk! Get away from this guy now!

[JoeyBryant]

This is not client. It's a sugar daddy gone mad.

 

http://www.covershut.com/cd_covers/Obsessed-2009-Cd-Cover-15870.jpg

[nate_sf]

"im not hiring you anymore because your talking about me".

 

There's your out. Let him walk. However I don't think he'll just walk, you'll have to be firm. He's acting like you have a "kept" arrangement, and from what you've told us you did not enter into any such arrangement. He's overstepped boundaries and this may be the first time you've had to enforce them.

 

There is no weaning off of someone like this. Trust me and the others here from our experiences. You must terminate the relationship completely. If you must offer an explanation, it is because it has developed into an unhealthy relationship and needs to end. But do not under any circumstances see him again.

[BostonPhil]

My opinion is just that, an opinion. I think you have gotten solid advice from others professionals in your industry that can relate a lot more to this than I can. I would also trust their advice more than my own.

 

But- I don't know how we have taken a leap from pushy or controlling client who was definitely out of line snooping in your phone and who has provided you a whole lot of income from your description to immediate threat and stalker with warnings for you to break off all contact, change your name, wear a disguise, and move away. If you feel for one second that your safety is an issue, by all means, do everything immediately to protect yourself. Maybe I just don't get it, but I don't see where you think that this client poses a danger to yourself- hence I wouldn't personally recommend the extreme measures being suggested. Possessive or annoying doesn't necessarily mean dangerous or threatening. Again, if you feel any danger whatsoever, immediately take any and all actions to protect yourself and keep safe.

 

Would I see this cleint again. Only you can answer that question. It sounds to me this person is possessive and controlling and has misintrepreted your actions, feelings, or arrangement. Is that worth 12 appointments each and every month-- again only you can decide that. As to your weaning him off strategy, sorry but I don't think that will work. What you describe sounds like a crush (yes maybe on the obsessive side) and I would predict this strategy to be about as successful as weaning an alcoholic off the booze by having him switch from the hard stuff to only beer and wine.

 

In any case, good luck in your situation and whatever you decide. Please throw all options out other than an immediate break if you feel threatened in any form whatsoever.

 

The operative words are "possessive" and "controlling" which should throw up red flags for any one. By disrespecting Zach's personal space and privacy (his phone) in a most determined way, this client has already shown the potential for great danger. I would say that most of us have reacted the way we have in the thread because of personal experience with some one like this. Unfortunately some clients from time to time forget that we are service providers not something they picked up at a Rent-a-Center.

 

Call him, don't text or e-mail him, and be very polite and direct "Dan I have enjoyed having you as a client for the past year but I can no longer see you." You can give him an explanation if you want, but you don't owe him one. Do not let him try to talk you out of it and don't stay on the phone longer than you need to.

 

Be safe and keep us up-to-date.

[JoeyBryant]

We all have to let go of clients sometimes.

 

I had to drop one yesterday because he started become more adamant about having party favors whenever we played. Then he was expecting me to call MY friends and ask for them everytime he came to town.

 

Like 1st of all, I don't even fucking do that shit. 2nd of all, if you want it, you provide it. Don't send me all around town looking for it. He didn't like that very much and proceeded to tell me, "okay have a good evening". And didn't call as planned today. Well go right the fuck on ahead then. I had your number listed as don't answer again anyway. you just so happened to contact my other number.

 

I am getting so fed up with clients lately. God bless the good ones, but my patience for the naughty ones has thinned to the breaking point. I will be so glad when I can get a break from this, and it's not too far in the distant future. People wonder why we complain, but look at what we deal with it. And I'm just not the type to be quiet about things.

 

Maybe I'll take a break, and then come back as a Dom master and just take my anger out on slaves. Just punish the shit out of guys. Want aggressive? I'll GIVE you aggressive.

[BostonPhil]

HA! If I could count the number of times I get a late night call on a Friday or Saturday where the first thing out of the person's mouth is "Do you party?"

 

"I am not a drug dealer." Click