Anal Sex Help

[gilbert]

For all the years I've been hiring escorts I'm still very inexperienced when it comes to having sex with another guy. I've only engaged in anal sex once and it wasn't a pleasant experience. There was a lot of pain involved, because I wasn't used to it. Also, I've been apprehensive about engaging in anal sex, because I had a friend die of Aids years ago. Recently, I've felt like I've been missing out on something when it comes to sex with a man. Over the years I've been pretty "vanilla" in my sexual activities, and to get true gratification I feel need to step it up a notch. Can someone convince me that anal sex can be completely safe? What precautions should someone take to keep it safe? I'm talkng about GIVING it and TAKING it.

[+ purplekow]

Anal sex is completely safe of AiDS transmission....when you have it with a virgin who has not had a blood transfusion, shared a needle, been born of a mother with HiV, had dental work with bloodied tools, been stuck with a syringe, etc. Failing that, there is some degree of risk with any partner, which maybe decreased by having protected sex and having protected sex with people with low risk of AIDs. That second part is tricky because people lie. So find a virgin or failing that, weigh the risks and benefits and decide to plunge or not.

[robberbaron4u]

"The fumes coming up from the engine made me do it". A rentboy of my acquaintance, a "total top", represented to me that he had anal sex "only once" and that was on a yacht anchored on the intercoastal waterway off West Palm Beach. He "sat on it" unsheathed. Unfortunately, for him, the client was infected with two types of hepatitis and HIV the "client" died the next year from his maladies. Ten years later, the rentboy, too, is positive for hepatits and hiv. Of course, in that period of time he continued to trick, and, he assured his johns that he was "healthy"; indeed, in his physical appearance, he worthy of a Men's Health cover. I suppose, as by his representation to me, that he could be the "one in a million" who contracts a STD disease from having anal sex "once"; nonetheless, the lesson is "be careful out there".

[Guest Merlin]

I think there are only two ways to protect yourself. ALWAYS use a condom. It is not absolutely safe but very few people using "safer" sex are infected. Second, use some care in choosing a top. Again, it is a matter of probabilities rather than certainty, because you cannot rely on what people say. Some suggestions: escorts who bottom or are versatile are more at risk than those who only top; guys who say they are straight tops may not be but they are less likely to bottom; guys on Rentboy who do not at least say they are always safe, probably are not; smaller or thinner dicks are less likely to cause injury than bigger, thicker ones; younger escorts have had less time to make mistakes than older ones.

You can ask of course, but the escort may not know he is infected and may lie to avoid making an irrevocable announcement. I suggest that instead of asking, you tell him by email or otherwise that you will not ask, but would not hire him if you did not believe that he was HIV negative. A negative person will assure you he is not. A positive one may lie, but a conscientious one will ignore the question (a red flag) or make an excuse to cancel.

Some will disagree with these suggestions, but it is a matter of reducing the probabilities and not an absolute science.

[jjkrkwood]

Anal sex is a RISK. Period. You can have "safer" anal sex as opposed to "barebacking" but noone can give you any guarantees. If they do, they LIE. Educate yourself, then make you OWN decision.

 

And if you feel ANAL sex is a MUST for fulfillment when having sex with a guy, think again, and take it from a guy that hasnt had anal sex in over 30 years, and still HAS a satisfying and fulling sex life.

[seeker630]

 

And if you feel ANAL sex is a MUST for fulfillment when having sex with a guy, think again, and take it from a guy that hasnt had anal sex in over 30 years, and still HAS a satisfying and fulling sex life.

 

One size does NOT fit all. It take different things to satisfy different people.

 

As has been noted above, there are certainly things one can do to reduce risks to very low levels.

[jjkrkwood]

One size does NOT fit all. It would be equally (in)valid to tell you that oral sex is not necessary for a 'full and satisfying' sex life.

 

I was NOT endorsing a limited sex life. I am not a cheerleader for ORAL sex. I was merely responding to a comment the OP made about the NEED to feel fulfilled thru having anal sex. You ALL have my blessing to fuck your brains out. ;-)

[Guest Merlin]

Another consideration is this. If you think you will worry a lot until you can take your next test, it may not be worth it.

[+ Archer]

Maybe you're just a top.

[+ Travis69]

Gilbert - When you say you are looking for "true gratification" what exactly are you meaning? If you are just looking to spice up your sex life why not try some light bondage,toys. Ever exchange oral with a guy when either is tied up? It's hot. If anal sex is going to give you a panic attack after every session it's not worth it.

