Making the most of my time with an escort

[Guest xraywds]

I like to be a regular client with an escort because I enjoy the connection that grows out of it. I can usually tell during the first appointment if I will want to come back. I know some clients will be skeptical about me saying this, but with a couple of professionals, I have enjoyed some intimacy beyond just the sexual experience and I have sensed that the escort opens up a bit too over time. The professional arrangement allows me to be honest about what I want without judgment. Being a regular allows for other experiences besides just the physical play as well as mutual acceptance and respect. I try to use my time with an escort imaginatively and wisely so as to compress as much as I can experience-wise into the tiny window of time I have with him. Perhaps some will say the experience is just fantasy and illusion. I get that, but it's how I perceive the experience that is important and I have packed more enjoyment with my favorite escorts than I have with some of my boyfriends that I have seen for longer durations.

[bcohen7719]

Xraywds:

 

Can you provide more specific details on how regular boyfriends are more deficient

(emotionally, sexually, or otherwise) than the excellent escorts you see? How have you been disappointed?

 

BC

[RexAll]

I like to be a regular client with an escort because I enjoy the connection that grows out of it. I can usually tell during the first appointment if I will want to come back. I know some clients will be skeptical about me saying this, but with a couple of professionals, I have enjoyed some intimacy beyond just the sexual experience and I have sensed that the escort opens up a bit too over time. The professional arrangement allows me to be honest about what I want without judgment. Being a regular allows for other experiences besides just the physical play as well as mutual acceptance and respect. I try to use my time with an escort imaginatively and wisely so as to compress as much as I can experience-wise into the tiny window of time I have with him. Perhaps some will say the experience is just fantasy and illusion. I get that, but it's how I perceive the experience that is important and I have packed more enjoyment with my favorite escorts than I have with some of my boyfriends that I have seen for longer durations.

 

 

I hope some of the escorts I've seen are fond of me-- but unfortunately I am not one of the lucky ones with whom retired escorts that I used to see have wanted to keep me in their life. I'm sure it happens sometimes just not with me. However this does color my experience and feelings. I have to hope I am not so unbearable that I am the only one this happens to. So I carefully try not to succumb to the idea that I as a client and the escort are truly friends. It's a very easy fantasy to slip into. And I worry either that a lot of people on this Forum slip into this fantasy or, in a worst case scenario for me, that a lot of other clients really do become close friends with the escorts they hire and there must be something terribly wrong with me that prevents this from happening.

 

Rex

[bcohen7719]

I hope some of the escorts I've seen are fond of me-- but unfortunately I am not one of the lucky ones with whom retired escorts that I used to see have wanted to keep me in their life. I'm sure it happens sometimes just not with me. However this does color my experience and feelings. I have to hope I am not so unbearable that I am the only one this happens to. So I carefully try not to succumb to the idea that I as a client and the escort are truly friends. It's a very easy fantasy to slip into. And I worry either that a lot of people on this Forum slip into this fantasy or, in a worst case scenario for me, that a lot of other clients really do become close friends with the escorts they hire and there must be something terribly wrong with me that prevents this from happening.

 

Rex

 

Rex:

 

I think you hit on an important issue, and it may not be a popular one on this forum. One elder statesman, much wiser than myself, noted privately that some forum members over the years identify with their favorite escorts. By this, I think he also meant that they slip into the fantasy that the client-escort relationship may be equivalent, in some way, to something closer than what is really the case. This is not to say it never happens (there are separate threads on this)--but it is probably very rare. I'd like to hear from other escorts or clients on this topic to hear their thoughts.

 

BC

[William]

Rex and BC are making great points

 

Here is my perspective. There is a continuum of intimacy in our lives, running something like this:

 

 

Close Family, including the biological relatives we remain close to and our "committed" partners (if applicable);

 

Best Friends (many of us have more than one), whom we can rely on to help us and console us etc.;

 

Close Friends, who console us and do stuff with us;

 

Social Buddies and Business Allies, whom we really like, but are not involved with on a deep level;

 

Casual Neighbors, Service Providers, Bosses, Employees, etc., superficial but mutually profitable.

 

 

For many posters on this board, escorts fall in the bottom category (pun not intended), they are just service providers. Nothing wrong with this.

 

But many of us have formed stronger ties with escorts we have seen and have become "allies" or, less often, "buddies" with them. This board has been the venue for such alliances. Consider this example. In another thread, some posters had negative things to say about A.J. Irons--and others of us have come out of the woodwork to defend and praise him, not (just) because we consider him a good "service provider" but (mainly) because we also have some kind of emotional like for him and we consider ourselves "allies" of A.J. Irons (some may consider themselves buddies).

 

It is much less common for the relationship to become a "friendship" relationship. But many very wealthy gay men have long-term arrangements and even marriages with younger buffer men based upon a financial consideration (not unlike those in some man-woman marriages). Surely, this level of friendship is unusual, but it does happen and has enriched or complicated the lives of thousands of gay men (and one would think lesbians as well).

