Questions from a first-time poster/first-time client

[Cal28]

This coming weekend I’ll be visiting a major Southern city and have lined up an appointment with a super-hot escort. It will be my first time with an escort, so I was happy to stumble upon this forum yesterday to get some perspective on what is, for me, a brave new world.

 

The timing is right; my partner and I are ending our 15-year relationship that has been, for the last few years, sex-free. And since I haven’t been with anyone else but him in those 15 years, I’m (over)due for a re-awakening.

 

I have two objectives for this encounter: worship and massage. I’m not sure if I want anything else to be on the menu, because I’m definitely not a top and I wouldn’t necessarily describe myself as a bottom… it has never been all that pleasurable. Oral (giving or receiving) does nothing for me. But as long as my two objectives are met, I intend to keep an open mind about anything else. I will not be disappointed if there is no anything else.

 

My interactions with this super-hot escort have been brief: a couple-sentence email exchange followed by a 3-minute phone conversation. He has received terrific reviews on this site and others, including from guys for whom he was their first-time escort, and those reviews contain compliments about his friendliness. That didn’t really come through over the phone… he wasn’t rude by any means but didn’t seem all that interested in finding out what I’m looking for. Then again, I reached out to him more than 7 days in advance which, after reading this forum, I now realize is a no-no. Also, in the haste of our quick conversation, I forgot to mention things I’d like for him to wear (posing trunks and the like… nothing too off the wall).

 

So, guys, here are my questions:

 

1. Do I call him this week to go over all the stuff related to what I’m seeking and what I’m not, or do we work it out once he shows up? I only have an hour, and I don’t want to cut into it too much with preliminaries. I’m not shy about admitting I’m a first-timer, but I want to exude a certain degree of confidence and not come across as a nervous nelly (even though clearly I am!)

2. I do need to make at least one advance call, though, regarding what I want him to wear. Is that a reasonable request? If he doesn’t own those things, hell, I would buy them, but I would need to know that beforehand.

3. Any other pointers?

 

Experienced clients, I welcome your thoughts, too. Thanks so much.

[Diverdan]

Communication is always the key to avoid disappointment. I would call himand share what you would like and what you don't want to do.. Maybe the worst thing is that he would cancel, but it is better to know that ahead of time than to find it when he arrives. Most good escorts can accomodate their clients wishes, especially since you don't seem to have any "way out" desires. Good luck and let us know how it goes, and be sure to write a review.

[jankeedaddy]

ok, I remember my first time with an escort... and I was pretty nervous. He was a well-reviewed professional. You say that you have engaged a well-reviewed professional. My advice is to put yourself into his capable hands and even to send him your posting here. The more that you can give him for information the better off you both will be. But if he is a real professioinal, the you can do "none of the above" show up for the session and help to guide him then, but he will figure it out.

 

I wish you the best, and I do remember my first time.

[Guest JackF]

Most certainly discuss with him before exactly what you are looking for and expecting from him and in your time together. It is always best (IMO) to be as up front as possible, that way no one is disappointed with the outcome. It is far worse to waste your (and his) time communicating and getting together only to find out he isn't into what you are looking for or like to do.

I wouldn't be "weird" or odd, especially for someone that is well-reviewed and has been in the "business" for a while.

[leigh.bess.toad]

I think most of us clients can remember that first time with an escort and I doubt that many of us weren't nervous as hell beforehand, so trust me, you aren't unique there. I would certainly communicate with him, either a phone call or email and let him know that this is your first time, that you are a bit nervous, and what you are looking for. I'd be interested to know if escorts here would rather than info come via phone or email. If he is the well reviewed pro you say he is, it's nothing he hasn't seen or can't handle. I think you probably made a good choice if it is a well-reviewed guy that others mention they have seen for their first time. I like the idea someone had of directing him to this thread, especially if it is a forum member.

 

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[maxwellissmart]

I think most of us clients can remember that first time with an escort and I doubt that many of us weren't nervous as hell beforehand, so trust me, you aren't unique there. I would certainly communicate with him, either a phone call or email and let him know that this is your first time, that you are a bit nervous, and what you are looking for. I'd be interested to know if escorts here would rather than info come via phone or email. If he is the well reviewed pro you say he is, it's nothing he hasn't seen or can't handle. I think you probably made a good choice if it is a well-reviewed guy that others mention they have seen for their first time. I like the idea someone had of directing him to this thread, especially if it is a forum member.

