A question

[maxwellissmart]

The situation: You've seen a client once or twice. He's pleasant enough, and you would see him again. He stops calling for about 6 months, then contacts you again, and you set up an appointment. He informs you that he's recently become sober, and you congratulate him. He seems happy, and contacts you another time. He's still sober and seems to be making progress. You're happy for him. One night he texts you, says he's drunk and would like you to come over. You can't, but you wouldn't really want to anyway. He gets kind of belligerent, and seems put off, and you know it's most likely the liquor talking.

 

The question: If this client contacts you again, would you see him or would you be "busy" from now on? I understand people are human and therefore fallible, but I don't want to get caught up in someone else's personal problems—and I don't want to be the "go-to" person he has a tendency to call on if and when he's drunk (or worse).

 

Am I being cold/uncaring, or would you react the same?

[robberbaron4u]

"Escorting" is a business,a vocation not an avocation; if you are not licensed as a social worker, move on. . .

[josephga]

I think it's smart not taking him while he was drunk. I wouldn't take a massage client that's intoxicated or on drugs either. But if he contacted you again for a session and was sober Id see no reason not too. Also I agree you are not a social worker, or his shrink. His only business with you should be in the bedroom.

[+ Travis69]

Have you been with him in the past when he was under the influence and if so how bad was it for you? Some people can handle their liquor, while others can't. My concern with "drunks" is them falling on me or hurting me in some way. Wouldn't be good for your business if you had a black eye or broken arm. As far as his personal problems does he try to involve you or make you responsible for his sobriety or just want you for a good time?

[+ Charlie]

I used to have a colleague who would call us when he had been drinking, and would ramble on and on. One night I finally just laid the phone down and went to do something else. When I picked up the phone a little later, I got a dial tone; he had hung up. He never mentioned that incident, and we have remained friendly for forty years since then, but he never again called us when he was drinking.

 

You're right: you don't want to be his go-to guy when he is drunk, so don't do anything to encourage it.

[+ Travis69]

Years ago a masseur that I knew had a client come in for a massage. Price of massage was $65.00. Client was fairly drunk. After a few minutes the client asked if the masseur would provide head for a few extra bucks. Masseur said yes. Client asked for his pants that were on a chair nearby and pulled out some currency and gave it to the masseur. Masseur provided head for a few minutes and stopped. Client asked for a few more minutes and wanted his pants again to give the masseur some more money. Masseur even said more money wasn't needed but the client insisted. Masseur wasn't really looking at the denomination of the bills. This went on for about 30 minutes with more head and more pulling money from the pants. Masseur was just tossing the bills on the table next to the massage table. Finally the client achived his orgasm and left. Masseur went to count the money. $592.00 for a one hour massage. Some times it pays to see the people under the influence!! PS. Client came back the next night and spent $350.00. Same ritual.

[instudiocity]

you are not licensed as a social worker, move on. . .

amen!

[justaguy]

Max, I think you've answered your own question. If you don't want to get caught up in his personal problems, and it sounds as if that's what is happening, you need to step away.

[jjkrkwood]

I guess it would really depend on your finances and how badly you needed the money. Otherwise, the guy seems to have too much baggage and noone would fault you for giving him the brush. But then, noone would fault you for seeing him either. The decision is Totally yours....

[SteveEscort]

For 3 years I used to see a married guy who always wanted an appointment at 1am after his wife was in bed. He only lives a few streets away from me and would sneek out and walk over. He was always drunk but he was harmless, he just needed a drink to keep his head sane.

 

Last November he asked if I would see him overnight at a hotel in Durham, I agreed and he told his wife he was going away for the night at a conference. He made an appointment to see me a fortnight earlier and asked during the appointment if I could reserve the hotel on my card and he would pay cash at the hotel on arrival. I agreed because I'd been seeing him for a long time. He text me constantly for the next two weeks and asked if I would buy some wine at the supermarket to drink in the room. I did everything he asked.

 

On the day I had turned down a 1 hour outcall to see a regular in Northumberland for that evening because I had this guaranteed overnight. At 4pm he text me and said "Sorry mate, deal is off, I don't think I can do this tonight, I like to have a drink first to pluck up courage and I can't do that and drive to the hotel". So the overnight was off and I got landed with a £72 charge on my debit card for the room because we didn't show.

 

Needless to say, I am not seeing him anymore even thought he has asked repeatedly to come over and start afresh. The wine wasn't wasted but £72 of my money was, for a client that was always hard work.

