When escort becomes boyfriend - HELP!

[Guest elmer]

What are the cautions when this happens? I did a overnight with a wonderful Columbian, now we cannot stop phoning and emailing one another.

Seeking advice how to handle please, I am in chartered territory here people. And thank you.

[Guest dansjando]

I'd definitely stop paying him, lol. But seriously, it is extremely complicated, as you established yourself as the sort-of "breadwinner," etc, and he had previously catered to you, not himself so much. I would say you clearly state that you want to pursue a relationship, but go back to square one, go dutch on everything, learn about eachother, and avoid sex for a while.

[josephga]

This was my first thought

 

[video=youtube;0x-fkSYDtUY]

[rossthebosssf]

What are the cautions when this happens? I did a overnight with a wonderful Columbian, now we cannot stop phoning and emailing one another.

Seeking advice how to handle please, I am in chartered territory here people. And thank you.

 

Glutes, you don't know how to answer your own questions by now? What are you trying to stir up this time?

[6832white]

Bad vibes

 

What are the cautions when this happens? I did a overnight with a wonderful Columbian, now we cannot stop phoning and emailing one another.

Seeking advice how to handle please, I am in chartered territory here people. And thank you.

I've gotten into this bind myself a few times in the past. The longest "relationship" I had with an escort was over 10 years, seeing him on and off, then some overnights, then some travel, then progressing to giving him a "salary" for designated minimum days of the month that I would see him, then gift giving often. For a good while, the "partnership" was mutually productive and beneficial, for me, great companionship and amazing sex, for him, financial stability and life experiences he would probably never have had.

But I believe the most important thing for us (the client) is to really separate one's emotional and physical attachment towards an attractive, often beautiful, young guy. Not doing so would be the main problem. That's when I think clients start to become possessive, start spying on the escort about his own private time, etc. In my own experience, this seemingly harmless attachment starts out with simple texts to the guy, which increase incessantly over time, to outright spying. The guy may be so nice and affectionate but one would really have to accept that it is his business to be nice and this is what he gets paid for.

So take my following points - 1) Just enjoy your time with the guy and get your time and money's worth, 2) Have mutual respect, 3) Establish boundaries and NOT fall in love, 4) However much you might dream this to happen, he cannot ever be your boyfriend/lover/husband, 5) Don't start getting mad if he backs off at some point if you're getting too close, and 6) Don't be cheap and provide for him well. Good luck.

[jimboivyo]

Glutes, you don't know how to answer your own questions by now? What are you trying to stir up this time?

 

heh heh. ross just owned this thread

[JT Brooklyn]

Close the Wallet and see IF he still hangs around?

[+ azdr0710]

I am in chartered territory here people.

 

I think the phrase for this situation is "I'm in uncharted territory".....i.e. there's nothing on the map for this area.....

 

did you have just the one meet?....who makes most of these calls/emails to the other?...he or you?....

[RexAll]

I've gotten into this bind myself a few times in the past. The longest "relationship" I had with an escort was over 10 years, seeing him on and off, then some overnights, then some travel, then progressing to giving him a "salary" for designated minimum days of the month that I would see him, then gift giving often. For a good while, the "partnership" was mutually productive and beneficial, for me, great companionship and amazing sex, for him, financial stability and life experiences he would probably never have had.

But I believe the most important thing for us (the client) is to really separate one's emotional and physical attachment towards an attractive, often beautiful, young guy. Not doing so would be the main problem. That's when I think clients start to become possessive, start spying on the escort about his own private time, etc. In my own experience, this seemingly harmless attachment starts out with simple texts to the guy, which increase incessantly over time, to outright spying. The guy may be so nice and affectionate but one would really have to accept that it is his business to be nice and this is what he gets paid for.

So take my following points - 1) Just enjoy your time with the guy and get your time and money's worth, 2) Have mutual respect, 3) Establish boundaries and NOT fall in love, 4) However much you might dream this to happen, he cannot ever be your boyfriend/lover/husband, 5) Don't start getting mad if he backs off at some point if you're getting too close, and 6) Don't be cheap and provide for him well. Good luck.

