A Weighty Issue

[tom1980]

I've been offline for a few days and just read Maxwell's thread about the client who assumed Max didn't want to see him because of his weight. This raised a question for me: would you like advanced notice from the potential client if he is above a certain weight? At what weight/bmi does it become an issue for you?

 

I'm not 380 lbs, but I am significantly overweight. It never occurred to me to ask escorts about weight limits until about a year after I started hiring. Then I met an escort who had trouble getting hard and blamed it on my weight. I thought to myself, "If you can only get it up for guys you find attractive, then you are in the wrong business." I wish I would've said it out loud.

 

For a while after that, I started asking escorts if weight was an issue. I think that was a bad move because then everyone expected me to weigh 400 lbs. Finally an escort told me he assumed I was going to be much larger when he met me and that I should stop asking about weight because most clients are somewhat overweigt and the ones who ask if weight is an issue are usually 350 pounds or more.

 

I know that different people carry their weight differently. So maybe bmi rather than pure weight is a better measurement (unless the issue is fear of breaking a massage table where weight, no matter how distributed, is a limiting factor). A bmi of 40 is considered to be "morbidly obese." For a guy who is 5'8" that translates to about 265 lbs. At 6'0" you have to weigh almost 300 pounds to have a bmi of 40. I would guess that if you don't list a weight limit in your ad, a client would need to have a bmi of at least 40 before the escort wants a warning, but please correct me if that assumption is wrong.

 

On a final note, I definitely appreciate honesty and would rather an escort tell me up front that he doesn't want to see "fat" clients so that I don't waste my time or money on an unsatisfying experience. I would never berate an escort for telling me that we wouldn't be a good match. Why would the client want to waste the money?

[Kevin Slater]

I don't need to be told because it doesn't make a difference to me.

 

Kevin Slater

[+ Travis69]

Some escorts do have a problem with weight, age, race, etc. Some will tell you and some won't. If I were you I would describe yourself to the escort with age, race, weight, height and explain to them that on occasion some issues have been a problem with other escorts and you just to make sure everything will go well.

[Keenan]

I don't care about weight, especially as a bottom since making sure it's hard isn't as important (yes getting off may be important, but keeping hard long enough isn't). What is more important to me is that the client is clean and showered prior to meeting.

 

Keenan

 

I've been offline for a few days and just read Maxwell's thread about the client who assumed Max didn't want to see him because of his weight. This raised a question for me: would you like advanced notice from the potential client if he is above a certain weight? At what weight/bmi does it become an issue for you?

 

I'm not 380 lbs, but I am significantly overweight. It never occurred to me to ask escorts about weight limits until about a year after I started hiring. Then I met an escort who had trouble getting hard and blamed it on my weight. I thought to myself, "If you can only get it up for guys you find attractive, then you are in the wrong business." I wish I would've said it out loud.

 

For a while after that, I started asking escorts if weight was an issue. I think that was a bad move because then everyone expected me to weigh 400 lbs. Finally an escort told me he assumed I was going to be much larger when he met me and that I should stop asking about weight because most clients are somewhat overweigt and the ones who ask if weight is an issue are usually 350 pounds or more.

 

I know that different people carry their weight differently. So maybe bmi rather than pure weight is a better measurement (unless the issue is fear of breaking a massage table where weight, no matter how distributed, is a limiting factor). A bmi of 40 is considered to be "morbidly obese." For a guy who is 5'8" that translates to about 265 lbs. At 6'0" you have to weigh almost 300 pounds to have a bmi of 40. I would guess that if you don't list a weight limit in your ad, a client would need to have a bmi of at least 40 before the escort wants a warning, but please correct me if that assumption is wrong.

 

On a final note, I definitely appreciate honesty and would rather an escort tell me up front that he doesn't want to see "fat" clients so that I don't waste my time or money on an unsatisfying experience. I would never berate an escort for telling me that we wouldn't be a good match. Why would the client want to waste the money?

[jjkrkwood]

I think its always better to mention things that you feel might be of issue. As far as setting weight guidelines, its not so much about the number per se, but how its distributed and looks on your frame. If a guy is tall, at 300 lbs, he might not look unnattractive to an escort, and as Kevin mentions, some escorts train themselves to work with ALL types and situations so it isnt an issue for them regardless.

 

I never was one that liked surprises, and dont expect others do either, so I am always upfront about everything. When I hire I clearly state my age, now at 60, so if an escort is ageist, I am not embarrassed or my time, or his isnt wasted.

