Why do people fall In love with escorts?

[Racketjock]

Standing corrected

 

Newatthis makes a valid point that I unintenionally referenced in my first post regarding physical attributes. I agree that what one looks like plays a minor role if at all in the love between two people. Certainly looks fade with time, and love and the heart tend to grow fonder. Andrew makes and states a very romantic, thoughful view on attraction and his outlook. Probably goes a long way in making him the good man that he is. Offer my apologies for my lack of clarity in my prior post as it was not meant to be self-deprecating so much as to allude to the mantra of "different strokes for different folks" as toward what one responds and is attracted.

 

So why does one fall in love? Poems have been written, songs have been sung, and many paintings painted to describe or illustrate this magical connection between two people. I may not know why it happens, but I know it is a gift when it happens.

[buckguy]

Why do people fall in love with escorts

 

Whether the main motivator is sex or companionship in hiring a guy, a big part is fantasy and in either case, hiring often happens specifically because of a particular fantasy (a scene, a fetish, etc. that doesn't get gratified otherwise). At some point, an experience may be so intense that it gets lost that the fantasy is just that. Or you meet someone in this very unusual way, have a connection and that connection gets blurry, perhaps, also for escorts. Once in a great while, there is a story of an escort leaving the business with a client. I think I remember hearing about this with Jim Slade.

 

There's probably more than one way for body2body to respond. One is to to respond like a friend. It isn't just escorts on whom we have crushes, sometimes it's close friends. I have several friendships that started out as basically infatuations for one, friendship for another. Those feelings don't extinguish easily or completely, but real friendship is valuable and endures. I'm not sure what printing out a post or pouring out your heart would accomplish. It may make things more uncomfortable rather than anything else, and it probably won't win you the heart of the escort. The escort may already know (perhaps after getting a little too close) and the escort may have had his own feelings, although they may have reflected his own neediness and the appreciation of attention and interest. Escorting can be a lonely and isolating business.

 

I've spent most of my adult life in a profession that demands confidentiality and attention to boundaries. This probably has helped me keep my escort experiences in perspective, too. There is one guy with whom I've become friends, and there was a period where I sometimes wondered what was going on between us. I came to the conclusion that he was going through a stressful, difficult time and could only count on his immediate friends for a certain amount of understanding. I had gotten to know him well, but was not a part of his life, so that when we saw each other as friends, it was a more intense experience than it might have been under more usual circumstances. My point is that body2body has to not only think about his own intense feelings, but also consider the escort's experience and what might have created more closeness than usually happens. If the escort has basically moved on, then talking about your own feelings may just make both of you uncomfortable and rupture the friendship. If you've had friendships that had a bit of infatuation to them, how did you deal with that? If the escort clearly has his won personal life, what kind of friendship do you want? If it has to be something romantic and this isn't possible, it would be better to cool things off on your part than to just create a scene. That also might help you get the perspective you need.

[+ purplekow]

I think body2body should evaluate whether he loves the person or the fantasy. If he loves the person, he should recognize that the person has someone else in his life and he should stop hiring. If he loves the fantasy, then for those hours or overnights or weekends, then the escort's significant other should not exist as part of the fantasy. If the fantasy has been irrevocably broken by the reality of the escort's life, then this should be their last encounter.

[body2body]

First, I would like to Thank all of you good men for sharing your thoughts. You have helped me see the reality of my situation and offered some very sound ideas as to how to deal with this difficult situation.

 

I am going to speak with him on Saturday, and tell him of my feelings. Tell him that I want to continue seeing him, but no more gifts, no more cards, no more flowers. A simple "Thank you" is always appropriate, and will suffice. I am going to suggest that we not see one another for month or so. I am also going to resolve to stay out of his business. There is affection on both our parts, of this I am sure, and I hope to let that continue, along with our insanely satisfying encounters. We had a tentative date booked for my Birthday at the end of this month, which I will cancel, and book a session with Romann on his pending visit to Los Angeles.

 

Thanks again Gentlemen for all your kind words and thoughts.

 

"Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,

A medley of exptemporanea;

And love is a thing that can never go wrong;

And I am Marie of Romania"- Dorothy Parker

[Lookin]

"Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,

A medley of exptemporanea;

And love is a thing that can never go wrong;

And I am Marie of Romania"- Dorothy Parker

 

Two faves: the poem and the woman!

 

In reading my previous "advice", I see I didn't explicitly mention the possibility that he values your relationship as much as you do, or more. That may well be the case, and I hope you'll keep that possibility on the table too. Sounds like you've got a good plan in any event.

 

And, as the Good Lady Herself said:

 

 

Wisdom http://img.poemhunter.com/p/40/6640_k_9837.jpg

 

This I say, and this I know:

Love has seen the last of me.

