Boardwalk, Johnny's Fort Lauderdale, Swinging Richards & Johnny's Miami In 1 Night

[Jake]

Spent a few days with a friend cruising the South Florida hotspots. It was our first time checking out the new Miami spots. I'd been to Twist, but it wasn't for me. On our last night in town, we hit both Johnny's, B'walk and SR. My usual disclaimers - we generally prefer twinks and muscle twinks. If you like 'em beefy and older, my reviews aren't for you.

Stop 1: Boardwalk: D

Utter disappointment. We started each night at Boardwalk and it's clear Swinging Richards has recruited all the top-tier gym go'ers. Boardwalk never has really had a huge number of 9s and 10s, but it seems like there was always one standout. This trip... not a one. Just a lot of the fossils and uninspired rookies. Just a miserable lineup. Only a couple somewhat-cute guys. 2 for 1 drinks til 9pm though will always make it a pre-game option and keep it from getting the F.

 

Stop 2: Johnny's FTL: B+

Better than previous visits over the past year. A lot of hotties. Biggest standouts are still Nick (the one usually in the ads), a lanky skater boy looking guy with light eyes and fun wavy hair, and "Cowboy", a 21ish kid who has a rock solid body. He sports a cheesy cowboy outfit, but somehow pulls it off. As usual, plenty of skinny and fem twinks... which usually provide entertainment more on the comical than erotic side. Big roster of dancers. The kid who DJs just plain sucks. Barbie Girl shouldn't be on the playlist. And this annoying "dancer meeting" thing they do... seriously, 15 minutes? Just as things were starting to pick up, all the dancers are sent to the side room for a meeting. What could possibly be on the agenda? And why couldn't the meeting happen BEFORE doors open? Duh. It's terribly awkward looking at the walls for 15 minutes. ZERO energy. Ironically while the meeting was happening the "auto-DJ" mode played "Evacuate The Dance Floor."

 

Stop 3: Swinging Richards: A-

If it wasn't for the outrageous price structure, this place would be a solid A+. We've never been to the Atlanta club, but have always heard people rave about it on here. The good thing is it's only about a 20 minute drive south from Johnny's FTL. As soon as you walk in, you realize this is a whole new playing field. Way way way classier than the Fort Lauderdale spots. Great sound, a professional host - not some annoying drag queen who tries to hog the spotlight, a centered stage where 3 dancers of varying types (usually a twink, muscle twink and big muscles dude) perform simultaneously, and comfortable seats and tables. It just simply reminded me of some really nice straight strip clubs, but unfortunately, the amount of $ it takes to have some serious fun is a joke. If this club was somewhere in Alabama, you could justify these rates. But you've got 3 clubs within a half hour drive that are 1/3 the cost for a private experience. Drinks are pricy, but much bigger. Self parking is $3. Just a really nice, super clean upscale vibe. Was weird to walk into a strip club bathroom that is well lit. I don't think I'd want to see most bars' bathrooms well lit, but they keep this place immaculate. As for the dancers, literally all were good looking. Most weren't my type, but they were definitely good looking. Most dancers are gym rats, but there are a few twinks who work out to appease me. It reminded me a bit of Stock in Montreal, but it's just nicer. Was packed by the time we left around midnight. Kind of too packed.

 

Stop 4: Johnny's Miami: B-

Finally got to see the new Johnny's. Here's the easiest way to describe it. There's a Holiday Inn and then there's Holiday Inn Express. There's Best Buy and then some malls have the tiny 400 square foot Best Buy Express. Johnny's Miami is Johnny's Fort Lauderdale Express. About half the dancers, only a few are really hot... small awkward club layout. On the plus side, the private rooms are great - just like Johnny's FTL. Drinks are cheaper. A basic well went for about $5. Why I'll probably visit again at some point... if you go to FTL for more than 2 nights, generally you're going to see all the same dancers if you go again on night 3. So it's nice to have another set of options a half hour away. It was nice to walk in and not know any of the dancers.

[+ glutes]

Well done Jake, thank you!

 

Question: Do all have ear splitting music a la Johnny's FTL??

[Jake]

Well done Jake, thank you!

 

Question: Do all have ear splitting music a la Johnny's FTL??

 

 

Ya know it's not something I usually get too annoyed by. I'm annoyed more by bad music. Especially at Johnny's, they play the goofiest stuff. Straight strip clubs almost all get this right - play music that encourages the mood! I heard Barbie Girl twice this weekend. That's 3 times too many.

 

That said, yeah, I can see how the volume at Johnny's is overbearing. I think it's not as noticeable at SR because the ceiling's much higher. Johnny's Miami was pretty much the same ceiling height and the DJ is the old guy from the FTL location so it's about the same.

 

Boardwalk is softer, but the major annoyance is the guy on the mic who hosts the first few hours of opening til about 9 or 10pm. Several times he let the music run out (ever heard of shuffle dude?) leaving the place dead quiet for a minute while he casually walked to the DJ booth to play something else. He also rambles incessantly to hear his own voice over the speaker. He thinks he's the most interesting man in the world. He's short a Dos Equis or two.