[Guy Fawkes]

A very special cup of tea...

 

There should be no surprises. A brief description and a short "wants and needs" will almost always make the encounter go smoother.

 

In my case it's critical and I'm always gracious if they choose to decline. I know that I'm not everybody's cup of tea; but when I am, I'm a very special cup to tea.

 

http://teazone.org/wp-content/uploads/spiced-chai-tea-300x300.jpg

[bigvalboy]

I'm a very special cup to tea.

 

;)

[seeker630]

There should be no surprises. A brief description and a short "wants and needs" will almost always make the encounter go smoother.

 

In my case it's critical and I'm always gracious if they choose to decline. I know that I'm not everybody's cup of tea; but when I am, I'm a very special cup to tea.

 

 

I too always put my age & states out there, along with my expectations/requirements/preferences. I'd rather someone decline an appointment than show up & obviously not be happy about it.

[ErieBear]

I had one escort completely refuse me. Another offered to charge me double.

 

I should mention I'm about 200 pounds overweight.

[seaboy4hire]

If you feel it might be an issue mention it. But imo a half assed decent escort wont care. Sexy comes in many different sizes, colors and ages.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[jjkrkwood]

If you feel it might be an issue mention it. But imo a half assed decent escort wont care. Sexy comes in many different sizes, colors and ages.

 

Hugs,

Greg

 

Its true on the surface the escort might not care, but sexual performance is mostly psychological, and if there is a lack of attraction the brain might not allow him to perform satisfactorily.

 

Always better to be forthright about these issues. If not, even the initial impression and expression on the escorts face when you first see each other in person might put a damper on the session.

 

Weight has always been an issue for me. I was the outcast, overweight kid, teased, bullied, beat up, and only until I hit my 20's and took control of myself and lost a ton of weight and started working on my body did I start to feel good about myself. BUT the scars were already there, and remain to this day

[gallahadesquire]

I had one escort completely refuse me. Another offered to charge me double.

 

I should mention I'm about 200 pounds overweight.

 

ErieBear -

 

I assume you had the conversation before you met up with them and not once you met them?

 

Since 1/2010 I went from 260 to 220 to 280. How I lost the weight is not a method I recommend.

 

Thanks for posting, ErieBear! you have a courageous soul!

 

Sir Gallahad

[+ Travis69]

I don't think most people would know what a specific BMI would look like. I don't know mine. I would state height and weight instead.

[tom1980]

I don't think most people would know what a specific BMI would look like. I don't know mine. I would state height and weight instead.

 

That's why I gave the height and weight examples in my post. The bmi info was mainly so that people know what is considered morbidly obese so that we could have a starting point to discuss and have some measurement that accounts for height variation.

 

I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of clients are somewhere near that line if not over it. I know clients come in all shapes and sizes, but I tend to think those of us who are overweight hire more frequently than guys who aren't. Maybe I'm just projecting myself and making assumptions based on my circumstances. I also assume busy people who don't have time to mess around with trying to pick up guys would hire more frequently. But again, maybe I just assume that other clients are similar to me and that's not actually the case.

[down_to_business]

The most professional / best escorts out there can function in most all situations. If THEY have any hangups based on anything (ie height, weight, race, religion, hair color,etc etc) it is their responsibility to make that known to me in their advertisement. Personally, I do not need to hire someone to make me feel bad about my appearance or myself. The last thing I want to go through is some critical self analysis or self-hatred ritual every time I want to hire someone.

 

When an escort requires a picture of me in order to meet or the first question to me as a potential client is "What are your stats", it's game over. I lose all interest. I move on.

[maxwellissmart]

The most professional / best escorts out there can function in most all situations. If THEY have any hangups based on anything (ie height, weight, race, religion, hair color,etc etc) it is their responsibility to make that known to me in their advertisement. Personally, I do not need to hire someone to make me feel bad about my appearance or myself. The last thing I want to go through is some critical self analysis or self-hatred ritual every time I want to hire someone.

 

When an escort requires a picture of me in order to meet or the first question to me as a potential client is "What are your stats", it's game over. I lose all interest. I move on.

 

Well, and that's the difference between me and all those "best" and "professional" escorts out there—I don't go to appointments so I can function for someone. I go to an appointment so I can share myself with someone, and hope that we'll make some sort of connection that involves intimacy on more than one level—and that we'll both have a genuinely good time.