Love's a trodden lane to woe,

Love's a path to misery.

 

This I know, and knew before,

This I tell you, of my years:

Hide your heart, and lock your door.

Hell's afloat in lovers' tears.

 

Give your heart, and toss and moan;

What a pretty fool you look!

I am sage, who sit alone;

Here's my wool, and here's my book.

 

Look! A lad's a-waiting there,

Tall he is and bold, and gay.

What the devil do I care

What I know, and what I say?

[Guest zipperzone]

I cannot look into your heart for you. Only you can do that.

 

You understand now that this gentleman has some interest in a young man (who is closer to his own age??). That realization has fallen on your fantasies like a ton of bricks and forced you to recognize the limitations of your own relationship with him. What was once a happy fantasy is now a mire of mixed feelings because reality has intruded.

 

There are two simple questions in front of you: do you want to maintain a friendship (or other relationship) with this person. If no, then you don't have to worry about the second question for your decision is made. On the other hand, if you do want to maintain some kind of relationship with him, then the second question is also simple but not easy: is the emotional cost/pain involved in rearranging your emotions and coming to a new understanding of your relationship with him worth the benefits of the relationship that evolves. In simpler terms, is it worth it to you to do the work to maintain the friendship?

 

If yes, then I'd suggest that lots of drama will be highly counterproductive, for you and for him. If you decide that you want to move forward, then consider doing so matter-of-factly. You had a fantasy, it got burst but you enjoy this guys company. OK, few fantasies last forever but is that fantasy the only way that you can enjoy his company?

 

In some ways, it's akin to divorce. Do you want to be friends after or not? If you're not sure, consider taking some time without seeing him and see how you feel in a few weeks. You may have a better sense of what's right for you after some reflection.

 

Good luck.

 

BG

 

 

I'm a bit confused here. The quote you show is from Whipped Guy but it sounds like you are actually replying to a question by Body2Body. Am I missing something, or what?

[xxxdude]

One of the lessons I have gleaned since embarking on this path of mine, is that love is so much more about the gray matter that rests upon our shoulders and the rhythmic beat that pulses within in us than it is about the genetics that give us our bone structure, skin tone, eye & hair color, musculature, and a thousand other factors which comprises that which the world sees.

 

When I spoke of the enrichment that this experience and the people I have met have brought to my life in another post, I was specifically referencing how I have come to discover that the physical package has far less importance to me than the soul of a man. It came as a surprise to me as I used to very much be about the ‘package’ and definitely had a type as my friends would constantly remind me. The wisdom I have gained from the phenomenal people I have met has changed my perspective immensely. So much so, that I have come to appreciate the love and beauty which beats in all of us. Consequently, I have found love in the most unexpected of places and people. It has less to do with physical attributes, age, or race, but rather the emotional, spiritual and intellectual connections I have made. Were it not for becoming an escort and being hired, ie paid, I would not have maybe ever stumbled upon this invaluable lesson. Nor would I have discovered a different definition of love.

 

I still appreciate a beautiful physical specimen as much as the next person, but I am no longer limited in my appreciation and attraction to only societies definition of perfection and beauty and consequently I have discovered a deeper kind of love.

 

So I guess what I’m saying is this. For me, I found myself having discovered love where I hadn’t previously thought it possible. I understand this environment/arrangement is ripe for misplaced and or misguided feelings of love and affection and certainly the monetary factor skews reality, but as with most things in life, one size fits all may not apply.

 

And if I get a nice pair of shoes out of it, that’s frosting on the cake!

 

very well said, andrewD - I for one, had struggled immensely on this dilemma. I know it is inevitable to fall inlove, however, we should still know where to draw the line. And we should be ready for the repercussions of it if ever love will be in the situation. There are escorts who would still be nice even if you stated your feelings for them (and I highly commend them for that), yet there are some who would take advantage of it. So for the clients, just be ready and be responsible for whatever actions you'll be taking. At the end of the day, clients will still be left behind. Escorts wouldnt even notice if you're gone, since there are still so many fishes in the ocean.

[whipped guy]

I'm a bit confused here. The quote you show is from Whipped Guy but it sounds like you are actually replying to a question by Body2Body. Am I missing something, or what?

 

Zip... I was confused a bit as well... I just think that Boston guy just quoted me instead of Body2Body... a simple mistake since my post appeared under that of Body2Body…and more about that below… as I made a similar slip-up as well.

 

So much so that I feel the need to apologize to Body2Body as even though my post appeared below his when using the linear mode (I still can't make sense out of all these modes!!) I was simply responding to the original question in general and not directly to or offering advice to Body2Body's predicament... When taken in that context my hypothesis about self-deception and confusing fantasy and reality seem a bit harsh and unsympathetic to Body2Body. Please be assured that while I was “telling it like it is”… it was not my intention to be unkind by any step of the imagination. Fortunately others have offered some great advice...

