Is it ok to meet a client on a friendship basis?

[Mocha]

Recently I've been getting invited to come back to clients whenever I "just feel like hanging out". That I can go swimming in their huge backyard pool and just have drinks and do whatever. The only catch is they will say they don't want to pay me for it again.

 

So far I havent taken up on any offers to go swimming in their pool (believe me, its tempting and I'm trying hard to say no). But at the same time I dont feel comfortable just 'hanging out' with clients for several reasons.

 

For one, I've had instances where they will say they want to hangout or invite me to their next BBQ, but then they switch up for whatever reason. There was also a client I 'hung out with' a while back, but then the 2nd time I came over he started treating me badly and then at the end he suggested I 'get a job'.

 

I've also had the countless other times in my newer days where I'd meet people 'just for friends', and they just always seemed to have a chip on their shoulder about me being an escort. The last time I hung out as 'just friends' was...well over 2 years ago. Its just not something I do.

 

But its hot, I'm bored...and I want to go swimming! What do I say to them?

[doitb4ugo]

which you are you?

 

My advice would be don't muddy the relationship between escort and client by "hanging out" with clients. If if they do not want to get a freebie, just your being with them creates a potential for bad feelings at some point.

 

I have been on the other side of this once with an escort and did not feel comfortable hanging out because it complicated the fucking that I might want at another time...I did not feel that I wanted to hang a sign around my neck which said "friend" on one side and "client" on the other. If swimming is your thing find some friends and go out together....You have to have a life outside of escorting.

[josephga]

don't shit where you eat

[NYTomcat]

Ok im the other side from doit. If they truly Just want to be friends and hang out then go. Ok dont go just for then pool. Then they are still paying for your time. Dont go cause they are taking you out to dinner. If you want to be friends with them Then go. If you like hanging around and spending time with them. Then do it. But if you are only using them for access to the pool or the bar or whatever. Then you are still escorting. You are sharing your time to get the assets they have. Be careful not to confuse the two. I promise you from personal experience no client likes an escort who claims friendship but then uses the former client for there assets. Hiring is honest we know what we pay and what for. User friends are annoying and hurt your feelings.

 

So be clear on what your offering. Friendship. Or sexless hiring.

[+ newatthis]

I think the header of your post ("...on a friendship basis") says it all. Is this someone you enjoy being with as a friend? (This is the flip side of NYTom's "If they truly Just want to be friends.") If the answer to both questions is "yes" and you think you can handle the blurring of the client/friend line, why not?

[Diverdan]

Communications...

 

It goes back to communication and expectations on both sides. Several years ago I met an escort in San Francisco. We had a very HOT time for several meetings and we enjoyed each others company on many levels. After about five or six times being together, he invited me to spend a Sunday afternoon with him and his son. It turns out he got divorced when he realized who he was and came out, but kept a good relationship with his ex and spent alternate weekends with his son, who was about 10 at the time. We had a long chat about the situation before I agreed to spend the Sunday afternoon with him, but it was great, primarily because we had talked through the situation. I continued to employ him over a couple of years and would on occasion spend a day with him being a tourist or with his son and never paid a dime for those times together. Several times he would buy a meal for the three of us, and sometimes I would pay for us for the activity, but never paid for the time. He finally stopped escorting and over a period of years we grew apart, primarily because he met someone and they started living together. So, if you figure out what it is you really want and can communicate it to your clients and they with you, almost anything can work out.

Good luck... but be careful what you wish for.

[Mocha]

Ok im the other side from doit. If they truly Just want to be friends and hang out then go. Ok dont go just for then pool. Then they are still paying for your time. Dont go cause they are taking you out to dinner. If you want to be friends with them Then go. If you like hanging around and spending time with them. Then do it. But if you are only using them for access to the pool or the bar or whatever. Then you are still escorting. You are sharing your time to get the assets they have. Be careful not to confuse the two. I promise you from personal experience no client likes an escort who claims friendship but then uses the former client for there assets. Hiring is honest we know what we pay and what for. User friends are annoying and hurt your feelings.

 

So be clear on what your offering. Friendship. Or sexless hiring.

