Do You Feel Pressured to "Butch it Up"?

[bcohen7719]

Many clients seem in the market for hunky, well-endowed tops

Do you feel unduly nagged to assume a "masculine ideal"?

 

BC

[Juan Vancouver]

I personally think that internalizing any kind of pressure to be "more butch" would be a big mistake. There really is nothing more uncomfortable to witness than someone who is pretending to be something other than he is. This especially applies for masculinity.

 

It is commonly thought that masculinity can be conveyed with a lower grunting voice, with forceful and slow gestures, with hands that don't help explaining what one says... the list could go on forever.

 

I am convinced that masculinity has nothing to do with any of these characteristics, true masculinity comes from a quiet acceptance of who you are, a sense of comfort and ease and pride of what you got. I believe that the only way to succeed in this profession or in any other, really, is to commit entirely with you are, what you like and how you like it and know that there will be a lot of people who will want to witness precisely that.

[josephga]

I personally think that internalizing any kind of pressure to be "more butch" would be a big mistake. There really is nothing more uncomfortable to witness than someone who is pretending to be something other than he is. This especially applies for masculinity.

 

It is commonly thought that masculinity can be conveyed with a lower grunting voice, with forceful and slow gestures, with hands that don't help explaining what one says... the list could go on forever.

 

I am convinced that masculinity has nothing to do with any of these characteristics, true masculinity comes from a quiet acceptance of who you are, a sense of comfort and ease and pride of what you got. I believe that the only way to succeed in this profession or in any other, really, is to commit entirely with you are, what you like and how you like it and know that there will be a lot of people who will want to witness precisely that.

 

I agree like my old country Grannie use to say. Be who you is because if you aint who you is, then you is who you aint lol

[Mocha]

Many clients seem in the market for hunky, well-endowed tops

Do you feel unduly nagged to assume a "masculine ideal"?

 

BC

 

Although I liked Juan's reply, and it's great if this were E'Harmony.com...it's somewhat contradicting. Same with JosephGA. Reason being is because on the 1 hand we are saying, "play up the fantasy, be the fantasy for that hour", or evening or whatever. And on the other hand we're being told, "be true to yourself else you're a fake."

 

Well how can 1 be 100% true to themselves AND be that fantasy? Acting masculine is no different than acting like you're attracted to the client. What difference does it make if someone is a complete queen in their daily life and then a macho hunk in private? As long as the customer is happy...it shouldn't.

 

I'm not criticizing the answer, but when you look at it...it's the same concept.

[Juan Vancouver]

... on the 1 hand we are saying, "play up the fantasy, be the fantasy for that hour", or evening or whatever. And on the other hand we're being told, "be true to yourself else you're a fake."

 

Well how can 1 be 100% true to themselves AND be that fantasy?

 

You can't.

 

You have to choose: What is more important to you, to strive to make others happy (Which of course is impossible), or to learn who you are, what you are willing to do because you are excited about it and what you are not willing to do?

 

The trick is that these paradigms are entirely incompatible with each other. It's either one or the other.

 

Acting masculine is no different than acting like you're attracted to the client. What difference does it make if someone is a complete queen in their daily life and then a macho hunk in private? As long as the customer is happy...it shouldn't.

 

Again you are coming from the paradigm in which the escort is an actor who plays the role of the fantasy man in the client's mind. I come from a personal stand in which there is simply not enough money to make me fake anything. I have been offered lavish futures and outrageous settlements, and cars and what not, but for me it is so much more important to be myself and to be genuine and be happy, than to lie and make people's self esteem's more damaged and more insecure and having clients depending on my fake praise because there is nobody else who will say the bullshit that I would say.

 

I know I could perhaps multiply my earnings tenfold if I looked into all of my client's eyes and whispered that from then on they have become forever the master of my universe and that the bond that I feel for them is something new, overwhelming and scary... blah blah blah. We have all seen guys falling for it and guys running away from it but that approach is a gold mine.

 

Earning my living by lying to my clients would make it very hard for me to fall asleep at night. It would be very expensive money if I am willing to pay for it with my peace of mind.

 

It matters if I lie all day long, because I have to live with myself. Every day, at all hours. I don't live with myself only when I am off the clock, therefore it is very important that I learn to live from a place of impeccability.

 

Sure, having a happy customer is great, but there is nothing more important than me being happy and at peace with myself.

 

I love my clients and I love my profession, but I will not do anything that will hinder my ability to go to sleep at night.

 

I'm not criticizing the answer, but when you look at it...it's the same concept.

 

I hope that it is clear in which way it is not only not the same concept but we are talking about perfect opposites.

 

And please don't worry. I am not all that afraid of being criticized. That's the price one has to pay sometimes when one understands that one's fulfillment is the most important thing. My work is not only my means to get money, it is also a great way to get professional fulfillment and pride and excitement and an amazing tool to grow as a human being.

 

Bottom line is that this approach works perfectly well for me. Each one of us, in escorting and in life can strive to find an approach that makes life better.

 

Here's hoping that we will al find that!

[Guest Spanker01]

Morning Juan

 

Having read your responses above, your rentboy profile, and some of your reviews, what you are simply saying is that you cannot be all things to all people. Am I not correct? I can only commend you for this, and wish you the best.

 

Spanker

[EZEtoGRU]

Juan has got it right here. I am a "connoisseur" of masculine men. I can spot a fake in a very short period of time. I never repeat with the fakes. When I do find the real deal, I can become a very regular customer which can be mutually beneficial to both me and the escort/stripper/sauna boy/gas station attendant/etc.

 

As I have mentioned to Mocha in other threads, too many escorts try to be all things to all customers. It doesn't work. Trust me.

 

Best advice is to know who you, accept that, and act that way in all aspects of your life.....whether professional or personal. Will you lose some customers? Yes. Will you endear yourself to the other customers who like who you really are? Yes. How it all plays out moneywise, I don't know. But at least you are being true to yourself and not constantly playing games.