 

And as far as pics go—I've stated before that I don't require or even ask for them (and clients who send them raise my suspicions). However, I do ask for stats—the reasons being 1) they have to be over 21 (and if you don't ask, you don't know), 2) I want to have a mental picture of the person I'm meeting, and most importantly, 3) asking a client to describe himself gets me a sample of their communication style, and gives me some insight about them and their personality.

[Guest JackF]

Well, and that's the difference between me and all those "best" and "professional" escorts out there—I don't go to appointments so I can function for someone. I go to an appointment so I can share myself with someone, and hope that we'll make some sort of connection that involves intimacy on more than one level—and that we'll both have a genuinely good time.

 

And as far as pics go—I've stated before that I don't require or even ask for them (and clients who send them raise my suspicions). However, I do ask for stats—the reasons being 1) they have to be over 21 (and if you don't ask, you don't know), 2) I want to have a mental picture of the person I'm meeting, and most importantly, 3) asking a client to describe himself gets me a sample of their communication style, and gives me some insight about them and their personality.

 

 

I agree. I had one guy who sent his house picture & photo of himself, complete directions to his house, everything he wanted before I had even agreed to see him. That screamed red flags everywhere (plus, when he mentioned that my gps wouldn't take me the correct way -- I had to follow HIS special directions, through a gate, etc.) sketchy!

 

Also -- BMI is actually not the best way to determine body mass distribution and how someone may look. Believe it or not, according to the BMI scale I'm "overweight" even though nobody would ever agree. It's because it's based upon height and weight, NOT muscle mass. Muscle weighs more than fat, which means that I would weigh more than the average person my height & weight, but I'm built, they aren't. Hopefully that makes sense (I've studied this extensively in the past).

 

Final thoughts -- It is nice to know beforehand if you're someone that's extremely overweight rather than find out when I show up. I've had someone that was very large want me to top them, great! He asked if it would be an issue (weight) and I said no and I had no issues performing and he was extremely satisfied. So no, I don't want your BMI as it doesn't actually tell me much but I do want a general idea of what you look like when I show up!

[ErieBear]

ErieBear -

 

I assume you had the conversation before you met up with them and not once you met them?

 

Since 1/2010 I went from 260 to 220 to 280. How I lost the weight is not a method I recommend.

 

Thanks for posting, ErieBear! you have a courageous soul!

 

Sir Gallahad

 

Thanks! yep. Because I'm extremely cautious about how fat I am and I'm dealing with a LOT of body image issues, I let them know before hand. Some fantastic escorts (i.e. Dave in DC, Master Avery, Raoul) didn't care at all and even made me feel great about myself.

 

I am working hard on losing weight. As of this morning, I'm down 46 pounds since Dec. 2nd. And I'm rejoicing in that tonight.

[+ sam.fitzpatrick]

The most professional / best escorts out there can function in most all situations. If THEY have any hangups based on anything (ie height, weight, race, religion, hair color,etc etc) it is their responsibility to make that known to me in their advertisement. Personally, I do not need to hire someone to make me feel bad about my appearance or myself. The last thing I want to go through is some critical self analysis or self-hatred ritual every time I want to hire someone.

 

When an escort requires a picture of me in order to meet or the first question to me as a potential client is "What are your stats", it's game over. I lose all interest. I move on.

 

D_T_B -

 

I agree with requests for picture being off limits - I've never had that requested, but it would be a showstopper.

 

It took me a little while to get comfortable the "what are your stats" question. After a couple of experiences where I could tell that my weight was an issue and the escort had not asked any questions about me, I realized that even if the escort isn't bothered by my weight, it can be helpful for him to know the facts. First, there is never the uncomfortable greeting when the door opens. Secondly, there may be activities that would not be possible with a heavier guy, so the escort can appropriately.

 

All I can say is that since I've become comfortable disclosing my stats for a first-time meeting, I've not been disappointed.

[leigh.bess.toad]

Also -- BMI is actually not the best way to determine body mass distribution and how someone may look. Believe it or not, according to the BMI scale I'm "overweight" even though nobody would ever agree. It's because it's based upon height and weight, NOT muscle mass. Muscle weighs more than fat, which means that I would weigh more than the average person my height & weight, but I'm built, they aren't. Hopefully that makes sense (I've studied this extensively in the past).

