Deference

[doitb4ugo]

deference [ˈdɛfərəns]

n 1. submission to or compliance with the will, wishes, etc., of another

2. courteous regard; respect [from French déférence; see defer2]

 

I'm hoping for some advice about client/escort interactions. I understand that as a client, I have some expectations about what may take place when I spend some time with an escort. My question goes to the basis of mutual respect between the client and the escort.

 

There are a number of activities that I would like to initiate or enjoy with certain guys. While some are a bit extreme, most are just slightly kinky. I am hampered by wanting my guy to enjoy these activities rather than acquiesce to them because I am the client. I don't seem to be able to differentiate between the two so as a result I defer to not bringing the topic up and doing without. Water sports or spitting come to mind as fairly sane examples. The pleasure of these activities requires that the giver really enjoys the delivery, otherwise it is just getting pissed on vs. an intimate act of sharing. If a guy does it because he has to, I would prefer not to go there.

 

How do I know what the escort truely enjoys. Does the client/escort relationship make knowing impossible.

 

Am I overly hung up with wanting some true affinity for these activities. I know that without the excort/client relationship, we would not be spending time together sowhy does my desire to mutually enjoy certain things matter so much to me....

[Decatur Guy]

deference [ˈdɛfərəns]

n 1. submission to or compliance with the will, wishes, etc., of another

2. courteous regard; respect [from French déférence; see defer2]

 

I'm hoping for some advice about client/escort interactions. I understand that as a client, I have some expectations about what may take place when I spend some time with an escort. My question goes to the basis of mutual respect between the client and the escort.

 

There are a number of activities that I would like to initiate or enjoy with certain guys. While some are a bit extreme, most are just slightly kinky. I am hampered by wanting my guy to enjoy these activities rather than acquiesce to them because I am the client. I don't seem to be able to differentiate between the two so as a result I defer to not bringing the topic up and doing without. Water sports or spitting come to mind as fairly sane examples. The pleasure of these activities requires that the giver really enjoys the delivery, otherwise it is just getting pissed on vs. an intimate act of sharing. If a guy does it because he has to, I would prefer not to go there.

 

How do I know what the escort truely enjoys. Does the client/escort relationship make knowing impossible.

 

Am I overly hung up with wanting some true affinity for these activities. I know that without the excort/client relationship, we would not be spending time together sowhy does my desire to mutually enjoy certain things matter so much to me....

 

I feel the exact same way. I simply can't enjoy something if I think there's no heat for it on the other side.

[Guy Fawkes]

Excerpt from Daddys Book: "It can be hard to figure out which is more stressful. The type B personalities that are so shy you can’t figure out what they need; or the type A personalities that want you to jump through a flaming hoop backwards while blindfolded and handcuffed."

 

communicate

|kəˈmyoōnəˌkāt|

verb

1 [ intrans. ] share or exchange information, news, or ideas : the prisoner was forbidden to communicate with his family.

• [ trans. ] impart or pass on (information, news, or ideas) : he communicated his findings to the inspector.

• [ trans. ] convey or transmit (an emotion or feeling) in a nonverbal way : the ability of good teachers to communicate their own enthusiasm | his sudden fear communicated itself.

• succeed in conveying one's ideas or in evoking understanding in others : a politician must have the ability to communicate.

• (of two people) be able to share and understand each other's thoughts and feelings.

 

The more that an Escort knows about what your in to, the more complete the fantasy that they can provide.

 

If they can't handle a short discussion about what your into, that's not the person for you.

 

Remember that many escorts have a wild side that they'd prefer not put on their listing. I can think of several that will show up literally with a duffel bag of toys with a simple request.

 

I'm not saying you have to do the entire BDSM questionnaire, just let them know what turns you on. When they get that "Gleam" in their eye, you've got a winner!

[+ purplekow]

After a few sessions with several well known NYC escorts, I have been asked about activities I would consider trying. Water sports, food, feet, mild bondage were mentions and discussed and later some aspects were incorporated. Now this was the escort asking the client, so the reverse of your situation, but I think it is fair to say that in dealing with an encounter and making it memorable you need to use you mouth for more than just sucking a big dick. Speak up. Ask him to be forthright. And if in the end, the activity seems forced, then skip it with this escort and try it with someone else. Then try something else with this escort. You know with sex, there is ALWAYS something else to try and the best escorts enjoy finding something new for you and my guess they enjoy finding something new for themselves even more.

[nate_sf]

I'd suggest giving your prospective escort a call and ask him if he does what you're interested in, and enjoys it. If he answers "hell yeah" without hesitation, you've got a match. If he hesitates a bit and politely responds, "sure, I think I can do that" he may be more of the acquiesce type. I know when I've been quizzed on the phone like that I can hear it in my own voice whether it's sincere enthusiasm versus simple agreement... I'd expect it's the same with most guys.

[justaguy]

I fully understand your desire for mutual enjoyment. Can you ever really know the extent of someone else's enjoyment? No, you can't. Except that as a truism and work with it. As all the previous posters have said, communicatation is everything. Ask, ask, ask. Explore the possibilities. Right now, you're shorting yourself (and possibly your escort) before he has a chance. Nate's given good advice. Go for it :-)

[adriano46]

DADDY said it all - COMMUNICATION. If for some reason the escort gets squeemish at this point, then the heat you seek will not be there anyway.

 

I personally have no really kinky side (that I know of), but I do know that for the session to work, and for me to get the most bang for the buck, I tell them (in a polite way at first) what my own expectations (and boundaries) are, and once they respond, we go from there.

[Guest Spanker01]

Doit,

You and I have a lot of similar interests, we're just on opposite sides of the fence. When I'm looking to hire I communicate my desires right up front. If I get a positive response, then I go into detail. Depending on the response I get we go from there. Communicate!!!!

[bobchitown]

deference [ˈdɛfərəns]

n 1. submission to or compliance with the will, wishes, etc., of another

2. courteous regard; respect [from French déférence; see defer2]

 

How do I know what the escort truely enjoys. Does the client/escort relationship make knowing impossible.

 

Am I overly hung up with wanting some true affinity for these activities.

 

In our first session one of my "go to guys" for many years stopped me and said "this isn't about me it's about you". Here I am - let's do what makes YOU happy.

[bcohen7719]

Bobchitown:

 

You make sense, but I think what this thread is about is what to do if the client can't "get off" unless he really believes the escort isn't genuinely getting off as well. I belong in the same "over-analyzing" category, unfortunately. It is very possible that people like myself (and perhaps "doitb4ugo" who started this conversation) aren't the best people to see an escort, because it seems you need to have a more versatile mind-set. More suggestions, anyone?

 

BC

[scottspearsxxx]

I try to get in writing (email) exactly what the client wants from the scene(s) that way they get exactly what they want. They respect me enough to tell me and I respect them enough to comply and everything is agreed to ahead of time....