"What is the moral thing to do if...."

[bcohen7719]

Suppose you are inviting an escort to your home for the first time. It turns out that the escort really doesn't look or sound like what you expected from online advertising. Perhaps it might be the way he looks or sounds, or something else. The problem might even be your own as customer. It would seem wrong-minded to turn him away without any compensation when he took the time and expense to travel to your place.

That's even cruel. What's the moral thing to do?

[+ deej]

For starters, a huge chunk of society would say the moral thing would be not to hire an escort in the first place but since he's at your door you've already tossed that off the bridge.

 

If you thought you were hiring Zac Efron and what shows up is Danny DeVito, you could reasonably just refuse and say "no this won't work".

 

On the other hand, you did promise to buy his time and turning him away at the door costs him the time you promised to buy. If he doesn't match your imagined or even romanticized image of what might have been, that's on you. It's not his fault he isn't what you imagined.

 

There's a shitload of gray area between the two extremes. You won't find one answer that matches all circumstances.

[instudiocity]

If you thought you were hiring Zac Efron and what shows up is Danny DeVito, you could reasonably just refuse and say "no this won't work".

 

On the other hand, you did promise to buy his time and turning him away at the door costs him the time you promised to buy. If he doesn't match your imagined or even romanticized image of what might have been, that's on you. It's not his fault he isn't what you imagined.

 

This has happened to me, TWICE. Within 10 minutes, I've said, "I'm sorry, this isn't going to work for me. I realize you've invested some time and effort into being here so I'd like to compensate you for your time and efforts, would (half your fee) be enough?"

 

First time, the escort demanded and received 100% of his fee. The second time, the escort said, "I was thinking the same thing and you don't need to pay me anything." I did pay him 1/2 his fee... And have recommended him to others since.

[Mark Gordon]

If there has been false advertising and the guy that shows up is definitely not the guy in the photos or looks substantially different than his photos, then you're entitled to turn him away, explaining why, without compensation. Likewise if he's inebriated, high or very late. But in these scenarios, you'll have to be prepared to deal with his reaction.

 

If it's how he sounds that turns you off, if he doesn't fit your preconceived image of him, or for some other subjective reason you feel, before having gotten very far, that you cannot go through with the arrangement which you organized and agreed to, then he is still entitled to full compensation for showing up and being willing.

 

If things are well underway, but it's going badly, then you really have to consider why. Is he refusing to engage in agreed upon activities? If so, might there be a good reason for this? Were your expectations realistic? Do you lack chemistry? Have external forces come to bear? Is he behaving badly? Are you? It is the prerogative of both parties to end the session at any time. If the escort ends it early, he can expect nothing. If the client ends it, we are in a gray area dependent upon circumstances regarding no/partial/full compensation.

[youngclient2]

Generally most people, escorts or not, will look somewhat different from their pictures. Some better, some worse. Usually we work with it. But there is always a certain number of escorts (and just people on hookup sites) who use fake or very outdated photos. That pisses me off to no end, and it's a waste of everyone's time. But if they've come to your place, and they've already spent their time, the safe thing to do is give them some money to go away. Nothing big, like 50 bucks. Even though they were the scammers, giving them 50 bucks to leave quietly and easily is better than worrying about an angry response or harassment. It's definitely a major problem that goes on, and makes me want to only meet in public places with a blocked number first.

[Juan Vancouver]

I would try to stay away from trying to decide what is the moral thing to do. I think that the word "moral" is a little loaded and may only make things a little more complicated.

 

I would think that if the escort in any way misrepresented himself it would be adequate to ask him to leave with no compensation if you do it immediately after having noticed that. The same applies if his hygiene is deficient, if he is so late that it won't be possible for you to spend your full session together, if he is not wearing what you both agreed beforehand or if he is in a state that will hinder his ability to provide a good service.

 

Key word in this case is: right away. It would make absolutely no sense to say "this is not going to work" after an hour and a half of playing. If you play, you pay. If you notice that the goods are not what you were promised, then you are entitled to say "no thanks".

 

If you imagined something different, if he does not do things the way you like things to be done, if his voice is a little higher than you wished it were, if he is wearing clothes that are not to your liking, or if (as you hint in your original post) you may have a personal problem that has made it impossible for you to enjoy the session, I believe he is entirely entitled to his full fee. Sadly this was not a good match for you and it doesn't necessarily mean that he is not a good escort, it may just be that there is no affinity between you two. That is why it is so important to meet only with escorts that are well reviewed with reviews that are similar to the session you are hoping to have.

 

Personally, I let my customers know that for me the most important thing is their entire satisfaction; considering that I don't show my face on my ads I let them know that if the moment they saw my face they were not thrilled, if I reminded them of their dad or if for any other reason they thought they would not be able to enjoy our time together, then I prefer to be send away without any compensation. Perhaps seventy percent of my clients have been recommended by previous satisfied clients, so I simply cannot afford to have a client who is not thrilled about my services. Under such conditions, accepting my fee would be too uncomfortable, so I would prefer to leave good friends.

 

I understand that not everyone has such policy, that is why I recommend you to politely speak up as soon as you know that the session is not going to go well. If you don't feel comfortable telling him why it is that you are asking him to leave while he is there, then I recommend you to write a polite and kind email explaining to him why you made that choice; if he is an intelligent businessman he will learn from that and will grow from the experience.

 

I wish you an uninterrupted string of fantastic sessions with exceptional men. There are many out there and they are waiting to be enjoyed.

[justaguy]

Mark and Juan have nailed the answer. This is a business decision. An escort who doesn't look anything close to his pics is another version of bait and switch. You have the right to say no. As Juan says, though, make the decision right away.