 

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

 

Actually I wouldn't even bother with reiterating the nervous part—if you've said anything whatsoever about this being your first time, he's going to assume it. What I would stress that you do is to be clear in your emails and say something along the lines of: "Hey, I'm really looking forward to spending time with you. I want to start with getting to admire the great body I've seen in all your pics, and getting your hands all over mine! The one request I have is that you wear ______ if you have it!"

 

Make yourself seem friendly and easy-going and easy-to-please and you'll get exactly what you want and then some. If you're clear about the things you definitely want and put the focus on those—you won't waste time with him trying to stick his face in your ass thinking that might please you when that's not what you want at all. Direct him and say something like: "hey, I'd love to start off with massage, and then I want to see your muscles." And if you decide you want more, then you go from there.

[Guest Merlin]

This coming weekend I’ll be visiting a major Southern city and have lined up an appointment with a super-hot escort. It will be my first time with an escort, so I was happy to stumble upon this forum yesterday to get some perspective on what is, for me, a brave new world.

 

The timing is right; my partner and I are ending our 15-year relationship that has been, for the last few years, sex-free. And since I haven’t been with anyone else but him in those 15 years, I’m (over)due for a re-awakening.

 

I have two objectives for this encounter: worship and massage. I’m not sure if I want anything else to be on the menu, because I’m definitely not a top and I wouldn’t necessarily describe myself as a bottom… it has never been all that pleasurable. Oral (giving or receiving) does nothing for me. But as long as my two objectives are met, I intend to keep an open mind about anything else. I will not be disappointed if there is no anything else.

 

My interactions with this super-hot escort have been brief: a couple-sentence email exchange followed by a 3-minute phone conversation. He has received terrific reviews on this site and others, including from guys for whom he was their first-time escort, and those reviews contain compliments about his friendliness. That didn’t really come through over the phone… he wasn’t rude by any means but didn’t seem all that interested in finding out what I’m looking for. Then again, I reached out to him more than 7 days in advance which, after reading this forum, I now realize is a no-no. Also, in the haste of our quick conversation, I forgot to mention things I’d like for him to wear (posing trunks and the like… nothing too off the wall).

 

So, guys, here are my questions:

 

1. Do I call him this week to go over all the stuff related to what I’m seeking and what I’m not, or do we work it out once he shows up? I only have an hour, and I don’t want to cut into it too much with preliminaries. I’m not shy about admitting I’m a first-timer, but I want to exude a certain degree of confidence and not come across as a nervous nelly (even though clearly I am!)

2. I do need to make at least one advance call, though, regarding what I want him to wear. Is that a reasonable request? If he doesn’t own those things, hell, I would buy them, but I would need to know that beforehand.

3. Any other pointers?

 

Experienced clients, I welcome your thoughts, too. Thanks so much.

If you are n

Mostly interested in worship and massage, no need to discus this in advance or what you do not need, assuming he advertises massage. Worship and massage are a minimum he will take for granted. Discuss what you want him to wear. He may not have posing briefs. Will bikini underwear do? By all means confirm the meeting but it does not seem you have much to discuss.

[gcursor]

Welcome to the forum Cal28. Dougnuts and coffee are right over there so help yourself

[Michael Wayne]

don't OVERTHINK and OVERPLAN the encounter. Also realize that very few escorts are really master masseurs. There are massage guys and escorts and the two sometimes align but many times do not. I got my start as a massage therapist so I actually know and understand the therapeutic side of things but for so many escorts the ,"Massage," is just a necessary evil ...aka icebreaker. I would almost suggest to you an actual massage therapist with a current liscense. I say this because of your stated lack of desire for oral and anal. Guys come to leading escorts because we are HOT and our rates reflect that. Most of us are either AMAZING TOPS or World class bottoms. All of us are either phenominal cock suckers or our cocks love to be orally serviced for a long time. Now, with me, I can do body rubs and a happy ending as the client worships my body because that is how I started. Some leading guys (not me!) will actually be offended, upset, insulted if you won't suck their cock or let him fuck you with his dick. We , as escorts, are conditioned to be gods and as gods most of us don't like to be told, "no." Now, my slogan has always been , "I HAVE NO LIMITS BUT I RESPECT YOURS!" That slogan has gotten me hundreds of clients over the years but it does not apply to every or even most escorts. Be careful. I hope you recieve my comments in the spirit in which they were made. Just trying to be helpful. http://www.rentboy.com/mikey9nola1

[maxwellissmart]

don't OVERTHINK and OVERPLAN the encounter. http://www.rentboy.com/mikey9nola1

 

True dat. There are few things more annoying than the phrase: "so tell me everything you plan to do," especially when you've never met.

