Do you ever meet guys while traveling?

[JoeyBryant]

...So several months ago I met a fairly young guy in another town last year while visiting for business. He came to me for a massage

 

Well, long story short we seen each other a few times after that and started getting attached. But it never worked out fully because of the distance. And he always seemed somewhat secretive. Well this past week I went to see him and then we had a disagreement because it seemed like he was taking advantage of me coming down. Like I had arranged a day to not see any clients and he could not offer me to stay at his place. I had to get a hotel. I thought, is he living with a partner or wife or what? It just seemed like our meets were still business-like without the payment and I felt like he was taking advantage of an easy situation...the situation being me there for business

 

We ended up just breaking up and I went back home.

 

Lately, as in the past few months or so I have not been trying to meet guys outside of business when I travel but sometimes it feels nice to have someone you know when you visit someplace. I find it hard to keep it 100% business because generally clients aren't able to take you out to movies, bars and clubs, and stuff like that as it's not discreet.

 

But at the same time I stopped doing it lately because it interferes with my purpose of being there sometimes and then stuff like this happens. What do you think? (by the way, I am NOT referring to meeting other escorts. I mean meeting guys not connected with this...I'm always happy to meet another fellow working guy WG)

[josephga]

I think breaking up was the best thing, I dont do secretive or discreet in my dating life. we can't go out in public or to each others homes then screw off lol I'm not interested in those who are involved with another or closeted guys. your better off moving on

[Guest Rich.]

I can come at this from the other side, Joey. I dated an Escort for almost two years, it was chaotic but I was young enough to cope. However, my major problem was I didn't feel comfortable about initiating sex, it felt like I was asking him to go to work.

 

There are still several Escorts I see socially, and I'm comfortable about calling them up (as they are with me) to ask out for a meal, theatre, a party, etc. I wouldn't dream of asking them for sex without paying for it. That, in my eyes, would be the same as asking a restaurateur I socialise with for a free meal, or a hairdresser whom I've known and partied with for over 25 years, to cut my barnet as a freebie.

 

I honestly believe that in the past it was very often possible to enjoy valid relationships with the men I hired. In fact, someone wrote a pre-internet book on this very subject. I can't remember the title (Gcursor, having read those words, is surfing assassins4hire!) but the author made a strong case for the same.

 

IMHO it was when Escorts changed over from 'encounter' to 'by-the-hour' charges that this dynamic was adversely altered and ended up, I feel, being detrimental to Escorts both financially and personally. It also didn't do much for the Clients!

 

My 2¢ worth.

 

Richard

[MPF_1966]

Joey,

 

Like Richard, I dated an escort for about two years. I saw him every time I went to Los Angeles. There were times where he didn't charge me, but I always felt awkwad about that. After a couple of freebies, I insisted on paying. Like Richard, I believe that it is possible to enjoy valid, emotional relationships with an escort. In fact, I have a date with an ecort tonight. Although we've only gotten together once, the experience was very emotionally satisfying as well as physically satisfying. Who knows, he might be my next "exclusive" escort. Having said that, I also agree that it is better to always charge the appropriate rate even if the relationship matures, unless some sort of repeat discount is negotiated well in advance. That way, everyone feels as though they are being treated fairly and the limits are clearly defined.

[Guest quadz]

I always like to post in the city I am travelling to so I can possibly make some extra cash. Just posted in Boston for end of June

[Poolboy21409]

When are you coming to DC ...:-))))

[JoeyBryant]

I honestly believe that in the past it was very often possible to enjoy valid relationships with the men I hired. In fact, someone wrote a pre-internet book on this very subject. I can't remember the title (Gcursor, having read those words, is surfing assassins4hire!) but the author made a strong case for the same.

 

IMHO it was when Escorts changed over from 'encounter' to 'by-the-hour' charges that this dynamic was adversely altered and ended up, I feel, being detrimental to Escorts both financially and personally. It also didn't do much for the Clients!

 

So clarify...I thought it was always hourly type thing, no? How did that effect the fact of seeing each other socially versus business? Are you suggesting the 'valid relationships' were paid or non-paid encounters?