 

No, by no means am I refering to using the clients. The clients who have issued the invite are actually quite attractive, and I can tell they know that I know that they are attractive :o

 

To clarify...they werent saying they wouldn't pay me for an encounter, we would just be hanging out, non-sexual. But I know there would be sexual energy going on. There's one guy in particular who I am seeing as boyfriend material, but he doesn't know it yet. But he spent most of the hour telling me how he wanted a boyfriend...so perhaps, just maybe...there is an exception to some rules.

[Juan Vancouver]

Rent-a-pal

 

Hey Mocha,

 

Answering your question as it was asked, of course, anything is okay. There are no rights or wrongs in this issue, you get to decide where your boundaries are, what is your comfort zone, what kind of product you are proving and what you are willing to deal with. It is entirely up to you.

 

Personally, I would not. Under any circumstance.

 

I have many amazing clients with whom I spend a lot of time. We always have a riot, my heart warms up when I think of them, hear from them or spend time with them. This is people that I trust, enjoy, desire, appreciate and deeply value. When I am with them, the least thing on my mind is my fee or our pecuniary agreement. I am with them, fully. And we love each other's companionship.

 

This, however, is my work. This is my service. I get paid for my company. (I don't get paid for the enjoyment of them, though, that happens if it happens and that is genuine and delicious.)

 

The same way that you would never ask a dentist who you like and enjoy and trust and admire to "fill your cavities whenever he feels like it... just as friends", it really makes no sense to invite your escort to "enjoy each other companionship's... just like friends".

 

The client consciously or not starts enjoying the service without paying, (We are just friends), so he resents if he has to pay for something or feels that he is being taken advantage of. (He sees me just because I have a pool! and he won't even be polite enough to have dinner with me everyday!) The escort thinks he is on his free time, (We are just friends and I am not an escort.) so he starts feeling like he is being taken advantage of if the "friend" expects him to be focused on him, all charm and filled with sexual tension. (I want to have dinner somewhere else, what's wrong with it?)

 

If the relationship started as client-escort, if you switch back and forth into friendship it is very possible that you will both feel used. You may feel used by the client to get companionship and time, which is what you provide professionally, and the client will very likely feel used for money and pool and "gifts" and so on. All this, while neither of you receives what you are really looking for. He doesn't get your time on his terms, you don't get the fee you are used to... it is all half way.

 

And neither of you gets friendship.

 

Also, who would want to pay a friend to spend time with him?

 

If you guys start hanging out as friends, and let's say, you really become friends... why on earth would you want to be paid to spend time with him again?

 

Only be friends, (real friends) if you are ready to never again receive any financial benefit from him. Ever again. No gifts, no airfare money, no trips, no dinners, no shopping sprees. Nothing. Ever.

 

If you switch back and forth, it is likely that both will end up feeling hurt.

 

If you want to hang out with a hot man (Or a nice guy, or a sincere friend.), find him yourself and have a relationship entirely free of expectations. If you want to swim, find a nice pool that you can swim in on your own terms. If you want a boyfriend, I am sure that there are tons of perfect mates for you, with whom you will be free of unnecessary emotional baggage.

 

The real advantage of hiring an escort is that this is supposed to be a relationship with a hot, fun guy entirely free of demands expectations and bullshit. You come when they want, you look hot, you act charmingly, you perform mindblowingly, you are dealt with easily and you go irrevocably, until you are again summoned.

 

If you add unnecessary noise to that by muddling the boundaries, you defeat the very purpose of your service.

 

A boyfriend can never be shopped for. One can never hire a friend. It is impossible to rent a family member.

 

We are very specialized technicians in companionship, closeness and enjoyment. The simpler and more straightforward our attitude is, the better.

 

Of course, that is what I believe, and what has worked for me in the years that I have been working.

 

All the best to you... and enjoy the swimming! I am going to the beach now.

 

 

Always hard and warm.

 

Juan

 

+30 694 268 9904

 

http://www.daddysreviews.com/review.php?who=juan_vancouver*

[orbital sander]

Juan,

Your post is great (as usual).

As a client, I have had a few guys suggest "friendship" type activities, and while it sounded great, I never followed through because of a potential "emotional" attachment problem on my part. I figure it is a complicated blurring of the lines that would be a very challenging line to walk for both unless there is a total reset of the relationship from business associated to friendship. I guess it is possible, but I have seen this work badly for one friend of mine who was used and badly taken advantage of. He was very mistaken about what was going on in the relationship and wanted to believe that it was something that it clearly was not. Either party can misread the signals and get pretty burned.