 

You are quite right about BMI Jack. It is a horribly flawed tool. A phrase we use at work: "measure with micrometer, mark with chalk, cut with chainsaw". The BMI is the chalk.

 

As an example, Arnold Schwarzenegger, when competing for his bodybuilding titles years ago, would have been classified as obese. He was 6'2" and competed about 235 pounds, which is a BMI of 30.2. I'm about an inch shorter than my partner. I outweigh him by 35 pounds. He is within a normal weight, whereas I am pushing the 30 value (sure I could lose about 10 pounds gained during knee rehab). But if you look at us, he'd be the one you would say is overweight. Me? I love every pound of that man.

[leigh.bess.toad]

I know that I'm not everybody's cup of tea; but when I am, I'm a very special cup to tea.

 

http://teazone.org/wp-content/uploads/spiced-chai-tea-300x300.jpg

 

You most certainly are, Daddy. A VERY special cup.

[down_to_business]

Well, and that's the difference between me and all those "best" and "professional" escorts out there—I don't go to appointments so I can function for someone. I go to an appointment so I can share myself with someone, and hope that we'll make some sort of connection that involves intimacy on more than one level—and that we'll both have a genuinely good time.

 

And as far as pics go—I've stated before that I don't require or even ask for them (and clients who send them raise my suspicions). However, I do ask for stats—the reasons being 1) they have to be over 21 (and if you don't ask, you don't know), 2) I want to have a mental picture of the person I'm meeting, and most importantly, 3) asking a client to describe himself gets me a sample of their communication style, and gives me some insight about them and their personality.

 

Just wanted to clarify one point. I don't mind disclosing my stats to someone. I said I had a problem if their first question to me is what is your stats. An escort that emphasizes stats over everything else is not the kind of escort I want to meet with. There are several out there that do that. Fortunately, there are even more out there that don't.

[JoeyBryant]

Well, and that's the difference between me and all those "best" and "professional" escorts out there—I don't go to appointments so I can function for someone. I go to an appointment so I can share myself with someone, and hope that we'll make some sort of connection that involves intimacy on more than one level—and that we'll both have a genuinely good time.

 

 

oooo, he told y'all. Good job Maxwell for the come back.

[maxwellissmart]

oooo, he told y'all. Good job Maxwell for the come back.

 

It's completely unrealistic to expect an escort to be "one-size fits all," for every client and every situation, and I have no problem whatsoever in turning down someone because I don't fit their needs—or they don't fit mine. Like Daddy said: "I know that I'm not everybody's cup of tea; but when I am, I'm a very special cup of tea." That logic goes both ways—and the importance from my end is that I am the one who knows I'm not for everyone and therefore I'm not available for everyone.

[RockHard]

On the subject of fat...

 

There's an elephant in the room.

 

In the Gallery section of this board, you'll find tons of pictures of what many on this board refer to as their fantasy definition of a "hot" man. Well I ask you, how many of those photos include fat men?

 

Is there one fat escort who is "in demand?" One who has become famous because his hotness rating shoots through the roof?

 

Is there one member here who offers an avatar of a naked fat man?

 

How many of you would pay to have sex with Jake Cruise? Would any fat man here hire and pay another equally fat man to get him off?

 

In the gay community, fat lovers are known to be called chubby-chasers. These men exist, and some of them are hot, but I wouldn't count them among the majority. The group may be so small some would call it a fetish. Loving fat is certainly considered a fetish in the porn industry.

 

The bottom line: If fat can't turn you on, if you don't have the brain power to visualize Leo Giamani while you're being smothered in blubber, no escort should be required to "perform" if he knows he is incapable. Being incapable does not make you "half-assed" or indecent.

 

If you are incapable of being sexually turned-on by a fat man, the professional thing to do is to state weight limits in your ad. The larger the number, the broader market reach you will achieve.

 

Maxwell says, "I want to have a mental picture of the person I'm meeting," but pictures arouse suspicion. I don't get that. There is no better "metal picture" than an actual picture. Everyone communicates with pictures today. A profile without a picture is the true suspect.

 

If you want to consider unjustified escort quirks, create a profile online. There are plenty of places on the internet, free and/or membership paid, where you can create a profile and upload photos to say exactly what you want to say. You can even control who sees your profile. Then, when you write an escort, include the link and grant the escort permission to view. No harm done.

 

I'm a firm believer in "no surprise" transactions.