Why do people fall In love with escorts?

[Guest gaybor]

I mean, really? Don't they realize that when you pay someone to spend time with you and have sex with you, it is not about the way you look or really about the way you treat them, etc. It's all about the money,man! Take away the money aspect and you have nothing left. No friendship, no caring, nothing. You never really had those things to begin with.Why do we delude ourselves into believing that these hot guys give a damn about us and our lives.Get real! If we really want someone to love us and care about us and also make us feel good in bed, then go on a damn date! At least there may be lust in the bedroom that has nothing to do with a cold, meaningless exchange of money for sex.This falling in love nonsense is not a healthy way to deal with things.Ok, I am gonna get off my soapbox now!

[Guest TBinCHI]

I mean, really? Don't they realize that when you pay someone to spend time with you and have sex with you, it is not about the way you look or really about the way you treat them, etc. It's all about the money,man! Take away the money aspect and you have nothing left. No friendship, no caring, nothing. You never really had those things to begin with.Why do we delude ourselves into believing that these hot guys give a damn about us and our lives.Get real! If we really want someone to love us and care about us and also make us feel good in bed, then go on a damn date! At least there may be lust in the bedroom that has nothing to do with a cold, meaningless exchange of money for sex.This falling in love nonsense is not a healthy way to deal with things.Ok, I am gonna get off my soapbox now!

 

Wow, this sure is a harsh and judgmental first post. Is that you SD? I think that there are as many reasons that clients fall in love with escorts as there are reasons that clients hire escorts and escorts become escorts. Why judge? If it is not happening to you, then you certainly aren't harmed by a poster here who may have fallen in love. I agree that if you reduce what is going on here to dollars and cents (well maybe not cents given the current rates) it is not rational to fall in love with an escort. But since when is love rational? In any event, when it does happen, this is a good place to come for advice, as the many threads over the years will attest. In my opinion, people who do fall in love with an escort certainly don't deserve the harsh judgment in your post.

[NYTomcat]

I mean, really? Don't they realize that when you pay someone to spend time with you and have sex with you, it is not about the way you look or really about the way you treat them, etc. It's all about the money,man! Take away the money aspect and you have nothing left. No friendship, no caring, nothing. You never really had those things to begin with.Why do we delude ourselves into believing that these hot guys give a damn about us and our lives.Get real! If we really want someone to love us and care about us and also make us feel good in bed, then go on a damn date! At least there may be lust in the bedroom that has nothing to do with a cold, meaningless exchange of money for sex.This falling in love nonsense is not a healthy way to deal with things.Ok, I am gonna get off my soapbox now!

 

Jeez, Im really sorry you have not found the right escorts. If you want the litany of caring, sweet, friendly things that escorts have done for their clients I will gladly give you mine and im sure dozens here would join in but most of us have posted these things a thousand times. While I agree with your assessment, lets not blur the lines it aint the grand love of soul mates, your conclusions are far from correct about what escorting is all about. at least with the good ones.

 

What an interesting choice for a first post? You are gonna be an interesting addition to this little forum. Not good, but interesting.

[NYTomcat]

Is that you SD? .

 

Funny I was just thinking the same thing TB

[Okliehomo]

Well, Barbie.....

 

Have you ever been on a date?

 

Me, neither, in a long time.. but, if I am buying dinner, I like to know for sure that dessert is being served. Tit for tat.... money for ass. But, that's just me.

 

And personally speaking, I've had boyfriends. And believe it or not, but they were more drama than this place.

 

Now, do I ascribe to the whole "let's fall in love club" and believe that there is anything even remotely lasting once the money stops changing hands?????? NO... I do not.

 

Because, dear, this is business. Plain and simple.... That's why we are called "clients".... I agree with you that to pretend otherwise in the long term is foolish, but the really, really great ones make you feel that special connection when they are with you... like they really want to be there, that they want it as much as you do and that you are someone..... um... special..

 

And they are paid to do just that. Hurrah for them.

 

The trick is not to make the mistake of believing that the man behind the curtain is real..

 

Dorothy learned that very same lesson.. and got out of OZ with some snazzy shoes and her little dog, too.

 

My goal as well.

 

Okie

[Boston Guy]

This question has come up many times before. Those of you who have been around for a while may remember discussions of "whammers" and "charmers" (search for those terms if you are curious). The question is very difficult to answer in a way that is satisfying to everyone.

 

Clients hire escorts for many different reasons but I believe that those reasons divide into two major groups: hiring an escort in order to find at least a reasonable facsimile of romance, and hiring an escort for sex. Those are not mutually incompatible, of course, and the lines often blur, but I think those are the two big categories.