 

I think breaking up was the best thing, I dont do secretive or discreet in my dating life. we can't go out in public or to each others homes then screw off lol I'm not interested in those who are involved with another or closeted guys. your better off moving on

 

Yeah, see in his case I seemed like there was someone else in the picture because he was being secretive about things. Like he was supposed to had come up here and visited me couple months ago but then he bailed last minute saying someone in New York was paying his way to get up there. Now who pays someone's way to get someplace cross country unless they are either fucking or in or had been in a serious relationship?

 

The last draw with this guy was I was resentful that he wasn't doing his part to ensure me coming down wasn't going to spend up my money especially since I'd be taking a day off of seeing any clients. Yet I still had to book a hotel when I got in. Why couldn't he just offer me to stay at his place? When I bought this to his attention, the next day he gave me some cash to make it up to me...but he kept saying he felt 'awkward' and that it's better we'd hang out next time I'm in town. But what it really was is he felt guilty about the whole thing like MPF_1966 said.

 

To use a hyperbole, I felt like a *****! It's like he gave me some cash to send me on my way but what we agreed on before I came down was a series of plans we had set in place to do since he was out of school and I wanted to extend my vacation. Like he made a big deal and even exclaimed he was broke at the restaurant and felt the need to split our checks but he had no problem giving me cash the next day?

 

It's basically why although I appreciate the advances from clients to meet outside of 'schedule', I am no longer willing to do so. I thought that since he originally came to me for just a massage that it would be different. But it wasn't. He still treated our meets as 'discreet' and secretive...always coming to my hotel but never to his place. Always just dropping by for a bit but never staying the night. Why are you always in a rush to go home? It just gets into a pattern when every time you take things into a personal realm they start taking it for granted. And what do I have to do? Go back to square 1.

[Steven_Draker]

Joey, if you travel all the time you can just forget about a relationship, or at least put your idea "on hold". Do you really need all that drama?

 

 

Just posted in Boston for end of June.

Nice profile and pics, Donnie. http://www.rentboy.com/Listing.aspx?lid=206932

 

Where did you post your Boston plans?

[josephga]

I agree I think it would be difficult to date or have a relationship while traveling or dating long distant. Iv been thinking about this relationship stuff Allot lately. I actually haven't had a bf since 2005 and really miss that. I'm actually going too make big changes too my business in the next few months to accommodate a relationship. One big change I'll be discontinuing sensual massage from my business And focusing more on the sports minded and those needing work for pain. Even at the risk of a major income reduction.

[JoeyBryant]

Joey, if you travel all the time you can just forget about a relationship, or at least put your idea "on hold". Do you really need all that drama?

 

Well let me ask you this, are you single or in a relationship? Because if you're already in a relationship, then obviously you don't have to cross that bridge. If you choose to be single, then by all means that works for you.

 

I don't need the drama but at the same time I deserve to have a 1 on 1 relationship with SOMEONE. Or at the very least a boyfriend. I mean, can't I at least have that? Me traveling should not be a hindering block to that because I only travel once a month for a few days.

 

When I travel some days I debate on when to go back home. Because I don't have anyone to look forward to coming home to! I moved to Colorado back in January and have no steady friends, haven't been in any relationship...it sucks. It sucks being in a place where you know no one and add on to the fact of being single. It's bearable for the first couple months or so but after that it really starts to set in.

 

Sure I have my place and my space and don't have to worry about hotel maids waking me up LOL, but it's hard. When I'm traveling I have a sort of worry free, just keep it strictly business approach. But back home it's not the same. Normal life sets in just like any other vacation.

 

I look around and everybody is paired up with someone. My neighbors (who are around my age) just got married, people I run into are hooked up with someone. Every attractive guy that I ever come across has a BF or girlfriend. This is ridiculous. I shouldn't have to be single. Even if that means finding someone who understands what I do.

 

The other day I was even seriously considering to no longer escort at home but to only do it when traveling. As to prevent anyone at home from possibly finding out as some already have. But it wouldn't happen overnight and it would mean a great sacrifice to do so.

 

At the same time, I want to meet guys who aren't going to take advantage of the fact of me being an escort. Most guys find out and they're happy to have sex, but they don't want to take it any further than that. And that's what I'm trying to avoid.