[Irtwo]

I'm not sure what a muscle twink is.

[lerbut23]

I'm not sure what a muscle twink is.

 

It's kind of like a tall midget.

[+ glutes]

I'm not sure what a muscle twink is.

 

 

Justin Bieber after 24 Hour Fitness?

 

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-VZhSxd4g1f0/TqkWhmWM7VI/AAAAAAAAAmQ/AtjL3DYFZvs/s1600/Justin-Bieber-believe.jpeg

[Jake]

I didn't coin the phrase, but oh use your imaginations geniuses.

 

 

http://www.gotgayporn.com/videos/23250/ripped-muscle-twink.html

 

http://www.redtube.com/57534

 

 

Muscle twinks are the personal favorite. Not anorexic. Not beefy. Just niiiiice n' toned!

 

PS Bieber = twink. And there was somewhat of a Bieber lookalike at Johnnys FTL... I'm sure it's not bad for business!

[bigvalboy]

I didn't coin the phrase, but oh use your imaginations geniuses.

 

 

http://www.gotgayporn.com/videos/23250/ripped-muscle-twink.html

 

http://www.redtube.com/57534

 

 

Muscle twinks are the personal favorite. Not anorexic. Not beefy. Just niiiiice n' toned!

 

PS Bieber = twink. And there was somewhat of a Bieber lookalike at Johnnys FTL... I'm sure it's not bad for business!

 

 

Two fine examples Jake...couldn't have done better myself!!!

[Irtwo]

Ok, the pic examples helped, thanks. I didn't know that was a common phrase. Those guys don't appear slim enough nor young enough to be called "twinks", yet they also don't have enough muscles to even be called muscular. So "muscle twink " seems like an odd category. I think Jake's "nice n' toned" phrase would be a lot more apt.

[+ newatthis]

Swinging Richards-Miami & Johnny's Ft. Lauderdale

 

Jake,

 

I must have been in Ft. Lauderdale just after you, at the beginning of this week. This was my first visit to SR, and I would agree 100% with your description of the physical setup. It was by far the classiest of any strip club I have visited. But...and this is a big one...I found the atmosphere completely sterile and unerotic. Too slick, too bright, too managed.

 

The DJ's remarks were totally lame; his patter consisted of repeating, once every 30 seconds, the mantra "the more you tip, the faster they'll take off their clothes."

 

Part of the allure of these clubs for me lies in the possibility of more intimate interaction with the dancers. The outrageous prices for the "hot seat room" (semi-public lap dances) and the private VIP rooms destroyed that fantasy.

 

The problems with Johnny's physical plant are well-known. And yet, when the room is full of twinks and others who are having a good time hanging out, dancing, and playing with the customers, it can't be beat. I was there every night and had a super time. The cramped private booths with their decrepit sofas (Sean promises an upgrade soon) are quickly forgotten when you're back there with a dancer in the mood for some real fun.

 

Tip: one night we got to Johnny's just before 7 (we usually have arrived between 9 and 10) and discovered that there are quite a few dancers at that hour and only a small number of customers, an ideal situation. Try it next time.

[EZEtoGRU]

newatthis,

Were there enough twinks at Richard's to keep you interested? On my recent visit, it seemed to have mostly bigger guys although there were a handful of smaller guys too.

[Jake]

Actually I see your point. Can totally see how the way the club is set up doesn't get one hot n' bothered. Since I knew walking through the door that I wasn't going to get a private dance, it does put a damper on the experience a bit. And boy there's nothing as erotic as putting a tip under a friggin' arm band! lol laaaaaaaame!

 

As for the host, they follow the way most straight strip clubs do it. I guess I just get annoyed by the drag queens singing poorly along with a song at Johnnys... or even more annoying when they have conversations with someone they're standing next to ... on the mic when the conversation has zero to do with anyone else in the bar. They just like to hear themselves. And at Boardwalk, the not-as-witty-as-he-thinks-he-is muscle dude who rambles incessantly about nothing... that stuff just bugs me for some reason.

 

But, to your point, the plugs for private dances ... I see how that can get tiresome too. I just hope they get a little more realistic with their price structure at some point. Otherwise, I am with you... I can't get in a mood if I know I'm not going to have any fun interraction. It's more of a spectator type experience... and for that I can go to any regular club.

[Jake]

newatthis,

Were there enough twinks at Richard's to keep you interested? On my recent visit, it seemed to have mostly bigger guys although there were a handful of smaller guys too.

 

There were about 4 or 5 twinks that night we went... but most had some kind of muscle tone to 'em... so they weren't straight up twinks... but they weren't at all beefy either. But about 70-80% of the dancers were bigger guys.

[+ newatthis]

... And boy there's nothing as erotic as putting a tip under a friggin' arm band! lol laaaaaaaame!

Yeah, forgot to mention that...and the way they hold out their armband while their hand is strategically placed to keep you away from their private parts.

 

...I just get annoyed by the drag queens singing poorly along with a song at Johnnys... or even more annoying when they have conversations with someone they're standing next to ... on the mic when the conversation has zero to do with anyone else in the bar...