[Guest Merlin]

When they say they don't want to pay you for it again, is appears that they just want you to hang out and give them free sex. They sound and undoubtedly are, cheap. Who needs friends like that? But, it sounds like they probably won't hire you again anyway. So, I suggest you tell them you would like to hang out at the pool and be a friend, but you are not looking for sex. Tell them you need to save your sexual energy for your profession.

Their response should make your decision easier.

[josephga]

When they say they don't want to pay you for it again, is appears that they just want you to hang out and give them free sex. They sound and undoubtedly are, cheap. Who needs friends like that? But, it sounds like they probably won't hire you again anyway. So, I suggest you tell them you would like to hang out at the pool and be a friend, but you are not looking for sex. Tell them you need to save your sexual energy for your profession.

Their response should make your decision easier.

 

I agree

[Guest greatness]

well

 

I used to "hang out" with my former escort, I compensated for his time or give him a little bit of money for his birthday and etc... He would not ask for a specific amount but if I don't give him anything or lesser amount then our "hanging out" would end for a while. lol... sigh.. From my limited experience, I don't think it will work out so just be a professional and go to a gym or something like that. You are welcome to swim in my pool though but my neighbors will certainly show up with a pie to talk to you lol..

 

I used to encourage young escorts to use money they earned for their education and investment instead of buying designer products and etc.. since you can't escort forever. I would encourage straight guys to focus on their personal relationship. I know it's not my business but it is my way of saying that I care about them. Maybe it could be shown as being a bit condescending but my intention was to serve their best interests I thought.. I may be wrong..

[josephga]

[quote=

 

I used to encourage young escorts to use money they earned for their education and investment instead of buying designer products and etc.. since you can't escort forever..

 

I knew a guy once in Atlanta that escorted and gave erotic massages for 10 years. He stopped when he turned 40. He saved most of his money, and when he stopped he was able to pay cash for a 250.00 townhome, furnishings for the home, and a bmw car.

[Guest greatness]

very clever indeed...

 

You have a smart friend~~~

 

I knew a guy once in Atlanta that escorted and gave erotic massages for 10 years. He stopped when he turned 40. He saved most of his money, and when he stopped he was able to pay cash for a 250.00 townhome, furnishings for the home, and a bmw car.

[+ glutes]

" I live a very very simple life. My house is furnished with the most simple things. I splurged on a nice T.V because I work hard for things I like. Spending money like a drunken sailor is a WILD allegation, and you might want to check your facts. Simply basing the amount of money I spend on a few pictures is ridiculous. To tell the truth it is no ones business except my own how much money I spend anyways.

 

May I make a suggestion KMEM?

 

Keep your nose out of other peoples PERSONAL business, because you just made yourself look like a fool.

 

Unlike some escorts I know I save my money, and dont go on wild shopping sprees, its just not my style.

 

Thanks for everyone who understands my personal life is my own. "

 

Noah M. Driver

[Guest greatness]

oh my

 

You are right, I should not have minded other people's spending. There was reason I gave my advice to some escorts I've met but I don't want state the details here because I think they are personal matters. I hope you would understand and give me the benefit of doubt.. Kisses and hugs~~

[+ purplekow]

It is amusing that as I was reading this thread I received an e mail from an escort who I used to hire but don't hire much anymore. We have continued to stay in touch and have seen each other socially, most recently we went to the theater together. We are friends but it is a difficult path to stay on. I dont like to ask too much of him lest he think I am trying to get away with having his company without paying for it. But, if there is something he might like, I do offer to have him join me. He was asking me to dog sit his dog as he needs to make an emergency trip back home. I have watched his dog on many occasions and three or four times he has stayed at my home and watched my dogs when I have needed to get away.

[Guest greatness]

Yes

 

You are such a good person. I think I have to consider some personal issues pertinent to myself before I dispense any pieces of advice or my opinion on things. I learn a lot by interacting with nice people here. I can see different perspectives that I wasn't able to see or I ignored/was blinded to by reading other people's posts here. So thank you all for that.