 

I'm not the type of escort who sees just clients and that's it. Before I started this I had boyfriends. I am not mentally fixed to only get with a guy unless I'm getting paid for it. I feel I deserve to also be with someone who's available and I can sync with on a deeper level...without money being involved. And without it being just about sex.

[josephga]

I agree you should have someone you can sync with on a deeper level...without money being involved. And without it being just about sex. A relationship a partner or bf. Escorting is a job not a life style and you are entitled too A life outside of a job. However even though escorting is just that a job it's not just any job. I think it will be more difficult to have a relationship. There will be the pressures on the bf of being teased if their friends find out they are dating A escort. Then theres finding a guy willing to be in a relationship with a escort. There's people on this site that I'm sure would be fine with it however the popular opinion on this board isn't the opinion of the real world and most men would never put up with a partner escorting, doing porn or anything else adult entertainment related. Finding a guy who will could be a challenge

[RexAll]

Joey,

 

Like Richard, I dated an escort for about two years. I saw him every time I went to Los Angeles. There were times where he didn't charge me, but I always felt awkwad about that. After a couple of freebies, I insisted on paying. Like Richard, I believe that it is possible to enjoy valid, emotional relationships with an escort. In fact, I have a date with an ecort tonight. Although we've only gotten together once, the experience was very emotionally satisfying as well as physically satisfying. Who knows, he might be my next "exclusive" escort. Having said that, I also agree that it is better to always charge the appropriate rate even if the relationship matures, unless some sort of repeat discount is negotiated well in advance. That way, everyone feels as though they are being treated fairly and the limits are clearly defined.

 

I have to butt in here-- maybe I shouldn't because I've never had an escort for a boyfriend. But I couldn't believe what I just read. If an escort and non- escort are truly dating-- or even only f-ckbuddies-- then I can't believe the escort would want to be paid for sex. How is the boyfriend to know that the escort likes him for himself and not that the escort only feels for him what he does for any client? On the other hand if the escort feels the guy is not being completely honest or is only using him, then the escort is entirely justified in stopping the relationship as Joey did.

 

Rex

[Guest Rich.]

So clarify...I thought it was always hourly type thing, no? How did that effect the fact of seeing each other socially versus business? Are you suggesting the 'valid relationships' were paid or non-paid encounters?

 

Joey,

 

Apologies for the tardy response, it was only when I decided to re-read the entire thread, that I realised I'd missed your question. My bad. :o

 

It has been my experience that prior to the internet, both in the UK and US, you paid per encounter, whether it was street, small-ad or agency. In my case, I would call up an agency, chat about what I was looking for, and discuss who was available. We'd agree on a guy, and the only time the rate changed was if I definitely wanted an overnight, a weekend or longer. Almost all the agencies I used had a substantial discount if it was a midweek daytime date, which was a great way to meet a new guy on the books, I'd take him to lunch and enjoy an afternoon nap!

 

OK, after a few more pleasantries with the agency, I would then pay by credit card (oh for the days when an Escort was tax-deductible!) and within half-an-hour or so, the Escort would call me. I'd ask him if he fancied dinner, wanted to catch a show, etc. or if it was a late booking, have a drink and hit a club. It meant there was a huge social element to escorting. A client had a lot of interaction with an Escort outside the bedroom.

 

For example. Number One (an agency in London) had an arts graduate on their books. I'd book him every time I had tickets to a preview or a gallery opening (even though he wasn't my current favourite) because he thoroughly enjoyed it. I also got immense pleasure because he was incredibly knowledgeable and wasn't just going through the motions. Another agency, Capital, had a couple of guys who could ride (horses!) and if I was going to the country for the weekend, I'd book one of them.

 

I only had one truly disastrous encounter with an agency escort. I complained and the agency apologised profusely and gave me full credit. I was a regular and they wanted to keep me that way. My business relationship wasn't with the Escort but with the agency. That doesn't mean that I didn't regularly book the same guy, just that the financial part of the transaction was totally divorced.