[unsub2O17]

What a thought provoking thread. Thanks Gilbert for starting it. Like you, I am a newbie. But, unlike you, I was convinced that penile/anal sex was the only "real" male/male sex. I have only had 3 male/male experiences, and I have bottomed in two of these. I believe that the risks of STDs can be minimized if you're as safe as you can humanly be. So I was. But my problem is with the actual sensations. To me it felt like a sudden sharp but very transient pain followed by episodic "gas" pains with each thrust. Hardly erotic. What was I missing?? The escort seemed to be having a great time (but that is, after all, what he's supposed to express) and he came immediately after withdrawing each time. I have no way of knowing what he was feeling and if it was really necessary to his complete fulfillment. So, where does that leave me? One member on this thread hasn't had anal sex in 30 years, and he's perfectly satisfied. While I'm not as worried as you are about HIV, etc., I certainly don't need the added risk if there's not exceptional pleasure as a reward. I repeat, what am I missing or is the entire penile/anal "thing" as a magnificent additional experience just as elusive and mythical as simultaneous orgasms??

[jjkrkwood]

What a thought provoking thread. Thanks Gilbert for starting it. Like you, I am a newbie. But, unlike you, I was convinced that penile/anal sex was the only "real" male/male sex. I have only had 3 male/male experiences, and I have bottomed in two of these. I believe that the risks of STDs can be minimized if you're as safe as you can humanly be. So I was. But my problem is with the actual sensations. To me it felt like a sudden sharp but very transient pain followed by episodic "gas" pains with each thrust. Hardly erotic. What was I missing?? The escort seemed to be having a great time (but that is, after all, what he's supposed to express) and he came immediately after withdrawing each time. I have no way of knowing what he was feeling and if it was really necessary to his complete fulfillment. So, where does that leave me? One member on this thread hasn't had anal sex in 30 years, and he's perfectly satisfied. While I'm not as worried as you are about HIV, etc., I certainly don't need the added risk if there's not exceptional pleasure as a reward. I repeat, what am I missing or is the entire penile/anal "thing" as a magnificent additional experience just as elusive and mythical as simultaneous orgasms??

 

 

 

Unsub, thank you for your generous and honest contribution. I am that 30 year veteran you mentioned in your reply, and YES I have a very satisfying sex life without ANAL intercourse. Of course I wouldnt say that if I had never tried it, but I did try, several times in my youth after coming out, and then with various partners in relationships over the subsequent years, and NEVER found it satisfying, rewarding, erotic, or comfortable. I was always worrying about something, my cleanliness (even after making myself squeeky clean), the suction sounds, gas, pain etc, and found that I could never truly enjoy what I was told was an awesome experience. I felt guilty. But once I found my niche and what I truly enjoyed sexually, i never looked back. Only then was I told by many friends and colleagues that with anal sex, you either love it or hate it, theres really no in between. I tend to agree. So I live by the credo "Live and let live". If you like anal, go for it, BUT be SAFE, and if you dont , find what works for you and enjoy it. You only have this one life.

[tom1980]

Like almost every bottom, my first anal experience was less than totally satisfying. Then I tried bottoming with a very patient escort who is a versatile bottom. Because he generally bottoms, he was able to give me some tips. After a few years of experience, I've had some truly amazing bottoming experiences. I've also had some unpleasant experiences. What I've learned is that I only bottom if a guy has good reviews for his top skills and if I am comfortable with him during the session (I never plan to bottom until after I've met the guy in person). I'm not interested in a guy who tries to shove it right in without any foreplay because I've learned I don't like that experience. Other guys do like it. You may try bottoming a few more times and decide it isn't for you. But if you find the right guy who is willing to take the time to make sure you adjust and get comfortable (this usually takes me a couple of minutes even after quite a bit of experience), then it really can be an amazing sexual experience. Also try different positions. Some positions are uncomfortable for me no matter what.

[seeker630]

I was NOT endorsing a limited sex life. I am not a cheerleader for ORAL sex. I was merely responding to a comment the OP made about the NEED to feel fulfilled thru having anal sex. You ALL have my blessing to fuck your brains out. ;-)

 

JJK, I edited my first version of my post because I thought it sounded more confrontational than was my (pre-coffee) intent. But you got in there too fast.

[Keenan]

For all the years I've been hiring escorts I'm still very inexperienced when it comes to having sex with another guy. I've only engaged in anal sex once and it wasn't a pleasant experience. There was a lot of pain involved, because I wasn't used to it. Also, I've been apprehensive about engaging in anal sex, because I had a friend die of Aids years ago. Recently, I've felt like I've been missing out on something when it comes to sex with a man. Over the years I've been pretty "vanilla" in my sexual activities, and to get true gratification I feel need to step it up a notch. Can someone convince me that anal sex can be completely safe? What precautions should someone take to keep it safe? I'm talkng about GIVING it and TAKING it.