 

It is amusing that as I was reading this thread I received an e mail from an escort who I used to hire but don't hire much anymore. We have continued to stay in touch and have seen each other socially, most recently we went to the theater together. We are friends but it is a difficult path to stay on. I dont like to ask too much of him lest he think I am trying to get away with having his company without paying for it. But, if there is something he might like, I do offer to have him join me. He was asking me to dog sit his dog as he needs to make an emergency trip back home. I have watched his dog on many occasions and three or four times he has stayed at my home and watched my dogs when I have needed to get away.

[billhu]

Speaking as a client...

 

I think it is kinda sad that those we can be sooooo physically intimate with cannot be treated as our equals. Gad i have met so many escorts who are great guys and more than my equal but we are not ready to bridge the gap. The remark you got saying "get a real job" is his way of trying to be superior and I bet he thinks otherwise. No one shoul;d hurt another's feelings deliberately. So I guess long and short of it is keep your distance, don't let yourself get hurt!

[KMEM]

You are right, I should not have minded other people's spending. There was reason I gave my advice to some escorts I've met but I don't want state the details here because I think they are personal matters. I hope you would understand and give me the benefit of doubt.. Kisses and hugs~~

 

Gloats main idea wasn't to remind you about private lives but to stir up trouble. Public people have little to no private lives. It goes with the territory. Once you promote your self by a blog or any other public advertisment where you "brag" about either a big screen TV or a sub-orbital flight you just bought, you have opened yourself to whatever any reader wishes to think to include, good for you, why are you wasting all that money and any thing in between.

 

Best regards,

KMEM

[+ glutes]

One poster probably believes a escort becomes a 'friend' when you cash in frequent flier miles for a freebie.

[Guest greatness]

now now

 

guys let's be nice to each other~~ Kisses and hugs~~

 

One poster probably believes a escort becomes a 'friend' when you cash in frequent flier miles for a freebie.

[Mocha]

When they say they don't want to pay you for it again, is appears that they just want you to hang out and give them free sex. They sound and undoubtedly are, cheap. Who needs friends like that? But, it sounds like they probably won't hire you again anyway. So, I suggest you tell them you would like to hang out at the pool and be a friend, but you are not looking for sex. Tell them you need to save your sexual energy for your profession.

Their response should make your decision easier.

 

After reading this post...I was enlightened. It makes sense. It did felt obvious that he wouldn't hire me again, but that wasn't a statement about me or the performance of my services. Its implied that he can only afford to hire once in a blue, but welcomes friendship.

 

I tell you what. I decided to go along with it. Why? Because atleast he didn't pull the stunts that many guys on sites like adam4adam do, such as; "call me when you're not working" or "can we just hangout as friends". He paid my full rate, didn't haggle...and after I left I really felt he was a nice guy. Nice enough that I told him that I dont see him as a client (we only made 1 transaction).

 

Its rare that I'd do something like this, but we have quite a bit in common and like the same things.

 

The way it seems, its so hard to meet someone who is comfortable and understands the industry. Most don't take my friendship seriously knowing Im an escort. It just seems as long as Im doing this I have to find someone who is either an escort themselves or a client.

[Guest MasculineCute]

i agree with you -

 

i always thought it would be nice to have a friendship with a Daddy-Client type of guy... but, i know it's VERY hard.... or maybe unheard of ...at least here in Dallas,TX

 

Marvin

[doitb4ugo]

Congrats on a descision

 

You do have to go with your gut on this. After all, by taking chances in life, unexpected things may come toyou. You will never know unless you try. I admire your descision. I wish I was as adventurous as you. Good luck...I hope it works out for you

 

After reading this post...I was enlightened. It makes sense. It did felt obvious that he wouldn't hire me again, but that wasn't a statement about me or the performance of my services. Its implied that he can only afford to hire once in a blue, but welcomes friendship.

 

I tell you what. I decided to go along with it. Why? Because atleast he didn't pull the stunts that many guys on sites like adam4adam do, such as; "call me when you're not working" or "can we just hangout as friends". He paid my full rate, didn't haggle...and after I left I really felt he was a nice guy. Nice enough that I told him that I dont see him as a client (we only made 1 transaction).

 

Its rare that I'd do something like this, but we have quite a bit in common and like the same things.

 

The way it seems, its so hard to meet someone who is comfortable and understands the industry. Most don't take my friendship seriously knowing Im an escort. It just seems as long as Im doing this I have to find someone who is either an escort themselves or a client.