 

Thanks… I feel better.

[tenderloin]

Love and Logic

 

In the midst of his Mia/Soon Yi mess, Woody Allen explained in an interview that "the heart doesn't know from logic". Especially in my youth, I fell (really fell) for guys who I knew were straight and unobtainable -- totally illogical, but that didn't stop the longing.

 

However much some escorts may want to reduce their interactions with their clients to "just business", fact is that sex is about as intimate as it gets, and there are all sorts of fantasies, hormones, and memories of unrequited loves that get brought to the service every time I am with a guy who I have selected precisely because he my masturbatory archetype. If they have a hint of personality and warmth, look out.

 

Maybe the real question should be why falling in love (or at least a good, painful crush) doesn't happen more often?

[Boston Guy]

I'm a bit confused here. The quote you show is from Whipped Guy but it sounds like you are actually replying to a question by Body2Body. Am I missing something, or what?

 

Thank you. I had posted a response to Body2Body without quoting the message I was replying to. Once I posted it, I saw that there was now an intervening post. I meant to copy Body2Body's post and insert it into my own post as a quote, to make it clear which post I was replying to. Unfortunately, I grabbed the wrong post and thus created the confusion.

 

I have edited my post to reflect the correct quotation.

 

Thanks for catching my mistake.

 

BG

[Guest LeoWalker]

Pardon me if I'm a bit late for this thread, but I wanted to add a few thoughts of my own.

 

The most successful client relationships have come from people who I personally felt very strong connections with. Accordingly, as tenderloin recently asked about why it doesn't happen more often, I think it's "natural" but should be proceeded with an occasional reality check. If I see a client regularly, feel a strong connection with them, and don't feel as though they're basically in love with me...well, I'd feel something was wrong, honestly. Even captives come to love their captors! So, I think it's only inevitable that a good professional relationship should become somewhat emotional and the lines "blur". Of course, I'm not speaking about clients who hire for just an hour...with an occasional overnight--this applies to clients who would find it insulting to hire for just an hour...and only hire their escort for longer engagements (1+ nights at a time). In those cases, with that much time spent together, emotional attachments should occur. I believe that is part of the fantasy that the client is looking for...someone to share moments in their life with. People have many different paths in life and sometimes just having someone around to talk to about it makes all the difference. There's nothing wrong with that person being an escort. Just don't actually believe that you're not paying for that connection--you're paying for access to the person. Money stops, access stops. The connection is real. But, escorts have to make money and cannot continue to hang around when there is no money to be made. That would be like continuing to work at an office after being laid off. You look for another job. Escorts look for another client. It's simple.

 

On that note, when I find guys that I'm entertained by, I've noticed lately that I start to "expense them". I guess, as long as they're cheaper than out-right hiring someone, I'm getting a good deal. And in cases where I do meet someone I think is worth more than just my entertainment, even my own mother questions me on if I think they're around for money or "the ride" that my life provides.

[Guest mvan1]

I mean, really? Don't they realize that when you pay someone to spend time with you and have sex with you, it is not about the way you look or really about the way you treat them, etc. It's all about the money,man! Take away the money aspect and you have nothing left. No friendship, no caring, nothing. You never really had those things to begin with.Why do we delude ourselves into believing that these hot guys give a damn about us and our lives.Get real! If we really want someone to love us and care about us and also make us feel good in bed, then go on a damn date! At least there may be lust in the bedroom that has nothing to do with a cold, meaningless exchange of money for sex.This falling in love nonsense is not a healthy way to deal with things.Ok, I am gonna get off my soapbox now!

 

I have a 56 year old friend who hired a 22 year old escort. My friend "fell in love" despite warnings from me and others. The relationship has been going on for about two years. The escort "charms" (cons) my friend to a point that my friend's savings are gone and a big mortgage has been put on his house so that he can maintain the relationship with the escort.

 

Even though the escort collects on average more than $5,000 a month in cash from my friend, the escort often asks for expensive gifts while saying "If you love me you will" pay my rent this month (many times), buy me expensive clothes or a series of various expensive watches and the list goes on. My friend is a basket case over the bizarre relationship. My friend insists the escort loves him. Just wait until the money runs out. We will see who loves whom.

[+ newatthis]

I have a 56 year old friend who hired a 22 year old escort. My friend "fell in love" despite warnings from me and others...Even though the escort collects on average more than $5,000 a month in cash from my friend, the escort often asks for expensive gifts...

This reminds me of Roger Brown's autobiography, ''Against My Better Judgment." Highly recommended.