re: Clients Who Fall in Love With You

[bcohen7719]

In a separate thread, some very sagacious escorts described in detail what was meant by "the boyfriend experience." The Moderator/Administrator then helpfully advised to look up "charmer" and "whammer" for more information. The previous discussions using those terms was extensive. Some escorts demonstrated that their knowledge of the art of providing psychological intimacy for a client was almost overwhelming. For an experienced client, who knows the ropes, this is probably wonderful; for a newbie, it can be scary. Some professional companions seemed as skilled as courtesans in earlier historical times, when the object was, in many cases, to marry into wealth. If an unexperienced client blurts out, "I'm in love with you" how do you weigh the advantages of a potential repeat situation (especially if he is well-to-do) vs. the ethical imperative to set things straight? Also, is there a term for this kind of client?

 

BC

[cany10011]

Hi BC, I"m not sure if i'm in the right forum to discuss this but it's from the client standpoint. I've "almost" fallen in love with some of the escorts I've hired.... it's not hard to.

 

I've been hiring for the past year since my breakup with the ex. I've learned that it's important to be able to hire without getting emotionally involved. For me, it messes up my mind. That being said, there are wonderful guys that i've made a connection with beyond the physical and have become social (going out for dinner, movies etc...) without additional sex or money involved. That's just me.

 

Someone once told me, that you (i'm refering to myself here) have to be emotionally mature to have sex. Sex is only one component of the escort-client interaction and sometimes i'm left wanting more than just that. I'm sure some of you will disagree as there are other elements to being a companion (i.e., intelligence, wit, conversation, poise, cultured background) that some excellent escorts will bring to the encounter. However, they are there for one thing only - as being a compensated companion. To bring love in the equation would be approaching a very complicated situation for both you and escort. It may be difficult for them to continue seeing you unless a "conversation" was had whereby both you have an established understanding about the limits of the relationship. Just my initial thoughts about this. I welcome others' opinions...

[Epigonos]

This is an extremely difficult topic. The first thing that every client MUST understand is that escorts do NOT provide love they sell companionship. Love has NO place in the client/escort relationship. LOVE cannot be sold and bought. Escorting is a business it is NOT a social dating service. We must ALWAYS remember that an escort is selling a service (his companionship) for which clients are paying. The instant a wise escort perceives that a client is falling in love with him it is time for the escort to terminate the relationship and “run for the hills”.

 

I know of several cases where escorts were stalked, harassed and even threatened by unbalanced clients who were convinced that they were in love with the escort and that the escort should return that love. Unfortunately this is psychologically sick and possibly even dangerous. It is definitely one of the major hazards of escorting.

[bostonman]

LOVE cannot be sold...

 

Cole Porter would disagree, lol.

 

(That said, I think this is indeed a serious topic, which I certainly don't mean to trivialize.)

[+ glutes]

Also, is there a term for this kind of client?

 

BC

 

Yes, the term is Indymedic or KMEM.

[bcohen7719]

You've got me. Can you explain in more detail? I googled both terms and came up with zip.

 

BC

[doitb4ugo]

I don;t know if Glutes was being sarcastic or not but both are posters here on the forum who have certainly a "favorite" escort or at least perceived to have a favorite. I believe Glutes was tongue in cheek, on his post.

[NYTomcat]

Yes im sure glutes was. Im surprised no one rolled me out. There is a difference between the Bfe and what you are describing and it comes down to a very clear line. Escorts sell companionship that's true. And yes some of the better ones do so like the courtesans and geisha of old. Buut what must be clear is that while they may mimic the role of lover the emotional connection even if felt strongly ends and all must accept and anticipate that. You do need to have some level of emotional stability and maturity before engaging in the Bfe. Any gorilla can be a slammer. In fact I think some of our members are

[Guest Magnus]

I had, and still do have, an escort whom I originally thought was stalking me a bit. Now I think that he's looking more for the "Sugar Daddy Experience", I posted my original concerns in another thread on this site: http://www.companyofmen.org/showthread.php?78069-Is-It-Stalking-When.....&p=692388#post692388

Many people refer to a "Boyfriend Experience" on this site; I think that it is a two way street, and that there is also a "Sugar Daddy Experience" that some escorts (not the professionals) are looking for.

After reading the current tread I'm reminded of an Alan Ball (American Beauty; Six Feet Under) play that I saw called "All that I Ever Will Be". The play is semi-autobiographical in that Mr. Ball did "hook up" with an escort with whom he eventually started a full-on relationship. He even went so far as to write this play for that escort and cast him in the part of the escort. Although the New York Times review of the play does not dwell on such salaciousness http://theater.nytimes.com/2007/02/07/theater/reviews/07work.html all you have to do is google "Alan Ball Peter Macdissi".

In my experience some escorts, have dropped hints like (when looking for a 3-way) "Oh, he doesn't escort anymore since he found a Sugar Daddy", or asked me "straight" out if I'm interested in seeing them on a regular basis because they're thinking of getting out of escorting so will no longer be posting adds on sites like Rent Boy.