 

Escorts undoubtedly gave feedback on clients to the agency and when booking I was always asked about my previous encounter. The agencies therefore acted a bit like a dating service, knowing both the clients and the Escorts and trying to ensure each new encounter was a good match.

 

Fast forward to today's hiring of freelancers via websites, and before I've even met a new guy I find myself going through what can often be a bruising if not brutal financial negotiation. Apart from the 'ask me' concerning even the hourly rate (and if we go over by 10 minutes will he expect an additional hour?), I need to find out what they mean by 'overnight' (in my experience it can mean anything between 10-24 hours), will they charge extra for a happy ending (from "nope", to "that'll be double"), etc. etc. I know this will sound horribly ugly, but if someone is acting like a mercenary hustler, they shouldn't be shocked when they end up getting treated like one.

 

I've just re-read a novel from the 1980's about a Philly Escort agency. It mainly concerns a couple of gay Escorts and their attempts at personal relationships, but it also clearly demonstrates how much more 'social' hiring was back then without the hourly rate, and the mutual respect between clients and Escorts. They weren't just boytoys or pieces of sexual meat.

 

I'm sorry, but in 2011, the major method of hire is on sites that include the word 'rent' and IMHO that says a lot about both parties expectations.

 

Best.

 

Richard

[JoeyBryant]

On the other hand if the escort feels the guy is not being completely honest or is only using him, then the escort is entirely justified in stopping the relationship as Joey did. [/color]

 

Rex

 

How would someone know that I liked them? Simple. If I want to spend time with someone, meet regularly and not exchange payment and the chemistry is there that would be plenty enough to let them know I am interested in them. If I choose not to date other guys with the exception of clients then I'm interested in that person. Not to say that if someone wants to pay me that they are never attractive because that happens to have someone I am attracted to.

 

How am I justified to drop someone who isn't being honest or using me? Why not?

 

When a guy tells me he is going to visit me last Easter for Spring Break and then texts me a couple days prior saying he's going to New York because some guy is flying him out there...that's being deceptive.

 

I take him back, give him another chance to prove himself as I wanted to end it then because I found it to be very inconsiderate. Then he promises to see me in the summer but when I drive down to see him again it's, "oh I don't know if I can"...That's called using someone. Using someone for the convenience but no intentions on his part to make any real effort to make things work.

 

That's not being congruent. And that's the issue I come across a lot. Some people, especially those who have delved in and out of the escorting business (e.g. clients who come for erotic massages on the off chance of it turning into sex, but won't actually pay for it because it makes them feel 'weird') actually live on the belief that because we are escorts, that gives them license to be unaccountable, unreliable jack asses. They do not believe that they have a moral duty to do what they say they are going to do and follow thru on their word. A relationship can never jump start because they don't take into consideration their actions, or rather lack of and then become flustered when I...the escort feels their behavior is out of line. That an escort should have to put up with their shit? Hello no.

 

It's why nowadays I never ever tell a guy about myself until we get to know each other better. Because it tends to set the stage for them to be unreliable almost immediately. Unfortunately people tend to find out anyway. But fortunately some guys can understand it and not use that as permission to just do whatever they want when they feel that they've gotten what they needed out the relationship...which is getting complimentary sex from guy that is actually good enough at it to get compensated for it.

[rvwnsd]

I recognize that I am a little late in replying to the original post, but I'll stick my two cents in anyway. I think you did the right thing by breaking up with this guy. You certainly gave him plenty of chances to make up for his bad behavior and he blew them all. Whether he is a friend or a boyfriend, cancelling plans when you are in town or have plans to meet in your town is just wrong. It sounds like something fishy was going on. Boyfriends do not usually make one another stay in a hotel, nor do they cancel on holidays and special events. Sounds like you are better off without this guy.

[RexAll]

How would someone know that I liked them? Simple. If I want to spend time with someone, meet regularly and not exchange payment and the chemistry is there that would be plenty enough to let them know I am interested in them. If I choose not to date other guys with the exception of clients then I'm interested in that person. Not to say that if someone wants to pay me that they are never attractive because that happens to have someone I am attracted to.

 

How am I justified to drop someone who isn't being honest or using me? Why not?