[+ purplekow]

Remember the Best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.

 

So I find the Best laid plans for this man are no plans at all. Include a wish list to the escort when you contact him and in that list include any items you might want him to wear or bring.

Then, at the door, drop all preconceived notions, knock, take a deep breath and enjoy your time.

 

If everything you want does not happen, believe me, you will get laid again and you will still have them on your to do list along with a long list of things that you did the first time and want to happen again.

 

So in planning on getting laid, the best laid plans often go away.

[Cal28]

Thank you!

 

Wow, thanks a lot for all these fantastic comments. There’s a real spirit of kindness that comes across here, or at least it did with my newbie inquiry. I really appreciate it.

 

Diverdan, I will definitely write a review. I faithfully do so on travel sites for hotels/restaurants, and because I rely on them so extensively while planning my trips, I find that I am often adding a favorable review to the collection that helped me make my decision in the first place. I have a good feeling that that will also be the case with Mr. Super-Hot.

 

Jankeedaddy, I like your suggestion about directing him to this post. I’m going to try to converse with him first, but if it doesn’t seem to be going well, I may just do that.

 

JackF, your comment about it being better to waste his and my time in pre-appointment conversation than have him show up and not connect is what is convincing me to pick up the phone beforehand. Great point.

 

l.b.t., I appreciate the reassuring words. And I’ll bet you escorts remember your first time with a client, and the attendant nerves.

 

Maxwell, I intend to adopt the friendly, upbeat attitude you describe. Easygoing… well… I’ll try! And let me just say that this past weekend, as I was discovering this forum, I particularly enjoyed reading your posts. As someone who finds good writing to be very sexy, when it comes to your sentence composition and turn-of-phrase… man, you’re hot!! ((fanning myself))

 

Merlin, worship and massage definitely appear in his ad, so you're right, I probably don’t need to spend much time reinforcing that. And with my lycra fetish, tighty-whiteys will definitely NOT do!

 

gcursor, that’s very sweet… thank you.

 

Anton, as with Jack and Max, hearing from your perspective is very helpful. You offer a great way for me to bring up the posing trunks issue. He has one photo, in b&w, where it looks like he is kinda-sorta wearing them.

 

Mikey, yes, I’ve been told that I have a tendency to overthink and overplan... how'd you guess?! But once I get the hang of something, I can ease up. I am definitely not looking for a therapeutic massage and will be happy with whatever technique this muscle stud concocts. And if he flips me over, well, OK… I just want it nice and s-l-o-w and e-a-s-y. (I’ve also gotten a kick out of your posts.)

 

purplekow, I’ve definitely developed a fantasy that I want to have played out… otherwise, I wouldn’t want to spend the $$. So I’m not going to completely let go of those plans, but maybe the lesson here is to not have them consume the entire session. Point well taken.

 

Thanks again, guys! I will report back.

[maxwellissmart]

Thanks again, guys! I will report back.

 

Have fun—and do so.

[Steven_Draker]

My interactions with this super-hot escort have been brief: a couple-sentence email exchange followed by a 3-minute phone conversation.

 

Three minutes on the phone sounds fair. Recently I had a 45 min conversation on the phone (that I had to cut short) with someone who wanted to engage my services for an hour. Frankly, I don't need to hear all the details about your life and your family before we actually meet.

 

Good luck with your first encounter, Cal28 and it looks like you do all the right things.

[robberbaron4u]

"You didn't tell me!" In my experience, a "worst case" scenario in a hire. Inform your rentboy as to that which is expected of him in the hire; after all, he is in your employ, and, thereby, you are entitled to write the "job description". "Surprise" requests can make for a disaster of a date, and, frankly, I think such requests to be "unfair" to the rentboy.

[RockHard]

Rock's do's and don'ts

 

1. I would NEVER mention this board or the word "review" to any escort or sensual massage therapist, especially on a first-time visit. NEVER.