 

Clients who hire for sex aren't really looking for romance and aren't going to be disappointed (much) if it isn't there. Clients who hire for romance will be quite disappointed if the escort is matter-of-fact and much about the sex and little else.

 

But no matter what the reason that clients hire escorts, the reason that escorts escort is usually quite clear. Stripping away the manner in which the OP phrased his question, at the end of the day he is quite correct in the vast majority of the cases. Escorts do escort because of the money. This is something that every client needs to admit to himself or face a very difficult time in his relationships with escorts. Hiring an escort is a business transaction and when the money stops flowing, the escort will no longer be around -- in the vast majority of the cases.

 

The good escorts are good actors. They sense or determine who we want them to be and they are able to don the roles and garbs we seek so we can experience our fantasies, if only for an hour or two. Good escorts, again like actors, are able to walk away and drop the role and the garb and resume their own lives. One hopes that good escorts care about their clients in at least some respect but one pays an escort for their time and their skills but not for their emotions. Being able to not get emotionally intertwined with each of his clients is one of the things that allows an escort to keep his head on straight.

 

"But, wait!" I hear. "My regular escort and I have a great relationship and he really likes me." That's sometimes true and certainly any two people who spend intimate time together may grow fond of each other at some level but it's generally not true that an escort will develop the kinds of attachments to a client that a client will often develop for the escort. This is again something that clients should keep in the back of their minds.

 

A great date with an escort can be a great facsimile of a great date but, in the end, one of the people at the party is there as part of his job. The other one is not and that's the person who is projecting his fantasies on the escort and his hopes and desires. Escorts are generally very attractive people on multiple levels, so it's understandable that clients will find them attractive and desirable. Clients are often lonely for something and that something is often romance. Put them together with an attractive person and it's all too human for the client to fall for the escort.

 

But -- once again -- the OP is correct. If someone really wants real love, real emotion, a real date with someone who is with them purely for the enjoyment, then going on a real date is one of the only options that is likely to produce the genuine experience. Sure, occasionally, an escort will fall for a client but it doesn't happen often.

 

It's entirely possible to hire escorts and have a terrific time. It's easy to really enjoy the time one spends with an escort. But the OP is correct in his observation that in most cases the flow of emotion is one-way in a date with an escort and that's ok so long as both parties understand the rules. It's when one of them forgets this that people start getting hurt.

 

Hire escorts and have fun. But do it with your eyes wide open.

 

BG

[justaguy]

The why of hiring

 

And personally speaking, I've had boyfriends. And believe it or not, but they were more drama than this place.

 

but the really, really great ones make you feel that special connection when they are with you... like they really want to be there, that they want it as much as you do and that you are someone..... um... special../QUOTE]

 

Okie,

When I connected your two ideas, I came up with one of the big reasons for hiring. It's all about the good stuff without the drama. For me, that's not a bad way to go.

[uwsman2]

falling in love

 

The reason why one person falls in love with another is a mystery, of course. Nobody knows the reason why. But in the case of a client falling for an escort, consider that the client presumably selected the particular escort because he fulfilled to large degree the client's preferences in a sexual partner in terms of looks, build, and the types of sexual activity the client is seeking. So there's a leg up on falling in love right off the bat. Then if the escort is really talented he will pick up on the client's needs and desires and strive to fulfill them. Put that together with a nice personality and the recipe for falling in love seems to be present.

[Racketjock]

Chiming In

 

Very interesting thread here with some differing points that make sense to me. There are a couple of escorts that have been truly exceptional and with whom I have shared very memorable experiences that have meant a great deal to me. A business transaction was involved for their time and I was a better and happier man because of it. I haven't fallen in love so much as lust from the fond memories I have. I can certainly see where the lines can get blurred here, but I remain brutally honest with myself, who I am, my physicial attributes, what I want, and continue to respect the role and efforts the truly great escorts, ie. our 2009 runner up, excel at providing.

 

I agree with Okie, in the end I hope to leave Oz with my dog, a great pair of shoes, incredible memories, and one helluva smile!

[+ newatthis]

...my physicial attributes...

Several of the responses in this thread seem to take for granted that escorts won't "fall in love" with clients because the clients aren't hot young prime specimens of manhood. This surprises me; in my experience, those qualities have little, ultimately, to do with "love".

 

There are many stops along the road from purely commercial transaction to deep emotional commitment and it's possible to have a relationship with an escort that falls somewhere in between.

[NYTomcat]

Several of the responses in this thread seem to take for granted that escorts won't "fall in love" with clients because the clients aren't hot young prime specimens of manhood. This surprises me; in my experience, those qualities have little, ultimately, to do with "love".

