Is It Stalking When.....?

[Guest Magnus]

Let me start by saying that I have been hiring escorts for over 15 years, and although I remain in touch with some of them it is generally in the nature of a holiday email or notification that they are traveling to my city. This, however, has never happened to me before.

 

A little over 3 months ago I hired a guy for an overnight while traveling to another city for work (I will omit his name and city for privacy reasons). I had never hired this escort before and could find no reviews for him. I know, I know, I broke the cardinal rule on this site. However, he was recommended by the guy whom I usually hire when I visit that city, but who was unavailable during my visit.

 

Anyway, this "new" escort and I had a fun evening starting off with a very hot and heavy romp in the bedroom where he met all my expectations. We then went out for dinner and had a very engaging conversation on a variety of topics, and I found him to be very down to earth and bright. Then back to my hotel for more great sex. Though I hired him for an overnight, I had already told him that I had a meeting the following morning, so did not expect him to spend the night.

 

The following day I received a text message from him asking how my day was going, and hoping that work wasn't stressing me out too much etc. I was touched by his follow up, and responded with a brief update on my day thus far, and how much fun I had had with him the night before. I didn't say anything like "I'd rather be with you than at this meeting" or anything that would lead him to believe that I wanted, or had time for, another date. However, later in the day I got another text message from him saying that he wanted to see me again that night. I replied that I could not meet that night, and he responded by asking what night we could get together. I told him that, unfortunately, I didn't have any free time before returning home. He then asked when I'd be returning to his city, and I told him I wasn't sure. At this point I was just flattered by the attention, but have been hiring long enough to know how to keep things in perspective concerning the nature of our "relationship". I never said anything that came off as needy or clingy or that would lead him to believe that I would even want to hire him when I returned to his city.

 

When I got back home, as soon as the plane landed and I turned on my phone, there was a text from him hoping that I had had a good flight. Again, flattered by his attention, I replied that the flight had actually been a disaster and told him about my ordeal. For about the next 3 weeks after my return, I would get about one text message a day from this guy. Most of them would be short messages like "what are you up to", or "how's your day going", and some would even be considered more like sexting than texting. At this point, along with being flatter by the attention, I figured (having hired enough to know) that he just wanted to make sure I hired him again when I came back to his city, or even that he was fishing for me to fly him out to meet me. About 2 weeks after returning home, he asked me to send him a picture of myself, which I did (no "sexting" on my part, at least I'm smart enough to know better where that's concerned). He commented on the fact that I was wearing a suit in the pic just like when we met. He said wanted a picture of me in jeans and a t-shirt. Again I was flattered, and also wondered if this was just part of his "marketing strategy", but I didn't send another picture.

 

The picture request kinda woke me up. I wondered what my husband would say if he found one of these messages, even though I generally deleted them (ok, except the naked pix he sent). My spouse and I are happily married, and have our own version of "don't ask, don't tell". Also, I know that, unlike me, my husband would never go into my phone . After this "revelation" I got a message from this guy asking when I'd be back in his city. I lied and told him that it would not be for some time as my business connections had relocated to another city. I figured this would stop what I now considered to be his "marketing" messages.

 

The only result is that after that response, his messages come less frequently but have not stopped. I still get 2-3 per week which I try to answer as dryly as possible. Like I said, this has been going on for the past three months. Nothing during our conversations the night of our meeting indicated to me that this guy was in any way unbalanced or "off". At this point I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do. Also, should I also be concerned that he has my picture?

[Steven_Draker]

... his messages come less frequently but have not stopped. I still get 2-3 per week which I try to answer as dryly as possible.

 

Magnus, let me ask you a question: why do you answer his messages? ...

You're playing his game. Enough said.

[bcohen7719]

Magnus:

 

What an intriguing story.

 

Did it appear that this escort seemed, in some way--in terms of physical attributes,

or personality, or otherwise--able to attract new clients, or did he seem

equivalent to most peers?

 

- BC

 

P.S. You seem enormously level-headed.

[Guest Merlin]

I think he probably sees it as good business, and has no way to know that it may create a problem with your husband. Perhaps he was genuinely attracted to you, as evidenced by his request for a second photo. I think you should gently tell him that it does create a problem, and that you would prefer that he not contact you.

