When is it appropriate (or is it...)

[Guest Tristano]

Hi, very new to this!

 

I have a couple of questions. Even when practicing safe sex, is it ever appropriate to ask if the person has any STD's before the interaction? Is that rude?

 

Also, at what point do I discuss what I would like the experience to be like? What I might like him to wear or do, etc., what my fantasy is...?

 

Thank you

 

Tristano

[doitb4ugo]

Just my thoughts

 

In any context, asking about STDs sems to me to be rude. I think there needs to be a mdicum of trust in any dealing. I currently have no experience to base this on but as a human being I would certainly find this line of questioning to be "over the top". I certainly wouldn't ask my dentist or doctor where their hands have been.

 

I would love to hear what others have to say about your second question. It would seem important to get this out of the way before you meet. I would think honest communcation between parties would provide the best opportunity for a positive outcome. Again, not speaking from experieince.

[+ purplekow]

Of course you always assume your partner is HIV positive. You may ask, but the only answer you can reliably assume to be true is if someone says they are positive. It is unlikely that someone would lie in that area. As for Herpes, 20-40% of sexually active adults are positive for HSV2, so again assume that your partner is positive.

Most other STDs are treatable and curable, so one would assume that someone aware of having such a condition would do what is needed to get it treated.

So in summary: You can ask. You can't really trust a negative answer so you will have to act the same way.

The question I have for you, if an escort said he was HIV positive, would you still hire him. If that answer is yes, then there is really no need to ask, just act appropriately.

[whipped guy]

Of course you always assume your partner is HIV positive...

YES! ALWAYS assume!!! Since a dentist was mentioned above please be assured that all dentists assume accordingly as well regarding each and every patient.

 

So take the obvious appropriate precautions... aka "universal precautions".

 

As for other STDs again assume the guy is positive and then take the necessary safety measures as per your comfort level. Personally I prefer not to take risks.

 

As for discussing any fantasies... definitely early in the "negotiations", but after you have established initial contact, and especially if it is something out of the ordinary. You definitely don't be so over the top so as to scare the guy away initially... get a feel for him and then go from there as early on you may discover that he is not totally into your type of thing... but then again he may be... so discuss it clearly and specifically.

[NYTomcat]

And if your new and still not comfortable with the discussion at first. Write it down. Email the escort what experience you are looking for. Believe me after a few weeks on the forum that shy side will be beaten out of you but until then just make sure you get your interests across. And as Ryan Cade has so thoughtfully shown with his thread. do it in a respectful manner even if the desire is ....well.... not so respectable.

[whipped guy]

And as Ryan Cade has so thoughtfully shown with his thread. do it in a respectful manner even if the desire is ....well.... not so respectable.

Very well said! So check that thread and a few other recent ones as noted below.

 

 

It seems that quite a few "newbies" have been repeatedly asking the same questions in different guises… Now that is emphatically not a bad or even embarrassing thing as we were all there at one time and had the same queries, worries, and concerns... and guess what... we even messed up a bit along the way as well . Hopefully others will benefit from our mistakes and missteps. Plus it is great to get input from the escort side of the equation as well...

 

http://www.companyofmen.org/showthread.php?t=72474

 

http://www.companyofmen.org/showthread.php?t=72566

 

http://www.companyofmen.org/showthread.php?t=72500

 

http://www.companyofmen.org/showthread.php?t=72420

[NYTomcat]

Im just glad to see Tristano and doitb4ugo asking here. This place and its many members were a great resource to me first time out and have been since. And Thanks Whipped for your most recent advice to me They are a great resource and don't mind being used.... Hell some of us even pay for it.

[orbital sander]

Of course you always assume your partner is HIV positive. You may ask, but the only answer you can reliably assume to be true is if someone says they are positive. It is unlikely that someone would lie in that area. As for Herpes, 20-40% of sexually active adults are positive for HSV2, so again assume that your partner is positive.

Most other STDs are treatable and curable, so one would assume that someone aware of having such a condition would do what is needed to get it treated.

So in summary: You can ask. You can't really trust a negative answer so you will have to act the same way.

The question I have for you, if an escort said he was HIV positive, would you still hire him. If that answer is yes, then there is really no need to ask, just act appropriately.

 

This answer has been given many times before, but it is always the right answer and it cannot be repeated too many times (in my humble opinion). Thank You PK!

[Guest Tristano]

Thanks for the information everyone!

 

I am a newbie for sure...

[Juan Vancouver]

Ιs asking ever rude?

 

Hey there,

 

I think this answer has been written thousand times in this board but there is a reason for it: this is the key to having fulfilling interactions.

 

I would say it is always OK to ask anything. If you ask politely and you remember that you are dealing with a human being from whom you are about to receive a very personal and intimate service, you can ask pretty much anything and be sure that your interaction will remain friendly and positive.

 

It's not the same thing to ask: "Can I buy your ass?" than to ask: "Do you enjoy bottoming?".

 

It is not the same to ask: "How much if I cum inside you?" than to ask: "Do you ever have unprotected sex, and if so, do you enjoy being the receptive partner?".

 

In both instances the answer can be yes or no, but one asking style will ensure you to have an uncomfortable and possibly angry escort, while the other will create nothing but clarity and a sense of possibility to move forward in your interaction.

 

When to ask about what you like? I would disagree with Whipped guy; If an escort will be shocked by your requests in the first email, then you just saved some valuable time that you can use in contacting with another escort who will feel not only more comfortable with your request, but turned on and eager about it.

 

Be clear, be concise, be brief, and if he writes back saying that he is OK with it, you can feel free to go in more detail once you have firmed up your appointment and he knows you are serious.

 

As for Sexually Transmitted Infections, I have to agree with what has been already said: If getting a negative response from your escort will give you a misleading sense of comfort, that will only may make you more lax on your own safety practices.

 

I personally, never ever ask about the STI's status of my partners. I always assume they are positive for everything and engage in whatever sexual practices I feel comfortable with. I am careful, I am informed, I am an adult making my own choices and in the end, I am the safest that I can be.

 

This has worked as a charm for me.

 

I hope this offers some helpful information, and if all that fails, I send you a tight hug, my best (and dirtiest) wishes, and the sincere wish that you have an incredibly hot, safe and exciting encounter.

 

 

Always hard and warm,

 

Juan

[Luv2play]

As always, a classy and insightful response from Juan Vancouver on a question which is always topical. And Juan, if Greece goes broke, come back to Canada where you can still get $$$ at the bank. LOL

[Juan Vancouver]

Oh, Canada is always in my heart and nether regions... And strangely, even if Greece is supposed to be going through hell and back, I keep getting busier and busier.

 

I guess that in times of bigger stress we need bigger ways to cope with it. =)

 

A big hug to you!

[+ Lucky]

I hope that Juan Vancouver is not just passing through. He was always a real asset to this board, as his reply here shows.

[NYTomcat]

Juan, that says it all Thanks again