 

There are many stops along the road from purely commercial transaction to deep emotional commitment and it's possible to have a relationship with an escort that falls somewhere in between.

 

I think there are many lines of friendship that never hit what we classically define as love but reach caring. I cant find it now but i refer back to our poster who is moving to the west coast to live near the escort friend he has only slept with once but has built a lifelong friendship with.

[trooperbill2000]

I see something that I agree with in all these posts-but I think Boston Guy expressed my fellings well. I told myself that first of all it is "entertainment" like a short vacation to escape or to provide a treat for myself. The feelings of friendship or "connection" are the icing on the cake-something extra that I have really enjoyed with my escort friend. I would not necessarily expect this connection if I were to hire other escorts.

 

Having said this, I think it is important to keep perspective. Hiring an escort is not a substitute for the love and affection we all need and crave.

[best hotel]

...i have learned to enjoy the "in love" feeling without expectations, disappointment, and heartbreak.....and making love is so much better than just having sex....my favorites know the difference and can inspire that feeling of being in love with their efforts...i love romance along with fireworks....at this point in my life, i am finally secure and mature enough to handle it...as long as we are aware of the professional boundaries, why not enjoy?

[Boston Guy]

I see something that I agree with in all these posts-but I think Boston Guy expressed my fellings well. I told myself that first of all it is "entertainment" like a short vacation to escape or to provide a treat for myself. The feelings of friendship or "connection" are the icing on the cake-something extra that I have really enjoyed with my escort friend. I would not necessarily expect this connection if I were to hire other escorts.

 

Having said this, I think it is important to keep perspective. Hiring an escort is not a substitute for the love and affection we all need and crave.

 

Exactly. Nor does hiring escorts mean that one cannot continue to move forward with other types of relationships, including casual dating, although I'm not fond of the idea of hiring escorts while in a committed relationship with someone else who does not know about the escorts.

 

Many people have posted here that they were going to stop hiring because they'd started dating someone and it became serious enough to become monogamous. In some instances, those folks resumed hiring again when their situation changed yet again; in others, to the best of my knowledge, they haven't returned to the message center.

 

There's no one path to happiness and no one way to live a life. We simply try our best.

 

BG

[justaguy]

There's no one path to happiness and no one way to live a life. We simply try our best.

 

I think you just gave all of this the right perspective. Everything else is simply details, and they change constantly.

[Guest andrewd]

An escorts perspective...

 

I remain brutally honest with myself, who I am, my physicial attributes, what I want

 

Several of the responses in this thread seem to take for granted that escorts won't "fall in love" with clients because the clients aren't hot young prime specimens of manhood. This surprises me; in my experience, those qualities have little, ultimately, to do with "love".

 

There are many stops along the road from purely commercial transaction to deep emotional commitment and it's possible to have a relationship with an escort that falls somewhere in between.

 

There's no one path to happiness and no one way to live a life. We simply try our best.

 

Dorothy learned that very same lesson.. and got out of OZ with some snazzy shoes

 

One of the lessons I have gleaned since embarking on this path of mine, is that love is so much more about the gray matter that rests upon our shoulders and the rhythmic beat that pulses within in us than it is about the genetics that give us our bone structure, skin tone, eye & hair color, musculature, and a thousand other factors which comprises that which the world sees.

 

When I spoke of the enrichment that this experience and the people I have met have brought to my life in another post, I was specifically referencing how I have come to discover that the physical package has far less importance to me than the soul of a man. It came as a surprise to me as I used to very much be about the ‘package’ and definitely had a type as my friends would constantly remind me. The wisdom I have gained from the phenomenal people I have met has changed my perspective immensely. So much so, that I have come to appreciate the love and beauty which beats in all of us. Consequently, I have found love in the most unexpected of places and people. It has less to do with physical attributes, age, or race, but rather the emotional, spiritual and intellectual connections I have made. Were it not for becoming an escort and being hired, ie paid, I would not have maybe ever stumbled upon this invaluable lesson. Nor would I have discovered a different definition of love.

 

I still appreciate a beautiful physical specimen as much as the next person, but I am no longer limited in my appreciation and attraction to only societies definition of perfection and beauty and consequently I have discovered a deeper kind of love.

 

So I guess what I’m saying is this. For me, I found myself having discovered love where I hadn’t previously thought it possible. I understand this environment/arrangement is ripe for misplaced and or misguided feelings of love and affection and certainly the monetary factor skews reality, but as with most things in life, one size fits all may not apply.

 

And if I get a nice pair of shoes out of it, that’s frosting on the cake!

[Guest DuchessIvanaKizznhugg]

Fast learner........