[+ Charlie]

Have you asked the escort who recommended him what else he knows about the guy? Does he advertise his services? Does he escort regularly? If not, perhaps you were an unusual experience for him, and he doesn't know the appropriate, businesslike way to deal with a former client.

[+ peterhung85]

Magnus, let me ask you a question: why do you answer his messages? ...

You're playing his game. Enough said.[/color]

 

I have to agree with SD! The best way to get rid of somebody like him is to respond saying that you are not interested in any further communication and then STOP responding. Trust me, you will not get text messages in the long run if you do not answer them.

[+ deej]

I have to agree with SD! The best way to get rid of somebody like him is to respond saying that you are not interested in any further communication and then STOP responding. Trust me, you will not get text messages in the long run if you do not answer them.

 

This actually happened to me. I ignored the first few of the escort's text messages (because, honestly, I had no idea who they were from!).

 

When they kept coming, I finally replied: "I DO NOT TXT"

 

That was the end of it.

[adriano46]

This may also be an "age" thing. I had the unfortunate luck to be at a wedding rehearsal dinner some weks ago (friends of the bride's parents), and more unfortunately was placed at a table with many in the wedding party (early 20's) -- who OBNOXIOUSLY spent the entire dinner on their cell phones texting, tweeting, passing phones across the table for others to read txts tweets etc.,.,. - ABSOLUTELY rude behaviour that did not stop once, even when we few over 40 somethings at the table tried to engage these airheads in some kind of conversation.

 

I find that some escorts fall into this too - it is generational (and sadly, I feel immature) -- kids who got their first cell phone way too early, and spend all their time texting, tweeing (and learning bad grammar and worse, bad spelling), and so have lost "social skills" such as conversation and real live interaction.

 

I also have had a few excorts who did the same with post-meeting texts, and had to politely but firmly say, 'STOP' and then refuse to answer their future txts.

[+ Shoreboy]

Magnus.

 

Seems to me like you are saying I don't know what to do but I keep doing it anyway.

 

I agree with the others. If you want his texting to stop simply stop answering them.

 

I had a similar experience but this escort, a very nice guy, would call me on my cell phone. Even when I gently reminded him that we had a good time and that is all that it was and that it was not appropriate for him to keep calling me, the calls kept coming. Finally, when his call would come I simply hit the reject call button and after doing this twice he never called again.

 

So Magnus I think the entire balance of this saga is totally in your hands..

[Steven_Draker]

Even when I gently reminded him that we had a good time and that is all that it was and that it was not appropriate for him to keep calling me, the calls kept coming.

 

I hear that happen more and more often, probably a sign of the bad economy. I find that inappropriate for the escort to solicit business (in a masked way).

 

I see it even here in the Message Center ... {shake head}

http://www.smilies.4-user.de/include/Traurig/smilie_tra_005.gif

[Guest verymarried]

Even though we all must keep perspective on these "relationships", don't overlook the possibility that the escort is a bit lonely and found in you the same good company you initially found in him. I once knew an escort who made deep personal friendships with clients. He would infrequently take calls when we were together. Once he explained that he had to take a call from a person who was experiencing serious personal problems, and I listened as he tried to console him. Your message paints you as the type person who probably makes a great friend. It is easy to become cynical about one's motives, particularly on this forum, but maybe the guy just likes you. He should respect your request not to text him and you will likely be gentle in the way you ask that.

[Michael Wayne]

The escort in question here is wrong-no matter the reason. THE PRIME DIRECTIVE for an escort is: NEVER CALL A CLIENT(OR TEXT OR EMAIL) LET THEM CALL YOU! OTHERWISE YOU (THE ESCORT) LOOKS DESPERATE! This comes from years of experience and is the truth.

[Steven_Draker]

Hey, whatever floats your boat. If you're into some kind of a sick fantasy and being lured into a fake "relationship" - more power to you. There are some pretty good actors out there.

 

Sorry, didn't mean to be cynical ... just honest.

