A Physical or Psychological Need ?

jjkrkwood · July 29, 2011

In reading thru the posts of you gentlemen that hire, the question that comes to mind is whether you hire for a physical or psychological need? For me, its very obvious, I am horny, I view pics of the escorts, I get more horny, I give in and hire one solely to get my rocks off. I rarely hire for more than an hour session, simply because finances wont allow for it. So for me its a purely animalistic encounter. I am sure if I dug deeper I would see some deep seeded psycholigcal reason that I choose to hire as opposed to just hanging out at a bar or sex club. On the surfcae, I am getting WHAT I want, WHEN I want it. However, i read posts of guys that read more like romance novels of their experiences with hires. I think those encounters can be described as more "Boyfriend" experiences, where you go out to dinner, sit and talk, do fun things without a bed involved, etc. Often the encounter doesnt even involve sex, yet the client is spending alot of buck to have the experience. To me, this isnt a physical need, but a more psycholigical one, whether it be lonliness, the need for companionship, the need to show off to others, experimentation, whatever. These needs are often as compelling or more so than the physical need. Can this get addictive or even mis-guided? Are you tricking yourself into thinking that you are "LOVED", and can this be harmful to your psyche? I suppose if you are controlled and keep things in perspective its not harmful, but was just wondering what your motivation is behind the hire ????

July 29, 2011

Pretty physical for me. Usually what sets me off is interacting with a cute guy in my regular day to day life. Sometimes this gets me a bit hot & bothered so I hit the sites looking for a guy to scratch the itch.

gcursor · July 29, 2011

This was a good thread JJ...I do it because I'm extremely painfully shy. i never make eye contact with people and never strike up conversations. thus I learned quite some time ago that the only way that I'll be able to get "hot" guys to talk to me for any period of time is by getting an escort. The sex is good too but for me it's more about being able to be myself around somebody for several hours (i.e. being funny, laughing, or whatever else) and not have to worry about them going "Hey..I just remembered this major life-changing event (i.e. washing their hair) that I've gotta get done in 15 minutes so I gotta cut this short! Sorry!! I'll call you..PROMISE! BYE!!!!"

p.s. I've sometimes thought that I would pick up some tips for flirting from the people I hire or something like that but it never gets to that subject. maybe little homework assignments when I'm going out to dinner with an escort and them saying, "Okay..i want you to pick out anybody who's at the bar and go up to them and ask them how they are" or something easier.

+ *purplekow* · July 29, 2011

I enjoy the physical aspects of things. I have never hired an escort without there being the intent of physical contact. As for spending time with the escort, I do enjoy going to dinner and conversing and playing little games which I probably would not do with a friend or lover. Then usually back to the sack.

seeker630 · July 29, 2011

For me, it's probably 70% for the sex, 30% for the companionship.

I'm not sure that I agree with your physical vs psychological dichotomy tho. And I would point out that people can become addicted to sex, too.

Addendum: I only hire for 1-2 hours, but the reasons are probably more financial than otherwise.

Decatur Guy · July 29, 2011

Good question. For me, it's mostly a physical thing and a practicality thing. I have a couple of FB's I like to play with but they:

A) Work and travel a lot and often aren't available.

B) Are pretty vanilla. GREAT at vanilla, but won't try "new" flavors.

Also, I'm busy myself and it's a pain to cultivate new FBs. So I started hiring. I tend to hire escorts who top and lean toward dominance. It's very easy to find guys to suck me in Atlanta and not that hard to find guys to fuck. But guys who can throw a good fuck for a long time ... safely ... it's not so easy, at least at my age. Seems like if you're older than 30 -- and I'm way past 30 -- no one wants you for that.

Hence, that's why I hire. I've found escorts willing to engage safely in threeways and other things yet remain safe and sane and understand boundaries.

The fact that I've come to find a couple of them who are just nice guys in general (out of bed) is a bonus. But I have yet to hire for a "boyfriend" experience. You never know what the future holds, but for now, I can't imagine paying for several hours, and going to a movie, etc.

jawjateck · July 29, 2011

For me, it's all lust, without having to deal with the baggage of a relationship. Total win-win as I see it!

+ *glutes* · July 30, 2011

In reading thru the posts of you gentlemen that hire, the question that comes to mind is whether you hire for a physical or psychological need??