I did become enamored with an escort once. To the point of hiring him to do carpentry work in my home (this is not a euphemism, he was a talented woodworker). Half way through the job he disappeared. He eventually had the decency to call me and tell me that he had been arrested for selling drugs to an undercover cop: Just goes to show that the BFE is just a fantasy, and you don't really know who you're dealing with on either side, escort or client. I'm sure that 95% of the escorts on this site have a story about a crazy client, and vis-versa.

And then there's the chilling story of the murder of Carlos Castro: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/ny_crime/2011/01/07/2011-01-07_times_square_murder_man_found_dead_in_bloodsplattered_room_at_intercontinental_h.html

[KMEM]

Any gorilla can be a slammer. In fact I think some of our members are

 

Is that your name for a certain kind of poster?

 

Best regards,

KMEM

[NYTomcat]

Is that your name for a certain kind of poster?

 

Best regards,

KMEM

Now kmem. Im out of the starting fights game. So ill let each reader interpret as they will

[Mark Gordon]

Professional Conduct

 

All relationships involve the establishment of boundaries. In personal relationships, there is the assumption of reciprocity – two persons working together to establish a mutual understanding that meets the needs of both. By way of contrast, the professional relationship puts the onus on the professional to establish and maintain professional boundaries. A professional promises to put his clients’ needs first and not let his personal needs become a factor in the decisions made about the service he provides. Many men who seek the services of male escorts are not seeking just sex, but intimacy, companionship and acceptance - to fill a gap in their lives. They may find an escort whose company they find satisfying on many levels and begin to develop romantic feelings for him. The escort, for his part, may also enjoy spending time with the client, value him as a person and be glad of the perceived good he is doing him and the positive feedback from him. However, the escort knows that it will never be appropriate to develop a romantic relationship with the client. If a client makes himself vulnerable to the escort by inferring that a romantic attachment is developing, it is up to the escort to not take advantage of this situation, but rather take the opportunity to put things back in their proper perspective. Professional boundaries must be maintained and reinforced by the continued exchange of money and use of gentle cues and reminders as required. The escort and the client will then both be in a safer place in which to enjoy what they can share together.

[KMEM]

MG-

 

As you say, there are certain assumptions in any personal relationship but isn't it much easier to say those things than sometimes to act upon them? People who are in "romantic" relationships have disagreements, fights, etc. all the time and, supposedly, they have a "vested" interest in each other. When part of the professional's job is to eliminate or minimize potential conflicts during the "professional" relationship, isn't it perhaps easier for the other party to assume facts that seemingly "are" in evidence but actually are not? In other words, if a client is having a very good time, would it not be natural for some to "forget" they are paying for that good time? Most clients probably do not want an escort who is rude and abrasive but most folks who know the "real" personalities of their friends or lovers know they can be less than sociable sometimes.

 

In other words, what you say is true; do you have a sure fire way to accomplish same? Pick a fight and see how well you like each other after that?

 

Best regards,

KMEM

[KMEM]

Now kmem. Im out of the starting fights game. So ill let each reader interpret as they will

 

Do you know any way to stop them?

 

Best regards,

KMEM

[NYTomcat]

Do you know any way to stop them?

 

Best regards,

KMEM

If I did I'd be a fucking billionaire.

 

Mg. Very well put and omen is correct it is often hard not to fall for the escort who is paid to be not whohe is day to day but who you want him to be for that time. Far beyond the question of love and romantic attraction is do you really know the escort you purport to love and adore or merely the persona he dons during his time with you. I have met many wonderful people in my life. Many whom I enjoy spending time with and extremely few I would want to share my life with.

[KMEM]

Is a fucking billionaire any different from the non-fucking kind?

 

Who the hell is "omen"? If you meant "KMEM" please have a little care, I wouldn't want to call you NYPUSSY, would I?

 

Best regards,

KMEM

[bcohen7719]

There is fascinating stuff on this thread. Do any escorts know instances, over the years, of colleagues

with any variation on "Sugar Daddy Fantasies," real or, uh, imagined?

 

Guys, thanks for these creative insights. There's enough here for several books...

 

BC

[leigh.bess.toad]

From my point of view, one part of the relationship between an escort and the client that may be mistaken or misconstrued by others may not be love as some are viewing it the romantic sense but is more of an emotional connection between client and escort – a connection that can flow both ways. I can, and do, love many people without being “in love” with any. I’m concerned for your welfare, I want you to be happy, do well, be content, get everything you want out of life, suffer no harm. I want to comfort you when you hurt, celebrate with you when you triumph, uplift when you are down, make you laugh to brighten your day, and provide an ear to listen when you just need to talk. Because I’m emotionally connected to you. Because I love you. But I’m not in love with you. You’re my friend. You’re my confidante. You’re my pal. You’re my buddy. You’re my escort. You’re my client. It can flow both ways. There can be an emotional connection without a romantic connection.