[Guest Magnus]

Magnus, let me ask you a question: why do you answer his messages? ...

You're playing his game. Enough said.[/color]

 

Thanks to all for your helpful input!! Since quite a few of you suggested not answering at all, my concern is if I do that he might start calling. That would be much more intrusive than text messages; and prone to marital detection. It would be very hard to explain why I have to change my phone number. The only reason I worry that he might resort to calling if I cut him off is that I still find it very weird that he wanted pictures of me. What's that about?

 

Bcohen, to answer your question: No this guy seemed perfectly normal, and like I said we had dinner together and talked a lot. I never got any weird vibe. (also thanks for the vote of "level-headedness" )

 

Charlie, to answer your question: Yes, this guy does advertise his services on RB. However, I do know that he recently relocated to the city I was visiting, but he seemed to have quite a number of friends there. After our meeting he sent me pics of him at 2 different Halloween parties (unsolicited). For those of you with dirty minds: costume was rated PG. I did think of contacting the escort who recommended this guy, but worry that my regular guy might be a bit "older brother" confrontational with him. If nothing else than to complain that he was trying to steal a regular client. That in turn might escalate his contacting me and turn it more confrontational (my sole consolation is that I was traveling and our meeting wasn't an in-call, then I'd really be worried)

 

The escort in question here is wrong-no matter the reason. THE PRIME DIRECTIVE for an escort is: NEVER CALL A CLIENT(OR TEXT OR EMAIL) LET THEM CALL YOU! OTHERWISE YOU (THE ESCORT) LOOKS DESPERATE! This comes from years of experience and is the truth.

 

Mikey & SD, I appreciate the professional input and wonder how much you think this is just "marketing strategy", or something that has crossed a line? Like I said, over the past 15+ yrs, I remain in contact with many escorts, but it is generally in the nature of a holiday email or travel notice to my home city. Nothing ever like this.

[Michael Wayne]

If an escort is so desperate to bend down to that level of marketing strategy then he needs to retire and get a day job. 65% of my clients tell me they are married to a woman. Others are involved with a guy. To communicate with someone in a relationship is just asking to get physically hurt. I mean beat up. This happened to a friend in Florida several years ago. The client's boyfriend answered the phone and found where the escort lived and put him in the hospital. These are people's lives and livelihoods we are talking about here and I fear that DISCRETION is dying in this ultra-technological age we unfortunately live in. Happy New Year to all!

[twinkboylover28]

Yup, when I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me the first thing I wanted to do was find the person he was cheating on me with and "put him in the hospital." I regret I never had the opportunity.

 

I was so hurt that I didnt have the energy to find out where the scum bag lived.

It does take two to tango, and if anyone knowlingly cheats with someone who is married/relationship... then they deserve to get their ass kicked.

[instudiocity]

Yup, when I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me the first thing I wanted to do was find the person he was cheating on me with and "put him in the hospital." I regret I never had the opportunity.

 

I was so hurt that I didnt have the energy to find out where the scum bag lived.

It does take two to tango, and if anyone knowlingly cheats with someone who is married/relationship... then they deserve to get their ass kicked.

 

The ass that needed kicking was either yours for being stupid or your BF's for cheating. The third party might have been totally innocent. The fact that your BF strayed is a greater indication that something was rotten in the state of matrimony not the state of ecstasy being acheived between those fuckers.

[Traveler North]

I once hired a masseur who told me when he arrived that he also escorted. I then said lets go for both which we did. He was a good masseur and a good escort tho I have seen many better. A few days after our meeting, he began to call me to get together for dinner or for coffee. I frankly was annoyed since, if I want to see a guy, I call him except for a two very special guys who can call me anytime. It came to the point that I had to filter my calls until I left for my summer home and had the phone temporarily disconnected.

[twinkboylover28]

The ass that needed kicking was either yours for being stupid or your BF's for cheating. The third party might have been totally innocent. The fact that your BF strayed is a greater indication that something was rotten in the state of matrimony not the state of ecstasy being acheived between those fuckers.

 

 

Wrong. The guy knew we were in a relationship. And I think mikey9nola's friend would also disagree. People can get killed in situations like that.