[leigh.bess.toad]

Juan -- OMG You are back. I Have Missed you so much. I've started to write you a dozen times. And you come back with an absolutely amazing holiday avatar. Welcome back, Juan. It is so wonderful to have you back.

 

Lee

[instudiocity]

Generally most people, escorts or not, will look somewhat different from their pictures. Some better, some worse. Usually we work with it. But there is always a certain number of escorts (and just people on hookup sites) who use fake or very outdated photos. That pisses me off to no end, and it's a waste of everyone's time. But if they've come to your place, and they've already spent their time, the safe thing to do is give them some money to go away. Nothing big, like 50 bucks. Even though they were the scammers, giving them 50 bucks to leave quietly and easily is better than worrying about an angry response or harassment. It's definitely a major problem that goes on, and makes me want to only meet in public places with a blocked number first.

You're assuming that you'd identify yourself to him as the client before rejecting him. You don't have to reveal yourself at all if his looks don't match up. Just say he's mistaken or someone has given him the wrong address.

[+ Charlie]

This is an issue I have managed to avoid simply by never inviting an escort to my home for the first meeting, though I have made exceptions for escorts from reputable agencies; in that case, I would immediately contact the agency. However, if I did invite a free-lancer to my home, I would explain (pleasantly) in advance that if he showed up and didn't look like his pictures or description (e.g., he looked like the photo, but he was actually 5'7" rather than 6'3", or he was covered with crude tattoos that had been airbrushed out), I reserved the right to send him away without paying anything. He is not likely to show up at all if he knows this is your intention.

 

Juan is correct, however, that once you have agreed to start doing something, you can't just say "This isn't working," and not pay something. In my experience, very few appointments go exactly as I expected or hoped, and I just accept that as part of life, and pay whatever I had agreed to, even if I am disappointed enough to stop the action early. I have hardly ever paid more than I agreed to, even for a fabulous experience, so I don't see why I should pay less for one that is not so fabulous.

[cany10011]

For the longest time, whenever I've been in such a situation (bait and switch or, grossly drugged up, or looks like a meth addict), i feel awkward about throwing them out so I just tell them I want a massage and that's about it.. No real intimate contact or exchange of bodily fluids. I do pay their fee and end the session more abruptly rather than prolong it.

 

A variation of the situation has happened when the escort does not remember what to wear (usually, i request a jockstrap or something... have a big fetish) but at this point, we've already made out and I'm quite visibly aroused....what should I do then? I usually just continue playing and pay him for the session. Again, quite resentful that I didn't have the experience I was expecting.

 

I've now learned to speak up and have met a few escorts from craigslist who use fake pics and have actually thrown them out despite the fact that they became angry. I usually offer them 50$ for their troubles. Fortunately, these cases are not common and occur mainly in nice hotels so if anything gets out of hand, i can call the front desk (awkward!). But, i've learned to not trust craigslist anymore and am more circumspect when hiring. I appreciate all the suggestions left by the posters here.

 

 

 

 

This is an issue I have managed to avoid simply by never inviting an escort to my home for the first meeting, though I have made exceptions for escorts from reputable agencies; in that case, I would immediately contact the agency. However, if I did invite a free-lancer to my home, I would explain (pleasantly) in advance that if he showed up and didn't look like his pictures or description (e.g., he looked like the photo, but he was actually 5'7" rather than 6'3", or he was covered with crude tattoos that had been airbrushed out), I reserved the right to send him away without paying anything. He is not likely to show up at all if he knows this is your intention.

 

Juan is correct, however, that once you have agreed to start doing something, you can't just say "This isn't working," and not pay something. In my experience, very few appointments go exactly as I expected or hoped, and I just accept that as part of life, and pay whatever I had agreed to, even if I am disappointed enough to stop the action early. I have hardly ever paid more than I agreed to, even for a fabulous experience, so I don't see why I should pay less for one that is not so fabulous.

[Michael Wayne]

How he , "SOUNDS?" May I be very old-school here in my answer? Talk on the phone. It is so old-fashioned but it works. despite all the texting and emailing and tweeting and everything else if you actually have a 5 minute conversation with an escort then 99.9 times out of 100 the date will go well. I have 10 plus years experience on the front lines behind my answer. I insist on a phone call with a client (unless it is a personal reccomendation from a client of mine or another escort). This enables me to protect myself from flakes, freaks, etc. Secondly, as a client, insist on a CURRENT pic. I usually snap one of myself taken that day of the appointment to puts a new client's mind at ease that my pics are accurate. In my career i have been sent away only 3 times. 1. I was a twin of his brother who was murdered. he showed me the pic! He paid me in full and I returned it to his hand and had a prayer with him. 2. This guy did not bother to ask my age or read my age in my ad. I was 30 then and he only wanted under 22. He told me I was drop dead gorgeous and would be boyfriend material for him but not his escort. I took nothing from him. 3. Just last month a guy freaked on me and thought I was a cop. He said that I had, "cop hair," and was all buff like a cop. He said I did not look gay, act gay or sound gay and that he was canceling. I told him to relax, he owed me nothing but that I was not a cop, "I just fuck alot of them!" He broke down laughing and ended up going through with the session the next day. F.Y.I. He loved my nightstick! http://www.rentboy.com/mikey9nola1

[josephga]

I agree with the phone convo. No way in hell would I every take a massage client without finalizing it by phone from an un blocked number. number 1 the safety reason.

There's a difference between discreet and anonymity. Even when someone emailed me we didn't officially have an appointment until they made the phone call to finalize it.