 

As an escort who is a bottom my best suggestion is to use a lot of lube and take it slow when first bottoming. Let the top ease into you, I've always found it better that way. Also try different positions and see what works best for you in terms of comfort. In terms of safety always use a condom. Hope these suggestions help.

 

Keenan

[gilbert]

Gilbert - When you say you are looking for "true gratification" what exactly are you meaning? .

 

When I'm with an escort I don't get the same, tremendous, feeling of estasy when I reach orgasm as when I masterbate by myself. I guess I'm having trouble finding the right combination of foreplay and body positions that will help me "spurt" one to high heaven. When I masterbate I fantasize about two hunks wrestling. When with an escort I have tried to get in a position like I'm in a wrestling hold and that helps some, and I have found that escorts with muscular legs and "hot" eyes help. Still, I've never achieved the same intense feeling with an escort as with solo masterbation.

[uwsman2]

When I was first experimenting with sex as a 20-something grad student in the mid-1970s, I found my first attempts at being a bottom in anal sex were excruciating. But I finally found a teacher, really my first lover, who patiently showed me how to enjoy it. A big part of it is mental - being able to relax into it. Another part is just practice, since to enjoy it you have to learn how to relax your sphincter muscle enough to take the initial entry. (Some people recommend practicing with a dildo to help you learn how to do this.) Another part is getting the correct angle, which you learn with practice. I second the suggestion above to use lots of lube. Another suggestion is to clean out your ass before anal sex by douching with warm water. Yet another, which I've found useful, is to initiate anal sex by having your top lie on his back and sit on his cock slowly, so you are in total control of the speed and angle of entry. I'll do this if the top is particularly well hung.

 

But the most important thing is to learn how to relax those muscles in your ass, and it takes getting over the fear. Once you can do that, you may discover that it is one of the most fulfilling experiences you have ever had, literally and figuratively. What I enjoy the most about it is just giving control of my body to a hot man, feeling him enter and really possess me, totally surrendering to him. And I only really get that feeling if he is on top of me, not when I sit on it.

 

It is also true, as said above, different strokes for different folks. Some people just can't enjoy bottoming, no matter what. And it is possible to have very enjoyable and satisfying sex without it, as I have also experienced. It's just that in my own experience, the most satisfying and thrilling sexual experiences have involved giving my ass up to a hot man.

[gilbert]

Thanks for the great threads and advice! I was surprised at the words of caution quite a few of you gave me. I thought I'd have more guys telling me to jump right in there, but be safe about it. It was also interesting to hear that some of you have great sex without anal. I am SOOOO glad I brought this subject up. You hear so many guys talk about the anal sex, and apparently, the good time they are having engaging in it, I just figured that must have been what I was missing in my sexual encounters. I guess I'll continue to search for the best way for me to masterbate with the help of an escort, and hopefully secure the services of guys who are patient and experienced in satisfying thier clients.

[+ Travis69]

When I'm with an escort I don't get the same, tremendous, feeling of estasy when I reach orgasm as when I masterbate by myself. I guess I'm having trouble finding the right combination of foreplay and body positions that will help me "spurt" one to high heaven. When I masterbate I fantasize about two hunks wrestling. When with an escort I have tried to get in a position like I'm in a wrestling hold and that helps some, and I have found that escorts with muscular legs and "hot" eyes help. Still, I've never achieved the same intense feeling with an escort as with solo masterbation.

 

I experience the exact same thing. Solo masterbation is much more rewarding in regard to orgasm than with another person. I find myself too concerned about the others pleasure and can't concentrate on mine. Has nothing to do with anal sex. It's all in our minds and the inability to let go and fully enjoy the situation.

[Phil_musc]

Yes, I agree with gilbert and travis on this one - anal sex is great, but the totally overwhelming, spurting everywhere, devil-may-care, noisy orgasm that comes with solo efforts is not to be missed. And Travis, I think your analysis of it is accurate - and then too you don't have to look your best! I wish I could control my mind better and let go and just enjoy the situation. Sometimes, yes, but not routinely.

[orbital sander]

I Imagine that sex with someone that you have an longer emotional attachment to could also tend to produce more intense results. Since the ultimate attachment we have is with ourselves, then it makes perfect sense.

[leigh.bess.toad]

Gilbert -- I think you've gotten some great advice and thanks for this interesting thread.

 

Is anal sex the be all and end all for gay sex? It really depends on the person. For some yes, for some no. And there certainly is no right or wrong answer. For me I certainly consider it very important but that's just me.