 

I may be wrong. But I don't think this is the type of 'relationship' the OP was bringing up. You are describing more of an extended client - escort business arrangement. Granted it would I hope mean that there is some affection for the client-- more than the usual-- by the escort. But still at the end a long term business deal. The OP is talking about 'love' or at least intent like with the objective of being boyfriends. While I've been told sex is never exactly free-- you usually don't hand your boyfriend money directly for having sex ( or at least so I am told-- not being lucky enough to ever have one).

 

Rex

[Rhinestone Cowboy]

What's going to mess you up is when the situation is vague and when you are not on the same page and when the two of you have different expectations. Ask clear questions and be respectful of his job. Sometimes it happens that you can make a real connection with a professional, and their interest in you is real and personal. ASK HIM, point blank. If you are making a date to get together, ask him whether he is considering this a personal or a professional call...and make it clear that if it's a professional call then that's okay and he won't necessarily lose you as a client but you just want to make sure you are both on the same page since it seems like things are moving in a more personal direction based on your phone calls and emails. If your next get together is going to be personal, then YOU need to start acting like you would on any other date: i.e. it's not all about YOU anymore but now it's about the TWO of you having a good time -- otherwise you're using him, which is not nice. If you begin dating him, you need to accept the fact that he has a job which involves having sex with other people -- and he needs to accept the fact that you may continue to enjoy hiring escorts even as you continue to build a relationship with him. Mainly, if you want the personal relationship to work you HAVE to respect him, otherwise you are just taking advantage of his interest in you to get a freebie. I would advise you strongly against any impulses you might have to be possessive or jealous -- which may be hard for you, but will quickly kill any shot you have of a real relationship with him. One important sign may be whether he's told you his REAL name yet. I never, ever, ever as an escort his real name. But in situations where my relationship has crossed over from professional to personal I know for sure where I stand when the escort "re-introduces" himself by telling me his real name. One way to feel this out without asking directly is to use his "stage name" a lot when you're talking with him -- if he really cares about getting personal, he may feel that your constant use of his fake name is creating a barrier between you and may volunteer his real name to you. Likewise, have you shared your full name with him? These are the little gestures of trust that separate the personal from the professional -- and the indicators that there's a real connection there. By the way, there's a big leap from a great professional call and some follow up correspondence and "boyfriends." Before you start imagining you are going to become boyfriends overnight, maybe you should see if you can just start by transitioning from a pro/client relationship to fuckbuddies...and just see where that leads. HAVE FUN and BE NICE!!

[jjkrkwood]

Sounds like infatuation to me, which often happens when people fulfill fantasies. I would give it time and see how things progress, without putting labels of boyfriend or lover on it.... Go with the flow, and as they say, if its meant to be, IT WILL BE !!!!

[best hotel]

I have been there......find s good nonjudgementa ltherapist and if you can't process your decisions in a way that sounds healthy, keep your hiring professional and boundaried. Also, use debt ,cash advances, etc as a guide to whether or not you are being self-destructive in your self-indulgence. Be mindful of thee potential for you to exploit his financial needs to gain control in the relationship. Be mindful of the rejection that ican be unherent in this arrangement. And enjoy it while it lasts.

[robberbaron4u]

The odds of finding "true love" within a client/vendor "escort" relationships are daunting; after all, "escorting" is a business, and, the escort is primed to exploit physical beauty, personal charm, and, indeed, sexual prowess as assets to be exploited for profit; and, despite protestations on the part of the escort, love and affection, exclusive of role playing, are not part of the bargain. Having "been there", I would urge you remove yourself from the situation with kind courtesy.

[+ glutes]

Cut off the $$$ and see how the relationship lasts...

[seeker630]

What are the cautions when this happens? I did a overnight with a wonderful Columbian, now we cannot stop phoning and emailing one another.

Seeking advice how to handle please, I am in chartered territory here people. And thank you.

 

It's not clear to me from your post who is initiating most of these emails & texts, or which of you is pursuing the other.

[robberbaron4u]

"Like I love you but. . .bye, bye."

[Rhinestone Cowboy]

"Like I love you but. . .bye, bye."

 

Or, in this particular case..."adios."

[robberbaron4u]

"LOL". I stand corrected.

[bcohen7719]

I described this dilemma to a close straight friend. He said, "This sounds exactly like the financial and emotional conflicts I feel in my relationship with my wife."

 

BC

[zeferrelli]

all great advice!