 

2. Keep your expectations close to the ground. Don't be surprised or let down if you do not get aroused. Be happy to get beyond the first-time experience. The second time is always so much better.

 

3. One-hour appointments do not receive the most consideration. If you appear demanding in any way, you will be perceived as a needy nelly.

 

4. Many escorts will assume you are a cop, fishing for an arrest. Very few will be eager to provide too much information in any form of communication. The only way to overcome this is to get past the first-time nature of the encounter.

 

I don't live a life that makes it easy to talk on the phone with an escort. I rarely have complete privacy. The only form of privacy I have is at the computer. If the escort accepts email, I can do business.

 

You will have the urge to share more than you need to share when communicating with the escort. Fight the urge. Keep your emails short and to the point. Using Ryan Evans as an example, I might offer something like this:

 

Dear Ryan,

 

I'm writing to confirm our appointment for Feb 6 in Miami. As you know, this is a first time endeavor. I want to share my two preferences for this encounter: worshiping your body and receiving sensual touch. Beyond that, I will arrive with a clean body and an open mind.

 

Do you own (this style of posing trunks)? If not, do you mind if I purchase a pair for you to wear when we are together?

 

If you have any questions or reservations, please let me know. I'm looking forward to our time together.

 

Cal28

(a small photo of yourself, with or without face, can't hurt)

 

Good luck!

[maxwellissmart]

1. I would NEVER mention this board or the word "review" to any escort or sensual massage therapist, especially on a first-time visit. NEVER.

 

2. Keep your expectations close to the ground. Don't be surprised or let down if you do not get aroused. Be happy to get beyond the first-time experience. The second time is always so much better.

 

3. One-hour appointments do not receive the most consideration. If you appear demanding in any way, you will be perceived as a needy nelly.

 

4. Many escorts will assume you are a cop, fishing for an arrest. Very few will be eager to provide too much information in any form of communication. The only way to overcome this is to get past the first-time nature of the encounter.

 

I don't live a life that makes it easy to talk on the phone with an escort. I rarely have complete privacy. The only form of privacy I have is at the computer. If the escort accepts email, I can do business.

 

You will have the urge to share more than you need to share when communicating with the escort. Fight the urge. Keep your emails short and to the point. Using Ryan Evans as an example, I might offer something like this:

 

Dear Ryan,

 

I'm writing to confirm our appointment for Feb 6 in Miami. As you know, this is a first time endeavor. I want to share my two preferences for this encounter: worshiping your body and receiving sensual touch. Beyond that, I will arrive with a clean body and an open mind.

 

Do you own (this style of posing trunks)? If not, do you mind if I purchase a pair for you to wear when we are together?

 

If you have any questions or reservations, please let me know. I'm looking forward to our time together.

 

Cal28

(a small photo of yourself, with or without face, can't hurt)

 

Good luck!

 

From an escort perspective, here's my response to Rock—mostly accurate.

 

2) The first time CAN be great—spectacular even. I've been the first for many clients—we then met again for a second appointment after they had been around the block a couple of times. Sometimes I've remained the best—other times they have found an even better match. I'm glad for them either way.

 

3) I actually highly prefer 1-hour appointments. They aren't nearly as draining or hard to schedule.

 

4) Ding. This depends greatly on WHAT and HOW you conduct yourself via email, text or phone. Want too much info or explicit detail? Red flag.

My logic here is: you're a gay male who has started the paperwork for renting an escort. If you can't figure out what's probably going to happen without being told in exact detail—you're either fishing, or you're a fucking moron. Incorrect or not—I'd rather not take the chance.

 

Rock's email example is great. My own opinion about photos is that they are unnecessary, and including one can make you look suspicious. And an escort who requires one is almost certainly going to try to screw you—or he's going to be a poor match. Hire someone else.

[Steven_Draker]

I actually highly prefer 1-hour appointments. They aren't nearly as draining or hard to schedule.

 

Personally, I prefer 2 or 3-hour appointments. We have more time to establish connection, enjoy each other's company. One hour appointments are sometimes too short to get all things done and nobody wants to feel rushed.

 

Just yesterday I had a 3-hour commitment that turned into 4 hours without me noticing how the time flew by so fast (assuming you enjoy what you do). When someone inquires about 2 hours or more, he gets my attention and chances are that he's not just jerking me off around.