 

I'm primarily a bottom and it has taken a bit of practice to learn how to enjoy it even more than I did initially. First, for me it was practice. The suggestion of using dildos (or butt plugs or vibrators) is a good one. Preferably in different sizes. Start small and work your way up. And whatever you do, use plenty of lube. Good lube. For me it is silicone based because it is much longer-lasting than water-based lubes. But try different lubes to see what works best for you.

 

Practice also trying to control your ass muscles. Kegel exercises can help (for some ideas, see http://kegelexercisesformen.com/kegel_exercises_for_men.html). Not only will be better able to relax but it will also be able to control your muscles and enhance your partner's experience.

 

But most importantly it is your partner. You need to find an experienced AND PATIENT top who will help you learn and experience it. If one position doesn't feel great, tell him and change. Maybe being on your back is great, maybe not. Same with your stomach, or your side. Take it slow and easy at first until you get used to the sensation. This isn't a race.

 

Also make sure you have thoroughly prepped. Having to worry if you are clean (or if you're not having extra contents in your ass) can make it less enjoyable.

 

But most important, you need to decide if it is something that you really want to try. Don't force it because someone tells you that anal sex is the only real sex. It isn't. Doing something because everyone else is, or says you should, was a dumb reason to do something when we were kids. It's no smarter now. If you think you'd never get past the fear of STDs or any pain you make think you are having, don't force it. That certainly would make it even less enjoyable.

 

Whatever you decide is the right decision for you. If sex isn't fun and enjoyable, however you define sex, what's the purpose at all? I remember my last time with my go-to guy. He had been fucking me for quite a while and one of us said something that we both thought was funny and we cracked up laughing. We stopped (it's hard to fuck while convulsing with laughter), took a breather, cuddled for a bit and then started again. It doesn't have to be a non-stop marathon fuck-fest. Don't judge things on how it looks in porn. And also remember, if you make a decision today or next month either for or against anal sex doesn't mean you can't change your mind later.

 

Thanks again for the thought provoking question. Good luck with whatever you decide and if you have other questions, please come back and ask.

[seeker630]

Gilbert -- I think you've gotten some great advice and thanks for this interesting thread.

 

Is anal sex the be all and end all for gay sex? It really depends on the person. For some yes, for some no. And there certainly is no right or wrong answer. For me I certainly consider it very important but that's just me.

 

I'm primarily a bottom and it has taken a bit of practice to learn how to enjoy it even more than I did initially. First, for me it was practice. The suggestion of using dildos (or butt plugs or vibrators) is a good one. Preferably in different sizes. Start small and work your way up. And whatever you do, use plenty of lube. Good lube. For me it is silicone based because it is much longer-lasting than water-based lubes. But try different lubes to see what works best for you.

 

Practice also trying to control your ass muscles. Kegel exercises can help (for some ideas, see http://kegelexercisesformen.com/kegel_exercises_for_men.html). Not only will be better able to relax but it will also be able to control your muscles and enhance your partner's experience.

 

But most importantly it is your partner. You need to find an experienced AND PATIENT top who will help you learn and experience it. If one position doesn't feel great, tell him and change. Maybe being on your back is great, maybe not. Same with your stomach, or your side. Take it slow and easy at first until you get used to the sensation. This isn't a race.

 

Also make sure you have thoroughly prepped. Having to worry if you are clean (or if you're not having extra contents in your ass) can make it less enjoyable.

 

But most important, you need to decide if it is something that you really want to try. Don't force it because someone tells you that anal sex is the only real sex. It isn't. Doing something because everyone else is, or says you should, was a dumb reason to do something when we were kids. It's no smarter now. If you think you'd never get past the fear of STDs or any pain you make think you are having, don't force it. That certainly would make it even less enjoyable.

 

Whatever you decide is the right decision for you. If sex isn't fun and enjoyable, however you define sex, what's the purpose at all? I remember my last time with my go-to guy. He had been fucking me for quite a while and one of us said something that we both thought was funny and we cracked up laughing. We stopped (it's hard to fuck while convulsing with laughter), took a breather, cuddled for a bit and then started again. It doesn't have to be a non-stop marathon fuck-fest. Don't judge things on how it looks in porn. And also remember, if you make a decision today or next month either for or against anal sex doesn't mean you can't change your mind later.

 

Thanks again for the thought provoking question. Good luck with whatever you decide and if you have other questions, please come back and ask.

 

Nice summation, LBT.

[unsub2O17]

Again the forums rock! I thought that I was the only one in the world who had more vivid fantasies and intenser orgasms alone!

[leigh.bess.toad]

Again the forums rock! I thought that I was the only one in the world who had more vivid fantasies and intenser orgasms alone!

 

And before I joined the forum, I was convinced I was the only gay married man in America. This place certainly shattered that thought very quickly. I would bet that for any thought that someone has, there are others who have the same thought.