[Guest xraywds]

Well, I said "some" boyfriends. I just think with an escort, you have the roles mapped out before you start. I know what his is and he knows mine. With a boyfriend, you're both dealing with a fear of rejection, hang-ups, etc. There may not be the willingness for each to support the other man's exploration of fantasy. It just seems to take so much time and effort to cut through the initial barriers to get anywhere meaningful. It might very well be my deficiencies, after all, or a combination of the baggage that both bring into the relationship. Perhaps the comparison is not fair, but the point I was trying to make is that with an escort, I don't just look for acting out sexual fantasy, but that is a big part of it, of course. I use my time with the good ones to help me understand myself better and I believe I have experienced self-improvement as a result. I just started hiring 1.5 years ago - not sure why. I think it can be a very useful and fun way to grow. A good escort will be a mirror and a facilitator, I think. He will be your buddy, a brother, a lover, a sex partner.

[Guest xraywds]

I think for me the lesson is that I can have intimacy with anyone, as long as I don't expect the arrangement to be any more - or any less - than it really is. I don't expect an escort to be my friend outside of the time spend together any more than I would a co-worker in the occupation I have. Once my time with the escort is over, the window is closed until the next meeting. By doing this, I show the escort I respect his time and is occupation. But when we are together, I make the most of that time to explore whatever I can with him, because he is my mirror. With my favorite, we have only spent a small amount of time together over 6 or 7 visits. Some have been 3 hour sessions, but no more than that. But I can tell you that I have learned more about myself in that amount of time than I could have ever imagined. I have written and read to him in person some very deep feeling and observations. I might want to sing to him. I might want to just kiss him. I might want a rousing fuck session. It doesn't matter what we do, because we have a bond that is built on mutual respect and acceptance.

[JT Brooklyn]

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder both Inside & Outside! It's a BIZ so hopefully we all get our moneys worth..No More No Less!

[jawjateck]

in a worst case scenario for me, that a lot of other clients really do become close friends with the escorts they hire and there must be something terribly wrong with me that prevents this from happening.

 

Rex....there's nothing wrong with you. 11 years into this hobby and 150+ hires, I have not developed a lasting close friendship with any escort, not even one, and that's perfectly ok. With many of these escorts, we are respectful, congenial, friendly, etc, but that's about it. I've only had two escorts actually meet me off the clock, not because of any romantic fantasies, but rather, they respected me and my insights, and needed some healthy mature social interaction and advice, as they were experiencing difficult circumstances in their lives. In neither case, did such contact continue for more than a brief period. I have made a few real friends from among the client ranks; more than just swapping emails and messages, these are men that I have seen socially and enjoy and value them on a personal level. That's been the amazing fringe benefit of this hobby that I would never have imagined years ago.

[gcursor]

That was an awesome response Rex.

Gcursor

 

I hope some of the escorts I've seen are fond of me-- but unfortunately I am not one of the lucky ones with whom retired escorts that I used to see have wanted to keep me in their life. I'm sure it happens sometimes just not with me. However this does color my experience and feelings. I have to hope I am not so unbearable that I am the only one this happens to. So I carefully try not to succumb to the idea that I as a client and the escort are truly friends. It's a very easy fantasy to slip into. And I worry either that a lot of people on this Forum slip into this fantasy or, in a worst case scenario for me, that a lot of other clients really do become close friends with the escorts they hire and there must be something terribly wrong with me that prevents this from happening.

 

Rex

[doitb4ugo]

I like to be a regular client with an escort because I enjoy the connection that grows out of it. I can usually tell during the first appointment if I will want to come back. I know some clients will be skeptical about me saying this, but with a couple of professionals, I have enjoyed some intimacy beyond just the sexual experience and I have sensed that the escort opens up a bit too over time. The professional arrangement allows me to be honest about what I want without judgment. Being a regular allows for other experiences besides just the physical play as well as mutual acceptance and respect. I try to use my time with an escort imaginatively and wisely so as to compress as much as I can experience-wise into the tiny window of time I have with him. Perhaps some will say the experience is just fantasy and illusion. I get that, but it's how I perceive the experience that is important and I have packed more enjoyment with my favorite escorts than I have with some of my boyfriends that I have seen for longer durations.

 

While I think I know what you mean....I have found in more than 1 case that the more familiar I and an escort have gotten, less great sex followed....the sessions in some cases were so relaxed that it was more like a date with the potential at the end for sex than a hire....Being a ultra-submissive guy may be what allows this to happen. I arrive and let them completely take over the time...this is the way I like it but d have the expectation that the time will be about me....with some very regular guys, that is not always the case....

 

Need to keep a very careful balance in these hires to make sure I get what I want....In more than 1 case I have had to stop seeing the guy...we had become to friendly and he stopped putting any effort into our time together....an expensive buddy.

 

Live and learn.

[jjkrkwood]

Rex....there's nothing wrong with you. 11 years into this hobby and 150+ hires, I have not developed a lasting close friendship with any escort, not even one, and that's perfectly ok.

 

Thanks Rex for putting this escort back into perspective. You can put any spin on it that you want, but the reality is that the only thing the escort is FOND of, is your MONEY !!!!!!l

If you come away from it having a Great experience, Wonderful.... but theres some old saying "You cant turn a ***** into a housewife", rings true for me when hiring and I always approach the session with eyes wide open and know exactly where I stand. And thats perfectly OK too.