 

Yikes! Someone sure learned the "multi-quote" lesson awfully fast.

[body2body]

I have been wrestling with this issue on a personal level for while now. I have seen someone regularly for about a year. First I got messages thanking me for our meetings, then they became notes sent in the mail, then gifts. I let my mind run with this, confusing his friendship, and gratitude for something more.

 

I recently found out that he is now seeing a handsome young man in his 20's "off the clock". For some reason this has just hurt me.

 

I know that we have a friendship, but I let it grow into enfatuation on my part (not love which I believes takes two parties), and now I need to decide whether I can continue to see him or if it has become too painful. I really like him, and we have always had a connection beyond the obvious physical one. I have been hiring guys for over 20 years and I can see now that we crossed a line and that I encouraged his behavior acting on my part like a love struck teenager. I look back now and realize that I could have done things to keep our realtionship friendly but no more.

 

I see him again on Saturday, and I may have to make it the last time.

 

Any suggestions?

[whipped guy]

Avoid self-deception

 

Shoot! Having fun is what it is all about! Yes! Simply having a good time is the bottom line in all of this hiring nonsense.

 

By fun I mean that one is looking for an enjoyable, entertaining, pleasurable, and in the final analysis satisfying experience… and satisfying in the same sense that you are satisfied after having enjoyed yourself at a play or concert. The “model escort experience” should the client interacting with the escort who like the actor or musical performer “belongs to the world” and as such is an experience that in essence the client needs to understand must be shared with “others”.

 

Now if the performer is enjoying himself that certainly comes across and makes the experience all the more agreeable… also some audiences like certain clients provide a bit of extra chemistry that can enhance the experience. Still, when great performers really enjoy what they do the “having fun” aspect becomes a “two-way street”. The same is true when one sees a really great escort... and (chemistry aside) it is usually not because he is with a specific client, but because he really enjoys and is cleanly good at what he is doing.

 

Now one can fantasize that a hookup is more than just a bit of fun, but it is a big mistake to confuse fantasy with reality.

 

Self-deception can be a bitter pill to swallow.

[Boston Guy]

I have been wrestling with this issue on a personal level for while now. I have seen someone regularly for about a year. First I got messages thanking me for our meetings, then they became notes sent in the mail, then gifts. I let my mind run with this, confusing his friendship, and gratitude for something more.

 

I recently found out that he is now seeing a handsome young man in his 20's "off the clock". For some reason this has just hurt me.

 

I know that we have a friendship, but I let it grow into enfatuation on my part (not love which I believes takes two parties), and now I need to decide whether I can continue to see him or if it has become too painful. I really like him, and we have always had a connection beyond the obvious physical one. I have been hiring guys for over 20 years and I can see now that we crossed a line and that I encouraged his behavior acting on my part like a love struck teenager. I look back now and realize that I could have done things to keep our realtionship friendly but no more.

 

I see him again on Saturday, and I may have to make it the last time.

 

Any suggestions?

 

 

I cannot look into your heart for you. Only you can do that.

 

You understand now that this gentleman has some interest in a young man (who is closer to his own age??). That realization has fallen on your fantasies like a ton of bricks and forced you to recognize the limitations of your own relationship with him. What was once a happy fantasy is now a mire of mixed feelings because reality has intruded.

 

There are two simple questions in front of you: do you want to maintain a friendship (or other relationship) with this person. If no, then you don't have to worry about the second question for your decision is made. On the other hand, if you do want to maintain some kind of relationship with him, then the second question is also simple but not easy: is the emotional cost/pain involved in rearranging your emotions and coming to a new understanding of your relationship with him worth the benefits of the relationship that evolves. In simpler terms, is it worth it to you to do the work to maintain the friendship?

 

If yes, then I'd suggest that lots of drama will be highly counterproductive, for you and for him. If you decide that you want to move forward, then consider doing so matter-of-factly. You had a fantasy, it got burst but you enjoy this guys company. OK, few fantasies last forever but is that fantasy the only way that you can enjoy his company?

 

In some ways, it's akin to divorce. Do you want to be friends after or not? If you're not sure, consider taking some time without seeing him and see how you feel in a few weeks. You may have a better sense of what's right for you after some reflection.

 

Good luck.

 

BG

[Guest PWIT]

Why do people fall in love?

 

The potential for love exist wherever there are two humans involved. I am sure there are people who have the discipline to control who they fall in love with, but can't say that I have that trait. I do control how far I am willing to let things progress.

 

That being said, people have fallen in love with their car salesman, doctor, dentist, barber, lawyer, and many others whom they have had a business relationship. Maybe the question is not why do they fall in love with an escort, but why do people fall in love?