I'm with you on that as well. But like I said, you forget it all when a cute muscled twink is ... oops, don't want to give too much away here .

[+ newatthis]

newatthis,

Were there enough twinks at Richard's to keep you interested? On my recent visit, it seemed to have mostly bigger guys although there were a handful of smaller guys too.

The night we were there no twinks were in evidence. But it was a week night with only about 12 dancers (Jake was there on a weekend, I think). That was actually also a little annoying; the songs are short and they cycled through those 12 dancers pretty quickly. They were beautiful to look at, for sure, but in the way that statues are beautiful.

[EZEtoGRU]

Thanks guys. Seems Johnnys in FTL is still the place for Twinks. I'm more into bigger guys but it is good that there are options for all tastes.

 

Seems the big loser so far with the opening of Richards has been Boardwalk. My recent visit to Twist on three weeknights found the place quite busy. Twist has lost 5-6 dancers to Richards, but they have been replaced with equal or better guys....and the client base seems to be stable. Regarding Boardwalk, I feel it has been in a slow decline now for 2-3 years. I don't even bother going there any more. I think on my next visit in 10 days, I will split my time between Richards and Twist.

[Jake]

They were beautiful to look at, for sure, but in the way that statues are beautiful.

 

 

 

SOOOO could have not said this better!!!

 

That's exactly what Swinging Richards is... an art gallery with beautiful statues. Don't touch them unless you want to pay a small fortune! haha

[+ BOZO T CLOWN]

Bozo will be in south Florida this weekend, hopefully accompanied by the 70+ degree NYC weather. Bozo may throw caution to the wind, and head over to Johnny's on Friday for "Thug Nite". If there are any local Floridians or northerners spending time in the sunshine state for spring break, that will attending Thug Nite, come over and introduce yourselves to Bozo.....

 

http://www.johnnysbarfl.com/page.asp?p=shows&showid=228&siteId=20

 

 

 

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_E5tv7Vm0fsY/TMbr1s4_GMI/AAAAAAAAAUM/wTJb6VUYUTo/s1600/bozo.jpg

********BOZO********

[bigvalboy]

BOZO..always enjoy your reports. Very in depth. I am on board with you on the comments on Boardwalk. Seems to really be drying up. Johhny's I have never been a fan of, boys just to small for me. Now SR was really my kind of place, but from the Hotel in Fort Lauderdale, the cab ride was 40 min. How did you get to SR from Johnny's in only 20 min? AND lastly, it does take some serious $ to really have fun in SR.....My first visit, I dropped an obscene about of money...LOL but we did have fun.

[+ glutes]

BTC, you are going there for thug and hip-hop night? And $12 well drinks? Good God!

 

At least tell them to turn the 'music' down to a non-earshattering level. And dump the drag queen 'hostess'...

[Jake]

In town for a couple nights... hit up Johnnys and B'walk last night. Boardwalk is still slumpin'. 2 or 3 decent looking guys and 1 hot guy (he was featured in their ad a few weeks ago... part of the "5 star" lineup)... wavy shoulder length hair. Other than that Boardwalk is still a mess. My cue to leave was when they played a cover version of "Footloose" (can't Kenny Loggins get any love?) followed by, I shit you not, Ghostbusters. Poor dancers have to try to seduce w/ that kind of playlist?! And I'm sure he/she's an institution, but seriously... this old dude who does drag... c'mon. Retire already.

 

Johnny's was jumping. Lots of cute 18-early 20somethings. As always, if you go for the beefy guys, you're outta luck at Johnny's.

[EZEtoGRU]

In town for a couple nights... hit up Johnnys and B'walk last night. Boardwalk is still slumpin'. 2 or 3 decent looking guys and 1 hot guy (he was featured in their ad a few weeks ago... part of the "5 star" lineup)... wavy shoulder length hair. Other than that Boardwalk is still a mess. My cue to leave was when they played a cover version of "Footloose" (can't Kenny Loggins get any love?) followed by, I shit you not, Ghostbusters. Poor dancers have to try to seduce w/ that kind of playlist?! And I'm sure he/she's an institution, but seriously... this old dude who does drag... c'mon. Retire already.

 

Yeah....Boardwalk is really struggling in my view. I don't even bother going anymore and I won't return there till I see a positive report on the forum where someone indicates there were at least 3-4 real hotties there. Based on your report, they only had one hottie the night you went. If they can't pull in the hot guys during the "high season" in Florida, imagine what it will be like come May. Not good.

[Jake]

Tonight was no different. But the Boardwalk visit was much shorter. I did a lap around the bar and went straight for the exit. Johnnys was slow considering it was a Saturday night. Picked up a bit around midnight. Lots of eye candy -- even a couple buff guys (that look totally out of place!) took the stage. $3 beers were a nice perk. A lot of the dancers' boyfriends were in attendance which was kind of annoying.

[ncc1701d]

Any more recent reports on Boardwalk? While Swing Richards sounds great, not sure I feel like paying $140 for a room for 15 min! So updates appreciated?

[paulsf]

They had twins at SR's Friday night. I didnt get any info on them, but I dont think the $140.00 was causing them any problems. They were kept quite busy.