[maxwellissmart]

Some observations/thoughts about comments:

 

I agree with just about everything that has been said—of course, it all depends on the circumstance.

 

1) I wouldn't mind taking his money—and if he wanted to throw it at me, fine. I've had a client who hired me and another escort before, and the two of them got coked out of their gourds. He gave me $800 for an hour, mostly because of the other escort's urging. This isn't that kind of situation here, unfortunately.

 

2) My days of being Captain Escort, LCSW are far behind me—but I do talk to my clients and this particular one opened up to me about his problem because he was proud of having achieved sobriety and wanted to know if things appeared different. (answer: not really, but he did seem happier). We have met several times again, and he made sure to update me about his situation. I think he now looks at me as someone with whom he can discuss this issue openly, which is why I feel the need to back away when I get drunk-dialing from him, especially when it's messages of the "I knew you wouldn't be able to help me out tonight, why did I even BOTHER" variety. I don't want him to channel any negative feelings towards me, or later pull the whole "I'm-sorry-let-me-make-it-up-to-you" routine." In fact, if he's going to drink, I don't want him to think of me AT ALL.

 

3) I would see the £72 man again, Steve, make him pay upfront for the session and with money in hand—walk to the door and say: "Awesome, we've settled up for last time. Let me know when you want to get together again. Oh, now? Well let's go to the ATM."

 

I appreciate the feedback. The guy was nice and I would continue to see him but I think it's got the potential to blow up in my face, and I'd rather play safe than have to do damage control with my neighbors or landlord. At the very least I'll wait several months and maybe he'll get some control over his own life back.

[maxwellissmart]

Hey Steve,

 

 

 

I'm terribly sorry that this happened to you. I'd almost write that it happens to all of us, but it hasn't happened to me for a simple reason. I always want expenses to be paid by the client in advance.

 

I hope you don't mind a curious question. Am I right that it's you who doesn't want to see him again?

 

If he really regrets what happened, he can easily slide the £72 through your mailbox. Or even better, as he lives just a few streets away, he could have done so before the apointment! I know, you don't want to make things too difficult, but after all, if a client doesn't want to pay the hotel in advance, then does he really want the appointment?

 

Btw, if he hadn't lived a few streets away, even then there are ways that a client pays the escort for expenses in advance, even in a discreet way. I once asked a client to top-up the balance of my prepaid phone. He bought a few recharge vouchers, sent the details by mail, and I topped up my phone.

 

In the U.S. you can buy these gift cards. The client buys one, sends the details by email, the escort registers it online, and he can use the balance for online purchases. When the two meet the actual card can be given to the escort and it can be used anywhere.

 

I'd say: give it a thought to see this as a business. If he pays you for the hotel, plus for the appointmnent you missed, then the "damage" has been compensated and I'd start to see him again.

 

I know, it still feels bad, but if you manage to see this as a business, that feeling gets lots less.

 

Well, in my case it did.

 

I hope this helps.

 

Best, Anton.

 

Anton is the escort who came up with one of my favorite phrases of all time in the Escort Lexicon: "butt-rinse." It sounds like something a Breck Girl from the Seventies would use to feel fresh. I try to use it in conversation daily, Anton.

 

[Steven_Draker]

I think it really depends on whether this client was treating you nicely when he was inebriated.

 

Some people can handle alcohol others, while others cannot.

[SteveEscort]

It was me to decided to stop seeing him. He was ok but it was always 1am when I was nicely tucked up in bed and he's not just a regular appointment, he wants fisted.

 

Yes he could have put it through the letterbox but he didn't and it took him 4 weeks to apologise. There was plenty of time to make amends and so now I just ignore him. I know it's like cutting my nose of to spite my face but he was just an arsehole

[Guest JackF]

Maxwell - I've had this situation myself, although not exactly the same, but very similar. My client would always be intoxicated when we were together, from the first day we met until "after he completed an AA program". I tried to deal with it in a variety of ways, including the encouragement to seek help with the issue(s). He was also extremely cheap and would always try to pull some lame excuse or a bad reason for why he couldn't pay the full fee, would pay me later, or wanted a discount. Needless to say, he was always used as a "filler" when I was out of town or needed something that he could help with.

If you want to PM me, I'd be happy to share more information regarding this.....it almost sounds the same as the guy I saw for a while, but the chances are very slim haha. GL.