 

And I can have that same level of commitment with many others as well – my accountant, my doctor, my housekeeper, my hairdresser, my mechanic, my neighbor. It is not necessarily exclusive to the relationship with an escort. However, it does lend itself more readily to the escort relationship given the inherently intimate nature of the relationship.

 

It may be love, but a different type of love. And I think what we may be seeing and discussing is the difference between types of love. BC, you mentioned that there was enough here for several books. Well one has been written going into what I’m talking about. In the book “Colours of Love”, John Lee laid out six types of love.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_styles

 

What BC and others are talking about and are rightly concerned about is eros or more likely mania, which can be dangerous if it flows in either direction. However, what I’m talking about, and what people often mistake as eros or mania is actually more likely agape, storge or even pragma. I tend to believe it is more agape myself. But we must not allow ourselves to believe the worst in everyone: that because someone has a favorite escort, that because someone is committed to an escort and does many things for him that they are a stalker – that they are in eros or mania love when it could be one of the other types. Outsiders cannot or should not necessarily make that call. It is up to the escort (or the client if it goes the other way) to know when they feel uncomfortable and change or terminate the relationship. We cannot judge the nature of the relationship from the outside.

[ChiTown]

From my point of view, one part of the relationship between an escort and the client that may be mistaken or misconstrued by others may not be love as some are viewing it the romantic sense but is more of an emotional connection between client and escort – a connection that can flow both ways. I can, and do, love many people without being “in love” with any. I’m concerned for your welfare, I want you to be happy, do well, be content, get everything you want out of life, suffer no harm. I want to comfort you when you hurt, celebrate with you when you triumph, uplift when you are down, make you laugh to brighten your day, and provide an ear to listen when you just need to talk. Because I’m emotionally connected to you. Because I love you. But I’m not in love with you. You’re my friend. You’re my confidante. You’re my pal. You’re my buddy. You’re my escort. You’re my client. It can flow both ways. There can be an emotional connection without a romantic connection.

 

And I can have that same level of commitment with many others as well – my accountant, my doctor, my housekeeper, my hairdresser, my mechanic, my neighbor. It is not necessarily exclusive to the relationship with an escort. However, it does lend itself more readily to the escort relationship given the inherently intimate nature of the relationship.

 

It may be love, but a different type of love. And I think what we may be seeing and discussing is the difference between types of love. BC, you mentioned that there was enough here for several books. Well one has been written going into what I’m talking about. In the book “Colours of Love”, John Lee laid out six types of love.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_styles

 

What BC and others are talking about and are rightly concerned about is eros or more likely mania, which can be dangerous if it flows in either direction. However, what I’m talking about, and what people often mistake as eros or mania is actually more likely agape, storge or even pragma. I tend to believe it is more agape myself. But we must not allow ourselves to believe the worst in everyone: that because someone has a favorite escort, that because someone is committed to an escort and does many things for him that they are a stalker – that they are in eros or mania love when it could be one of the other types. Outsiders cannot or should not necessarily make that call. It is up to the escort (or the client if it goes the other way) to know when they feel uncomfortable and change or terminate the relationship. We cannot judge the nature of the relationship from the outside.

 

Well said, Lee. I doubt if it could be summed up any better.

[NYTomcat]

Is a fucking billionaire any different from the non-fucking kind?

 

Who the hell is "omen"? If you meant "KMEM" please have a little care, I wouldn't want to call you NYPUSSY, would I?

 

Best regards,

KMEM

Roflmao. Damn autocorrect

[Dave]

After reading the current tread I'm reminded of an Alan Ball (American Beauty; Six Feet Under) play that I saw called "All that I Ever Will Be". The play is semi-autobiographical in that Mr. Ball did "hook up" with an escort with whom he eventually started a full-on relationship. He even went so far as to write this play for that escort and cast him in the part of the escort. Although the New York Times review of the play does not dwell on such salaciousness http://theater.nytimes.com/2007/02/07/theater/reviews/07work.html all you have to do is google "Alan Ball Peter Macdissi".

[/url]

 

that play - All That I Will Ever Be - was amazing for me. this is off topic, but my favorite line was delivered by the age 70-ish client, to the 30-ish escort who just offered to spend the night with him for free (the 'scort was genuinely enjoying the older guy's company). the client then said, ""sweetheart, people don't pay your kind for sex. they pay you to leave."

 

and Lee, i totally agree with you about many kinds of love. just as there are many kinds of sex, many types of orientation, many varieties of kinks and fetishes... there ARE many ways to love.

btw, looking forward to seeing you tomorrow!

[leigh.bess.toad]

and Lee, i totally agree with you about many kinds of love. just as there are many kinds of sex, many types of orientation, many varieties of kinks and fetishes... there ARE many ways to love.

btw, looking forward to seeing you tomorrow!

 

Dave -- you are also right about orienttation, kinks, and fetishes as well. For me, as long as they are consenting ADULTS, I don't really care what goes on behind their bedroom door. The operative words being consenting and ADULTS. Both (all?) parties must consent and everyone must be an ADULT.

 

And as for tomorrow, I am looking forward to it as well.