[RockHard]

Secrets of success.

 

From an escort perspective...I actually highly prefer 1-hour appointments

 

Every escort is going to have his own preferences. Wouldn't it be great if we could hear from more escorts? Or find this info in every ad?

 

It's nice to know that some don't mind just an hour. Let's face it, there is a huge market of customers that can only afford one hour, and then there are those who have no desire to "make a connection." But let's not also deny that money talks. The more hours you book, the more attention you get. The math is pretty simple.

 

This is not to suggest there are no guys willing to jump through a few hoops for an hour appointment. It is getting more difficult to find quality and enthusiasm in that arena, though.

 

The first time CAN be great

 

It sure can. You just never know about chemistry. Great is great, when it happens. From a purely psychological perspective, I think it's always best to keep expectations close to the ground for first-time appointments.

 

Want too much info or explicit detail? Red flag.

 

And here lies the elephant in the room. First-timers almost never know how to conduct themselves. They have no idea what to say or what not to say. Getting around the threat and insecurity of an undercover sting is a perplexing issue for all first-time customers.

 

I've been asked by escorts over and over again, "Are you sure you're not a cop?" Then I finally sat on a jury for a drug case and, lo and behold, the undercover cop testifying looked like by brother. I finally got it, and I've learned to live with this obstacle.

 

My own opinion about photos is that they are unnecessary

 

It's true, photos are not necessary. I send them based on personal experience.

 

I once showed up at an escort's door and the first thing he said to me was, "Had I known you'd be good-looking, I would have prepared better." Some escorts say some dumb things, and guess what, I never went back to him. But I never forgot the encounter either.

 

A few years ago, I set up a first-time appointment with a friend's recommendation. When the time and date got confirmed via email, the escort wrote me asking if I had a photo I could send. Seeing a red flag, I wrote back asking if he booked based on physical appearance. He said no. He just "likes to get a sense of who he will buzz into his building."

 

I never think of myself as hot (except when I'm turned-on), and nor would I ever describe myself as hot, which I think is a real turn-off. I know that beauty is always in the eye of the beholder. Nonetheless, I do work hard, and I take care of myself. I don't do blind dates, and I see no reason why someone has to meet with me, blindly. In this day and age of sexting, grindr, craigslist, and Match, it's pretty commonplace to send a photo.

 

I'm very careful to keep my photos small, simple, low-res and watermarked. There's no way my photos will come back to haunt me. It provides one less surprise, and now works in my favor. If I were 400 lbs, I would still send a photo. I want to know that when I show up, the guy I hired will be prepared (in his head) to make me happy.

[maxwellissmart]

Personally, I prefer 2 or 3-hour appointments. We have more time to establish connection, enjoy each other's company. One hour appointments are sometimes too short to get all things done and nobody wants to feel rushed.

 

I guess I should clarify and say my 1-hour appointments are never actually 1 hour. You want to laze around afterwards and stroke me for another half-hour? Be my guest, dude. I'll be like your husband/wife and say "yes, baby" at all the right parts when you tell me about your day at work or your upcoming weekend.

 

That's why I don't like being jerked back to reality by overly-businesslike clients who are done and ready to head back to work. I like the afterglow too, you know.

 

[maxwellissmart]

Getting around the threat and insecurity of an undercover sting is a perplexing issue for all first-time customers.

 

While that is true (and goes both ways), you have to realize that most stings are going to be cookie-cutter in nature and follow the pattern of prior stings, because that's what has been proven to work. There are a few ways to logic which side of the sting fence a potential client is more likely to fall on, based on contact information, demeanor, information traded, appointment timing, location and so forth. Not a perfect system—but as I've always said, I will cancel an appointment at the drop of a hat if someone appears the least bit suspicious. I don't care about the lost money or the potentially bad review.

 

I want to know that when I show up, the guy I hired will be prepared (in his head) to make me happy.

 

Again, I should clarify—I don't ask for pics. I DO ask for a physical description exactly for the above reason. And honestly, I have a weight limit on clients, especially massage clients. If someone is just too big, it's not going to work—whether they want to top me, or whatever. I've tried to be accommodating, and these types of appointments almost always end for me with a sense of a job not well done. I'd rather the client find someone else who can make them happy if I feel I can't.