 

When a guy tells me he is going to visit me last Easter for Spring Break and then texts me a couple days prior saying he's going to New York because some guy is flying him out there...that's being deceptive.

 

I take him back, give him another chance to prove himself as I wanted to end it then because I found it to be very inconsiderate. Then he promises to see me in the summer but when I drive down to see him again it's, "oh I don't know if I can"...That's called using someone. Using someone for the convenience but no intentions on his part to make any real effort to make things work.

 

That's not being congruent. And that's the issue I come across a lot. Some people, especially those who have delved in and out of the escorting business (e.g. clients who come for erotic massages on the off chance of it turning into sex, but won't actually pay for it because it makes them feel 'weird') actually live on the belief that because we are escorts, that gives them license to be unaccountable, unreliable jack asses. They do not believe that they have a moral duty to do what they say they are going to do and follow thru on their word. A relationship can never jump start because they don't take into consideration their actions, or rather lack of and then become flustered when I...the escort feels their behavior is out of line. That an escort should have to put up with their shit? Hello no.

 

It's why nowadays I never ever tell a guy about myself until we get to know each other better. Because it tends to set the stage for them to be unreliable almost immediately. Unfortunately people tend to find out anyway. But fortunately some guys can understand it and not use that as permission to just do whatever they want when they feel that they've gotten what they needed out the relationship...which is getting complimentary sex from guy that is actually good enough at it to get compensated for it.

 

Joey,

 

I think you may have misunderstood me. The post/poster I replied to was talking about how he became boyfriends with an escort but was still paying for 'intimate time' and the poster, seemed to be implying, I think, that if you found another boyfriend you should do the same. I was only stating that I thought charging a boyfriend was an awful idea. Then I said that in the situation you described, you were totally correct in dropping the guy because it sounded like he was using you.

 

Rex

[Edward]

Joey

 

Looks like a lot of miscommunication. If you want to switch form a client relationship to a Fuckbuddy/boyfriend relationship, I believe it is up to you to tell the guy what type of a relationship you want and what you want out of the relationship. I would assume that if I hired you once for money that the following encounters would also be for money. If this is not the case let the person know. Joey if you are looking for a boyfriend/fuck buddy to take you places, movies, theater, sporting events, I am available.

[colbyjansen]

I've run into this quandary before and it was hurtful to both him & I. Basically, you need to have established boundaries and that's where it has to end. If you allow the lines to be blurred and are not communicating what's really going on, then you're walking that fine line between lust/love & hate.

[JoeyBryant]

Joey

 

Looks like a lot of miscommunication. If you want to switch form a client relationship to a Fuckbuddy/boyfriend relationship, I believe it is up to you to tell the guy what type of a relationship you want and what you want out of the relationship. I would assume that if I hired you once for money that the following encounters would also be for money. If this is not the case let the person know. Joey if you are looking for a boyfriend/fuck buddy to take you places, movies, theater, sporting events, I am available.

 

Well at this point I have decided it's best to just keep things the way they start. I just don't feel someone who has hired me and knowing I'm still working is going to ever take me serious enough. Even if they hired me for massage, as this guy did.

 

I thought, well it's just a massage...no big deal. But I found out otherwise. I should have never allowed that to go on for as long as it did. I mean, not that it wasn't fun..but it just wasn't anything substantial. At one point I was even considering letting him go because he (well, me) made "me" miss an appointment with a guy I met previously. Although I did end up meeting the client the next day, I was like the fooling around while in business traveling needs to stop. But I just had to keep seeing him.

 

I've run into this quandary before and it was hurtful to both him & I. Basically, you need to have established boundaries and that's where it has to end. If you allow the lines to be blurred and are not communicating what's really going on, then you're walking that fine line between lust/love & hate.

 

Thanks...yeah hurtful is the word to use LOL. I just kind of figured we had something more going on. But the fact that he couldn't ever make the trip to come see me was a sign he wasn't taking things as seriously as he made himself out to be.

 

And last time I seen him I mention him coming up here for the 4th of July. He couldn't even commit to it...and predictably he didn't even make it. Not that I even remotely anticipated him doing so.

 

But I certainly agree finding someone's intent is important and I failed to do that in this scenario from the start. Next time I'll know better.