Physical or psychological... how about sexual? As in Sexual Healing (thank you Marvin Gaye)

And when I get this feeling

I need sexual healing

Ohh, when I get this feeling

I need sexual healing

I gotta have sexual healing, darling

'Cos I'm all alone

And I need sexual healing, darling

Till you come back home

Please don't procrastinate

It's not good to masturbate

Epigonos · July 30, 2011

Great question jj. Unlike you I never hire for one hour. I prefer lunch or dinner and then a couple of hours of play time. I use rentboy as a menu. If I like what I see there I check here for positive reviews. I am a total body fascist and a slut. I respond physically to guys who have bodies somewhere between gymnasts and bodybuilders. Lunch or dinner together allows me time to admire the dressed body of the guy I’m going to strip down and play with later. I’m not, under any circumstances, looking for a boyfriend. Over time I have developed friendships with two or three escorts but that could never have happened if they hadn’t, initially, had the type of bodies that gave me a raging hardon.

doitb4ugo · July 30, 2011

Having been sexually repressed most of my life, hiring for me is an emotional need more than a sexual one. Things I remember most from a lot of my sessions are: a touch of someone's hand, the feeling of a body on mine, some BDSM activities which for me form a connection with my partner instead of stimulating me sexually....Admittedly, I could be all wrong. I have been trying to work these things out for some time and always seem at a loss to understand....But I know if no sexual activities took place other than touching and foreplay, I would be emotionally satisfied.

jjkrkwood · July 30, 2011

This was a good thread JJ...I do it because I'm extremely painfully shy. i never make eye contact with people and never strike up conversations. thus I learned quite some time ago that the only way that I'll be able to get "hot" guys to talk to me for any period of time is by getting an escort. The sex is good too but for me it's more about being able to be myself around somebody for several hours (i.e. being funny, laughing, or whatever else) and not have to worry about them going "Hey..I just remembered this major life-changing event (i.e. washing their hair) that I've gotta get done in 15 minutes so I gotta cut this short! Sorry!! I'll call you..PROMISE! BYE!!!!"

p.s. I've sometimes thought that I would pick up some tips for flirting from the people I hire or something like that but it never gets to that subject. maybe little homework assignments when I'm going out to dinner with an escort and them saying, "Okay..i want you to pick out anybody who's at the bar and go up to them and ask them how they are" or something easier.

Gee GC, I respect your candor here and thanks for that insightful and personal reply. Hang out with me for awhile and Ill teach you to come out of your shell and meet people. And then you can bank that extra money youll save on escorts for your retirement.

Bob · July 30, 2011

This is an interesting question. For me I'm sure it's about 95% physical. I don't know how my sex drive compares to other men but I need to find release on a VERY regular basis. Of course masturbation is the simplest and quickest way but one cannot live on masturbation alone. When I was younger and very busy I resorted to it so often (as in once or twice a day) I worried that I was becoming addicted. From time to time I would try abstinence and become so edgy I could barely function. I was also constantly on the hunt a partner to provide a quick blow. Now that I'm on the downward slope it's not so easy to find partners so escorts are a great option. Fortunately I now have the time and the resources to find such satisfaction.

+ *sam.fitzpatrick* · July 30, 2011

For me it is a 50/50 thing. When I hire an escort, it is usually an overnight or extended stay. During these times the sexual needs are highly important. However, there is also an emotional need filled by waking up next to someone in bed knowing that I have someone to share that day.

When I get a massage (therapeutic or sensual,) the physical contact satisfies an emotional need for a personal connection that co-workers and friends do not satisfy.

gcursor · July 30, 2011

retirement? me?

not to be grim JJ but what makes you think I'll make it to retirement? First, we have to hurdle the debt crisis. THEN we have the 2012 Mayan prophecy to deal with. THEN we will have the almost certain collapse of social security all before I make it to retirement.

Gee GC, I respect your candor here and thanks for that insightful and personal reply. Hang out with me for awhile and Ill teach you to come out of your shell and meet people. And then you can bank that extra money youll save on escorts for your retirement.

jjkrkwood · July 30, 2011

not to be grim JJ but what makes you think I'll make it to retirement? First, we have to hurdle the debt crisis. THEN we have the 2012 Mayan prophecy to deal with. THEN we will have the almost certain collapse of social security all before I make it to retirement.