[Lookin]

I have been wrestling with this issue on a personal level for while now. I have seen someone regularly for about a year. First I got messages thanking me for our meetings, then they became notes sent in the mail, then gifts. I let my mind run with this, confusing his friendship, and gratitude for something more.

 

I recently found out that he is now seeing a handsome young man in his 20's "off the clock". For some reason this has just hurt me.

 

I know that we have a friendship, but I let it grow into enfatuation on my part (not love which I believes takes two parties), and now I need to decide whether I can continue to see him or if it has become too painful. I really like him, and we have always had a connection beyond the obvious physical one. I have been hiring guys for over 20 years and I can see now that we crossed a line and that I encouraged his behavior acting on my part like a love struck teenager. I look back now and realize that I could have done things to keep our realtionship friendly but no more.

 

I see him again on Saturday, and I may have to make it the last time.

 

Any suggestions?

 

Body2body, I'm sorry you are going through this. It must be painful.

 

It sounds like you have been keeping these thoughts to yourself and not sharing them with the guy you have been seeing. It may be a difficult discussion to have, and you may worry you'll hear things that you don't want to hear. But it does sound like you have considered the possible ways it could turn out, and are ready to accept them.

 

If it were me, I think I'd print out your post, exactly as you have written it, and hand it to him. It may catch him off guard, so you may want to give it to him at the end of your time together, ask him to read it when he gets home, and let you know if he has any thoughts.

 

If he gets back to you, thank him for any ideas he has, tell him you'll think about them, and let him know when you've decided what's best for you. If he doesn't get back in touch with you, then I think he may not see a healthy way to keep things going.

 

Keeping things bottled up isn't working for you, so opening up seems like the right thing to do. He may have some thoughts on a future way of relating that would work for both of you. But an unhealthy relationship would just keep you from finding a better one.

 

Very best wishes. I hope you find a way to keep a positive relationship going, as there seems to be affection on both sides.

[whipped guy]

Why?

 

The potential for love exist wherever there are two humans involved... people have fallen in love with their car salesman, doctor, dentist, barber, lawyer, and many others whom they have had a business relationship. Maybe the question is not why do they fall in love with an escort, but why do people fall in love?

 

Interestingly, I was going to use some of those very examples in my posting above but decided against it as I thought it would only complicate the issue. At any rate, you have certainly moved the discussion to a much higher level...

 

Yes! Why do people fall in love?

 

The answer might just win someone a Nobel prize...

[AdamSmith]

Several of the responses in this thread seem to take for granted that escorts won't "fall in love" with clients because the clients aren't hot young prime specimens of manhood. This surprises me; in my experience, those qualities have little, ultimately, to do with "love".

 

There are many stops along the road from purely commercial transaction to deep emotional commitment and it's possible to have a relationship with an escort that falls somewhere in between.

 

 

This, seems to me, is 1 of the more humane things hereon.

 

Etc.

[Guest TBinCHI]

One of the lessons I have gleaned since embarking on this path of mine, is that love is so much more about the gray matter that rests upon our shoulders and the rhythmic beat that pulses within in us than it is about the genetics that give us our bone structure, skin tone, eye & hair color, musculature, and a thousand other factors which comprises that which the world sees.

 

When I spoke of the enrichment that this experience and the people I have met have brought to my life in another post, I was specifically referencing how I have come to discover that the physical package has far less importance to me than the soul of a man. It came as a surprise to me as I used to very much be about the ‘package’ and definitely had a type as my friends would constantly remind me. The wisdom I have gained from the phenomenal people I have met has changed my perspective immensely. So much so, that I have come to appreciate the love and beauty which beats in all of us. Consequently, I have found love in the most unexpected of places and people. It has less to do with physical attributes, age, or race, but rather the emotional, spiritual and intellectual connections I have made. Were it not for becoming an escort and being hired, ie paid, I would not have maybe ever stumbled upon this invaluable lesson. Nor would I have discovered a different definition of love.

 

I still appreciate a beautiful physical specimen as much as the next person, but I am no longer limited in my appreciation and attraction to only societies definition of perfection and beauty and consequently I have discovered a deeper kind of love.

 

So I guess what I’m saying is this. For me, I found myself having discovered love where I hadn’t previously thought it possible. I understand this environment/arrangement is ripe for misplaced and or misguided feelings of love and affection and certainly the monetary factor skews reality, but as with most things in life, one size fits all may not apply.

 

And if I get a nice pair of shoes out of it, that’s frosting on the cake!

 

Attention Gaybor!!! THIS is why clients fall in love with escorts.