Optimism will get you there GC...... Did I ever steer you Wrong ? (wink)

July 30, 2011

I hire for the t-shirt that follows the session.

jjkrkwood · July 30, 2011

I hire for the t-shirt that follows the session.

So How many street vendors have actually hired you ???? You must have SOME collection by now !

July 30, 2011

So How many street vendors have actually hired you ???? You must have SOME collection by now !

I was attempting to be sarcastic based upon a different thread in the lounge where the Ross and Munroe brothers were considering giving-away parting souvenir gifts after the big bang.

I've never hired a street vendor before - but I do recall a few I've assisted during Certain street festivals in the past!

uwsman2 · July 31, 2011

This is a very difficult question. Part of it is because I have an HIV+ husband who long ago lost his sex drive - a startling side effect of all that medication that is keeping him reasonably healthy - and so hiring is how I have sex, other than lots of jerking off. But part of it also is just getting to treat myself to the kind of guys I would be much too shy to approach in a social situation and try to seduce. So I guess there is that psychological part of it.

I figured out long ago that getting really royally fucked by a hot guy puts me in a mood of total enjoyment that is unmatched by anything else, being totally in control of a strong man, penetrated by him, absorbing his power... It's a physical thing, but also a very psychological thing. In my day job I am a control freak and I have power over lots of people, so there is something psychologically relieving and thrilling to surrender myself totally to somebody else's control. That probably also explains my occasional dabbling as an S&M bottom, although I haven't gotten extremely deep into that. But giving up that extra degree of control by being tied up and blind-folded and having a hot guy playing with my helpless, restrained body also seems to fill that need.

And I find that this is most easily fulfilled, every now and then, by hiring an escort.

Phil_musc · July 31, 2011

This is a pretty good and thought provoking thread so let me begin my response by saying that I have never received any kind of survival t-shirt. For those of you who have - please PM with the names, dates, etc ; my wardrobe has been getting a little sketchy lately and I feel the need for some new threads and I'm always into commemorating important life cycle events such as hiring an escort would be.

Seriously though, (but here again I would echo what another poster has said about not being able to live on masturbation alone - it's like bread that way. . .) it can't be merely physical because I can still talk some guys into doing things with me - sometimes I don't even have to talk them into it - those are the good ones. But I have always lacked the necessary self confidence and chutzpah to approach people. At least with an escort I can have the fantasy of having the unattainable for a few minutes. But I've never been interested in the dating thing with an escort. I have friends who I can eat with, do stuff with etc. There is no ego gratification for me by being out with an escort - I figure people - if they notice at all, which isn't likely - will assume that the glorious male animal with the old troll is in it for the money and I'm just not ready to be that old troll yet. I better stop now - don't want to get too morose.

jjkrkwood · July 31, 2011

This is a pretty good and thought provoking thread so let me begin my response by saying that I have never received any kind of survival t-shirt. For those of you who have - please PM with the names, dates, etc ; my wardrobe has been getting a little sketchy lately and I feel the need for some new threads and I'm always into commemorating important life cycle events such as hiring an escort would be.

Seriously though, (but here again I would echo what another poster has said about not being able to live on masturbation alone - it's like bread that way. . .) it can't be merely physical because I can still talk some guys into doing things with me - sometimes I don't even have to talk them into it - those are the good ones. But I have always lacked the necessary self confidence and chutzpah to approach people. At least with an escort I can have the fantasy of having the unattainable for a few minutes. But I've never been interested in the dating thing with an escort. I have friends who I can eat with, do stuff with etc. There is no ego gratification for me by being out with an escort - I figure people - if they notice at all, which isn't likely - will assume that the glorious male animal with the old troll is in it for the money and I'm just not ready to be that old troll yet. I better stop now - don't want to get too morose.

Reading thru the posts there seems to be a common thread for guys hiring escorts: lack of confidence to go cruising for guys. I totally understand this, I was one of those guys too. But I learned quickly that working on my self-confidence, and taking chances could save me alot of money. Although I do go to sex clubs and other venues where sex is available, (gay movie houses, bookstores) I realize that this scene is not everyones forte, and these venues might not even be available where you live (I am in NYC). As I now do pretty well when I go man hunting, the sexual need for me is not as urgent, and I save the hiring for "special occassions" when I want to treat myself to a really BIG gift. (60th B-day cumming up and am saving up for Eddie in NYC).....Thank guys for all the great and personal contributions here.

Gar1eth · July 31, 2011

This is an interesting question. For me I'm sure it's about 95% physical. I don't know how my sex drive compares to other men but I need to find release on a VERY regular basis. Of course masturbation is the simplest and quickest way but one cannot live on masturbation alone. When I was younger and very busy I resorted to it so often (as in once or twice a day) I worried that I was becoming addicted. From time to time I would try abstinence and become so edgy I could barely function. I was also constantly on the hunt a partner to provide a quick blow. Now that I'm on the downward slope it's not so easy to find partners so escorts are a great option. Fortunately I now have the time and the resources to find such satisfaction.

That is so incredible to me because while I can really horny after looking at the escort sites and can become frustrated if I can't find anyone to hire, I don't think I have ever really become edgy in what passes for my normal life from not having sex not even when I was younger. Now I will admit-- from about the age of 16 to 45 a large percentage of the days I did masturbate daily, but I don't remember feeling edgy if I didn't-- I just liked how it felt. I'm 50 now and even with testosterone supplements my sex drive ain't what it used to be. But I have a friend in his 60's who tells me he still gets irritable if he doesn't masturbate daily.

As for the original subject of this thread, I'm one of those who prefers the emotional experience because I'm a solitary person ( not by choice-- circumstances seem to force this on me) but sex has to be part of the package. I wouldn't be satisfied at all with flirtation without sex.

Gman

Phil_musc · July 31, 2011

I understand, jj. I'm glad I live in a city where such places exist also. My situation is similar to yours. I've been working on my confidence too, and damn if it hasn't paid off!

+ *Tygerscent* · August 1, 2011

While I think of my own reasons for Escorting and while I think of my Clients reasons for hiring... I often take your question and put it in the Escort court~ Why they Escort... just for cash or also for emotional or physical or whatever~ Not just a gay thing... but the industry as a whole str8t or gay~

For me it's a sense of Family, partnership, commaradary, companionship on all levels... emotional, spiritual, physical, friendship and family levels~ the goal being to make all levels HOT and memorable with our own personal signature signed from what we shared that is unique to each encounter and experience... It's never the same but I strive for the mutual uniqueness of each encounter together with my Client and find that completely fulfilling~ Passion with compassion with intensity~! Living Life to the fullest together as we may~

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Escorting/Companion/Courtesanship/ Geisha is not about the Escort. It's about the person you are Escorting/Companion to/Courtesan with/Geisha for~

It's important to find the quiet place within yourself, where you remove your own noise and are not heard, where you put your "self" aside in order to leave and make all provisional room for others to be, through Love, for them to speak, be heard, be the louder noise to be completed and understood above all… where you as Escort/Geisha are not the point and the other person is completely the point and goal and expression~~~ and heard, felt, loved and becoming~

To love without personal gain can be the most significant expression of self acceptance and giving human gift possible given our human nature. Strive for the Will to Love~

Love is not some place you come from. It's something you are through the acceptance of Life and living it and giving back to those learning how.

Desire is easy to suffice and satiate~ Need is the more important then satisfaction. Strive to understand how desires can suffice need and strive for that~ What you need will bring you more then what you desire unless your desires suffice your needs~

If humankind can not understand and utilize technology to necessary needs provision, what is the point of technology?

A flower is just a flower until it comes into the reality of another thing where it is then consumed, cherished or simply ignored to be what it is~

All things are like this~ and in all forms accepted as one purpose or another according to the understanding of the two.

You can't retire from who you truly are~ Find awareness of who and what you are to become that and either change it or be it or become more~ Each person is their own legacy of history provided~

Life is the profound influence not any particular person or words~. .. but becoming aware of the profound nature of life is the blessing that we can acquire and pass along. Human authors are unimportant~ Wisdom is what matters... not who happened to say or write it~

We are plagued by the distraction of intellect and the arrogant thinking that we are above Life beyond the Human experience.

Human truth is situational and in the scopes of human perception, we are limited and evolving.

Truth in itself is complete and always the real situation, in spite of how we, as humans, might like to perceive it or contrive it.

Life and Love are not about us but, rather, perhaps, accepting it and living it and sharing it back~

Love for your own sake and/or enterprise is not greater or replacement for the value of Beauty felt and given back~

Human beings make the mistake of placing judgements of what is right or wrong, good or evil. In the end there is only consequence~

Life exists beyond the human experience~